Series: Snapshots of the Past
Story: The London Years
Chapter 13
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Previously: Lila broke the news to Abbey that Jed's job opportunity would require a three-year commitment; Jed dealt with Abbey's wrath
Summary: Jed tries to reach out to Abbey
- - -
Present day - July 1970
Lila sat silently and listened to the hurt in Abbey's voice. She had heard that same tone before - from Jed. "I didn't know that I was the one who spilled the beans."
"It's not your fault. The truth is that isn't where all the trouble started. I had been feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated for months before. And it wasn't just this that caused our blow-up at the party tonight. It's just that finding out that he kept something so important from me began a chapter of mistrust and miscommunication in our lives. I started to wonder if being married was really what I wanted. Don't get me wrong, I love Jed. With all my heart, I love him. But I began to wonder if he was the same man I married…the one who looked me in the eye back in New England and told me that after four years, we'd return so that he could support my dreams. That man was selfless and sensitive. He was honest. This man…I was mad at him for not telling me and I was also mad at myself for not knowing. But no matter what, there was something inside of me that convinced me that despite what happened, he really did love me. And I never stopped loving him, Lila. Never."
- - -
Early December 1969
Jed stood in the hall and looked on as Abbey carried Elizabeth towards the Christmas Tree. Liz's face beamed with excitement each time she reached out her hands to grab the multicolored lights, even though they weren't lit. Abbey held her back, letting out a few laughs at her daughter's tenacity.
He didn't want to interrupt the sweet moment, especially since he hadn't seen Abbey in such a good mood since her conversation with Lila days earlier. Abbey hadn't moved back into their bedroom. One night, she slept on the sofa. Two other nights, she took the bed in Liz's room. She avoided private conversations with him and though she was civil to him, he knew she was merely restraining her temper in the presence of their young daughter.
So he watched silently as she put Liz on her feet and took her hand to lead her into the kitchen. Liz kicked her legs and began to whine when her mother strapped her in to her high chair, but Abbey lovingly reasoned with her and calmed her mood by handing her a sippy cup filled to the rim with juice.
Jed took in the sight before making his move. Finally, he greeted the toddler with a kiss to her face. "Good morning, Sweetheart."
"Daddy!" Liz enthusiastically declared, bringing a smile to Jed's face.
"Yes, Daddy's up now." He gingerly approached Abbey, who was handling a skillet on the stove. "Can I help?"
"Everything's already cooked. Have a seat."
After a quick glance at what she was cooking, Jed sat down next to Liz. "Your Mom makes the very best French Toast."
"Thank you," she replied as she set a plate in front of him.
His eyes followed her to the other side of the table. "Aren't you going to eat?"
"I'm not hungry."
"Not hungry or just desperate to avoid sharing a meal with me?"
"If that were the case, I wouldn't have had dinner with you last night." Abbey uncomfortably turned to Liz, a few awkward minutes passing before she spoke again. "Can you watch Lizzie tonight? I want to do some Christmas shopping."
"Of course. I'll be home at 6." After mentally debating the pros and cons of reaching out to her, knowing it might lead to yet another disagreement, he decided to risk it. "Can we talk when you get back?" She didn't answer. "I miss you, Abbey."
His sincere words warmed her heart and he noticed the little twitch in her neck that gave him a glimmer of hope, a sign, perhaps, that she missed him too.
"Yeah," she said softly.
That evening, Abbey waited eagerly for his return, gazing at the clock every few minutes once the little hand struck six. But as the seconds continued ticking by and he hadn't arrived, her frustration strengthened the anger she was already feeling.
"What do you think you're doing?" she asked a startled Liz who was closely admiring the Christmas tree.
Liz faced the discouraging look her mother was shooting across the room and eventually broke the silence that followed with a giggle. Abbey offered up a soft laugh in response and gently took her hand.
"Come over here and help Mommy, you little sneak."
She sat Liz on the kitchen counter and handed her a rattle to keep her distracted. Despite several verbal warnings from Abbey, Liz inched herself closer to the edge. Abbey caught the toddler just before she launched herself off the counter. It was obvious from the tone of her irritated voice, she was in no mood for games.
"Are you going to do everything I tell you not to today?" Liz turned her stare to the floor with quivering lips that melted Abbey's heart. She kneeled down, cupped her daughter's chin, and lifted her head up. "You need to listen to me, okay, Sweetie?"
With a kiss to Liz's cheek, she sat her down on the carpet and surrounded her with her favorite toys. When the door sprang open, Liz scrambled to her feet, her face beaming with joy at the image of her father coming home.
"Hey," he called out to Abbey as he greeted Liz.
"It's 8:00," she replied.
"I know. I tried to call twice."
"Really? I was here all day."
Jed cringed at her tone, but struggled not to respond in kind. "I tried to call, Abbey. If I had more time, I would have tried harder. The line was busy." His eyes fell to the detached phone laying on the sofa. "This could be why."
Abbey lowered her head and nodded. "Sorry. Lizzie must have been playing with it while I was cooking dinner." Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Liz approaching the tree once again. "Get away from the tree." She was a bit more forceful this time and Liz backed away slowly.
"Is she still doing that?"
"Yes and I thought you were going to get a fence or something to put around it."
"Yeah. I forgot."
"Of course you did."
He took a deep breath, but it didn't calm his own hostility. "Look, as much as I've been enjoying these daily tongue lashings, I'm wondering if we can postpone this one? I'm exhausted."
As her face flashed towards her husband, she caught her daughter grabbing onto the string of Christmas lights and rushed to stop her. "Elizabeth, I told you to stay away from the tree!" she yelled, tapping her on the back of her hand and pulling her fingers away.
"Abbey! She's a baby!" Jed shouted as he ran to his daughter and picked her up when tears began to pool in her eyes.
"I told her countless times.".
"She doesn't understand."
"She understands the word no."
Liz buried her head in Jed's shoulder as he soothingly patted her on the back. "Shhh, it's okay, Angel. Mommy didn't mean to hit you,"
"I didn't hit her!" Abbey immediately refuted the claim. "I pulled her hand away."
"You hit her hand. And we agreed that you and I would not hit our kids."
"I tapped her hand - very lightly - to get her away from the tree. Don't make it sound like I beat her."
"I'm just saying there are other ways to discipline children."
She folded her arms in front of her and bit down on her lower lip. "You know what, Jed, for someone who's barely home, I find it incredible that you can walk in here and be so judgmental."
"I'm not judging you."
"Yes, you are. I wasn't disciplining her. I reacted to prevent her from pinning herself under the tree, something she almost did last year, by the way, and something that wouldn't have happened if you had put up the fence like you were supposed to."
"That isn't a reason to hit her."
Visibly upset by the accusation, Abbey paused to catch her breath. "I didn't hurt her."
Jed's concentration was fully devoted to the crying baby in his arms when he made his hasty reply. "That's exactly how my father used to rationalize it!" He swung his head back, realizing the words that just came out of his mouth.
"Your father?"
"That's not what I meant," he said with a firm grip to her wrists to stop her from turning away. Abbey pushed him aside and left the room. "Abbey, I didn't mean it!"
His voice was silenced by the loud sound of yet another slamming door. He held Liz tighter as her cries became louder and followed his wife into the nursery.
"I didn't mean that," he insisted. "You know I didn't mean it."
"Let's not do this in front of her." She ran a comforting hand over Liz's face.
Jed nodded agreeably and handed her the baby. "Fine. I need some air."
The powerful sound of the front door closing resonated through the apartment, slightly jolting Abbey.
When he returned that night, Jed walked back into the nursery. He stood in the doorway and spied on Abbey rocking their daughter to sleep. Holding on to a stuffed animal with her fingertips, Lizzie rested her tiny head on her mother's shoulder.
Abbey cautiously stood up and walked over to the crib. Jed held his breath in hopes of suppressing any intruding sound when he saw her pick up Liz's hand and place a tender kiss on the back before gently placing her in the crib and covering her with a blanket.
"That was precious," he whispered.
Abbey turned around quickly, surprised to see him standing there. "I thought you were out."
"Yeah, I just got back. I bought a fence for the tree. I'll put it up tonight."
"Thank you."
"What is that?" he asked, referring to the teddy bear Liz was cradling in her arms.
Abbey placed her finger on her lips and signaled him to follow her out of the room. "I just spent an hour trying to get her to fall asleep. Let's not wake her."
Jed nodded. "Okay. What's with the teddy bear?"
"I picked it up for her a few days ago. I was going to wait until Christmas, but decided to give it to her tonight instead."
"Why?" he asked.
"When you squeeze his hand, the Christmas tree on his bib lights up. I hope it'll take her mind off the real tree."
Jed offered an approving smile at the loving present. "I have something to tell you."
"What?"
"I just want you to know that not a day goes by that I don't thank God you're Elizabeth's mother."
"Is that why you compared me to your father?"
"No, I didn't. I know how it came across, but I was angry. It slipped out without me even realizing what I was saying. I could never compare you to him."
The fact that she, too, was guilty of blurting things out went a long way in persuading her to give him a break. "Okay. You did have one valid point. I was mad at her. I yelled at her. I scared her. And I didn't mean to. I do regret that. I just wanted her away from that damn tree."
"I know. You did what you had to do to keep her from getting hurt. I wish I could go back in time and erase what I said from your memory."
"Let's just forget it."
"I don't want to forget it because it's just one more thing that's going to drive a wedge between us." He picked up her hand and silently said a short prayer that she wouldn't pull away. "Will you come back to our room? Please?" The look of hesitation on her face didn't deter him. "Can we at least talk?"
"Yeah."
He felt a small sense of relief that she was finally willing to put her stubborn pride aside and listen to him. "There are so many people up for this job. If I get it...can't we just cross that bridge when we come to it?"
"Jed, you don't understand. If you had just come to me and told me the truth, we could have talked about it. Instead, you made a decision that affects all three of our lives without so much as a word."
"I didn't know how to tell you. I knew I was being selfish and it was hard to admit that, but, Abbey, this job is going to open so many possibilities for me. It could lead to so many opportunities."
"Here."
"Yeah. But if not here, anywhere. It would build up my resume. It could help no matter where we end up."
"And what about me? What am I supposed to be doing for the additional two years?"
"You could go back to work, or go to school here, or you could stay home with Lizzie if you want. We'll figure it out."
"You know I adore that little girl and I love being her mother, but I was also looking forward to med school."
"They have med schools here. We'll do some research and pick out the best one. With your undergrad record and MCAT scores, I'm sure you'll get in."
"The MCAT is only good for AMERICAN schools, Jed!"
"Then we'll find out what the British schools need and we'll do it. Whatever it takes to get you in, Abbey."
She shook her head. "No."
"No what?"
"No! That was not our deal! I wanted to go to Harvard. Ever since high school, it's been my dream to go to medical school at Harvard. I even went to a school that offered me a scholarship for undergrad just so I could afford to go to grad school at Harvard. You knew that."
"You're right, I did know that. But I didn't know it was this important. I assumed that med school is med school."
"Get out of my way." She skirted past him.
He followed. "You won't support me on this?"
"I've always supported you."
"Until now." The words were harsh, likely provoking a rebuttal.
"That isn't fair. You know why I'm against this."
"What isn't fair is that you won't even consider continuing your education here, in London. You could find a school you love just as much or more than Harvard, but you won't even give it a try." He reached for her hand, but she refused him. "Abbey, just see what's available. After you look around, read some brochures, take a few tours, if you still don't like the schools here, then we'll go back."
"The deal was that once you got your degree, we'd go home."
He stared at her with eyes of steel, but quickly realized they were at an impasse. "Fine. You win. If I get the job, I'll turn it down." He threw his hands up in the air and turned sharply to walk into their bedroom.
"Jed!" She called after him unsuccessfully.
It only took him a few minutes to come bellowing back out. "Abbey!" He yelled as he reentered the living room. "Did you think you were being cute?"
"Excuse me?"
He held up his pack of cigarettes, turning it upside down and letting the tiny pieces spill onto the couch. "They've all been cut to the filter. You ruined a perfectly good pack of cigarettes."
"You shouldn't be smoking. You're putting poison in your body."
"You're not my mother. What I put in my body is none of your business."
He threw the empty package down on the floor and retreated back into the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, twisting his body in a vain effort to stretch out the tension. His head snapped towards the door when Abbey came barreling in.
"Let's get something straight, Jackass! I wish you would quit. They're bad for you. They could KILL you! So yeah, I did cut them. Not because I'm your mother..." she trailed off and took a breath to calm herself, "...but because I love you."
Those three words still moved him like no other. When she spoke them, it sent a warm sensation throughout his body and suddenly, all that mattered was making up with her. "I'm sorry."
She lowered her head in a silent acceptance of his apology. He noticed the pillow she was carrying under her arm. He pulled back the covers on her side of the bed and reached out a hand to her. Once again, she shrugged off the gesture and walked slowly towards the bed.
"If you get the job, we'll talk. No promises," she said softly. She slid her fully dressed body under the blanket and laid back.
He hovered over her shoulder and whispered into her ear. "I was wrong to keep you in the dark about this. I was wrong to mislead you."
The words he offered were comforting, but not enough to make her respond. She pulled the blanket up to her neck and tightened her grip around the soft fabric. He watched her close her eyes and took a long breath before stretching out on his side of the bed.
TBC