Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: The London Years

Chapter 8

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: Jed's new schedule caused tension for Jed and Abbey. Abbey was intrigued by Jed's classmate Lila and her husband Tom.

Summary: Abbey makes a deal with God and remembers Liz's first birthday.

- - -

Present day - July 1970

The sound of a car swerving past the house broke Abbey of her trance. She rushed to window only to realize, once again, that it wasn't him. She sighed in disappointment then glanced at the clock once more. It was 3:15 a.m.

She had already called the hospital's emergency room and was assured that no one matching Jed's description had been brought in. The police offered very little help, but at least she knew there were no accidents or other incidents involving a Josiah Bartlet.

If Jed was still stewing in his own anger, she worried about how badly she had upset him. If he wasn't, then she worried that her fears were coming true. Ordinarily, she didn't like to bargain with God, but this was too important and the nightmare scenarios that played in her mind left her no other choice.

With a cracked, tearful voice, she spoke out, promising that if Jed was safe and sound, she would do whatever it took to make amends with him. If he wanted to stay in London, she would forego her own plans and stay. If he wanted to spend more time at school, she would gladly stay home with Lizzie. All her anger had seeped out of her body, replaced by concern and anxiety. All she wanted right now was to wrap her arms around Jed and shelter him in her love.

- - -

March 1969

Abbey carried a sleepy Elizabeth out of the bedroom and sat her on the couch. She held the baby with one hand and swept a soft brush over her fine tresses of hair with the other. Liz began to whine quietly, still half-asleep from her nap.

"I know, Angel. I know you just woke up, but everyone's going to be here soon and we want you to look your absolute best today."

She kissed the back of her head before picking her up and taking her into the bedroom, where she had already laid out a white, lace-trimmed dress, white stockings, and matching maryjanes she had bought just for today.

She sat Lizzie down on the bed and began to undress her, but Liz fought and squirmed her way out of Abbey's arms and crawled to the edge of the bed. Abbey grabbed her arms and sat her back down as Liz burst into tears.

Already tired herself, Abbey took a deep breath then looked at her daughter. "Sweetheart, don't you want to wear this dress?" she asked, holding up the dress so Liz could look it over. "You picked it out in the store. Remember?"

Liz calmed down only momentarily to take in her mother's words, then continued to struggle, pushing Abbey's hands out of the way. "Da…aaa…ddy," she whined repeatedly.

"Look, Lizzie! It's got lace and pretty little flowers," Abbey pointed out.

Elizabeth swatted the dress and crawled closer to Abbey's lap, rubbing her eyes with tiny fists. Abbey held her against her body with the back of her head cushioned against her chest and then, as if answering his daughter's cries, Jed walked through the door, shouting for Abbey.

"In here," she called back. "I'm glad you're home."

"Yeah, me too. Hey, Lizzie." He leaned down and kissed the top of Liz's head.

Her face was now beaming with a radiant smile. Still half-dressed, she held her hands out for her father as she called out to him.

Jed picked her up and Abbey threw the dress back on the bed. "Okay, Daddy. You get to dress her."

He took the dress and turned Liz's body so she could see it. "Ooohh, Mommy picked out a beautiful dress, didn't she, Lizzie?" He looked at Abbey and sensed something was wrong. "Abbey?"

"I've just been trying to dress her for ten minutes and she's been fighting me every step of the way."

"She's probably just tired."

"I know she's tired," Abbey replied. "But the guests are going to be here any minute. Speaking of which, where have you been?"

"I'm sorry. I got tied up at the library and lost track of time."

"Meanwhile, I've had to keep Lizzie occupied so I could do the laundry, the dishes, and get the house ready for a party, not to mention bake the cake, which you were supposed to help me with."

"I said I'm sorry. Don't take it out on Lizzie. It's her birthday."

"I would never take it out on Lizzie, and I'm perfectly well aware of what today is. I'm not the one who was gone all day." And with those sharp words, she retreated into the bathroom.

When she emerged after her shower, she walked in on Jed bouncing a gleeful Liz on his lap, white lace trim spilling over his thighs as she kicked her stocking-covered legs and dangled her little feet over his knees.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi." She walked closer to the duo, taking Liz from his arms. "Come here, Sweetheart. You really do look like a princess." With her finger tips, she brushed back the soft strands of brown hair off Liz's forehead, threw a smile in Jed's direction, and continued, "Daddy did an excellent job cleaning you up."

Jed stood up and approached mother and daughter. He admired the way Abbey held Liz in her arms, swinging from side to side and whispering in her ear. But there was a problem and he couldn't continue to deny it. Abbey was unhappy. That was obvious. What to do about it, that wasn't as easy to figure out.

"We need to talk, Abbey," he finally said.

"About what?"

"About things."

"I know." She noticed the penetrating tone in his voice. He was angry, she assumed.

Jed put his hands in his pocket and shot her a stern glance. Abbey placed Liz into her play pen in the other room and returned, ready for the inevitable discussion she had previously tried to avoid.

"You knew that grad school wasn't going to be easy."

"I did," she agreed.

"Then why are you punishing me?"

She furrowed her brow and turned her head. That accusation threw her for a loop. "Punishing you?" she repeated. "I'm not." She turned her head to look at him. "I don't mean to..."

He cut her off. "I know." He crossed to the other side of the room and broke the awkward silence that followed. "I need to do this. Every hour I'm putting into my classes, my studying, my research…it's because I have to, not because I want to be away from you or Elizabeth."

Of course she knew that. He was doing the best he could juggling all his responsibilities. And Abbey loved him for it, but her own frustration frequently took over, causing her to snap at him at the end of the day. He didn't deserve it and she knew that too.

She didn't respond verbally. Instead, she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him on the mouth, falling into a hug when their lips parted. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry it's so hard." With a smile on his face, he tweaked her nose as the sound of the doorbell ran through the apartment. "Looks like our first guest is here."

"Can you get Lizzie while I get dressed?"

"Of course." He turned away, but Abbey grabbed his wrist, forcing him to turn back around. "What?"

"Thank you for getting her ready," she said.

"I love you," he simply replied. The situation was far from resolved, but with those three words, things seemed to be back to normal - at least for that day.

Abbey dropped her bathrobe and released her hair from the plastic clip that held it on top of her head. She could hear Jed greeting the guests at the door and over the span of several minutes, she knew the apartment was crowded with birthday well-wishers.

She slipped her dress over her shoulders and zipped the back, freeing the kinks with her fingers as she looked in the mirror. But before she could make it out to the living room, the intrusive sound of a ringing phone disturbed her progress.

"Hello?"

"Abbey!" Millie exclaimed.

"Millie? Hi! How are you?"

"I just wanted to call to wish Elizabeth a very happy first birthday."

"Thank you. She and Jed are greeting guests as we speak."

"Then I won't keep you."

"No, wait. Tell me how you are. How's med school?"

"Well, it's not that it's so hard. It's that it's so voluminous. They just pile on the information. We read in one night what other grad students read in two weeks. There's so much to know and so much to memorize. It's challenging and believe it or not, even fun. Abs, you're going to love it!"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. It's right up your alley. As soon as you guys get back here, you'll see what I mean."

"Yeah," Abbey replied sadly, realizing they wouldn't be returning for another two years.

She looked into the mirror with a forlorn expression, one that reflected her thoughts, until Jed hollered from the other room. "Abbey! Abbey, get out here!"

"Mill, I'm going to have to call you later...okay...send my love to Steve. Bye."

She hung up the phone and left the bedroom, her eyes immediately drawn to the sight in front of her as soon as she entered the next room. Elizabeth was standing on the carpet by herself. Jed stood a few inches away, his hands extended towards her.

"Come on, Lizzie. You can do it. Come on."

Elizabeth stood in silence. Her eyes were glued to her father with an occasional glance at the other spectators in the room. Jed wiggled his fingers and kept a reassuring smile on his face, hoping to ease her fears. Abbey was motionless, practically holding her breath and waiting in anticipation.

"Come on, Sweetie," Jed urged. "Mommy's here now. Do it for Mommy."

"Mama." Liz looked up at Abbey, flashing her a warm smile, then stared back at the floor as if lost in contemplation. She slowly raised her leg and took one step, then another, then another, until she fell face-down onto the floor.

Abbey rushed to pick her up before the little girl had a chance to cry. "You're okay, I've got you," she said, holding her tight in her arms.

Immediately relieving the tension with her laughter, Lizzie laid her head against Abbey's chest. Several teardrops stung Abbey's eyes, but they were tears of pride, not sadness. Only moments earlier, she had been dreaming of another life – one where she was in med school and she and Jed and Lizzie could build a new home far away from London.

And now, a feeling of unmitigated guilt washed over her. She already had a wonderful, caring husband who loved her more than anything in the world. She had a daughter she adored, one who needed her to guide her and support her, to teach her and to love her. How could she possibly want – or expect – anything more.

"I love you," she whispered into Lizzie's ear as she continued to cradle her baby girl.

TBC