a/n: WOW! did i update in less than a week? yes i did.

and why you all ask? because i felt so guilty about leaving you guys for almost a month. so i quickly did this chapter. it's one minute to midnight at the moment. so be happy. i didn't even bother to do my science homework. stupid physics unit. first chem, and now physics? gosh.

i'm currently FAILING science, but honestly, i could care less. as long as a fucking pass. geez... there goes the honour roll.

anywayssss.. as i said previously, let this be one of the last chapters. and i PROMISE that lily and james will get together before part 2, since part 2 is really about their relationship in the voldemort world..

don't expect much, because my mother really wants me to hitch up my science. its ok. whatever. and i have a few english stories to write. and poetry. i hate poetry. dont you? i'm surprised history's treating me good.

okay, enough of my ranting. you guys probably skip this anyway, so whats the point? the point is that... okay, i dont know what the point is. i'm too tired to think of something. my witty self has gone.

enjoy this chapter my lovelies.

My head hurts. I feel like barfing. My body feels wasted. I wonder what happened...

I had the most weirdest dream. I was walking down the hall and then tripped and fell in a puddle of mud. I don't understand it at all.

"You're awake!"

No i'm not. I just happen to be sitting up with my eyes half open.

"How're you feeling?"

I open my eyes fully and suddenly feel even worse. I look around to see Constance facing me.

"What happened?" I ask, holding my head and leaning back down again.

"You were drunk last night," she says, handing me a cup of tea.

"Impossible! I never get drunk!"

"How would you know? When you're drunk, your memory isn't too well."

"Whatever."

My memory is perfect. I wasn't drinking last night. I was... hey... what was I doing? I remember eating... oh... eating doesn't sound too good. I feel something starting to well over...

"Watch it!" Constance cries, shoving a bucket quickly in front of my face. That was a close one.

After hurling whatever I ate the previous night, Constance comes back over and waves her wand.

"The stench is sickening," she says, giving my bucket a glance. I try smiling, but I don't know why I can't.

"You're awake."

Who said that? I turn around to find James coming towards me with an odd look. A mix a fear, relief, and... something else.

"Obviously," I reply, giving him an odd look of my own in return.

"Um... I'll be going."

That was Constance. She really did look sick. Is my vomit really that hard to look at? I give a glance, and shudder, turning away. I really shouldn't have done that.

"How are you?" James asks, taking a seat a bit away from me on the other couch, but close enough to be there incase anything happens.

"I just barfed. My head hurts. My body is like lead. I'm fine," I reply sarcastically.

James heaves a sigh. "Thank you for finally admitting it."

Admitting it? What the hell is this boy talking about? "What?"

He looks at me weirdly. "It's okay, Lily. You don't need to hide it anymore."

"Honestly, what?"

"That... you... like me."

Whoaaaa... when did i admit to liking him? I don't remember anything. "How do you know?"

"Lily, you TOLD me."

Oh. Well, that explains it. "I dont recall me telling you."

"You were drunk."

Okay, really. I wasn't drunk!!!

"Why do you like me?" he slowly asks, looking at me with curiosity. "Is it just because you don't like Riley that you decided to like me?"

"I wish not to discuss this," I say, avoiding him.

He comes to sit closer. "Why?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it."

"Please?"

He's mocking me now. I look up and he has his stupid smirk on.

"No."

"Oh, c'mon! You can tell me. Pretty please?"

His voice is like a little toddler now. Whining. I can't help but smile.

"I said no."

"Please, please please? Pretty pretty pretty please with mountains of whipped cream and a gigantic cherry on top?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because, I don't want to be with you."

Well, that was unexpected. Did I just say I didn't want to be with him, after all I've done just to get him?

"You don't?" he asks, sounding surprised.

"James, you have a girlfriend."

"That you don't like."

"So what if I don't like her? It won't change anything. You said so yourself."

"I did?"

"Well, no. But you pretty much made that point clear."

"But you didn't answer my first question."

"I don't want to be the 'other person'."

It's true. I don't want to be the other person. I've always despised the other person.

"How would you be the other person?"

"James, it's as if it would be my fault you two broke up."

It's my turn to heave a sigh. I stand up slowly to regain balance, and head for upstairs. I really do need a good rinsing. And a shwoer. And some more comfortable clothes.

- - - - - - - -

Gosh, do I feel refreshed. That shower and rinse really did wonders. I shall now fix myself a cup of strong herbal tea.

I walk downstairs to the kitchen, and am relieved to see that our supply of herbal tea is still full. Constance never drinks herbal tea. She calls it horrible tea. It doesn't taste horrible.

While I fix myself some tea, my stomach growls. Now that I think of it, I AM kinda hungry. Maybe an apple; they don't ruin appetites. I walk to the fridge and grab an apple. Fumbling with the drawers, I can't find the skin pealer. What the hell! Now I hafta use a knife! I hate using knives.

I take the apple in my hand and the knife in my other and start carefully pealing it. Slow and steady... thats it. Get the patterns. Just one more curve...

"So."

"OH MY GOD!!!!" I scream, jumping a mile high, and suddenly feeling a sharp pain on my left palm.

I uncurl my fingers to reveal a gash of blood, streaming down my arm. I inhale a sharp take of breath, feeling the throbbing pain. Looking up, I see James.

"What do you want?" I demands, cluthing my wrist. I'm slouched with my wet hair frizzed everywhere around my face.

James' face looks tight. He walks over to me and takes my hand. "We need some rubbing alcohol to clean it."

"I KNOW that!" I spit, yanking my hand out of his grasp, which only causes me more pain. "Look at what you did you dolt!"

"Lily, calm down... and let me see that wound!"

"No!"

"Now!

"NO!"

"Why are you so stubborn? See, I was right about you being stubborn! You'll always be stubborn!"

"I don't care! You caused me pain!"

"You ALWAYS blame things on EVERYONE besides yourself! You're a selfish stubborn ass! Fine, you know what? Go ahead and suffer. I don't care anymore! Writhe in pain for no one will come help you!"

"Constance will!"

"You're always relying on Constance! Do something for yourself once in a while you greedy bitch."

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"Yeah! You heard me! I called you a greedy bitch, and I think there's a great deal of people who'll agree with me on that one!"

"Some friend YOU are!"

"Ditto that, bitch!"

"You stupid bast - !.... AAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!"

OH SHIT! OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!!!! DID MY CUT JUST CRACK DEEPER?! PAIN! I HATE PAIN!!! I don't do good with pain... EVEN BIGGER SHIT!!!

Someone had yanked my hand and is currently running it over the tap. Not only does it hurt but my palm feels like burning. I don't like burning sensations unless... well, you know what I mean... don't you? Well, if not, too bad. I look up to see James with a furrowed brow and peering at my cut.

His fingers feel so gentle against the rough water of the tap. My heart skips a beat. "I though you didn't care."

He looks up at as his features soften. "Yeah well..."

We both shift around the sink uncomfortably, as I walk over to dry my hand with a paper towel and he's clearing out all the blood from the sink. Suddenly, though I don't know why, my spirits are up again.

"Thank you," I say quietly, as I turn towards him, but not looking at him. I think I'm blushing. Ew. I never blush...

"No problem," he replies gruffly, also turning my direction. We both shift a little bit.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For telling you that I liked you."

Silence. Again. Oh well... all I can hope is that he doesn't hate me.

"Liked?" he suddenly asks, head shooting up and looking at me closely.

"Yes, why?" I question, looking a bit confused.

"I thought you still like me."

"I do..."

"So why the past tense?"

He's moving closer to me. Oh my gosh. Is my hair okay? Oh my gosh. He's inching closer. He's a just a foot away from me. My hair is SO horribly frizzed!

I look up a bit nervous. "I um... well, uh..."

He smiles at my deludedness. That smile which I once hated so much is now surprisingly making me feel giddy. "Lily..."

"Yeah?" all I can do is whisper.

He's right beside me! Oh my gosh, he's looking at me. And his head is tilted and coming for mine. Oh my gosh we're going to...

HOLY SHIT!

We both spring apart just before we get our kiss because somehting is gawking at us. We both look up to see a phoenix. A red-gold phoenix. Fawkes. In our building... that's... odd.

"Fawkes?" I stare at him in awe. No matter how much I see him, he still amazes me. He's beautiful.

He drops a letter on the counter, and then flames up and disappears. James and I are looking at each other with confusion.

"You think you should go read it?" James asks, nodding towards the letter.

"Yes, I think so," I say, walking stiffly over to the letter.

"What on earth was THAT?"

Constance is now downstairs, fresh from a shower. She looks scared and in panic.

"It was... Fawkes," James says, still not understanding anything.

"Fakes?" Constance asks, looking as odd as us. "Why was Fawkes here?"

"That's what we want to know."

I slowly open up the letter and read it.

"Well?"

I look up to see Constance and James looking impatient.

"Urgent meeting for the order," I say, still looking at the letter in my hands. "We need to go there NOW."

What the hell happened to call an urgent meeting?

- - - - - - -

Here we are, at 87 Thindrow Alley. In the house of the Order, where all of the members are present. Well, no. Someone's missing, but I can't place who. That's a bit... strange. Everyone is talking in hushed voices, asking each other whats wrong and not finding a good enough answer.

Dex is here, talking to Peter who seems to be a bit scared of him. Remus and Constance are whispering a conversation with each other, both looking completely serious and scared. Sirius is sitting on the couch in between Serene and I, with Serene's two arms wrapped around one of Sirius' and resting her head on his shoulder. They both look grim and clueless. I'm here, sitting at the corner, too stiff and freaked to do anything, while James is on the floor infront of me, stroking his chin and thinking hard. I don't know why we're all scared; do you ever have that feeling of being scared but you don't know what of? That's what we're all feeling.

"Ahem!"

Everyone single head jerks up at the same moment, and we're faced with Dumbledore himself. He too, is looking quite... grim.

"I've called you all here for an urgent meeting," he says, looking around the room. Althought everyone knows that, we still listen intently. "I'm here to inform you of a... murder."

Shock. Complete shock. Who? Were? When? Why? How? All these questions race around my head as I try to grasp what's happening.

"Who?"

The questioner is Remus, who asks quietly. He's brave enough to ask. I glance over towards him. He has his arms wrapped around Constance who seems to be changing into a pale colour.

"Oliver Wood."

Oliver Wood? Little two-year-old Oliver wood? Murdered? The son of Francis and Adrianne Wood?

"But... why?!" I ask, outloud, suddenly enraged. How can someone do that to him? He was only two! He had his whole life ahead of him!

"Unfortunately, while Francis and Adrianne had been on a mission, they were found out. It is my guess that some Voldemort supporters took Oliver and killed him as a warning."

They can't do that! This is outrageous!

"Where are Francis and Adrianne?" Sirius asks, looking tight.

"They had tried to save Oliver's life, but Francis was hit by the Cruciatus Curse, and Adrianne was knocked out. Oliver was with them. They are both currently in the hospital."

Just right here, it hits me. I know that I myself have had real live expirience with Voldemort, and even got hit by curse done by him. But I never exactly thought he'd murder someone. A little kid at that. Well, I didn't think people would be sick enough to kill someone for him. It now gets to me what kind of world we live in, how dangerous it is. How all this time I've been living, as if I hadn't a care in the world except my own petty life. I feel so guilty. If I could, I'd trade my life for Oliver's. He's only two! Well, was anyway...

"Please take this as a warning, and try to act normal around the Woods. They really are heartbroken. And be careful!"

And with that, Dumbledore leaves the room.

I can't help but shudder. I look around the room at everyone. Constance has Remus to console her, and Serene has Sirius. Peter and Dexter are in deep conversation, and the Prewetts have already left out of grief. Everyone is is miling around the door. I settle back on the couch, pulling my legs up against my chest, putting my head down on my knees, and wrapping my arms around myself. It really sucks to have no consolation.

Just at the moment, someone pats my back. Like patting my back can make me feel better. Nothing can make me feel better. But whatever. It's still comforting for someone to pat me and tell me I'm not alone. I raise my head to see James Potter, looking just as pale as everyone else. He's sitting beside me, since Sirius and Serene have disappeared somewhere.

"I'm scared," I whisper, stumbling on my words.

He looks at me with pity. But at the moment, I don't really mind pity. He's still looking at me, as if he's deciding on something.

"Me too."

It must an honour to get James Potter to admit something like being scared to you. It really must be.

I rest my head back on my knees as his arms envelope around me.