Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: The London Years

Chapter 18

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: Abbey learned the truth about Tom and Lila's marriage

Summary: Jed and Abbey finally talk

- - -

Abbey's hand moved frantically back and forth, rotating between straight and circular strokes across the countertop. She used all her strength to bear down, scrubbing it repeatedly with a wet cloth. Anything to keep her mind off the events of that morning.

Her pulse started racing when she heard the front door. It creaked as it opened and within seconds, Jed emerged, a stack of letters in his hand. His eyes connected with hers and he set the mail on small table in the foyer before he took a few steps in her direction.

"Hi," Abbey greeted him.

"Where's Lizzie?"

"I just put her down for her nap."

He nodded his head and slipped off his jacket, flinging it over the sofa. "How's Lila?"

"She's staying with her friend tonight. How's Tom?

"I don't really want to talk about Tom."

Her voice caught in her throat as she worried about the subject that was dangling in the air between them. "I made you some lunch. Sit down."

"I don't want lunch either."

She turned from him then. The faucet gave her a reason to avoid his stare, so she fiercly rubbed her hands together and avoided him. "You can be mad at me, Jed, but you still have to eat."

He was no longer listening to her, his mind consumed with his own question. "How could you think that I would go out and pick up another woman?"

"What was I supposed to think?"

"I lost your trust when I applied for the job, but something like this...suspecting that I would ever be unfaithful to you? You don't know me at all."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't. I can't believe that…"

"I'm sorry," she interjected. "I should have believed you the second you told me the napkin wasn't yours. I was wrong and I was stupid and I'll spend the rest of our lives apologizing to you if you'll allow me to."

Abbey kept both her hands on the counter in front of her as her eyes fought to remain focused on the sink. Acknowledging her refusal to look at him, he walked around and stood behind her.

"I don't know what else to say," she added when he didn't respond.

"You could say that you'll talk to me instead of avoiding me like you're doing now, That you'll listen to me apologize for my behavior at the party last night. And that you'll forgive me when I say I'm sorry I didn't call."

She didn't expect the anger in his voice to be replaced by remorse. "I'm listening."

"There's no excuse for not calling," he continued. "If it had been you out all night without so much as a phone call, I would have been worried sick."

Jed extended his arm to rest it on her shoulder and gently turned her to face him. With a one look in the other's eyes, they each saw the turmoil that had dominated their marriage. He remained silent, not even a breath escaping his lungs until he heard her reply.

"I forgive you," she finally said. "And I'm not avoiding you. I just don't want to fight with you anymore."

"We won't fight, Abbey. I don't want to fight."

Uncertain whether or not she would welcome his touch, he cautiously clasped her hand and pulled her closer to him. She didn't resist. He moved his hand up her arm and slowly wrapped himself around her. When they made full contact, Jed tightened his grip, giving Abbey room for the emotional release she had been longing for.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too." She breathed out the words. "Don't ever forget that."

It had been months since he had heard her say that. He pulled slightly away to look into her eyes as he ran his hand over her cheek. "I won't."

She covered his hand with her own and brought it to her lips to kiss the back of his fingers. "Sit down. I'll bring you something to eat."

"I'm really not hungry."

"Then we'll just do dessert. Sit down."

Jed took a seat at the table and chuckled when Abbey presented him with a slice of chocolate cheesecake. "When did you have time?"

"After Lila left. It's a peace offering," she replied, taking the seat across from his.

"The only peace offering I need is you."

Abbey returned his smile. "I don't think that'll do it this time. We do need to talk, Jed. And we have a lot to talk about. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten between us until this morning."

"Yeah." He stared down at his plate, then lifted his head to face her. "I really overreacted about the Ron thing. I think you should meet him. You have my blessing."

"I canceled it - the lunch."

"You did?" After his heavy-handedness, he assumed she would go through with it just to spite him. Now that he was willing to take the high road, she had already beaten him to it.

"It obviously upset you and I wish I had taken your feelings into consideration before I made the plans in the first place. It was just so last-minute that I didn't really think about your reaction."

"Abbey, you didn't think I was going to leave you, did you? I mean, that isn't why..."

"No, that isn't why I canceled. I canceled because I don't want to ever do anything that hurts you the way that did." She took beat to prepare herself for a confession. "But if you really want to know, yes; when you didn't return last night, for a brief moment, I thought that you made good on the threat."

Jed lost his thoughts in the shame he felt by his harsh words. "I'm so sorry. I've been such a jackass to you. I swear I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes. You're the most important person in the world to me."

"It wasn't just you," she offered. "I've been pretty awful too. We both made a real mess of things."

Speechless usually wasn't a word to describe Jed Bartlet, but at that moment, it was the only word that could accurately describe the multitude of emotions that kept him from saying another word.

After several minutes, Abbey broke the silence between them. "Why is this so difficult? Three years ago tonight was our wedding night. I told you I was pregnant. We were so happy, so in love, so unselfish."

"I'm still in love with you. Nothing's changed."

"And I'm in love with you. But, Jed, everything has changed. Every time we talk, we fight. There's just so much hostility now. Part of that is my fault, I know, but I can't figure out what went wrong."

Jed pushed his plate aside and took her hand in his. "You're not happy here, in London, away from your family. You're not happy staying home all day with Lizzie, not working, not going to school. I finally get that."

"I adore Lizzie."

"I know you do. I never questioned your love for her. But you need more."

She searched his eyes hoping to find a clue as to what sparked this sudden realization. "Yeah."

"I'm going to ask you a question now and no matter what your answer is, I want you to be honest with me, okay?"

"Okay."

"Do you want to be married to me?" He held his breath as he waited for her answer.

"With all my heart, Jed. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. More than anything else in the world, I want to be married to you."

"Then we'll fix it," he said, his tone overflowing with raw emotion. "We'll fix us. I want us to be the same couple we were on our wedding day."

Abbey stroked his hand and tilted her head to the side. Deep down, she knew the man she married was just as unhappy about their current problems, but hearing him so eager to get their marriage back on course was incredibly reassuring. "I want that too. We have so much to work through."

"And we will, slowly. Neither of us has ever been afraid of hard work." They exchanged a warm smile as Jed prepared to enter the next phase of the conversation. "There's something we need to clear up right now though. About the offer from Professor Lynn..."

Abbey briefly closed her eyes with the memory of the promise she made the night before - that if Jed would walk through the door, she would sacrifice her own aspirations to study at Harvard and instead, stay in London.

"You don't have to say anything. I know it's what you wanted and something you worked so hard to achieve." She pushed out her chair and walked behind him. He watched as she leaned down over his shoulder to leave a warm kiss on his left cheek. "Congratulations. I mean that."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Where are going?" he asked when she turned towards the bedroom.

"I'll be right back. I just want to grab a sweater. I'm a little chilly." She lied, hoping he wouldn't pressure her to tell him that while she was genuinely proud of his accomplishment, she needed a moment to compose herself, for the thought of staying in London an extra two years was still disconcerting.

"We haven't finished talking."

"I know. I'll be right back."

"Wait." Jed stood to retrieve the pile of mail he had set down when he came home. He sifted through a few envelopes, then sat back down at the table with the form he needed already opened. "I need your help with some of this mail."

With her eyes blocked by the chair next to him, Abbey was unable to see what he was doing. "We were in the middle of a discussion."

"It'll be a quick distraction and then we'll get back to it."

"Can it possibly wait until later?"

"Okay, as long as I can ask you just one thing."

"Of course. What is it?"

"What was your MCAT score?"

She was surprised by the unexpected question. "What?"

He kept his eyes glued to the form and said, "Your MCAT score. What did you get?"

Abbey approached him, her suspicion rising. "Why do you need to know that?"

His hand intentionally covered the top of the application to pique her curiosity. "Med school admission boards are strict about having that information."

A light brush of his hand forced him to reveal what he was hiding. "Jed?"

He stood up and placed a finger under her chin to lift her head. "If you want to get into Harvard, we have to get this thing in the mail."

Her eyes darted back and forth between him and the form he was holding. "Where did you get that?"

"It just came today. I picked it up on my way in. I hope you don't mind I opened it."

"I haven't called them yet," she admitted softly.

"I called them - about three weeks ago."

For a moment, she allowed herself to escape into a fantasy world imagining herself starting school in New England, but she quickly snapped back into reality. "But Jed, Harvard? Now?"

"Why not?"

"Because of your job offer."

"Screw the job. You and I had a deal."

"You worked so hard for this. You were right. I can go to med school anywhere. This job is here, in London. You wanted it so much."

He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. "What I wanted, Abbey, was to be the best possible husband to you. And I've failed miserably."

"That isn't true." He dismissed her candor as a veiled attempt to make him feel better, but she didn't stop. "I'm serious. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You and Lizzie are the two most important people in my life."

Jed put his finger over her lips. "You've been here, raising our daughter for the last few years and you've done it without any help or word of appreciation from me. You've sacrificed enough for our marriage. Now it's time to work on your dream. And in order to do that, we're going back to New England."

"I can't let you turn down this opportunity."

"You're not. I already turned it down."

"What?"

"Last night - I turned it down. That's what I was trying to tell you a few minutes ago."

"You turned it down?"

"Yeah."

"You did it without talking to me?"

He chuckled. "Don't tell me I'm going to get in trouble for that too."

"No. It's just…"

"I made a promise to you three years ago. I promised you that you'd start med school as soon as I finished. I told you I'd even find a way to pay for it myself. All the degrees, all the job offers, all the accolades...they mean nothing to me if you don't believe in me - trust me to always keep my word. I can't go on without your trust and your love."

"But the job?" she asked with a hitch in her voice.

"It's done. You're more important than a job."

"I don't want you to resent me."

"Never. I couldn't possibly resent the woman I love." Using his thumb, he gently wiped the tears that began to descend down her cheeks. "Besides, initially, I only applied to see if I'd get it. It was that enormous ego at work again."

"It doesn't surprise me," she said, laughing. "You're so competitive."

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"Are you sure about this?"

He nodded. "Look, what you said before the party, about Lila - I want to explain. Lila knew about the position because she was standing with me when Professor Lynn approached me. I didn't tell her about it. The only thing I ever confided in her was that I was going to apply."

"It's okay."

"It was wrong of me not to tell you the truth. You have to know that at first, I really did apply just to see what would happen. I hadn't seriously considered taking it since I knew you had your heart set on Harvard and I didn't want to accept a job that meant derailing you from your goals. But I got angry when it felt like you wouldn't support me and one word led to the next..."

"I know," she interrupted. "What if I told you that I trust you and that I support you taking this job? Would you want to do it?"

He replied with a menacing grin. "See that's a trick question."

"I'm sure you have an answer," she pointed out with her own manipulative smile.

"I'd love to tell you that I wouldn't want to do it, but I'd be lying. What I can honestly tell you is that what I want MORE is to make your dreams come true. That's what means the most to me. You're a brilliant woman, Abbey, and I don't want to deprive the world of one of the best scientific minds they'll ever know."

"I love you." She kissed him.

"I love you too. Now, I know today's discussion won't fix everything, but we're on the right track, aren't we? We'll get through this?"

"We'll get through it."

"Good," he sighed. "So are you going to tell me what you scored on the MCAT?"

"A 42."

"That's right. How could I have forgotten that?"

"You didn't."

"What?"

"You hadn't forgotten."

He confirmed her suspicion with a wink as he leaned over the table to fill in the application. Abbey touched him then, a finger around his forearm urging him to face her. She wrapped her arms around his head and pulled him in for another kiss. Their lips never lost contact as she hugged him tightly, melding their bodies together.

"Let's go to bed," she said. "The application can wait until the morning. Tonight is our anniversary and I have other plans."

"I'm not one to argue," he playfully declared as he swept her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom.

TBC