a/n: well... school. lucky me; i get history and science in the same semester. science is such a flop. sorry, but i won't be exactly keen on updating. homework's keeping me for at least 2 hours a day. at least. so i'm not exactly enjoying my academic year. have patience for one day this will be finished, and then you all can stop coming back almost everyday... even though no one does that because this story's a drag.

don't fear though. i have started chapter 15... even if i only have like... half a paragraph done. i know, i know. i'm lazy. but lazy am i no longer, because i spend a long time doing my friggin homework. so dont come all up on me with keen comments like updating, because right now i'm not feeling too keen.

disclaimer: you suck. its no surprise.

"Everyone, meet Riley!"

Her name is Riley. She has light brown curly hair. With a tan. She's just a bit taller than me, but a bit shorter than him. She's got a nice nose with yellow-grey eyes. Her nails are done to perfection. She looks flawless; she's everything compared to me. It's not fair! She's better than me in every way! Even her name sounds better than mine! She's one of those girls who get the unisex names which I've always wanted! And she gets a nice one too! It's not fair!

James had stood up, arm around this Riley, introducing her to everyone.

"These are my three best mates; Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. These young lovely ladies are Constance Kruberra, Serene Parapara, and Lily Evans."

Her eyes are travelling to each one of us individually. Well, she pauses at us girls at least. She nods at the men.

"Constance Kruberra?" Riley asks tentaively. Constance smiles nicely at her. "I hope you're okay after that horrible wedding disaster?"

"Well, ever since, I've never been better!" Constance announces, grabbing a hold of Remus who smiles at her.

"And Serene Parapara; you're with Sirius black aren't you? James told me," Riley says, gesturing at Sirius.

"Oh!" Serene cries, a bit flustered. "Yes, I am with Sirius." She looks a bit red in the face. Puke.

"You must be Lily Evans then," Riley says, turning on to me. "I've heard enough about you to fill the world from James! And your hair is just lovely!"

My hair is just lovely eh? You're just saying that because you know yours is better! I hate my hair! I give her a fake sugary smile but say nothing, heading towards my seat. There's a pause, but everything soons starts up again.

I'm placed infront of Peter, at the end of the table. Not that it bothers me or anything - it's just... a bit uncomfortable. It's like you have a bunch of friends where you can always talk and joke around with, but when you're alone with them one on one, you can't say anything. Everyone's meddling with themselves. I see Riley making small talk with Constance, Serene, Remus, Sirius, and even Peter. She seems to be making everyone laugh. They're all paying attention to her, while I sit here and sip at my tap water. I don't like tap water. Just like how I don't like Riley.

But everyone else does.

It's like she put them all onto her spell. I mean, it's not that she's rude or anything. Infact, she seems pretty nice. She keeps gesturing at me to include me in the conversation, but I sit, smile weakly or nod. I don't get this. Why do I even hate her? I don't know! Well, she's not my guest anyway. She's James' guest. James. Why did he have to bring her? Because of this, I have no one to talk to, no one to listen to, no one to joke around with. I'm sitting by myself in a grumpy mood while everyone's laughing their asses off at some joke the maruaders are telling Riley. The four of them never sat down and told me anything.

One thing I just can't digest is why James brought her along. I mean, doesn't he like me I'm not trying to be all cocky here, but really. He's suppossed to like me! Okay, I may not be the prettiest person here (because that's taken by Riley), I might not be the most outgoing person here (which is also taken by Riley) and I might not be the most jolliest camper here (which is again taken by Riley). But I have some good qualities. I can do charms, I surpassed every single obstacle Moody has thrown at me, and I can speak four different languages - english, spanish, french and ukranian. Can Riley speak four languages? I think not! Or at least... I hope not. Okay, back to the point. Didn't he say he likes me? Why is he suddenly stopping?! Just when I thought he might be okay?! Fustration is SO not cool!

This dinner is not going well. I'm bored. I have nothing to do. I want to go home and get away from stupid Riley.

- - - - -

I got my wish; I got out of that restaraunt early. I don't think anyone even knew I left besides Remus. I whispered to him that I was leaving and he gave me a suspicious look but thankfully said nothing about. He nodded and that's where I left.

I don't exactly feel like going home just yet. So I take the slow way home; no apparating, just walking. Walking sixteen blocks back home in heels. My feet are killing me, but I can't take them off. There's bits of glass and such everywhere, and it'd be nasty if I suddenly stepped in bird turd. So far, I'm three quarters of the way there, having kept count of the blocks. Twelve gone, four more to go. It's not that bad. Before, I'd complain and faint at such a pace, but ever since Moody's training, I've gotten through harsher times than this. I guess his work really does pay off in the long run. I really do admire that man; even if he is a bit gruff and needs a chill pill once in a while.

I can't believe that no one even paid the slightest attention to me. No one even looked up while I stood, grabbing my purse and all. They were all centred on Riley. I wish I could just punch her pretty face and ruin it permanently. Do you think I'm bitter? Everyone has their bitter moments. I just tend to be a bit more bitter than your usual person. I'm a red head; I can't help but fulfill that position. Oh hey, three blocks to go.

Funny thing; the waiter didn't even notice me. She was taking everyone's order and left me out. How can you possibly not see me? My hair is red! Red stands out! How many redheads are at the table? One! It was Remus who had remembered and asked what I wanted. The waiter squeaked a sorry which I did not forgive. I hastily gave in my order with her walking stiffly away and me with a scowl. I didn't even eat it; I left two minutes after it was served. Two blocks to go.

I don't care if I'm wasting food. Normally, I'm all 'don't waste food; be thankful you get some', but at that point of the moment, I could care less. I'll just make whoever's there pay for it. I hope it's Riley who pays for it. She'll be wasting a good fifteen quid and seventy four pence. Well, whoever's paying for me will be fifteen quid and seventy four pence poorer. I even ordered myself a glass of white wine; so that adds a bit more. One more block.

I'm tired. I'm mad. I'm hungry. All I want to do is get out of these clothes and into my pajamas, make some mashed potatoes and plop myself infront of the television. Oh screw this. I take out my wand and apparate back into my room, where I point my wand to myself and quickly change into my pajamas. Now that's more like it.

I sit infront of my turned on television, and magically make a bowl of mashed potatoes smothered in gravy. Good. Now I'll be fat and every man's desire. An auburn nineteen yearold stuffing mashed potatoes and gravy in her mouth - how seducing.

After about another hour, Constance and Remus walk inside the house, followed by the rest of the dinner crew. I glance angrily at them but turn back to the television as they're walking inside to the living room.

"Lily!" Constance says, with a pitch of suprise in her voice. "How did you get some so fast? Weren't you just right behind us?"

Right behind you? Oh my...

"I could've sworn you were two steps behind me!" Serene claims, coming into the room.

Is my presence that unoticeable?

"Are you using some sort of speed charm that we don't know of?" Sirius says, eyeing my wand which is beside me on the table.

I wish.

"Actually," Remus breaks in, looking a bit red. "She was gone three hours ago. I forgot to tell you all."

"Gone?" Serene and Constance ask together dumbly.

Where else would I be?

"Oh, were you feeling sick?" says a voice from behind everyone. Riley walks into view, closely followed by James. He has his arm around her. Now that I think of it, I do feel sick.

"Yes," I say dully, continuing eating my potatoes.

"Do you need to go to St Mungos?" Peter asks, looking concerned and scared.

"I don't think she's sick enough for the hospital," James says, making a 'tsk' sound at his friend.

Everyone is now piling around our living room. Why Riley is even here is anyone's guess. Maybe Constance invited her over. Well, if she's here, I refuse to be here.

While they're all picking up with their conversation which they probably had before turning up here, I push myself up and into the kitchen, where I throw my bowl in the sink. It makes a loud clang sound, but no one notices because they're laughing too hard to hear.

I was wrong. James sticks his head in and peers curiously at me.

"Something wrong, Lily?"

I stand there, looking at my bowl, which unfortunately has shattered and chipped into pieces.

"Lily?"

My favourite green bowl is broken and no one knows nor cares.

"Helloooo? Lily?"

No one noticed that I was gone for the past three hours, and they assume I just followed them out.

"Lily, are you okay?"

No one cares. No one cares.

James is now beside me, waving his stupid hand infront of my face. Stupid annoying little prat who's too arrogant and cocky to know anything! Stupid dumbass who doesn't care! Stupid dumb friend who doesn't even know anything!

"Lily - "

I push my way past his ugly wavering hand and rush upstairs, stomping on my way. Still, no one can hear me. Have I just suddenly become invisible after five hours? I lunge into my room, slamming the door and putting locking charms which cannot be opend with alohamora. I put anti-apparating jinxes around the room, and lock my window.

But there really ins't a point. No one even knows I'm up here anyway.

Isn't it just a slap in the face when your thunder is taken by some girl who's better than you in every aspect?

- - - - -

Oh mannn... today's gonna be a big bowl of crap. I don't want to go downstairs. I don't want to face anything. I just want to stay in here and never go out. Now that's a plan; I'll just stay in here so no one will find me.

Too bad I have a strong urge to pee.

I heave a heavy sigh and unlock my room, heading towards the bathroom. Constance's door is locked. That's odd. She's always up before me no matter what. I go in there to brush my teeth when I notice something. A razor. Odd... Constance's razor is always shut inside the cupboard. Oh well, she DID seem a bit on the wayward side last night. Urgh, no talk about last night please.

I come out of the room fully clean, but still see that Constance's door is shut. I shake my head, grab my robe and head down for breakfast. As I sit there, crunching my way along for breakfast, Constance comes down with a big smile on her face. That is, until she spotted me.

"Lily!" she gasped, freezing on the spot. I give her a funny look.

"Constance!" I say, mimicking her tone.

"I thought you'd be... still in bed right now."

"Now?"

"Yes. You're usually the late one."

"It's practically noon buddy."

"Oh, is it?"

I give her another funny look, but at the moment, I hear a pair of shuffling feet coming down from the stairs. My blood suddenly turns cold and I make for my wand, pointing it at the stairs.

"Lily, don't!" Constace says alarmingly, but I don't listen to her. Stop?! When there's a complete stranger in the house? She's really gone mad now!

I see a shadow coming in our direction, and just when they turned the corner into the kitchen, I hit them with a spell. "Stupefy!"

The person ducked, and I see who it is. Remus. Oh good... it's just Remus. Wait - Remus?!

"Uh, Remus, what are you doing here?" I ask confusedly. He seems to be going red in the face. I look over to Constance who is pointedly avoiding my gaze.

Okay... that's weird. Either I'm missing something or something's up... OH!!! OH!! Ahhh... I get the point. Oh Constance, you're one little devil aren't ya?

"Well, I'll be uh... moving along," I say, clearing my throat and standing up. I pass Constance, giving her a slap across her shoulder and giggle maniacally out the kitchen.

Can I believe it? Constance and Remus? Of course I can! At least they're finally taking some action now! Good on them. Sigh... at least she gets something. I don't get anything. Maybe breaking up with Jeremy wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do. Heh, yeah right. That was the genius thing to do. I wonder is James and Riley are doing anything... don't think about that Lily.

Just then, who to apparate in but the rest of the gang (minus Peter). Woohoo. And here I am... standing smack in the middle of the hallway in panties and a shirt with my robe undone.

"You know Lily, you should really start doing that more often," Sirius says, leaning against the wall and swishing back his hair. "It's really quite a view."

"Sirius!" exclaims Serene, smacking him on the arm.

"Geez Serene, stop hitting me! I'm more bruised from you than from auror training!"

"You think that's bruised? I'll show you what's bruised!"

"I was just giving her a compliment!"

"I'm your girlfriend! Lily is my friend! Can't you be loyal for a change and stop flirting with other people - especially my friends?!"

"Okay okay, stop the feud," breaks in James, pushing the couple away from each other and stepping to the middle. "Sirius, stop flirting when you have a girlfriend, Serene, stop being over critical, and Lily, that really IS a nice view..."

Even if I turned red and hit him hard on the head, I did enjoy that piece of complimentation. I'm glowing inside, but the fire soon flickers out when Riley shows up behind everyone.

"Morning!" she says, giving us a cheery view of her sugary smile. "Well, technically, it's afternoon... but whatever. Good day!"

Am I suppossed to reply to that? Because I ignored her. She doesn't get my point much does she? I'm guessing not.

"Oh!" cries a voice, near the kitchen. Constance appears and looks even more red.

"Morning Constance!" announces Serene, stepping over to her.

Constance backs away, blocking the kitchen. "Uh... what are you guys doing here today? It's a bit early isn't it?"

"Constance, it's noon."

"That's what I said," I offered, trying to tie my robe. Constance glared at me.

"So um... how long are you planning to stay?" she asks, looking guilty.

"Well, since we have nothing better to do, probably for the day," James says, also going to the kitchen. "Got anything to eat? I'm hungry! No breakfast can do wonders to a guy. Right Riley?"

What the fuck is that suppossed to mean? No breakfast?! What have they been doing?!

"I made James take a two hour jog with me this morning and he missed breakfast because it was already 11:30," Riley puts in.

I give a huge audible relieved sigh, earning me looks. "Oh, I just err... I had a... I had an..."

"Itch."

Remus appears behind Constance, helping me with my answer, with a mocking look.

"Yes! That's right! I had an itch and I just scratched it and you know when you get this itchy... itch. Once scratched, there's nothing like it."

"I agree!" Sirius proclaims, giving everyone a serious look. "There's nothing more relieving than an itchy itch scratched."

Phew... that would've been scary. I give Remus a 'thank you' look, which he returns with an 'I'll ask you what's up later' look. He sure knows how to read minds.

"Hey wait a minute - Remus, how'd you get here so fast?" Serene asks, looking at him confusedly.

Constance seems to be muttering something inaudible while shuffling her feet and not looking at them.

Remus, on the otherhand, sighed. "I uh... I - "

"He was having the night of his life," I suggested. He glared at me.

"Moony, you dog!" Sirius says, elbowing Remus in the ribs. "I knew you had it in ya!"

"Piss off Sirius," Remus mutters, shoving Sirius away.

"Was he any good Constance?" James asks, snickering at Remus.

"James, that's a bit personal," Riley says, a bit uncomfortable. "Let's just drop the subject."

"Here here!" Serene says, entering the kitchen, pushing Constance and Remus out of the way. Everyone else followed her in but me. I head up to my room to change properly.

So, I've received two compliments this morning for wearing my underwear. That's not bad. At least I wasn't wearing anything horrible. Anyways, Remus knows now. But then, I think he knew already last night. James is still oblivious to why I stormed out of the kitchen yesterday, and the rest were clueless to the fact that I even went upstairs. It does hurt a bit, but I guess I've gotten over that. What's the point? My position in the group is slowly and cleverly being taken over by Riley. Stupid bitch. I know, I know - she didn't do anything. She's nice and she likes me. I just can't stand her! And now that I'm fully clothed, and there's nothing to do in here, I too must go back down to the ktiched. Damn it. I hate being the odd one out.

I enter the kitchen to find everyone seated around the kitchen eating oatmeal. Oatmeal that I bought just yesterday that shouldn't be opened until tomorrow, after the cereal's finished.

"Come on Lily! Have some oatmeal!" James says, with a mouthful of pasty oats. I say nothing but go to the cupboards to find my breakfast bowl. My oatmeal bowl is a bowl I have just for oatmeal. I'm weird, I know, but in my household, we always had our on bowls for oatmeal. I don't know why, but it's this thing with the Evans family and... I guess it's got onto me. Constance knows about these things that run in my family. Hey, I'll ask her.

"Constance, have you seen my bowl?" I ask, still fumbling around the cupboard, looking for it.

"Oh uh... You already had breakfast, so I thought you weren't going to eat. And there weren't any bowls left."

"Okay... so where is it?"

"I gave it to Riley."

She gave it to Riley. My hands immediately drop to my sides as I stand there, staring at a spot on the cupboard. She gave it to Riley. My bowl. To Riley. Constance gave my bowl to her. She knows that no one uses my bowls. No one uses ANY of them. And there are tons of bowls right here, infront of me.

I slowly turn around, seeing Constance with a look of pure guilt and fear. Remus seems to be trying to subtley shield her from my wrath. Everyone else is just dumbfounded.

"Uhh... I'm sorry Lily. I didn't know this was yours. Would you like it back?" asks Riley tentively.

My stare shoots up quickly to her, making her shrink back. I raise my eyebrow. "No thank you; I'm good. Continue on with your breakfast."

"I'm really sorry Lily..."

"It's okay."

"If you want, you can have it back - "

"I said it's okay! I don't care! Eat!"

Everyone seems to silently get back to their meal as I grab one of the bowls infront of me. This is sick. I can't eat oatmeal in this! It's a conspiracy! But no! Riley has my bowl. My bowl! I try to hide my anger that's boiling inside of me and go to the oatmeal box. I'm trying to find the banana-nut oatmeal flavour. That's by far my most favourite and there's only two packets of it in each box of oatmeal you buy. I fumble around but I can't find it. I've had enough of this. I dump the contents of the box onto the counter, searching for banana-nut. But all I find are packs of apple-spice. I hate apple-spice.

"Where's the banana-nut?" I ask, cracking the silence. Everyone seems to shift around.

"I had one," Sirius says, ducking in advance incase I did anything to him. I ignore his duck but look at his bowl.

"I had the other one..." Riley puts in, hiding behind James.

Okay Lily. No need to lose your temper... you can always buy another box of oatmeal. But first, you need to finish the box of cereal, and then you have to finish all the applespice oatmeal. And then you can have your banana-nut oatmeal. I turn back to the counter, rip open a pack of apple-spice oatmeal, dump it into my bowl and pour some hot water in it.

I go towards the table, hoping to set down my bowl of oatmeal because it's getting hot, but as I reach it, I see there are no mroe available seats. And guess who's in my seat? Yeah, you guessed it. Riley. Constance and Serene look at each other, and then look at me uncomfortably.

"Here, Lily," Serene says, getting up and offering her seat to me. I glare at her and she sits down the next second. I look at everyone person at the table individually, and then I turn around, open the drawer, grab a spoon, slam the drawer back and go out to the dining table, where I drop my bowl down and shove myself onto one of the seats. I pick up my spoon, dip it into the oatmeal, and then shove it into my mouth. Pure shit.

No words can describe my anger. Although half the people didn't do anything, I'm mad at every single person sitting inside my kitchen. Eating my newly bought oatmeal which shouldn't be eaten until tomorrow. Sitting on my hard earned seats. Using my utensils. Laughing away again, forgetting I'm here. I especially hate Riley. Riley who's using my bowl, in my seat, eating my banana-nut oatmeal!!!!

I spot my wand on the coffee table. "Accio wand!"

My wand comes into my hand, and now I'm attempting to charm this gross oatmeal to make it taste better. So far, my attempts have failed. Heyyyyy... if I don't have a good meal, neither should Riley right? Of course I'm right! I'm the smart one! I glance over back to the kitchen where everyone seems to be oblivious of my existance. I giggle crazily to myself, while secretly hexing Riley's food. Not only will it tatse like feet; fifteen minutes after consumed, her breath will smell like feet too! I'm am a genius!

Almost right after I set my wand down, Remus approaches me cautiously. He slowly slides into the seat across from me and gives me a long stare.

"May I help you?" I say bitterly, taking yet another bite out of my food. I flinch.

"Come with me," he says, standing up. What's the point of sitting down if you're going to stand up seconds later? People these days; they can't make up their minds!

He quietly goes to the door, holding it for me, waiting for me to step outside. When I'm out, he comes out too, and silently closes the door with a click. He leads me to the sidewalk, where's he walking around the block. Okay, this is weird.

"Lily, how long have I known you?" he sudden;y says, looking down at me. This is a weird question.

"Um... nine years to my knowledge," I say, looking up at him.

"Nine years. I've known James for nine years too."

"So have I."

"I've known both of you. You hated James. James practically bowed down to you. And now you're friends. Such a sight it is."

"What are you getting at Remus?"

"Lily, I know."

He knows. Well, that's not a surprise. I already knew he knew. But the actual confrontation really does bring up a surprise.

"Remus - "

"Wanna talk about it?"

He stops in his tracks, giving me a sidelong look with a raised brow. I look the other direction and sighed. "I don't know how it happened."

To my surprise yet again, he laughs. "Neither do I! But I'm glad it did."

"Why? He's not even into me anymore."

"Eh..."

"He's got Riley. He gave up on me, just when I was giving into him!"

"You can't always have things your way kiddo."

"Becuase of Riley, no one knows I exist anymore."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is! Didn't you hear everyone yesterday? 'Where were you Lily? Weren't you right behind us?' You were there too Remus! You heard! And even you forgot I wasn't there!"

He says nothing about that. He knows I'm right.

"We were just having too much fun," he says, slowly. Ouch Lily. Ouch.

"Having too much fun with Riley?" I ask scathingly. "You guys never seems to guffaw that loud whenever I'm there."

"Lily - "

"I know when I'm not appreciated, Remus. I know when I'm not wanted. I know that I can be a crucial bitch sometimes. And I know I'm stubborn. But did you guys really have to replcae me with someone's who's better than me in every way?!"

"Don't be silly. We all love you."

"Don't be ridiculus Remus! You saw everyone there just now! Seconds after I go out, they're all clueless about me and they're laughing their heads off. My bowl's taken, and my seat's been taken. Of all people to take those things but Riley!"

"Why do you hate her so much?"

"Because! She has everything! Look at her! She obviously comes from a well off family! Her dress, her jewelery, her actions! She's flawless! She's perfect! She has nice shoes! She has nice hair! She has everything!"

"What you mean is, she has James."

Is that really what I mean? I don't know! I can't think right now. We keep walking until we're at the local park, and I plop myself down on the bench. Remus sits beside me, patiently waiting for my answer.

"She has James."

I turn back to myself, looking at the empty park. There's a solitary tire swing, blowing in the wind. The chains rattle and the see-saw tips endlessly. Leaves make their rustling way across the grass to my feet. The leaves are old, chipped, brown and curling. Remus picks one up.

"A leaf," he says simply. I look up at him, surprised to feel something wet trickle down my left eye. I quickly brush it away, incase Remus would see.

"What?" I ask impatiently.

"James is like a leaf."

"What?!"

"He's like a leaf, Lily. He's fresh, but then he crumples up. And then he comes back again."

"What?!!"

Okay, this talk is getting nowhere. A leaf?! Seriously. my time right now could be preciously spent hexing Riley as much as possible.

"What I mean is, even if it doesn't make much sense," Remus says, turning to face me, "James liked you. He's liked you for years. Since first year, when I met him."

"First year!" I exclaim, but am hushed.

"Yes, first year. And he used to ask you out on dates. Remember? He was alive back then, with a fresh fever to finally win you over. But that didn't happen did it?"

"No... I guess not."

"And like a leaf, he crumpled. He stopped. Haven't you noticed that change?"

"Yes..."

"Yes. His heart died. But now, he's come back, fresh again. With someone new."

"Your leaf theory makes sense now."

"He took a chance. He spread his wings, reaching for the sky. The sky failed him. He broke away, coming back again from the darkness into the sun. He never exactly forgot about the sky, but he's taking a risk. Another chance."

Instead of looking at the park scene, I looked up at the sky. It's bright and clear, with a few strands of white. In the distance, I see a bird, soaring away. I watch as it flies by, but it suddenly turns its course, and is off in another direction until I could see no longer. But my sight gets caught onto one of the trees, where another bird rests upon one of its branches. I see it taking flight, heading straight for the sun, but occasionally changing course to either its right or left, at the sky.

I turn back once again to Remus who is also following the bird. "Maybe I should spread my wings too. Out from the darkness, into the light, never forgetting my sky either."

His attention is back to me again, and he looks sadly at me. Instead of commenting, he wraps his arms around me into a bear hug which I greatfully return. To my surprise yet again, tears seem to be leaking from my eyes. It's been a long time since a friend actually listened, and after yesterday and this morning's episode, it's a treat.

"It's not easy to let go," I say, chocking on my words.

"Birds let go, Lily. They need to soar."

"I know Remus. That's what I'm afraid of."

"But then you'll reach your sun."

I'll reach my sun. And so will James. He's already headed towards that direction. Maybe it's time for me too.

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"You think I'll ever reach the sky?"