Disclaimer: I don't own it. He does.
A/N: I hope the wait for the next chapter wasn't too long. I'm sorry about not being able to update on Wednesdays, but I don't think I will for the rest of this month. See, school's almost over, finals coming up, you know. And we had a bit of standardize testing, drains the energy out of you. I just can't keep up with my work and write that fast. Forgive me.
All at Once
The girl held her breath, hoping against hope that this would work out in some way. It had taken her two months to finally come out of her parents house and march down here. And another five days to convince herself not to turn around or change her mind when the day came to actually be here. But here she was, standing at the door and deciding to press the doorbell. Here she was, squinting her brow up in frustration and hopelessness. She was completely terrified and there was no one's shoulder to lean on to help her out.
Her free hand ran through her blond hair and her fingers trembled as they withdrew from the bell. If she were lucky Chi-Chi would answer, that would at least relieve some of the tension she was feeling. But apparently Fate was laughing at her, for it wasn't Chi-Chi's friendly face that was standing behind the door as it swung open, but the center of her distress instead.
For a few moments she didn't know what to say, and her mouth flapped open and closed as he stared at her with malice. For a few moments she almost forgot who she was, trying hard to fight the fluttering that took place in her stomach every time he looked at her. She couldn't, and she didn't forget who she was, or where she was, or even why she was there. But she would have been lucky if she had forgotten for the thoughts only depressed her and made her want to run away at once.
"What Marron?" His voice called out, tired and angry as he spoke to her.
"I…I…" She couldn't form a complete sentence, her heart was tightening at his coldness and a lump was forming in her throat. Why did he have to be so cruel? She was trying to make things right again, she just didn't know exactly how.
He sighed and moved aside, letting her step onto the welcome mat, just barely inside the house but enough to show slight hospitality. "Yes?" He pressed on, shutting the door and noting the way her fingers trembled in uncomfortable awkwardness.
"I was wondering if Pan were here." She finally made out, looking up into his dark eyes, pleading written in her expression. She was fighting back the tears with every word, every gesture and movement, but it was with great effort. And she wasn't sure exactly why, she hadn't done anything to Goten. Well, not directly anyway. And she really hadn't talked to him since the day he stormed out of her apartment - no, Trunks' apartment.
And she'd left Trunks, so there was no need for him to be glaring at her with those vicious eyes the way he was at that moment. And yet, there was every reason in the world. She'd done everything wrong, hurt him in every way possible, and screwed up everything in ways she hadn't imagined it could be done. She had probably ruined a great friendship between two people, both of which she didn't deserve. And she possibly ruined a friendship between herself and the raven haired girl she was inquiring about at the moment, but she didn't deserve her either.
She had put everything on the line to come here and do this, and for what? To not even be able to look him in the eyes now? She hadn't meant for this to happen at all. And yet it had. And things were worse than she could possibly imagine because of it.
"Pan?" He asked, almost as if he were afraid he'd heard her wrong. Slightly incredulous as if he couldn't believe what she was saying. She looked down to her feet and nodded slowly, afraid of what his response would be.
"Yes, Pan. I wanted to talk with her." He made a scoffing sound and she looked up, only to be greeted by a face that was twisted into disgust at her.
"Pan hasn't been out of her room for three weeks, save going to the funeral. She's not up for talking. Especially with you." His lips upturned at her, into a cold sneer that not even Trunks could match, and she felt like scum. Complete and utter scum beneath his fingernails. For a fleeting second she wanted to ask the Kamis what she had done to deserve this, but then a picture of Trunks flashed through her head and she was humbled again.
"I know she's not feeling well, and now's probably not a good time…but I…I just wanted to say-" She cut herself off, not able to complete the sentence and not able to look at his face again. Tears dripped slowly from her eyes as she rolled them into the top of her head, trying to fight them back. "I just wanted to see her for a minute." She finished softly, trying to erase the crying sound from her voice; it didn't work.
"What is this Marron?" He asked, though his voice was still rough and hard, his facial expression had softened. He moved closer to her, placing a hand on her cheek and pulling her face up to level with his. His eyes were soft now as he wiped a stray tear from her cheek, glancing with concern. "Why are you crying?"
"I didn't mean for things to end up this way." She answered softly, her face taking on the qualities of a toddler, pouting and all. He released her chin, a discomforted and unsettled look on his face. She wasn't sure what he was feeling but she was sure she didn't want to know. She just wanted to get this over with, she just wanted to hurry up and do this so she could move on with her life. What little that was left of it.
"Well, they did." His terse response came as he shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably.
"I know they did, Goten. I don't need you to point out the obvious." She was slightly annoyed with the way he was receiving her. Why should he be upset with her? She was the one who should be upset. He'd ruined her life. Who told him to come into it and screw everything up? To twist her mind until she didn't know left from right and up from down? No one, that's who. He'd done it on his own and he had no right to be upset with her. But she had every right to be upset with him. How dare he? "I just thought that…" She couldn't finish, and even if she could have he wouldn't have let her. He cut her off.
"You thought what? That you would come over here and I would smile and welcome you into my arms? That you could get rid of the big bad opposition and suddenly there would be nothing but sunshine and unconditional love in our future? What'd you think, Marron? Tell me." His angry eyes stopped her from moving, from even breathing regularly and her brain had drawn a complete blank. What was she supposed to say to that? If the heat of his words hadn't erupted into her thought she might have been standing there for years, trying to figure out how to respond.
"I thought you loved me." She spoke more to herself than she did to him, looking back down at the floor. "But it doesn't matter," She didn't give him time to respond, didn't need to hear his response. "What matters is that I'm here to make things right. I came here to tell you that Trunks is really out of my life. And I didn't do it for you, and I didn't do it for Pan. I did it for me, and it's done." She wasn't sure she was making sense but she did know that she was feeling better. This was what she needed to say. This was what he needed to hear, even if it meant nothing to him now, he needed to hear it.
"So what Marron? Am I supposed to smile an take you in my arms and say that things worked out great? This is my entire life you're talking about screwing up here and I'm going to need a better explanation than you thought I loved you." He crinkled his nose in annoyance and crossed his arms, angrily glaring at her. "Look at me." He commanded, gently pulling her face up again. "Look at me when we talk. And tell me what I'm supposed to do. Give me a reason to ruin my entire life, please. Because that one's not going to cut it."
"I'm not trying to ruin your life. And I'm not trying to ruin Trunks' life, or Pan's life or anyone's life. Especially not mine, even though it's too late for that. I'm just trying to do the right thing, follow what I believe I should be doing to the fullest. I'm not trying to make messes of things, and I'm sorry."
"Of course not," He sighed, removing his hands and backing away from her. "Of course you aren't trying to make messes. Because if you were, who'd be there to clean them up? Definitely not you, right? That's too much work for little old you." His tone was derisive and it was clear that he was very upset. "Why can't you, just once, figure out what you want and fight for it? Screw everybody else?"
"Is this actually you telling me this? You who just told me that you needed a better reason to 'ruin' your life than loving me. Isn't that something you want? Shouldn't you be 'going after it', you know, 'screw everybody else'?" Her tone matched his as she continued on.
"That's enough, Marron. I don't need you to come here and tell me I'm not going after what I want. I would, if I felt like it were worth it. If I felt like my life would be better if I had it. But you haven't given me a reason to yet, I'm still waiting." She bit her lips, trying to hide the pain his words caused her but failing. Tears were tickling the sides of her eyes again and she couldn't fight them off.
"Goten, you don't understand. What you're asking of me, it isn't fair. Because I tried for so long, and I tried so hard, and I couldn't…Just…don't do this to me. You and Trunks have been friends for so long it's not right for me to even think about…It's just not right for us to…And I just." She stopped, sighing, frustrated and not able to fight the tears out of her voice anymore. She placed her hand to her mouth and whimpered into it, sniffing and drawing in a deep breath. "I just came here to talk to Pan. And to tell you…to tell you goodbye." She sniffed again and tried to calm her nerves.
His eyes shot up in alarm. What did she mean, goodbye? What was she trying to say? "Where are you going, Marron?" He asked, his chest constricting as he considered what she was trying to say. As his mind wondered to what he knew she was referring to. "What are you talking about?" He was sure the panic was clear in his voice, written in his face. And the pain. He couldn't fight off the pain.
"I'm…I just wanted to tell her goodbye, Goten. I just, I didn't mean for things to end up this way. I just got so upset because he loved her more than he could ever love me, and I did something that I never should have done. But I love her, I do, and I don't want her to hate me forever. I wanted to be there for her when she needed someone to lean on. I wanted us to be friends again, but things aren't going to work out that way. Could you tell her that I'm sorry, that I love her and….and goodbye?" She managed to control her crying long enough to get the words out, long enough to express her heart the way she needed to. Goten sighed, trying not to loose his patience and wanting to calm his frantic heart at the same time. She was saying what he thought she was saying. But she couldn't do this.
He hadn't planned on this. He had planned on seeing her sometime soon, to work things out. To tell her that they couldn't be more than friends if she wasn't prepared to offer her entire life to him; but he hadn't expected this at all. He hadn't thought he'd loose her completely. Hadn't imagined his life entirely without her.
"Where are you going?" He repeated in a hoarse whisper, trying to maintain his last semblance of composure.
"Away, Goten. I can't live like this. Like I said, I never meant for this to happen. I had no intention of screwing up everyone's lives so royally. Everything that's wrong is all my fault and the only way I can fix it is to disappear. I want you and Trunks to stay close. I don't want Trunks to draw away from Pan because he feels like she's the reason I left, and I think that's what he's doing. And I don't want Pan to avoid Trunks because she thinks he picked me over her, and I don't know why, but I feel like that's how she feels. So I'm fixing it the best way I know how. I'm removing the problem completely."
"That's not going to fix anything. The only thing you're doing is running away from what you know is the only thing that's ever been right to you. Don't do this Marron, don't walk away from me." A desperate pull was overtaking his heart and couldn't watch her walk away. He'd watched her walk away too many times. With Trunks at prom, with that Abbot guy in college - she ran off with him for awhile and then back to Trunks again. And every time Goten watched her bounce from one guy to the other and back to his best friend, it tore him apart. But it wasn't until they got engaged that he fully admitted to himself why. And then he wanted to put his life into Paris, but that didn't work.
It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't known she loved him too, and just wasn't aware of it. It wouldn't have been as bad as even that if he hadn't been aware of the way Trunks and Pan felt for each other and then he hadn't had to watch Marron make such a colossal mistake. But it had all happened and it was over now. And she was about to walk out of his life forever. He just couldn't let her.
She turned around , completely prepared to leave but he put his hand on her shoulder and turned her back to him - facing him. It wasn't going to be that easy. "Marron, give me a reason." He pleaded, not willing to put himself on the line without any assurance.
"Goten, no. I'm leaving and that's the end. I do love you but it just could never-" It was the warmth of his lips as they softly pressed hers that stopped her flow of speech. That was it, the only reason he needed. He just wanted to hear it, just wanted to know for sure.
When he pulled apart the only thing that could be whispered was his only heart's desire. The only thing he'd ever wanted but was scared to dream of. "Can you love me for life?" Was his gentle response, looking intently into her eyes.
"It's the only thing I've been sure of in months." She nodded her confirmation, pleased and confused at once but deciding she'd rather work out the details later. His lips were on hers again and the only thing she wanted to do was get lost in the embrace.
*
All at once, I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that, you're not coming back. And it finally hit me all at once. All at once, I started counting teardrops, and at least a million fell, my eyes began to swell. And all my dreams were shattered all once…
She sighed and pulled her feet up on the bed, a desolate look encumbering her face. Her eyes glanced up at the ceiling and she began making figures out of the intricately designed paint of it as creatively as possible. She was trying to keep her mind from wondering onto the real world but she wasn't being very successful. Her head was spinning and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't shake reality far enough away. Memories flashed through her mind as she continued to try, unsuccessfully, to clear her head.
Haven't you ever wanted to fall in love?
She sat bolt upright and looked around the room, eyes alert, heart pounding fast. Where was he now? She had just heard his voice so plainly. He should be somewhere near by, and yet he was nowhere. She found herself wondering - not for the first time or the last - why he wasn't around. How was this fair? Why had life taken away something so pure and full of energy, full of innocence? She was trying hard no to think about him while at the same time come up with an answer for her questions.
This wasn't fair she resolved. Finally she just let her body relax again, falling leisurely on the bed, eyes closing slowly. His face assaulted her senses the second she relaxed. He was smiling down at her and rubbing her hair - she could still feel his caressing touch, his warm lips, his gentle smile.
Why did these thoughts plague her? Why was he haunting her now, now when all she wanted was to clear her head. She just wanted to sleep, she hadn't slept for three weeks and now she couldn't think of anything she wanted more. But it was always the same, she'd close her eyes for only a few minutes of restless slumber each night. She hadn't been more tired, yet more restless in her life. She hadn't ever wanted sleep so badly that she'd resort to medicine before, but now that's the way she felt. Her dreams weren't getting any better. He was always there. Always smiling at her and telling her to try and have some fun. But she had nothing to be happy or celebrate about. She had nothing. Plain and simple.
She blinked a few times trying to erase his face from her memory. But still he smiled down at her, brown curls falling into his mystical green eyes. Green eyes that haunted her night and day. Why couldn't he go away? She just wanted him to leave her alone. But he was always there…and yet, he would never be there again.
You can't tell me you've never wondered, Pan.
"I told you love only brought pain." She whispered, tears gathering around the corners of her eyes. She blinked them away and rubbed her hands over her face in an exhausted manner. "Now look what it's got you." She refused to cry as she pushed his memory into the far corners of her mind. This was driving her insane. She'd been sitting in her room for days, sulking, dying, pretending she didn't exist. She'd been sitting in this same position, staring at these same figures in her ceiling for what seemed like an eternity.
And now she had nothing left to do, nothing left to clear her mind with. The only thing she'd been able to do was study for classes and now it was the weekend, not to mention they had a break coming up that lasted for three days. So she had no studies to worry about. And she had no one to talk to. She still hadn't called Trunks. And he hadn't called her, and they were avoiding each other like they were the ones who'd just broken up.
She needed out of this house. Out of this hole. Out of the constant conformity of pretending to wake up, staring at the ceiling, pretending to eat, then pretending to go to sleep again only to pretend to 'wake up' the next day - because she'd never gone to sleep the night before. She needed to do something, and she knew what that something was, but she couldn't bring herself to make the journey.
But now she was going insane. And the knowledge of that scared her more than anything else. She really was. She was seeing Gabe at odd places, she was talking to him in her room. In fact, she'd just done it moments ago. She was pretending like he was there to help her with her problems. He was still whispering about her needing to talk to Trunks, still badgering her in her head. And, while she knew he was dead, he was still living in her…someway. That's why she needed out.
And suddenly everything was pouring down on her. She was realizing, for the very first time, that she'd never see him again. She was becoming aware that his smile would never light up her day again. He was gone. Completely gone from her life. Everything was over and she wasn't sure how this was fair. Again, that question found it's way into her mind. And the injustice of the situation made her want to cry all over again. He deserved to live. He deserved to be here more than she did. She had nothing to live for, but he had life itself, carved into the very center of his being.
She wasn't worthy of living and she knew it. And she needed someone to hold her but there was no one. She needed someone to talk to, but the only person she trusted enough to share this with was the one person who wasn't talking to her right now. Dende what she wouldn't do for a friend. Suddenly real voices interrupted her pity party and she became aware of her uncle Goten.
He seemed to be yelling at someone. But it didn't matter what he was saying, for his presence had just re-registered in her mind. He was there. She could talk to him. She always used to talk to him when she was younger. Always laid her burdens on his lap, and somehow he made things right. That is, after her grandpa wasn't….no, thinking of it only made things worse. Since Goku merged with the dragon balls she hadn't allowed herself to think about him for long occasions, and she wasn't about to make an exception now. Especially not now. That would be catastrophic.
She blinked her eyes deeply and stood up, smoothing her clothes and deciding at once. She was going to talk to Goten. And he would make things better. Then she would go where she needed to go and everything would be put behind her. Finally, everything would be dealt with and she wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Then Gabe would go away because all his 'business' would be finished. That is, after she talked to Trunks.
Yes, she would talk to Goten. Then she would go where she needed to go. And then she would talk to Trunks and once all those things were done, she'd be rid of Gabriel because he'd have nothing left for her to do. All ghosts had to have unfinished business to be a ghost…or a spirit…or whatever he was. And once she'd taken care of everything he'd want from her, she wouldn't have to see him anymore. Wouldn't have to talk to him anymore.
Resolved, she moved past her desk and opened her door, breathing in the air outside her room for the first time in what seemed like centuries. She didn't pause, for fear that she would run back into her haven and cower, the way she had been doing for almost a month. Her legs traveled down the stairs, then around them and into the living room. She walked straight through, to the door, to where she heard the voice in the first place. But when she got there what she saw made her want to throw-up and cry all over again.
She couldn't do this. She couldn't deal with this. She couldn't think about it, she'd never seen it. She didn't know. She put her hands to her face, covering her eyes, and fought back the tears. Fought back the anger, the hurt, the betrayal. She didn't know. She didn't see it. She couldn't deal with it. She….she couldn't do it…no matter how hard she was trying to pretend. She couldn't . They were standing right there, kissing in her entry-way. Her uncle and her best friends ex-fiancée. She slowly removed her hands and tried to shut her mouth, but the site made her weak. And the thought of all the consequences to follow made her weaker. Her knees gave way and her body collapsed on the spot, figure crumbling as she took in the site.
This wasn't happening. She couldn't deal with this…
**
She hadn't talked to her uncle for two weeks since the incident. She hadn't even made it clear that she'd seen his fraternizing with Marron. After she regained herself, she had quietly pulled herself off of the floor and crept back through the living room, back up the stairs. It wasn't something she was ready do deal with. Or even think about. And, consequently, her plans had been set back.
She lost the courage to leave her room. Lost the strength to do the one thing she knew she needed to do more than any other. Mainly because the first part of plan 'moving on' had failed horribly. She hadn't been able to talk to Goten, he wasn't able to make things better. He had more problems on his plate than she did on hers. She hadn't known he was interested in Marron at all and she didn't know what was going on. But whatever it was it couldn't have been just an accidental-one-time-thing. It couldn't have been because by simply doing what he did, just that once, he'd risked all trust that Trunks would ever have for him.
And Goten would have to tell Trunks. There was no getting around it or avoiding it of any kind. There was nothing left but the upcoming of the revelation of the honest truth. And that was happening tonight. She was terrified slightly out of her mind and unable to put her feelings into words. But she was completely sure that the rest of her life was over. What hadn't already fallen apart in this past month and one week would soon come crumbling down. Everything would fall right onto her head and bury her before she had the strength to run away from it. Everything would destroy her tonight, when she saw the crushed look on Trunks' face. When she saw him and still couldn't talk to him.
But the immediate problems still existed. She was still seeing Gabriel. He was still telling her that she needed to talk to Trunks, and she was still sitting in her room. It was like she didn't exist anymore, but Gabriel did. It was scary because she was only talking to him these days. She'd left her room only to go to classes, and she'd even missed a few of those. She didn't go down for dinner - her mother left it outside her door - and she didn't eat breakfast or lunch. She was slowly falling apart. Her life was ending, her mind was corroding, and she was ceasing to exist with each day that passed. Could things get any worse?
Probably. And more than likely, they would tonight. Goten had made it pretty clear that he wanted to see everybody tonight. That he had an announcement to make and he didn't want to do it without the presence of everyone. And that mean Pan. Outside of her room, to look him in the eyes after she'd seen him kiss…And it also meant Trunks. And Marron. In the same room during her uncle's 'important announcement'. But most importantly, it meant Marron and Goten in the same room, making an announcement. After what she'd seen, this couldn't be good at all. This could only end in failure. Failure she wasn't ready for yet. Wasn't strong enough for yet.
And that's why she was doing this. She had to get out of her room today or she would rot in it. She would spoil until she was no longer the same person she was, molding and melding until her body was contorted and her mental was destroyed. She wasn't going to be that person, she wasn't going to let herself fall apart, to shatter, before her very eyes. Not if she could do anything about it. And she could. She knew what it was and she was going to do it. Today, right now, before the rest of her life was over.
She slipped her feet into the shoes that were below her and gave herself a once-over in the mirror. Her hair was in a nice bun, though some of the long strands were falling out and lining her face, and her face was simply plain. There was a hint of chap-stick on her lips, but barely noticeable. Her clothes were a nice, plain blouse and black pants that made her look put together, yet almost as if she wasn't ready to be dressed. She had spent more time picking out this outfit than any other in her life. And it was important for what she was going to do - she didn't want the woman she was going to visit to get the wrong idea.
Finally, she pressed her hand to the cool metal of her door and stepped out, this time she wouldn't be turning back. Turning back had gotten her nothing.
*
By the time she got there she wasn't sure if she wanted to do it anymore. What possible excuse could she have for going to see this lady? What was she going to say? How could she express her sorrow for a woman who'd lost her husband in a divorce a little more than half a year before she lost her son to death? Did she even have any right to be at this door?
"Well, Gabe, you tell me what I should do. It's your mother after all." She looked up, and then to both her sides, as if expecting him to appear, and waited for an answer. None came, other than her bold hand reaching out and pressing the doorbell on it's own, and she furrowed her brow thinking she had gotten her answer in the movement. There was nothing she could but wait now, she couldn't very well run away from the grieving woman's porch like that.
So that's what she did. Waited. She tapped her foot against the stone pavement that was under her and looked around, standing in awkward silence, some place she wasn't sure she was supposed to be, for what seemed like an eternity. But what couldn't have been a minute even. Finally, the door flung open and bedraggled woman stood before her, eyes puffy and red, brown hair messy and un-brushed. Pan had only ever seen Ms. Henson look like this once before in her entire life. And that was the night she'd come over to surrender herself to Gabe. The night they kissed in the rain. Of course, that night she had interrupted the woman's sleep, and this time the bags that rested under her eyes were deeper and more noticeable. This time her eyes looked tired of crying, not just tired. This time she held a vacant, dead look.
But the look disappeared the second she realized who was standing before her. A small smile, which looked as though it were painful to form, slid across the woman's face as she stuck her arms out. She pulled Pan tightly into her embrace, crying softly onto her shoulder the instant their flesh met.
Pan was suddenly flustered and very unsure of what to do, so she did the only thing she could think of and pulled Ms. Henson tighter into her. She rubbed her hands along the woman's hair, not having much experience in the comforting area, and looked beyond her spot right outside the house sort of nervously. Finally, Ms. Henson let her go and wiped her eyes, looking at her as if she were the sun and this woman had never seen such a mysterious thing before. But still, the distant half smile were there so Pan didn't feel as awkward.
"I'm so glad you came." Ms. Henson's voice came out rusty, as though she hadn't used it in a long time. "I've been meaning to stop by and see you, but I hadn't the time, lovie." Pan breathed a sigh as Ms. Henson stepped aside, letting her into the house.
"Don't worry yourself with that, please. I just wanted to see if you were holding up. I would have been by earlier but…I couldn't….I couldn't…." She couldn't finish her sentence, her eyes had began to trail the floor, studying the pattern of the tiles as she talked to the air below her.
"It's quite alright." Ms. Henson responded quickly, placing a comforting hand on her back and guiding her farther into the house. "I think we all feel that way. Would you like to have some tea with me? I won't ask you for dinner, I know how young life can be, but please, humor an old soul?"
"Oh, I would have gladly stayed for dinner, but you see, tonight is the first I'll have been out of my room and my father requested I spend it with him." She chose to leave out the details about Goten's need for a meeting, the woman didn't know much of her family and she wouldn't have understood it. "However, I'd love to stay for tea. And…perhaps a talk, if you're feeling up to it?" She was tentative about the last part, not really sure how Ms. Henson was feeling about company.
"I would love a chat, deary." The woman nodded, leading Pan into the kitchen.
*
Pan nodded to the woman, standing up and smiling in a polite way. "I had a wonderful talk with you, Ms. Henson. I really appreciate you humoring me." Strangely, she didn't feel like she was going through the motions when she was with this woman. And, strangely, she didn't feel like the words that had just run off her tongue were lies. She had honestly had a good time, it was a relief to be out of the confines of her room. Ms. Henson stood up as well, shaking her head at the girl as if to say 'no problem'.
"Just promise me one thing," The woman asked Pan, looking pleadingly into her eyes.
"Anything, miss."
"Well, in that case, two." She smiled wearily as Pan nodded, running her hands through her brown strands of hair. "First, that you'll call me mom, because I'm sure that was Gabriel's intention with you." Pan smiled and let a small laugh flow from her lips. It was a sad sound that echoed through the house and made both the women shiver.
"Alright, mom it is." She spoke softly, nodding in confirmation. "What else?"
"Promise me you won't let me die all alone in this place." The atmosphere dropped around Pan as she looked into the soft green eyes of this woman, eyes that matched her son's so well. She was nodding before she had the time to grasp the full gravity of what the woman was saying. "Say it, Pan, dear. Say you'll come by and see me now and then. Have some children and bring them by, tell me about your life. I lost my only child already, I don't have any other family. I don't know if you know," She started, just as Pan was about to ask about Toby. "But my sister and I aren't on speaking terms. Something happened a long time ago, when we were just foolish children, and we've never forgiven each other for it. Toby rarely stops by and when he does it's always strained and he has to rush away. Besides, I've always preferred women company to men."
She paused again, giving a sad smile and wondering if she was talking too much. But Pan was listening intently so she kept going. "I never had a daughter, but I always wanted one. And when Gabe would come home and rave about you, I just knew you were his one. And then they found this on him…you know, that day…And it only confirmed my suspicions. So, all I'm asking is that you humor me. Let me pretend for a while." She had pulled something out of her purse and placed it on the table, sliding it across to Pan.
The young girl looked down at it and her heart stopped, her face blanched. It wasn't what she thought it was, was it? It couldn't be. She lifted a few trembling fingers to touch the box idly, while eyeing Ms. Henson out of the corner of her eye. "Is this…?" She finally managed to say, drawing in a shaky breath and catching the wind in her throat. She coughed to clear the blockage and lifted her eyes up to the elder woman. "Is it…?"
"Open it." Was her gentle reply, as she nodded, eyes twinkling for her own reasons. Pan shut her eyes and swallowed hard, combating the tears again. Now she was aware of everything she'd lost, more than she had been before. Suddenly, it was hitting her again. That 'all at once' feeling she'd come to hate so much. She just wanted to die. Her hands reached out and grabbed the box, knowing it was a ring box, and pushed it open. Sure enough, sitting right in the center, was nothing less than an engagement ring. A simple band with a nice diamond in the middle. It looked expensive, but tastefully so.
"He was coming to ask me to…" She couldn't finish, couldn't think it, the thought was so horrible. He'd died because of her. She wished she could go back in time. She would have, she would have married him right then if he had asked. She wouldn't have thought twice.
Or maybe she was just feeling this way now because she knew she never could. Maybe she was only thinking she would have married him at this very moment, because she was painfully aware that the opportunity would never arise again. And it had always been like her to want what she couldn't have. To crave what she could never touch. Why was she so damn impossible?
"I know you said you had to leave, dear. But I just have to run upstairs and get something for you real quick. Could you wait a few minutes while I find it?" Ms. Henson's voice brought her back the present. Could she wait? If she waited any longer she would be late for Goten's meeting for sure. But it didn't matter.
"Yes." She finally answered, never taking her eyes off the ring that was sitting comfortably in that box, taunting her.
Ms. Henson smiled and nodded, heading out of the kitchen and out of Pan's sight. It was a few minutes, indeed, before she came back, and Pan was still in her trance - though she had closed the ring box by that time. The older woman was carrying another box in her hand, it was rectangular and metal, with fancy designs carved into it. Pan looked up at it curiously, wondering what it could be filled with.
"Here." Ms. Henson said, placing the box in front of Pan. It made a loud sound, as if it were heavy, when it hit the old oak table. Pan tilted her head and looked at it, not asking anything, just sitting there numbly.
"I think he would want you to have it." Ms. Henson informed her. "Now, I'm not rushing you, but I do think your father will be angry with me if I keep you away from him any longer. So, will you come back one day?"
"I promise I will." Pan told her, nodding as she stood up. She hugged the woman and gathered her things, saying good-bye and smiling as nicely as she could. Though her mind was pounding and she was suddenly very unsure of everything that was going on. So, back to the house she would go. Where things would inevitably be screwed up some more.
A/N: So, I know, this chapter was booring. I thought it was boooring to write. But sometimes you have to get through the bad to get to the better. Come back next chapter and it's sure to be 'interesting' ^.~ I mean, Pan's going to see Trunks after like, more than a month? Some blow up scenes, some life changing decisions, some mistakes, and consequences sure to follow, I promise. Oh, it's going to be fun! -evil laughter- The climax of my story, and you thought I was there already, didn't cha?
So, I guess it's time I do this again. I actually like this part though…Anywho, my thanks and appreciation go to:
Hanamaru285, bella, anonymous, Pia Bartolini, Jezika, Kaji Hikage- sorry I made you cry, Dragon Priestess, Deidra, sugar, KoreanChick, mystic, Luna-C - sorry I made you cry too, DBZChicky501, Rika-chan, bec126, a fan, dolphin, Reneex, dragon agility, black diamonds, DBprincess116, Yokiko Pan, Camille, MiraiGurl, Lollygurl22, and Ketty, V-chan, Eneri, nz gecko, Jezika, pannygurly, Aeris Deathscythe, dbz obsessed, T, qui, Trunxgurl, Rose, LoNeLy*PaN, Krazy-Carla, Matchmaker 88, john, Houriko- thank you so much! ^-^, Cheeze Weazel, ~*vintageskater*~, chibigoten124/SSJ3MysticPan
Gecko- Well, you see, I just imagine Trunks as emotional, but only to a point. Kind of like a drama-queen. (-winces when she says that and hopes not to be smacked-) I love Trunks, but I think, with Bulma as his mother, how could he not be? So, I know he cried a lot and all, and he'll cry again in the next chapter, but then he'll suck it up. We all love Trunks but he can be a girl sometimes. Anywho, I'm glad you liked the chapter and sorry I didn't warn about the tissues.
Morgause Nokami- I love Gabe, he's still alive in my head. I love him, love him. I'm sorry 'bout that.
Juunanagou4ever- Trunks 'loved' Marron. He's still 'in love' with Marron. (can you hear the sarcasm?) Trunks would never do anything to hurt Pan, had no idea she was in love with him. (still, the sarcasm) He's sorry that she could never be more than a friend to him, and next chapter he will express that sorrow (after you read next chapter you will understand that sarcasm). Anyway, you'll find that me working myself out of impossible situations is my most favorite thing to do in writing. And I'd been planning Gabe's death since day one of this plot. I know she should be afraid of love now, that's part of what adds to it. I love that element the most, and it makes everything else make since. Keep that in mind for later on.
Dark Anjel- your reviews are not pointless, I love reading them. But if you only want to leave a (.) from now on I'm not complaining. As long as I know you're still reading. ^-^
Incoherence- don't worry about it. The most frequently asked question was 'you killed gabe!?' so, everything's good. I didn't put 'again' because it was just more emotional for me to simply put 'he never opened them'. I don't know, there was something more final about that to me. -shrug- I'm glad you enjoyed reading though.
Dbzfan550- You weren't pestering. I like to know people are interested, I didn't mind, really.
Pia Bartolini/ nz gecko- About FK. I'm going to write the sequel. I have to get myself past the first page, and then I'm going to write it. I promise! I'm not going to just leave it like that, and it will be done sometime during this fic or right after. I promise!
ShadowWind- I loved your review. Thank you so much.
YunaAngelofHell- There's no such thing as reviewing too late.
A/N 2: All right, if I put anyone more than once or left anyone off, it was purely an accident or I was too lazy to erase their name from one pile because they were in another. I'm sorry. Just one more thing and then I'm gone, I swear. I just wanted to thank you guys tremendously for reviewing my works. I love it so much when I come home and I have a review in my e-mail. It makes my life, that and when the fan fictions I read update. I love to know what you think, even if it's not positive, so I can know how you're feeling and how I can improve next time. Summing that up: Thank you for your reviews and please keep them coming. ^-^