Disclaimer: For the last time, I don't own the characters, stop shining that bright light in my face!
A/N: Sorry this took so long. But I had tests galore right before they let us out for spring break. But it's Spring Break now! Woohoo! So, I get to write w/o going to school all the time. (only for a week though) On the bright side of things, I finished this chapter in time enough to update tonight, love me? [don't fault me for all the grammatical errors or little mistakes, didn't proof-read, not that I usually do, I'm so lazy…so I guess you can fault me but whatever…]
Disturbing Revelations
Trunks was glad that when he went home Marron was there. Less angry and ready to talk, eyes puffy and face frantic for answers. She was terrified that she'd ruined things with Pan. Terrified that she' d ruined her entire life over outrage that she wasn't even sure she knew why she felt. They had both apologized for what happened, though Trunks wasn't sure of what he'd done, and for nearly a month things went smoothly. But then, the second event spiraled into action. This time, Vegita was not the reason, but Goten instead…
Marron sat her cup of coffee on the counter and walked over to the phone. On the third ring she picked it up, her voice sounding happily to the person on the other end, whom she suspected to be Trunks.
"I love you." She sung out, smiling for all she was worth.
"That's great Mar. But I'm not too fond of you right now." A scratchy voice responded, making her jump to hear it. Goten, sounding distraught again.
"Is this about Paris still? What happened now?" She questioned, thinking back to the last time he sounded so broken hearted. Her voice held an annoyed quality to it that Goten couldn't mistake.
"Yes, Marron, this is about Paris. But she didn't do it, you did. You ruined my relationship, not her."
"I…I what?" She asked, finding the closest kitchen chair and taking a seat. Her face blanched and she held her breath for a second. What could she have done? Her mind traveled over all the possibilities, and suddenly an irrational thought ran through her head. She brushed it aside, afraid to let it linger longer than it needed to. That wasn't what Goten meant…was it? He hadn't left Paris because of her or something like that…had he?
"Goten…please, start from the beginning."
"No need. I can just start at the end. You'll know the rest." His voice was bitter and it was clear that whatever the problem, he blamed her for the entirety of it.
"Okay…" She stated meekly, waiting for him to continue.
"Paris broke up with me last night. She said she found the fact that I didn't mind her dating other men 'disconcerting' and she wanted someone who could appreciate her for who she was. She said her career was really taking off and if I wasn't ready to settle down then she was ready to move on." His voice had taken a deadly ring and Marron was squirming in her chair. She wanted to say so what. Wanted to ask him who needs Paris? But she couldn't bring herself to form the words, could only sit in silence while he ranted.
"And I told her I was ready but she wouldn't accept that. Said my actions spoke otherwise. I told her to call you and ask you what we talked about, but do you know what she did? She walked out of my life. Just like that."
"If she could leave you so quickly, then so what? Who needs her?" The words fell from her lips before she could stop them. He sighed and suppressed his anger, letting his words fall in light decimals rather than heavy yells the way he wanted them to.
"You were going to walk out on Trunks because his father wouldn't go to the wedding and you were jealous of a twenty-one year old girl."
"What happened between me, Pan, and Trunks has no relevancy here. You can't compare that and you know it." She shot out, sensitive because Pan still wasn't talking to her.
"Yes it does Marron. It proves you're a hypocrite. You're a hypocrite and sometimes you're a bitch, and you know it."
"You're one to talk, Goten. You were going to marry that bitch of a supermodel. She's the meanest person I've ever met and you know it's true."
"Marron, I don't think I can deal with you right now."
"Goten, don't hang up." She fought frantically to steer the conversation back to where it needed to be. "I'm sorry. You're right. I was being slightly bitchy to Pan and I'm completely wrong about you and Paris."
"No, Marron, that's the sad part; you're never wrong about anything. Except marrying Trunks, and you know in your heart that that's wrong." Before she had the chance to regain enough of her senses and ask what that was supposed to mean, he'd hung up the phone and she was left listening to nothing but the dial tone. She placed the phone back on the receiver, still gaping about what he'd said. And that was it, her peace of mind was shattered once again.
Her system was shaken, her body was angry and her mind was confused. One sentence. One conversation. One talk and she was already questioning everything she knew to be true. She was already wondering what Goten meant. And if he meant what she'd thought he meant then was he right? And was marrying Trunks really wrong? Was she harboring that feeling deep inside but refused to admit it? Her face sunk into her hands and her shoulders rose in uneven intervals.
For a few minutes she sat there, crying into her hands. Her palms soaked and the water ran down her wrists, up the sleeve of her fashionable shirt. She sobbed a few times and drew in a deep breath. Her heartbeat quickened and then slowed, making her unsure of what emotion she had running through her. Then she lifted her head up and wiped her eyes. And as she looked about her, she was suddenly confused with where she was and where she was going.
*
Her fingers slid slowly over the bun of the hamburger in her hands, eyes looking carefully around the place she was in. She wanted to devour the meat in her hands, greasy or not, and wondered why the thing was so small and yet was considered the biggest burger they had. Did most Americans eat like this? But then, she had to remind herself that most humans ate like this, and it wasn't an American-Japanese issue.
She was sitting in McDonalds. Not her pick for a fine place to dine, but she wasn't complaining. It was the quality of her company that mattered, not the quantity they were willing to spend. And in that area she found herself rather blessed. For sitting across from her was the fourth most handsome guy on the planet - the first being her father, second her grandfather, and the third being Trunks. Sitting across from her was Gabe, brown tendrils spilling into his mystic green eyes, enchanted to make him look more than perfect. A slight dimple was pressed into his right cheek as he watch her handle the burger in her hands.
"Don't come out much?" He teased, eyebrows lifting in a way that made her spine tingle.
"Not in this specific restaurant, no." She smiled at him, rolling her eyes into her head and scrunching her nose in a playful way, to let him know that she didn't appreciate his teasing. When in truth she did. It made her mind wonder what she did to deserve him. He was sweet and perfect, but not in a fancy way; that way that made people fly in the other direction because they paled in comparison. More of the way that made people flock because they were honored he would even glance in their general area.
And then a frown crept softly onto her face. For, as perfect as he was, he was nothing to her. Nothing more than a great friend. Someone she could talk with and smile with, someone she could be normal around and yet not too unguarded. Someone who hadn't known her throughout her entire life and couldn't read into her every motion as she sat there - and didn't try. But, for all this, he was not the person she was in love with. Not even romantically interested in - though, she had to admit he was more than handsome and she wouldn't be even slightly repulsed if her were to try something.
But he wasn't for her. No matter how hard she tried. He wasn't the person that made her happy she woke up in the morning and more than willing to go to sleep at night. He wasn't the one she lived for, breathed for, moved for. He wasn't the one she smiled for, shined for, the one her heart beat for. As much as she tried to make him, mold him into that person, he wasn't and never would be Trunks. And Trunks was all she'd ever wanted.
An impatient-ness grew deep within her and she found herself squirming in her seat, biting into her 'sandwich' with an uncomforted feeling seeping into the pit of her stomach. Why couldn't she fight this demon they called a crush? Why did her first love have to be so cruel? Was it every girls fate to fall in love with the one guy she could never have first and then meet Mr. Nearly Perfect after she'd discovered the best life had to offer? Or was it just Trunks? The only man out there that captured girls' hearts and broke them without warning or second thought.
Or…maybe it wasn't Trunks at all. Maybe it was all her. In her sociology-studies class she'd learned a little about psychology, at least enough to know that there was such a thing as what she was feeling now. A thing where girls picked the one guy they knew they couldn't have and clung to them with every fiber of their being. Wasn't it something like a defense mechanism? Maybe she was extremely afraid of falling in love so she protected herself by using comforting lies in the middle of the night. Lies like, I can't love anyone but Trunks. He's the only one good enough for me. Lies like, I can't live without Trunks, he was made for me. And, all this while - while she was searching for someone better than Trunks - she never wanted him at all. Her head was spinning and she hadn't noticed how lost she was in the conversation until Gabe leaned his head over with a gentle smile and said,
"Have you ever been in love, Pan?" The question came without warning and she swallowed hard, almost choking.
"What brought that on?" She smiled, but her lips were crooked and it was clear that the smile was a forced one. The emotion never rested in her eyes, which seemed to have managed to become void of color within seconds.
"I'll take that as a yes." He replied, almost laughing, but his supernatural green pools betrayed him, revealing the anger that was resting in his soul. "Who are you in love with?" He continued the pestering, the smile never lifting from his lips, the menace never departing from his eyes. He was staring into her and made no attempt to back away.
"I'm not in love, Gabe." She responded while trying to hold back the cough that was threatening to spill past her lips; though it wasn't clear whether it was from nerves or to give assistance to the food that got lodged in her throat.
"Right. So, what's his name?" He continued, seeming to read right into her mind.
"Gabe, I've never been in love." She persisted, taking another bite of her sandwich while keeping a weary eye on him.
"Fine, if you wanted to me to drop it, that's all you had to say." He put his hands up in defense, noticing the way her eyebrow twitched and believing it to be dangerous.
"I just don't want you to think I'm in love with someone. I've never been in love." She insisted yet again, though it was clear - to anyone by now - that she wasn't telling the truth. Her mouth curled into a hazardous, daring, frown and she ripped her burger apart with her teeth, taking the anger out on the meat that rested on the bun. He backed a little, sensing her resolve.
"Haven't you ever wanted to be in love, then?" He tried again, tried to get her to open up in the slightest of ways even.
"No." She answered quickly. "I've never wanted to fall in love with anyone…" She started to say 'else' but was aware of how colossal that would be.
"You can't tell me you've never wondered about it." He stated as if it were known fact that everyone had, at one point or another.
"No, love only brings pain." She informed him, tearing another whole in her nearly gone sandwich.
He quirked his eyebrow, interested in this statement, more than any other she had uttered. "Only brings pain?" He repeated, questioning with curiosity.
"That's what I said." She nodded in affirmation, throwing the last bit of her hamburger into her mouth.
"And you've never been in love?"
"Yes. That's also what I said." There was a hint of annoyance in her voice as she answered this and he only repressed a smirk in amusement.
"Then what makes you so sure love only brings pain? I've seen your family, none of them are divorced. They fell in love, they stayed happy. Well…maybe your grandma grieves a bit but I doubt she'd regret ever falling in love."
"What's the relevancy of this, Gabe?" She chose to dodge the answer by asking a question on her own.
"Stop it, Pan." He replied with a playful grin covering half of his handsome face.
"What am I doing?" Half a smile filled her face as she challenged, amusement dancing in her eyes. She was good at arguing, she was going to win this. There was no way she was going to say if she'd ever been in love, or who it was with. He was just never getting that information out of her.
"You're avoiding everything I'm asking you. Tell me what makes you so sure love only brings pain?" Then, noticing the determination that set in her features, he realized he wasn't going to win. He decided to change his tactic. "I think falling in love will be interesting. I think it's going to be the most exciting thing in my life."
"You're always looking for adventure. But listen to you," She shook her head, fighting back the laughter. "You're talking about it as if it's a trip to the Americas. Falling in love isn't something you plan, Gabe."
"Yeah, cause you've done it a million times."
"What's your point?" The smile disappeared, but it was still lingering in her onyx eyes.
"You've 'never been in love' so how do you know it's not something you plan? How do you know you can't just pick one person and say 'I'm going to love you one day' and then, love them one day?"
"That's ridiculous, the stupidest thing I've ever head in my life." She scoffed, rolling her eyes derisively. "You can't just pick someone to love. You have to feel things for them, there has to be a chemistry there. You're killing the romance, Gabe."
"What's to the romance? Say there's chemistry, say you like them, what's to say you can't just up and decide one day that you're going to love them and then do just that? How do you know if you've never tried it?"
"I think you're crazy. I think love is something that happens to you, not something you happen to. If people could decide who they loved then why do couples that have been married for years break apart because things have changed?"
"Their mindset changed Pan. They didn't have the willpower to keep telling themselves who they wanted to love. They made unconscious decisions to move on and that's what they did. But if you choose one person and decide that you're going to make it work for the rest of your life, then it will work. If you stick to that decision."
"I still say you're crazy. What happened to that one person that's meant for that one other person? The one that meets you in a crowded room from the other side and sweeps you off your feet? The one that fits you like a glove and makes your heart skip beats with simple brushes of the hand and thoughts of who he is? What happened to good, old fashioned, romance?"
"Pan," He spoke, a goofy smile encumbering his face as he continued to stare at her. "I never knew you were such a hopeless romantic." She picked up a fry and threw it at his head, a laugh being suppressed in the back of her throat.
"Are you mocking me Gabe?" She pouted in a way that made her face look like a ten year olds, but in an adorable manner. "You must think I'm a girly-girl now." She blushed.
"No, Pan. I'm only trying to propose something." His eyes glinted in a mischievous manner and the way his lips formed the smile on his face made him seem scary for a second in time.
"What are you trying to propose, Gabe?" She asked, afraid of finding out the answer.
"Well, we've been trying this friend thing of yours for…about…two months. I was thinking, maybe we could try something new. Now, I know what you're going to say Pan, and frankly, I don't want to hear it." He put his hand up to block off any words she was trying to send his way. "I'm trying to understand what's got you so afraid of relationships, and I don't want to push anything on you that you don't want. But I do want to warn you, I want to fall in love, Pan. I'm going to fall in love one day. And, as far as I can tell, the person I love is going to be you." She opened her mouth again but he hadn't brought down his hand, his speech was still going and she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear anymore at all. Not if it got worse than that. "I just wanted you to know that, from now on, this friendship is going to be pursued - from my standpoint at least - as an opportunity to fall in love."
"Gabe, this is crazy. You can't just pick me and say you're going to fall in love."
"I think I can, Pan. I think, if I try hard enough, I can."
"I don't want you to." She answered suddenly, backing away from the table and knocking her drink over in the process. He stood abruptly, to avoid being splashed with the orange liquid. "You're being ridiculous and I don't want you to." Her tone had taken that of a defensive person and he was slightly confused, slightly annoyed by her reluctance. She didn't want him to?
"Why not, Pan?"
"I already told you, Gabe." Now it sounded more like they were arguing than ever before, her voice was rough and his was equally offensive. "Love only brings pain."
"Who were in love with, Pan?" He challenged her, the anger no longer hidden among friendly smiles.
"I'm not in love, Gabe." She repeated, more authority in her voice than ever before.
"Then how do you know?"
"We're not getting anywhere." She sighed, slamming the palms of her hands into the table, liquid from the spilled drink splashing, as she leaned over it in a menacing way. "Just drop it."
"That's the problem, Pan. We're not getting anywhere." He sighed and picked up his jacket from the back of his chair. "From the time I met you it's been the same circle. You're dancing around important issues and I want to know why. What makes you so afraid of love? Why are you running so far in the other direction, and yet, you're still standing here? I can see that you're crying out for something, Pan. You're just not ready to accept what that something is yet."
"You don't know what you're talking about Gabe. And, if I've been keeping you stationary for so long then why don't you just go find someone else to 'fall in love with'? We've only known each other for two months, I'm supposed to want to marry you already?"
"That's not what I'm saying, Pan. What I'm saying is, you're running because you're scared. And you're scared because you've been hurt before, whether you want to admit it or not, and whether it was from being in love or not I'll never know. Maybe it was someone that was simply close to you. But whatever it was, it doesn't matter. The point is, you are running and pretty soon you're going to find yourself pretty lonely."
"And what is that to you? Where I find myself in the long run?"
"That's what I'm telling you. I'm not going to let that happen. You're too fantastic a person to swear off love. You're too wonderful a girl to not let someone love you. And I'm going to love you, whether you want me to or not, whether you love me too, or not."
"I still think you're crazy, Gabe." She shook her head and backed away, turning around and heading straight for the door. He was going to love her? No, she wasn't going to let him and that was final.
*
"Trunks…I need to talk to you." She drummed her fingers nervously on the end table in her living room, listening to the phone ring again and again. Where the hell was he? After another minute she heard the ringing stop and his ragged voice come over the line, her heart paused for a moment, wondering if something was wrong, and then she breathed relief. He was just stressed.
"Yeah, Pan?" She lifted her eyebrows in suspense, wondering how he knew she was who she was.
"How'd you know it was me?" She questioned, knowing he hadn't checked the caller id, he never did.
"It's always you, Pan." She was slightly offended by his response, as if he didn't want it to be her or he was annoyed that she called.
"Well, I could just leave you al-"
"That's not what I meant. I just meant that…it's never anyone else. I have no other friends. Now, what's wrong?"
She sighed, deciding to leave his statement alone and wondering how much of this she could get off her chest in one conversation, it was all so confusing. She only wished she had someone to talk to about why she was still in love with Trunks. "Gabe's wrong." She breathed, summing it all up in two words. She could almost hear him nodding his head.
"What'd he do?" He questioned as if he knew it was bound to happen.
"What do you mean, 'what'd he do'? Are you trying to say something about Gabe, Trunks?"
"Don't start with me, Pan. You're just trying to push my buttons, I'm not in the mood. Talk or don't talk, but don't screw with me."
"Fine. He's lost his mind. That's what he did. He's crazy."
"Yeah…what'd he do?"
"He wants to fall in love with me. Says that his plan for the rest of our friendship. He's going to fall in love with me."
"Okay…what'd he do?"
"Trunks! Are you hearing me? Do you understand what I just said? He's planning on falling in love with me. He thinks I should love him too! He thinks I have issues with love, something along the lines of being afraid. He said I was afraid to fall in love."
"Pan, for as long as I've known you, and as much as I love you, I think he's right. You're always running from things when they get too complicated. You're always trying to find the easy way out. We both know Gabe has been the longest relationship you've had, and you called that a friendship. Maybe…maybe he has a point. Maybe you should fall in love. Try things see if they work. Just…just be happy."
She paused, her breath caught in her throat. For all she was worth, it sounded like he was breaking up with her. She knew the sporadic thought was preposterous but she couldn't shake it even when she tried. This was almost like 'the speech' she'd heard other girls talk about. The way he was telling her to fall in love was like he was telling her to move on. And it burnt a piece of her soul more than she'd like to admit.
Again she found herself wanting to do something just to prove him wrong. Again she found herself wanting to move on, past him, wanting to strangle his pale neck between her small, blood thirsty, fingers. Once again she was lost to the uncontrollable need to cry, but she didn't give into it this time. This time she was stronger, and she was all cried out over Trunks.
A determination set in her like ticks to a dog's fur, and she was resolved never to loose her mind over him again. She was resolved never to push other people away because of him again. She could never have Trunks. Fate had told her that again and again. It wasn't meant to be. He only loved her friendship, he only valued her platonic company.
If he wanted her to fall in love, then she was going to fall in love. That is, if Gabe's theory really worked. If she could pick one person and choose to love them above everyone else. And who was to say it didn't? She had never really tried it before. If she could give her all to him, and only him, then couldn't she be happy in some shape or form?
A part of her knew that this was her only chance. With Gabe. If things didn't work out this time she would be wounded and molded forever. If her heart was broken in the smallest of ways she'd be too hurt to recuperate again. A part of her knew that this was the best offer she'd ever receive, and if she was going to make things work with Gabe she was going to have to start off right.
She sighed and reluctantly responded to Trunks, holding the phone closer to her ear as she made her resolve. "Yeah, Trunks, you're right. You know, I think I'm going to have to…talk to you later. I have somewhere to go."
"All right, Pan. I'll see you later." She hung up the phone and sighed while twirling her fingers around each other in nervousness. Was she really ready to do this? It would mean letting Trunks go. It would mean getting past ideals that she'd been holding onto since she understood the fluttering in her stomach for what it really was. And she didn't know if she was prepared to be that honest.
Had Gabe meant anything he'd said to her? Did he really believe that he could choose one person and love them for the rest of his life, just by will over mind? It sounded crazy, completely preposterous. And what if it didn't work? Where was she left?
A derisive snort tumbled out of her lips as she fixed her face in a frown. "The same place I started out at. No worse, no better. Just stationary." She realized that this was the only other chance she'd ever have, the only opportunity to open up and start fresh and try with someone to finally find the love she'd been missing out on all along. Maybe she'd find herself in better shoes than the ones she currently owned. Things might work out somehow.
Slowly she pushed her frame off the chair she'd positioned herself so comfortably on and grabbed her coat. Her fingers roughly brushed her hair out of her face and then she wrapped the thin cloth around her body. Stepping out into the cold she took off in a run and before long found herself in the direction she wanted to go.
Tiny droplets of rain splashed onto her forehead and below her eyes, making her aware of the dark clouds that loomed above her head. Until now she had been unaware of the dangerous rumble in the skies. But even the threat of a storm didn't slow her pace, her running continued and soon she found her feet meeting with it's destination.
Thunder broke out and rain began to spatter her body until her hair fell out of it's bun and her clothes were soaked with liquid. She stuck her hand out and pressed the doorbell, nearly shivering now and hoping Gabe would be there. Hoping he would answer the door soon.
Before long the heavy oak door was swinging open and she could see the brown curls that represented his mother. Her eyes were pink and had dark rings under them that made Pan want to draw her into a hug and hold her for all she was worth. But she didn't make a move, only stood there shivering and dripping wet, unable to remember why she'd come at all.
*
"Why are you here?" A voice rang out, feminine anger and fatigue clear in the sound.
"I wanted to apologize. I had no right to say what I did to you earlier." The counterpart answered, remorse clear in his own voice. "I was just upset, Mar. You know I was upset."
"That's not an excuse for being such a jerk to me." She sighed, putting the finishing touches on the nail she'd been painting seconds before he walked in.
"I know. Listen, I said I came to apologize and that's what I'm doing. But I'm not going to grovel, no matter what I did, besides I meant what I said. I just said it wrong."
"You meant what you said?" She exploded, eyes lighting into his soul with each new word that flowed from her lips. "You meant what you said?" She repeated, with more anger than before though he wouldn't have thought it possible. "How could you come here to apologize and then mean what you said to offend me in the first place?" She flung her hand about and he wasn't sure whether it was out of anger or in an attempt to dry her wet red nails.
"Marron. Listen, I don't want to get into it again. But I'm not going to be your doormat just because everyone else is. What you did to Pan was wrong. I wasn't there so I don't know how she encouraged it, but I did hear about what you said - what you did - and I don't agree with that one bit. Someone should have put you in your place a long time ago. I can't believe Trunks didn't say anything else about it."
"You can't believe he didn't say anything?" She found herself being his mocking bird yet again, but she shook the thought away. "He was just as wrong as I was. Him with his…" She was unable to word what it was that had gotten her so upset last month, unable to say why she and Pan were no longer speaking, why her temper got the best of her. "It's not my fault." She finally concluded, reuniting with the angry feeling that welled in her breast whenever she thought of Trunks and Pan, together.
"I'm just saying you could have controlled yourself better. That's all. Anyway, where's Trunks?" His eyes danced about the room nervously and he moved back and fourth from foot to foot.
"Don't try to change the subject on me, Goten. You're dancing around what you really want to say and I can see right through you. What is it then?" They stared at each other for a few seconds, both daring the other to move or look away, the Goten broke the silence, his voice coming out in a deadly whisper,
"If I were Pan I would have killed you."
Marron's resolve snapped, her eyes danced with an angry expression and she was no longer able to remain calm. "That's it, Goten. That's just enough. Go ahead, say whatever other mean things you have to say and then get out. Trunks isn't here, he's at a business meeting. And I have theories to go over and work in the Lab in the morning. I don't have to deal with this."
"With what? The truth?" He responded before he could stop himself. "Please Marron, you're going to have to face it one day. You were wrong."
"You don't get it, Goten. You don't understand."
"Make me understand, Marron. Please because I'm at a lost for words. I'm at a lost for comprehension."
"Goten…" She sighed, fighting back the tears that he welled up in her eyes. Trying hard to distinguish between what she wanted to say and what she knew she couldn't. "You don't see the way he looks at her. You don't see the light that shines in his eyes when she smiles at him. The light that's not there anymore when he looks at me. You've never felt second best." She finished it accusingly, not being able to hold back the sneer that wanted to take hold of her face. Her eyes searched his and they didn't find the hatred that had been there only seconds ago, nor the anger. Only sadness, sadness and regret and something else…annoyance. Then he spoke,
"I feel second best every time you look at him, Mar." She couldn't find the words to respond to his statement. Wasn't even sure if she'd heard him right, and - if she had - whether or not she'd taken it right. And he was up, breaking eye contact with her, and out of the apartment before she had the chance to question anything farther. For the second time in one day Marron found herself completely confused, completely lost for words, and crying into her hands. When did life get so hard? When did growing up become so complicated? And why was her heart beating so fast, her fingers becoming clammy, her chest and stomach fluttering? Why couldn't she fight this…this…whatever it was that was overtaking her body in such a demanding way it made her feel as if she were drowning?
*
"What are you doing here this late, Pan? And while it's storming out? You woke my mother up." Gabe's voice soothed as he draped a blanket around her shivering form. His eyes locked with hers as he tried to read her emotions. "What's wrong?" His voice had a frantic ring to it as he asked this, hands snapping in her face to draw her attention back to him.
"What?" She finally asked, becoming conscious of where she was again.
"What's wrong, Pan? Why are you here?" He asked, slower this time and with more concern.
"Oh…" There was a long silence as she thought, he wasn't sure if she was deciding whether or not to tell him or if she was simply unsure. "I just…wanted to say…I was sorry, about earlier."
"Wow. An apology from Pan Son? Remarkable." He joked. "No, I'm the sorry one. I think I snapped on you earlier and I shouldn't have." He rested a hand on her shoulder and smiled but she didn't return the comforting look.
"I'm not done yet." She warned.
"There's more? It gets better?" But seeing her eyes warned him that it didn't get better. But worse. Much worse.
"I lied." She simply stated, as if everything should have fallen into place with those two words.
"About what, Pan?" He asked after a significant pause in speech, where he assumed she would resume her explanation but hadn't.
"You asked if I'd ever been in love. I said no."
"You've been in love?" He asked, after another long pause.
"I am in love." He felt his heart flutter for a second as uncertainties rolled over him in tidal waves. She could break him or make him in this moment. She could tell him that she loved him, had loved him since they met but was too afraid to show it, or she could come out and say it was someone else. His heart was telling him that it was the later, Pan wasn't much for impulsive-love-at-first-site mushiness.
"With who?" He finally asked, hoping her response would rhyme with his question. It didn't.
"Trunks." He was in an uproar before he could stop himself, standing up, removing his hand from her body and pacing the room.
"Trunks. I should have known. How can you, Pan? How can you?" Disgust was painted in every crevice of his fine features as he asked.
"What do you mean, how can I? I don't owe you anything. I can love whoever I want to love." She retorted.
"I'm not asking you to owe me. I'm asking you to owe yourself, you're telling me you want to love that creep? Granted, the only things I know about him are things you've told me. But what I've heard isn't nice at all. How can you honestly say that you love that guy, that you want to love that guy?"
"Well, sorry." She stood up as well, looking at him through dark eyes. Eyes that were angry and pleading for understanding that the same time. "It's something I grew up with."
He paused, looking at her to make sure she was serious. She was. He laughed, despite himself. "Love isn't something you grow up with Pan. That's ludicrous."
"Oh, and your idea isn't? Picking someone and loving them forever, that isn't ludicrous?" His smile was wiped away at that, as he remembered his pledge to fall in love with her. In truth, he'd only made that speech to warn her, he was already falling in love with her. And now she was throwing it in his face?
"I'm sorry, Gabe." Came the second apology from her that night. He sighed, knowing he wasn't really angry with her, just hurt. And very prideful. They were alike in that one quality at least.
"So, you came all the way here to tell me that you love Trunks?"
"No. I just got upset with your reaction. I already apologized. I came all the way here to tell you - and you were right - that I don't want to love him."
"That's nice." Came his terse response, cold and unfeeling. She sighed.
"You're not understanding me. I came here to tell you that I liked your idea. I thought, maybe you were right, and if you are I'd like to try. I'd like to pick you, Gabe and see if things work out that way. That happily ever after way."
"Pan, you're still such a baby." He snorted, not trying to upset her but succeeding anyway. "You were right. That idea is stupid, it was crazy of me to even suggest it. You can't pick someone to love. Love has to happen to you, not the other way. If you could choose, you wouldn't love Trunks. There's my proof. Now, go home."
"Gabe, why do you have to be so damn difficult all the time? I'm saying I'd like to give it a try. I'm saying that maybe our 'friends' title has been overestimated. I'm opening my heart to you - which rarely happens for anyone - and you're sending me home. Why is that?"
"What you're saying Pan, is that you'd like me to settle for being second best. What you're saying is that you could never love me, but you're willing to settle for me because you couldn't have first place prize. What you're asking me to do is ignore the fact that you're in love with someone else - have always been in love with someone else - and enjoy the fact that I'm getting the privilege of seeing a side of you that only he has seen before. And what I'm saying is no thanks."
She turned away from him, unable to deny or argue anything that he'd just said, and ashamed that he was so aware of what her mouth was silently uttering in between the lines. She wanted to be hurt by his words, and she was to a certain degree, but more than anything she was hurt by the truth. She couldn't love anyone else. She was incapable of it. She couldn't be more than friends with anyone no matter how hard she tried. And it wasn't just Trunks that stopped her, or her love for him, it was everything that was stacked against her. It was her entire mentality and her only hope of changing that had just told her to 'go home'.
Her feet moved across the floor, her head hung low, as she walked past the entry way and out of the house, into the pouring rain. She felt stupid and used for coming out here like some foolish high school girl. And she felt even worse because she was leaving poorer than when she'd come. And the blanket that was still draped around her shoulders served as a reminder of how idiotic she had been this night. It was all Trunks' fault. She resolved, not aware of the hand rested itself roughly on her shoulder, as if the owner was in a haste.
That hand spun her around, and as she opened her mouth to yell, or protest, her words were silenced by lips enclosing hers. His arms wrapped around her body and pulled her in, letting his tongue explore the outside of her lips as she shifted uncomfortably. She pulled her head away from his and looked into his green eyes, scared and unsure of what he was saying.
"I'm sorry Miss Son. Sometimes I'm a bigger jerk than he is." He told her, emphasizing the 'he' so that she would know he was referring to Trunks.
"That's fine Gabriel Henson, you get pardoned tonight, but only because I'm in such a forgiving mood." He leant his head down again, pressing his warm lips to her skin. Her own lips responded automatically, unsure of whether the kiss he planted on her was welcomed or not. But she supposed she had to try. She couldn't have Trunks, that had been made painfully clear throughout the years, so why not experience what life had to offer? Gabe was a nice person, and not that bad of an alternative. And, if he would have her - which clearly he would - he wouldn't make that bad of a boyfriend, maybe more.
Because she knew she'd never love again. Had never felt anything with more certainty than that revelation, and it scared her senseless. Maybe Gabe would spark feelings in her she had forgotten how to feel with anyone else. Maybe…
A/N: okay, what'd you think? Review and let me know. And don't hate me for this Gabe/Pan thing that's going on. It has to happen more than the T/M, it's all relevant to the plot. But I'm not going to talk about 'the plot' anymore, because I'm making it sound better than it is. It's not great at all, really, just an ordinary-everyday plot to get them together. ^-^ Anywho, I hoped you liked it and, once again, sorry it took forever. -hugs-