Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. The italics at the end belong to Kelly Clarkson and everyone who collaborated in The Trouble with Love is. The poetry a few chapters ago was mine though, steal and I'll murder you…-shifty look, runs from FBI-
A/N: Okay, a few things to say that are kind of important: 1) you weren't supposed to get the line where Trunks goes 'Maybe she-' and you wouldn't find the answer in the previous chapter either. That was one of those things only I was supposed to know. ^_^ and 2) this is the important one. Treat this chapter as if it were the very first. -tries to explain before your head spins out of whack- The other…12...-coughcough- chapters before this were nothing but background information. -cowers- I couldn't help not telling you that in the beginning, I mean how would you have reacted if I'd have told you that you'd have to read 119 pages of preface before you got to the real story? Yeah, that's what I thought. So now you're hooked and you have to read the rest because you want to know so badly what's going to happen…right? No? Well humor me anyway and try not to get too upset. On a brighter note, the only people involved in this chapter are Trunks and Pan. ^_^
That's a good question
"What's wrong?" He questioned dully, not bothering to turn his head as he asked.
"What makes you think there's something wrong?" She challenged in much the same manner, her own eyes not leaving the television screen.
"You've been sitting over there for an hour - you haven't said anything to me." He responded, turning his head slightly so that he could see her profile. "And you just answered my question with a question. So tell me what's wrong." She let a heavy sigh fall from her throat as she steered her eyes to meet his, a chilling expression on her face.
"I've just been thinking, that's all." She sat back, pushing her body into the chair to get comfortable. In turn, Trunks laid down on the sofa, turning so that he could see her and the television at once. He lifted his head and folded his elbow under it, getting comfortable himself.
"What were you thinking about?" He smiled, though distantly, because she was sitting halfway across the room and he wanted her closer to him. She had to know that he hadn't actually planned for the house tour to end in the bedroom - that was just the last room in the house. He'd told her that when they got there, she laughed pleasantly and shook her head at him. But they were back in the living room now, so everything was okay.
"Everything." She shrugged and met her eyes with his, letting a small smile fill her face. "Everything." She repeated it with more emphasis so that he would know she didn't mean 'anything' but everything.
"Ah." He let his eyes drift closed and open again lazily before nodding and patting the space next to his body. "Come here."
She smiled slowly, looking up at him to see if he knew how many ways his statement could be misconstrued. His eyes twinkled in a way that said he did and she rolled her own at him, smirking and getting up. "You know, Mr. Briefs, I'm beginning to think you did invite me here to tour you room." Laughter was caught in her voice and it made him smile but he didn't offer any objection this time, only a shrug.
"Who told you of my evil plan to takeover the world, one woman at a time?" She shook her head at him and sat down on the small space, smiling down at his face in an unreadable way.
"You're no good playing the villain, I like you better as my knight." He poked his lip out in a complaining sort of way and she had the strangest urge to make her lips meet his in a kiss. But she didn't, only smiled again and scooted up a little more on the chair. He frowned and moved the arm that was under his head, letting it snake around her waist and pulled her closer to him.
"Lay with me." He pleaded, giving her sad eyes and another childish pout that she couldn't imagine any woman refusing. He situated on his side so that she'd have room and waited expectantly.
"Why do I feel like Eve right now?" She joked, moving her body so that she could lay on the sofa as well, close to him but not too close.
"I don't know, why do you?" He mocked, pulling her the rest of the way to him, wrapping his arms around her body. Their bodies were too close, she easily noted. Her chest was slightly pressed to his, her legs brushing his legs, and his arms were around her. She could feel his breathing on her nose and she buried her head into his neck to avoid the feeling of tingles that it gave her.
"Because we shouldn't be doing this." Came her muffled reply, teasing his neck with her warm breath. He shook away from her a little, closing his eyes slowly.
"No?" Was his only reply, as if he found nothing wrong with how close they were.
"Does this have something to do with Marron?" She tried not to sound accusing as she let her head rest on the chair next to where his shoulder was.
"What does Marron have to do with anything?" His eyes were still closed and she didn't feel his body tense the way it should have if he knew what she meant by her question. He was genuinely confused then. Maybe she was just reading too much into this situation and they weren't too close at all. Maybe he could lay here with her and not feel the same tingles she did - could honestly hold her and not want to jump her. Maybe it was just her, it wasn't like he was attracted to her anyways. She could be imagining this whole thing.
"Marron has nothing to do with your sudden need to be held?" She tied again, keeping herself out of murky water the best she could.
"My need to be held? Hmm, I guess, since you were just sitting over there all cute and thinking, I'd rather you be cute over here." She could feel the shrug, though she couldn't see it, and she wondered if he could feel her blush. There was no teasing in his voice, nor had he taken the tone of one who was flirting. She didn't know how to interpret his words, other than complete honesty - and she knew him well enough to know when he was lying. So this had nothing to do with Marron…
"That's it. You just wanted me to think over here instead of over there?" She questioned, still suspicious of his action and completely confused.
"Yeah, that and I wanted you to share. What kind of everything is occupying your mind these days?" She smiled and he could feel it on his skin as her breath exhaled, it made him smile too.
"Well, just a few minutes ago I was thinking about Goten." She started to explain, getting lost in her own world.
"Were you? And here I was thinking you were thinking about me." He tried to sound hurt but she wasn't buying it and she paid him no mind, rolling her eyes and continuing on with her explanation.
"I mean, he's a married man now. And less than six months ago he was the last one anyone thought would be married first. We all thought Bra would be the one."
"No, we all thought you would be the one, we just didn't have the guts to tell you that, missy." He could feel her tense in shock and in seconds her head was coming up to look at him. He couldn't help but laugh at the baffled expression on her face.
"What?" Was the only thing that she could find to say as she stared at him. He laughed softly at her, causing both their bodies to shake in his hold.
"We've always thought you'd be the first one to get married because you were always the one that wouldn't settle down." He was still laughing as he explained it.
"That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard, Trunks." Pan challenged, her body still tense as if she were upset. He tried to smuggle his laughter but it was too hard so he let it drift out in one big swoop before stopping.
"Why is it stupid?" He asked, still hiding a bit of amusement in his voice. He didn't wait for her to answer, knowing full well what she meant, and instead swept back into an old conversation. "Never mind, I think I interrupted your story. My apologies"
"Yeah, you did. And it wasn't a story - you asked me a question I was only trying to answer it."
"Forgive me then." He laughed, placing a kiss on the top of her head. He could hear her 'humph' and it only made him smile brighter.
"As I was saying," She emphasized the words so that he would know she thought he was rude. "I was thinking about how his life is going to change now. And I was wondering…Do you think he'll be happy with her?" He sighed and began to run a finger slowly across her back, making aimless patterns across the T-shirt she'd changed into.
"I know he will." He finally answered, after breathing in her hair for a few moments. She didn't seem to be satisfied with that because he never felt her body relax and after a few more moments he sighed heavily again. "Listen, do you think that I would have let them get married if I thought she was going to hurt him? Much less, do you think I would have been there?"
"I don't know, Trunks. It's like Marron has some kind of spell on you. On everyone. I've always felt like the world revolved around her," She cut off when she felt his body rise in unnatural ways and she could hear the chuckles he was trying to cover up. "What the hell is funny? I'm trying to have a heart to heart with you and you're laughing at me? You've got some nerve-"
"Pan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way…" He couldn't hold the laughter back anymore and he had to pause to get it all out.
"Listen," He started again, when he was ready to talk. "Marron makes everyone feel that way. She's one of those people that require attention - she needs to live off of it. But it's okay, we all know that, but it's part of why we love her,"
"And you're still in love with her, aren't you?" He didn't say anything; for a fleeting moment she thought he wouldn't answer and then,
"Some days I think I do." He smiled fondly, looking up at the ceiling as if it had the secrets of the world written on it.
"And others?"
"And other days I wonder if I ever did." He shrugged and she looked up at him, seeing the glossed over distant look in his eyes and knowing that this was one of the days he thought he did.
"Why?" This came out before she could stop it and she almost rolled her eyes at herself. She figured she'd better elaborate before he got confused, "I mean, why do you think you love her some days and then wonder during the others?"
"I don't know." He responded quickly, honesty in his voice. "I guess…sometimes the loneliness gets the best of me and I wish she was here. Some days I hate the sound of silence and I remember how she used to take it away from me."
The thought made Pan angrier than she had been about Goten and Marron. It made her upset because she didn't want to think of Trunks in pain, and not just the heartsick pain that could be gotten past, but the kind that she'd been feeling. Pain that had been driving her crazy and keeping her up at night. The ache to feel somebody there, because she needed to be held or she didn't want to hear the rain as her only form of company.
It made her upset because she lived in a world in which Trunks was never hurt or unhappy - and if he was it was because of her. It almost sounded sick to think of it that way, but she wanted to be his only drama, wanted to be his only reason to smile and to cry, wanted to be why he stayed up at night. And she had thought she'd gotten past that but laying in his arms this way proved her wrong. At this very moment they were being closer than they'd ever been before, and not just physically.
Because he'd never honestly talked to her about his relationships before. Just his general feelings or the general things that were going on. He was seeing so-and-so anymore because she was boring, or she was using him, or she was too talkative. He and Marron were arguing and he was tired. Anything that couldn't be read into too much. But never had they shared so completely. So uninhibitedly. And it opened up doors for her that she didn't know existed.
It made her think things that she knew she shouldn't be thinking. She and Trunks would never be close enough for anything to develop. They would never be anything more than friends. And she hadn't had to remind herself that in months. Knowing that she had to now scared her, made her stiffen more, and she wanted out of his arms. She wanted this conversation to be over, she wanted to shut down and run away from him. But she couldn't do that, she promised herself she wouldn't. She would never leave him - it was just that sometimes he was so much more than she could handle. Sometimes he sucked more life out of her than she could give. And she wanted to disappear from his life.
Sometimes she wanted to fade into nothingness and leave him all alone. But she wanted him to be sad because she left him all alone, not because Marron had. If he had to be sad, that is, because a bigger part of her didn't want him to be sad at all. The majority of her hated thinking that he was incomplete without some other girl. Hated wishing he'd feel better and find someone new, because that meant that he wouldn't be laying here with her - spilling his heart out to her. Holding her in his arms.
"You don't ever have to be alone, Trunks." She told him softly, after letting her thoughts dance around her for a time. He nodded his head and smirked, looking down at her and running his hands up and down her back in a soothing way.
"I know that now, Pan." There was something about the way he said it that made her shiver. Sent a chill of confusion through her body. Because again she got the eerie feeling that he was saying so much more than she heard, the way she had a month ago when he said he loved her. Right before something disastrous happened…
"So today, do you love her?" She asked though her mind was screaming that she didn't want to know the answer. Her mind was kicking her and telling her not to snoop so much but she wouldn't listen. There was a curious part of her that just had to hear him say it.
"I'm not sure. I saw her smile today, looking beautiful in all white, and dancing with him. I don't know if my system knows how to take that. My head keeps whispering that it was supposed to be me and I feel kind of sad. So right off, when you ask that question, my immediate response is yes." Pan opened her mouth because she wanted to say something but she had a feeling that he wasn't finished so she didn't move. She didn't let the words come out of her mouth, only closed it again.
"Yes I do love her. But then, I'm laying here with you. And I'm not thinking, do I miss her? And I'm not wondering if I made a huge mistake somewhere in our relationship. And I'm not trying to pick out what I should have changed to get her to love me more than him. I'm only…here. With you. And I'm not so sure if I love her anymore."
Her heart sped up about ten times faster than it was going and she could feel her palms turn moist. Again, she was left with the dumbfounded feeling as to how she should take the news. Again she was left thinking that she'd misinterpreted something or she hadn't understood a meaning - at the same time, feeling like she'd heard less than he'd said. Now she was speechless, and for some strange reason, a part of her wanted to cry. And a part of her wanted to kiss him.
"I think…" She searched for the words that would do justice to her feelings at the moment. "I think that was the sweetest thing that's ever been said to me." She could feel the way his body moved next to hers and she knew, without looking, that he was laughing again.
"That can't be true, Pan." And the way he said it made her feel like his words weren't meant to be taken the way she took them.
"And why not?" She challenged, a little upset because he had her right back on that emotional Rolla coaster - the one she thought she'd graduated from and was now too tall to ride.
"Because you're too beautiful for that to have been the nicest thing. I've heard Goten tell sweeter things to the mail lady, for dende's sake."
"Trunks," She was sure he could hear the offense in her voice and she didn't like that it was so plainly distributed. "I'm trying to give you a compliment here. It was the sweetest thing I've ever had said to me - because you said it." She could have gone on, her anger would have allowed it, but her pride would not. Her cheeks were burning and suddenly she felt very foolish, as if she were a teenager again, standing in front of the boy she had a crush on and trying to hold a conversation. Why could he do this to her?
"Sweetheart, if that's the nicest thing I've ever said to you, you should have smacked me a long time ago to wake me up." And the blush was stronger now. And she was only more confused. This…whatever it was, wasn't helping her. Whatever he was doing, was it supposed to be conversation? Well, it was making her want him again, and she didn't want to want him. And she was sure he didn't want her to want him either. She didn't say anything else and after a few more minutes of silence it began to weigh on him.
"Pan?" He questioned, tightening his hold on her. "What else were you thinking about?"
"You mean besides Marron?" She smiled to herself and he could feel her exhale, as if she were about to begin a long story. "Oh, you know, everything." The reality that that was all she was going to say threatened to make Trunks laugh again but he fought it.
"Does 'everything' have a name?"
"No." She responded quickly, shaking her head so that her hair scraped across his chin.
"Yes." He answered for her, not believing her answer. "Did you love everything?" He challenged her with a smile, honestly curious about her feelings for the male he knew she'd been thinking about just then.
"You mean Gabe?" She asked as if she were dumb.
"No, I meant Toby." He responded sarcastically. "Of course I meant Gabe."
"Well, I don't know." She answered lightly, shrugging her shoulders. "On my best days I liked him a lot." A little laugh flowed through her, making his body tingle with a strange kind of delight. Knowing she was happy about something sent a peculiar kind of power over him, like he had never felt before, and he wanted to keep her that way forever. Wanted to do anything, all of the sudden, to make sure that smile always rested on her lips - to make sure that laughter always toppled out of her throat just as merrily as it did at that second.
It was fleeting and terrifying at the same time. It scared him, nearly senseless, because he'd never felt anything that strong before. And, almost as if automatically, he tightened his grip around her waist possessively. His brows furrowed because he could feel that his heart rate had kicked up, but that was the only sign that his emotions had actually changed. It left him wondering if he'd imagined the feeling or if it had actually been there. He felt as if this was what he'd been missing all his life but yet, he wasn't sure what it was. He was scared to even consider. But he was positive of what it wasn't - it wasn't love. He'd felt love and, sadly, this wasn't it.
"I'd like to keep you, Pan. Can I?" He smiled as he said it and she looked up at him quizzically.
"Now I'm even more confused." She shook her head, still smiling, and shifted her body so that she was closer to him and her head was buried into his chest. "Don't say things like that to me."
"Why not, if it's true?" He questioned with a teasing smile on his face. He had an idea what she meant and he couldn't blame her because she had no idea what he was thinking inside his head. She had no idea what had been running through his system ever since he asked her here with him. And even though she didn't know, since she'd gotten here she'd done nothing but solidify his decision.
"Because it makes me feel weird." She supplied, still burying her head into his chest as if she could hide from the world there. "Anyways, back to my thoughts," She decided that was a more comfortable subject than whether or not Trunks could 'keep her'.
"Yes, back to that head of yours. I think you were telling me how much you loved Gabriel." She rolled her eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder, in what was supposed to be a hit but wound up being a touch.
"I was telling you that I…well I can't say I loved him but I'd like to."
"Why?" He asked, copying her question from a few minutes earlier.
"Why what, Trunks? Why didn't I love him or why would I have liked to?"
"I don't know…both I guess. From what I gathered he was supposed to be a pretty great guy." She looked up at him to see if he was being serious or sarcastic and only saw genuine emotion in his eyes, so she decided to answer him.
"Well…I'm not sure if I know how to answer that." She thought on it for a second, concentrating so hard he could nearly feel her biting her lip, and then she answered. "I guess I wanted to love him because he was a great guy. And part of me felt that he was the last great thing to happen to me. I know it's stupid, because I'm only twenty-one, but I really felt like he was it. I still do, you know?
"It's like, the thought of starting over again - of meeting new people and learning to trust them again - is so exhausting I can't fathom it. I can't put my heart out there and risk that it get broken by someone else, I've been too hurt for that to happen."
"Pan, I never meant for-" She could hear the guilt in his voice and she didn't want to. It wasn't his fault she was so broken, he never meant to hurt her, ever, so she interrupted him.
"I don't just mean you, Trunks. I mean everyone. Everyone's hurt me one time or another in a million different ways. And it's like, I've bottled it up so much that it ate away at me. It corroded my heart until the only thing I had left was a small resemblance of what I used to be. And so, when I met Gabe, something told me that if this didn't work nothing ever would." She took a deep breath and looked at him, skepticism in her eyes, wondering if she'd made any sense. "Do you know what I mean? I mean, am I making any sense?"
"You're making perfect sense, I just wish it wasn't true." He said sadly, drawing in a deep breath, full of anguish. "I wish I could take away the pain, Pan, but I don't know how."
"No one can, and that's all right Trunks. I mean I've accepted it now. I know what I can do and what I can't and it's all right with me. Unfortunately I'm just not one of those people that can give their heart away so easily. I can't trust the way others do and I guess that's why I couldn't love him. I mean, I tried, really I did. But it's like there's this barrier on my heart that forbids me to crave anything that I'm even remotely close to getting. And I don't know why…I mean, I have an idea. I've always thought that if he…I mean, I've always thought that- It wasn't fair.
"The way life turns out is never fair and I can't seem to understand why. I keep thinking that if I could change this one thing or if I could go back and right just that one thing, everything would be all right. But I don't ever see the happy ending. I can't seem to believe in Cinderella anymore and I want to. He would have wanted me to and I…I just wish he had never left, is all. If he hadn't left I wouldn't feel this way, you know?" She was lost now as he let his finger drift down, pulling her head up so her eyes could meet his. He knew she wasn't talking about the same thing anymore, he just wanted to make sure that she was where he thought she was. And she was, her eyes were gone again, and he knew what she was thinking of. He knew that she had switched topics on him.
"You're not talking about Gabriel anymore, are you?" He didn't wait for an answer, he didn't have to. "He's never been a stationary man, sweetheart. He's always come and gone, you know that. The thing about Goku is, you have to get used to what he is - take what you can get and live off the good memories. You can look back one day and think how great he was, you can know that everything he did, he always did because he thought it was best, and know that he loved his family very much. He loved you, Pan, and it wasn't your fault he left." She smiled sadly at him, blinking back the tears and fighting to focus on everything he was saying.
"I know, Trunks. I mean, I say I know. But I just…I…" She couldn't finish because she found that a tear had escaped her eye and she was actually crying. In front of him. The mortification of the situation made her face turn scarlet and her eyes drift downward. "What I mean is, why couldn't he just stay? I feel like he's always run away from us and it's hard to know that and still think it's not my fault. I mean, was I not good enough for him?" She shut her eyes slowly, burying her head into his again as she felt his breath draw in slowly, as if she'd hit him.
"Don't say that, love, of course you were. He adored you. He loved his entire family, he just thought merging with the dragon was the right thing to do. And he did it, do you understand?"
"I've always understood it, I just don't know if I believe it."
"Well you've got to, if not, what else do you have? If you don't it soils every memory of him that you have left. He did love you and it was never because you weren't good enough. It was just the way Goku was." She didn't say anything more and he was done with his speech for quite some time. They listened to each other breathe for a long period, in silence, until Pan raised her head and looked at him with a smirk on her lips.
"I think…I think you need to feed me, I'm kind of hungry." She smiled and he let her joy drift into him, laughing at her statement.
"You're always hungry." He shook his head, waiting until she adjusted so that he could move. Then they got up with each other and he headed to the kitchen to cook her a meal. Soon after they ate, having peaceful conversation, until Pan declared she was full enough - not full, but full enough - and they went back to the living room. He turned the television back on and laid down on the couch, his back completely on it, leaving no room for her unless she was to lay on him. And she took her spot on the chair again, looking at her watch and wondering when he would declare this 'date' over. She felt as if she'd shown him her soul tonight and, just sitting there, she'd never felt more naked in her entire left.
It was as if he could look over at her and see right through her. As if he could read every emotion in her eyes, in her movement. And she was afraid that he could. Because if he could, he'd be able to see how much she loved him at that very second. If he could, he'd be able to see through her tough façade, straight to the girl that was crying inside. And she didn't want to be that girl, not around him. He made her want to be better than that girl. His body must have felt the heat from her eyes because he looked over at her, smirk in place, and lifted his eyebrows. She didn't give him the chance to ask whatever question was burning on his lips, instead she filled the room with her own.
"Do you think you'll fall in love again?" She needed to know, because if he did, that meant there was hope for her. But his eyes danced away from hers and it didn't give her any hope at all.
"Why do you ask?" He questioned, after a second. She opened her mouth to respond but he interrupted. "I can see we're not through with our life-altering conversations yet so come back over here and tell me what's on your mind." He smiled pleasantly as she stood up, moving slowly and deeply in thought.
"Because I'm never falling in love again, but you probably will." She sighed, looking deeply into Trunks' eyes, her own a dull brown color as she moved towards the couch he was laying on. A soft, bitter laugh rolled from his throat into the air as he opened his arms for her, pulling her down onto the couch, into his embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder, her body completely on top of his, his arms circled around her.
Hearing her confession scared a part of him because he knew it was true in her eyes. He'd seen her with men and it was like watching someone's hair be pulled out - she acted as if it were painful to date. Maybe she couldn't find it in her to love again, maybe she couldn't fall for some guy and be happily ever after. It was then that he decided, made his plan a reality. Because the thought of her suffering through life was too much to bear and he didn't even want to think it, much less watch her live through it.
He could offer her so much more than what she was giving herself. And she deserved to want so much more than what she was accepting. It was crazy for her to believe she'd never find love again. She was so beautiful and so young, and she had so much to offer. What would she do when she woke up one morning and realized that she was painfully alone and there was nothing left to do?
He wanted to say that she hadn't meant it. Wanted to say that it was only the part of her that believed in fairy tales that told him she wasn't falling in love. Because she hadn't found her prince charming and she didn't think he existed. Because the closest she'd ever come, in her head, was him and she felt she could never have him. And he didn't want that for her. He wanted her to be happy and he wanted her to smile. He also wanted to hold her and he wanted to feel her near him. And he was getting that right then - she was happy and he was with her. What was so wrong with that?
For at least ten minutes they lay there in silence, neither of them even attempting to speak to the other. Until Trunks' voice broke the comfortable quiet.
"Pan?" He questioned, getting the feeling that her breathing was becoming more slow and even by the second.
"Hmm." She answered lazily, keeping her eyes closed against him.
"Will you marry me?" However he expected her to respond to his spastic question, he wasn't sure. He didn't know if he thought she would shoot up and give him the strangest look on earth, calling him crazy and running out the door, or laugh as if it were a joke. He wasn't sure if she would answer. Wasn't sure if he wanted to hear her answer. But however he expected her to respond, what she said, wasn't it.
"Why?" He paused for a second, unsure if he'd heard her correctly, then smiled. That was the best thing she could have said. Yes, why. That was a good question. He sighed and closed his eyes, tightening his embrace around her waist.
"I'm thirty-six years old." He began as if that should explain everything to her. Before he continued he closed his eyes and opened them again, slowly and drawing out the moment. "And I'm the president of the most successful business in the world. Women throw themselves at me daily and all I can do is think about her. I mean, I'm a pitiful mess and I never want to love again. Look what it brings. I never want to hurt or date again. But I don't want to be alone. I hate being alone,"
"I have everything a woman's after: the most eligible-desirable bachelor in the world; and only two women have ever loved me for me in my entire life. One of them just married my best friend." He paused, giving her body a small. meaningful squeeze before he continued. "I can't offer you all the things a proper husband could, and I can't vow my undying affection. And I'm not going to drop down on one knee and swear I can't live without you. But I'd never lie to you, Pan. And I can promise you this: if you're willing to live with just my friendship for life, I'll never hurt you. I may never be in love with you, but I'll always love you. And I'll be good to you. I'll be there for you. I'll make sure you're happy. But if you expect me to fall in love in that time line, just say no; I may never love you that way. Think about it, at least, before you say anything."
He felt her breathing increase and he was sure she was upset about something. But she never said anything. For at least five minutes she stayed in his arms in complete silence, and he never asked her what she was thinking. Finally, he felt her body relax and she pulled her head up to look at him. Their eyes met and he could see the pain in hers. He could nearly hear the inner struggle that was going on within her. He wasn't sure whether he liked himself or not at that moment.
"I've loved you all my life." She spoke so softly he was barely sure he heard her. She blinked a few times and diverted her gaze, amazed at how easily it came out of her mouth. She'd been trying to tell him in words for years that she was in love with him and this was the opportune time it chose to come out. He nodded.
"I know." He spoke, matching her volume. They didn't say anything else, it was a mutual understanding between the two. She wouldn't answer right then but she would answer eventually. She pushed her body up as he sat properly in the chair, his arms never leaving her.
"I'm going to go home now." She told him and he slowly let her go.
It was at that moment that it dawned on him; he wasn't sure when he'd see her again. He wasn't even sure if he'd see her again. But what he did know was he couldn't take it back. The offer stood and he meant to hold by it. If she was willing to accept what he had left to give, he'd gladly give it to her. Because she did love him, he knew it. But didn't she deserve more than just someone's friendship for the rest of her life? He could never love her. He could never care for her the way she cared for him. This was what he'd been arguing with himself about for hours. Was this right? Could he honestly do this to her - after all she'd been through could he expect her to understand this? What if she didn't?
What if she thought he was being selfish again - which in part he was doing? If she believed that he'd only asked because he didn't want to be alone then she was wrong, but that was the way he'd made it sound. He cared about her, really cared, and he wanted her to be the person he spent the rest of his life with. But was that right? Could he honestly expect her to understand that while understanding that he wasn't in love with her? What he wanted to know was, was that fair?
Then she was gone. Out the door. And he wasn't sure if he wanted her to come back or not. He wanted her to be with him but he didn't want her to hurt for the rest of her life. And that's what he was offering. But wasn't it better than her being alone? That's what she was planning to do. And he could offer her some form of comfort, even if it wasn't everything he had to give. Even if Marron had taken his last hope at ever loving for real away. He still had something left and he was more than willing to give that to her. He wanted, so badly, to be the man she needed him to be. He wanted to love her and cherish her and hold her for life. He wanted to look into her eyes for eternity, because he felt complete every time he did. He really did want her to marry him, if he couldn't offer his dangerous love he could at least offer his undying affection - she'd always have that.
And they had more than most married couples could ever dream of. They were best friends. And he did love her in his own way. And he could offer her everything that she could ever dream up or ask for, short of the genuine affections he'd always felt for Marron. But just because he wasn't in love with her didn't mean things couldn't work, didn't mean he didn't love her and wouldn't stand by her and hold her forever. That's all he wanted, all he could ever see himself wanting. The way he'd just felt, with her being in his arms, was the closest he'd ever come to being complete since Marron had left. Wasn't that a good sign at least?
His head was spinning as the warmth she had pressed into his chest began to fade away. Cold encumbered him once again and he felt the dull, persistent ache of emptiness. He really did hate being alone more than anything and he hoped she'd come back - for life.
I swore I'd never love again, I swore my heart would never mend, Said love wasn't worth the pain. But then I hear it call my name...The trouble with love is it can tear you up inside…
A/N: Because I know you were wondering, just one quick thing, she was wearing pants along with the t-shirt she changed into, you perverts, you. -shakes head- m'kay, on to the serious stuff. I know what you're thinking: are you serious? That's it, right? You want to punch me, huh? And Trunks. Well, I'm sorry but this was the plan from day one…all right, maybe day three. But it was the plan! I've been afraid that you would hate this chapter since I put the first chapter out there, now please tell me you didn't hate this chapter. It would make me smile.
Review, you know you want to.
I bet you don't want to tell me my story's perfect anymore, do you? -looks pointedly at ladybugg- (not that I'm complaining, I loved the review. I just don't want to be perfect, because then I'll do something like this and none of you will like it and I won't be 'perfect' anymore :-/ )