I hope all readers will forgive this humble author if this birthday present isn't very good. I had to write this in a very short space of time when Jess reminded me that her birthday was fast approaching and what was I going to give her? So, for you Jess, happy birthday. May you live long and happy to celebrate with more Kel/Neal fluff every year. Enjoy, and remember, it's the thought that counts.

How to begin? It all started about…six months ago, with the argument of the decade, no I understate, the century.

I won't go into that too much since you know the details, except to say for the benefit of any others reading this, that it involved a tub of hair dye, a batch of eggs, and severe humiliation.

One minute she was laughing, the next she was crying. Or so it seemed to me anyway. You Kel, later informed me that I should have known that she'd be upset about the Emperor's assassination. You said that there were signs that she'd been unhappy. To which I replied with a delicate snort.

Seriously Kel, what am I? Telepathic? Omniscient? Despite the fact that I boast a fan club who think that I am second only to Mithros, I have to break it to you – I'm not. Well, maybe third or fourth…but you get the point. And 'signs'? Have you ever tried to read a Yamani Kel? Well…actually, don't answer that. And yes, I know that I can usually tell what's going on behind your stoic I-am-a-calm-lake-on-a-summers-day face, but that's different. That's you.

Anyway, as I was saying, I hadn't realised that Yuki had been brought up to regard the Emperor almost like a God. I didn't know. So when I suddenly realised half way through a comfortable kiss that she was crying and her wet cheeks were sliding down to bury themselves in my chest, I just…I didn't know what to do. I suppose I should have held her and murmured soothing words in ear, but…I confronted her instead. Asked her what was wrong…she glared at me. Told me that if I didn't know, she wasn't going to tell me. I pointed out that she was being unreasonable and she began to list times and events when I'd said or done things which she'd seen as unreasonable. And so it went on.

Suffice to say, Yuki and I in the togetherness sense didn't last much longer. A week later, it was no longer Neal-n-Yuki, but Neal and Yuki.

Nealan of Queenscove was a bachelor again. The palace went mad. Oh all right, the palace didn't go mad, but many women did. So what if most of them were 12 years old? And yes, there were many more appropriately aged men who were excited at Yuki's being single, but again, that isn't the point. I'm trying to set the scene here.

So…there I was, hurt, wounded, alone. All right, all right, no more exaggerating. To tell you the truth, I was bored more than anything. I missed Yuki only slightly, and it was mostly just her presence that I missed, the feeling of a warm body lying in bed next to me, not Yuki specifically.

When I was sitting in the mess, surrounded by friends who prattled on about their fiancées and wives, or when I ended up sparring with Seaver or Fal and Iden and Warric would look on, calling advice and sounding just like you, I'd wish that you were there, with me, with us. Your friends. Where you were meant to be.

These musings, quite naturally, made me wonder where exactly you were. You hadn't been seen for months. Your last letter, I recalled, hadn't been for two months. I mentioned this to Roald in the mess one day. He chewed considering it over his food.

"She is on her holidays." He reminded me, mouth full. I stared pointedly.

"When did you last get a letter from her?"

"Two months ago" He conceded, swallowing.

"It's the same with everyone else I've asked. Can you see Kel not sending any of her friends a letter for two months?"

He sighed and shook his head.

"There you go then." I told him smugly, biting into some broccoli.

We ate in silence for a few moments.

"Where was she heading?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Somewhere in Yaman." I suddenly remember reports of huge numbers of bandits roaming the hills over there.

"You don't think-" I asked suddenly, my mind filling with horrific possibilities.

"No, I do not." Roald cut in firmly, reading my mind. "Kel's a big girl Neal, she can take care of herself."

"She's only twenty"

"Twenty-one" He reminded me gently. "The best thing we can do is send word over there, to check if she's all right."

"That could take weeks!" I told him incredulously.

"Daine would be happy to oblige, I'm sure…"

I scowled and pushed myself up abruptly, drawing a few stares. I began to stalk off.

"Neal!" Roald yelled after me, "Neal! She won't thank us for going after her!"

I hadn't missed the 'us'. Perhaps there was a chance. I hesitated for a brief second, before shaking my head and continuing to walk away. Three…two…one…

"Neal! All right!"

Yes! I waited considerately for him to catch up.

"You'll come with me then?" I asked. He hesitated.

"Neal, I have duties here…I-"

"You have friends." I told him curtly, "And Kel is one of them."

I paused. He still looked doubtful.

"She'd do it for you." I informed him, eyebrow raised. That seemed to cinch it. He sighed and told me he'd be at my rooms the next day, ready to leave. I smiled, as if I'd expected nothing less, and wandered off to have a little…talk with Fal.

---

The next day dawned bright and beautiful. I woke and stretched with the sun shining brightly through the window. The prospect of a new adventure warmed me, and I ignored the pangs of worry on your behalf, as they were painful and pointless, and would only serve to distract me from the task of finding you.

Trying to ignore the still niggling feelings of guilt that I hadn't thought of you sooner, slight anger that I'd had to have my own happiness offset before I thought of yours. I got dressed and padded over to open my door, ready to saunter down to the mess for breakfast before setting off…

Ah

I opened the door only to be greeted by an array of faces. None of them looked very happy.

"Hey guys." I yawned, leaning against the doorframe. "My, you're up early."

Fal gave a short growl but Merric put a hand on his arm, holding him back.

"Don't." he told Fal. "I want to kill him myself. Slowly."

"Neal." Seaver pushed forward, "Care to explain these?"

He held out a bundle of stretched, damp rubber. The remnants of several water balloons. I tried and failed to hold back a smirk at the thought of how I'd set them up to get the worry out of my system. Fal growled again.

"Yeah, I'm with you this time." Merric said, taking a step forward. I held my hands up and backed away.

"Hey, come on." I pleaded fruitlessly. "I was just doing my duty. You'd have slept 'til noon if I hadn't set those."

"They woke me up at four am." Roald remarked, falling in step behind Merric. I kept retreating. "It's six now."

"I wanted to leave plenty of time for you to get ready." I told them innocently. They were all advancing now, armed with menacing looks and…oh crap, I thought as Iden brought from behind his back a large, creamy pie. My back hit the wall. There was no escape. Time to play the trump card.

"Guys, remember Kel? The one we're doing this for? She wouldn't like it if you pied me. Think of the mess…we're meant to be setting off on a quest…guys…please?"

A second later, everything went white.

---

"It was uneven odds." I argued as I wiped more pie off my face. "There were about ten of you against one of me."

"There's eight of us Neal." Roald informed me solemnly.

"And it felt so good." Fal said, grinning.

Revenge is sweet." Seaver agreed, passing me his handkerchief. I accepted it without so much as a haughty sniff and began to clean out my ears, stowing my own soaked rag away in a saddlebag.

There we were. Tortall's finest. Off on a perilous quest to rescue a damsel in distress. Or something like that. We were currently riding the dusty road to the west coast, planning to catch a ship to Yaman.

The ride was fairly uneventful. True, it involved an episode with a hornet's nest, us stumbling across a camp of gay bandits (Fal has sworn me to secrecy about what happened when he was mistaken for one of them because of his pink tunic) and that memorable time when we woke up to find our horses pinched.

But apart from all that, the trip was fairly uneventful. Compared to that one time we decided to head south on a joint holiday last year…yeah, that one. I won't talk about that.

Anyway. We woke, a few miles away from the port town on a sunny morning, and crawled out of our tents, bleary eyed and in need of coffee, only to find that Owen, chipper and happy, was using the saucepan for tea. The cheek of some people.

He grinned when he saw us.

"The creatures of the night are emerging." He said happily, "I've already walked to town and back."

This earned him a load of dirty looks. He avoided them and began to pouring cups of tea. We snatched them eagerly.

"I've got news that'll cheer you up." He said, watching us with condescending amusement. "The fair's in town."

We stared at him blankly. He looked eagerly back. "Fairs?" he asked us, " Candy floss, hot dogs?"

More blank looks.

"Strolls…relaxation?"

And again. Owen rolled his eyes.

"The chance to replenish our supplies?"

Our faces cleared.

"Let me guess." Merric said wryly. "You want to stop and rest for the day? It isn't enough for you that we've left the peace negotiations, and taken the Crown Prince with us on a journey to help someone who probably doesn't need saving-"

"We don't know that." I cut him off. He ignored me and continued.

"For the sake of a bit of peace and quiet for ourselves, but now you want to waste more time and stop at a fair."

Owen nodded belatedly. Merric sighed.

"There's no arguing with such solid logic." Fal told him, smiling, "You might as well just accept it."

Merric cursed under his breath and went off to shave.

--

So, that was how we found ourselves, a few hours later, strolling amicably through the bustling streets and earning more than a few looks because apparently Knights of the Crown aren't meant to enjoy candyfloss. It wasn't our fault. How were we to know that quiet, reserved Prosper who'd said no more than two words the entire trip had a candyfloss fetish? He earned the most strange looks actually. Since pagehood he's shot up, as you know, and is now well over six foot, and stocky enough to fill it out. The strong silent type. Now picture him with six sticks of candyfloss, in a busy street, and you have our dilemma.

Anyway, after getting him cleaned up, we decided that we'd better steer clear of the food section of the fair. We ended up roaming the darker back alleys. Unfortunately, there's not usually much to do in back alleys except for drugs. Merric nearly burst into tears of relief when he spotted the small fortune teller's tent lurking against a wall.

Whilst the rest of us were vehemently pointing out that the vast majority of fortune tellers are fakes and that there was no point in wasting our money because we're going to know the future soon enough anyway, when the tent flap opened and a hand snaked out. It beckoned in our direction, once, twice, before retreating.

Fal cuffed Merric unceremoniously.

"You've done it now." He muttered, walking towards the tent. Merric rubbed the sore spot and stared as the rest of us followed Fal. I cuffed him again as I walked past and he yelped, shuffling after us and mumbling angrily under his breath as we pushed into the dark tent.

We entered the tent to find two people sitting behind a gaudy table, on which was placed the obligatory crystal ball. The woman was settling herself in her seat, presumably having been the one to get up and beckon.

Surprisingly enough, she wasn't dressed like a gypsy, and her hair wasn't curly. Just a plain old dress. Not even a garish bandanna. The man was plain, soberly clothed, dark eyed, mousy hair. His chair was set slightly further back from the table than the woman's, so that he melted into the shadows a bit more, almost in deference.

When we were all crowded in, Owen was the first to speak, clearing his throat first, but unable to hide his anticipation.

"Hello. My friends and I were wondering if you were a fortune teller." Blunt as always. The woman smiled.

"I am the all seeing crone." She informed us, "But my friends call me Emma." The obvious attempt to relax us didn't work. Fal was still tapping his foot in impatience. "This here's my brother." Emma went on, nodding at the man whose gaze flickered between our faces, and came to rest on…mine. "Which of you'll be getting your fortunes told then?"

"Don't you already know?" Fal said, at the same time as Merric pushed forward and said "Me."

"What?"

"You know." Fal said, one eyebrow raised. "Precognition and all that." Emma's eyebrows sharpened into a glare.

"Seeing into the future is a delicate art which requires the submission of the supplicant as well as various tools." She said haughtily, gesturing for Merric to sit in front of the table. "But I wouldn't expect an unbeliever to know that."

"-No." Her brother suddenly cut in."

We all looked at him.

"Wha-"

"Not you." He said, looking intently at Merric, "You." He pointed at me and everyone turned as one to stare at me instead. It was unnerving. Merric stood up regretfully and after a tense moment, Roald pushed me forward. I sat down gingerly on the wooden stool, as the others crowded behind me. Emma simply shrugged and bent over her crystal ball, edging her chair forward.

"That'll be the full future then, yes?" She asked, and before I could answer went on, "Yes…so." She placed a hand on either side of the crystal ball. Everyone went silent, peering forward to try and snatch a glimpse. Another tense moment, and then…

"I see the end of a journey." Emma murmured, not taking her eyes from the smoke writing inside the ball. "A dangerous and perilous journey." Fal snorted. Merric elbowed him. Painfully. "On which." Emma continued in a slow airy voice, steadfastly ignoring them, "Each and every one of your companions will eventually be lost." Fal was too busy wheezing to snort this time.

"First to fire…then water…then air…then Earth" She paused, for mystical effect. I could feel Owen trembling behind me. "Then love…then lust…then anger…then - hang on." Emma's brow furrowed as she tapped the side of the crystal ball. "This can't be right."

"What does it say?" Merric asked fearfully. I glanced behind me. Everyone except Fal, who simply looked amused, was staring at Emma, displaying varying degrees of fright and apprehension. Emma glanced up at the row of stricken faces staring down at her in a semicircle, then back at her ball.

"It says…" She hesitated, "It says that one of you will be lost to…bunny rabbits."

Fal gave a huge snorting chuckle as the rest of us stared in bemusement at Emma. She stared defensively back.

"That's what it says." She said, before looking back at the ball and clearing her throat, still ignoring Fal.

"Anyway…yes, this journey…after all of your companions have fallen, and you are left alone, you will find your one true love dangling right under your nose."

I breathed a gentle sigh of relief. That didn't sound too bad.

"However." Emma continued, in a harsh tone, holding up her finger, "It will be up to you to acknowledge the burning passion which you feel, and choose a life of happiness, or a life of Eternal Misery."

There was a final tense moment during which the full force of the emboldened, capital-lettered words hit us, before she gave a dramatic sigh and leant back, as the crystal ball slowly cleared.

"The spirits have spoken." She said, "I can do no more. That'll be 10 Nobles, and close the flap on your way out."

"Hold on." Merric cut in. "What about me? I want my future as- "

"One future per group." Emma said commandingly, gesturing towards the flap. Her brother still sat behind her, unmoving, silent. "Hurry up. Some of us have a living to earn."

We allowed ourselves to be ushered out of the tent, and even left the money, although Seaver grumbled over having to pay all of it.

"I do wonder," Fal mused mockingly as the bright sunlight hit us "Which of us will be lost to the mystical powers of bunny rabbits."

I couldn't restrain a laugh at this and it earned both myself and Fal a pair of evil looks from Merric and Owen.

"Perhaps we should get moving before Prosper's lost to candy floss." Seaver said dryly. We looked around and saw Prosper handing a large amount of coins to a man in a big black coat in exchange for a big stick of pink fluff.

Owen ran up behind him and pulled his hands behind his back as Seaver snatched away the candy floss and stomped on it in the gutter. Propser stared at the dismal grey stick as if his life had just ended.

"Note to self." Roald murmured as we walked over. "Never ever go to a fair again. Ever."

A sentiment with which I agreed heartily.

About two more chapters to come. Reviews will be cherished, and reviewers remembered forever as the nice people who walk the face of this planet. Cyber hugs to all of you.

Thanks to all of the reviewers who've reviewed 'Undercover' in the past few months. You've inspired me to write another nice long J/K fic which will sadly never be posted. Ciao.