a/n: ahoy! i see some of you have gotten confused over the last chapter.

first off, why did oliver wood die? you'll need to keep reading. but dont worry; i'll explain the whole situation at the end of part one. this i hope is the next to last chapter of part 1, so you'll learn about the oliver wood history before long.

and do not fear; lily and james get together by the end of part 1, so dont be angry. well, not that i care if you're angry anyway. you can yell at me all you want; just remember that they're going to get together in the next chapter (hopefully).

oh, and science?! HA! I FAILED. FAILED. but whatever. i dont even care about science anymore. its not my major or minor or my anything.

i also decided to put this chapter up pretty quickly. did you notice that? pshh probably not. well, if you did, you wanna know why? because i felt like part 1 should really be coming to an end. and i just want to finish it faster.

anyways, enjoy this chapter, though i dont think you will.

It's been three days. Three days since the murder. Three days since I've slept. Three days since I've smiled.

It's been three days since the meeting. Three days since I've last seen James Potter.

Three days since I've seen Constance. Three days since I've seen Remus. THree days since I've seen Serene. Three days since I've seen Sirius.

Three fucking days since I've seen anyone.

Three fucking days since I've smiled, slept.

Three fucking days.

Here I am, sitting in my room. Constance hasn't come back. I don't know where she went, but I have an idea that she's with Remus. She's been sending me letters, which means she's still alive.

She's still alive.

I've been to work, although I've been hiding behind my cubicle every day. Maybe that explains why I haven't seen Serene, Sirius or James.

The atmosphere was all wrong. Everyone felt uneasy. How can a little boy be murdered? How?! What's he going to do next, try to kill a baby? This is sick.

Anyway, I haven't been out of my room unless I had to go to the washroom. I'm scared. HIding under my bed covers doesn't feel safe anymore. I don't like this. And I shouldn't be the one complaining because I'm not the one who got their son killed. Why does everything have to be so difficult?

Maybe I should go downstairs. I haven't eaten in three days. No more apples though.

I head towards the kitchen. The house is so empty. Every creak can be heard. It's cold. It doesn't feel right. But does anything feel right anymore?

Glumly, I walk into the kitchen, opening the fridge. Nothing. There is nothing in there. Just some spaghetti, sauce, mayo, milk... you know, the necessities. Grabbing the spaghettie and sauce, i turn around to a scary sight that literally makes my heart stop. Well, not stop, because right now, it's pounding pretty fast. But you know what I mean don't you?

"Oh my god!" I scream, frantically dropping everything, and patting myself for my wand. Shit! I left it upstairs.

"Oh, sorry," says the voice in a mere whisper. I lean closer to the image, because only the lights from the fridge are on. I can make out messy hair and a shadow of a pair of glasses.

"James?" I ask just as quietly. but still with fear. This could be an intruder for Merlin's sake!

"Yeah, it's me," he replies. He doesn't make a movement to stand, but turns around to flick the kitchen lights on.

Although I know it's James, I'm still scared. I swear, my heart is beating faster than that of a mouse! Why is he here anyway? Did something happen?! Was there another murder?

"I guess you wanna know why I'm here," he states, not looking up. His hands are combing through his hair in distress. If he looks bad, I wonder how I look like. I must be worse. I have more hair than he does! And it's red too! Gosh, I must look horrendous!

"Um... yeah, I do," I say, slamming the fridge closed lightly and taking a seat in front of him.

I wait patiently for him to answer, but he doesn't seem to want to speak. He looks really sad.

"James?"

"Oh, sorry. What were we talking about?"

"Uh... what are you doing here?"

"To seek comfort."

"Here?!"

"I didn't want to be alone. And I knew you were alone, so I just decided to come here."

"Without telling me?"

"I knew you didn't want to be disturbed. So I just decided to stay down here. I knew you were upstairs, so as long as I wasn't alone..."

"Well, you could've told me you came. How long were you here?"

"Since last night."

"What about Riley? Did you go to her?"

"Yeah, I did."

"And?"

He sighs and slumps his head down to the table. His hands are balled up in fists, and his knuckles turn white. I don't know why, but I'm starting to feel hopeful.

"We broke up."

YES!!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

"Why?" I ask, gaining my composure, trying to sound proper, like a friend. But I can't help smiling.

"She met someone else," he responds, sounding dead. He doesn't seem too happy. Why isn't he happy? Now he can go out with me!

"Oh?"

"Yes. Some guy from some muggle bar. Why would she even go to a muggle bar? I DON'T know!"

"Did she do it on purpose?"

"No... she was out with her friends, and it just... happened I guess."

We're both quiet for a few moments. I guess there's not much to add to that. All this mess in three days. How much can the world change in just three days? Well, it can changed a lot, but still. Do I sound selfish right now? SInce I'm glad he's broken up with her?

"So," I say, trying to make conversation. "What are you going to do now?"

"Well, I'll get rid of all her stuff."

"And?"

"I don't know. I really liked her, Lily. I really thought it'd work out."

Gee, that sure makes me feel better.

"I know, James. I know."

"Do you?"

"Yeah."

"I'm done with relationships, Lily! I can't stand them anymore! Every single one goes through the dumps! Nothing ever lasts. Trust me on that one."

Huh.

"I don't care if I go single throughout the rest of my life! As long as I don't need to remember the fucking pain, I'm good."

Single. He's going to go single. For the rest of his life.

He must've noticed my face because he suddenly has a pity look about him.

"Gosh, I feel so selfish," he says, sighing and looking at me. "I know, Lily. And I'm sorry."

Sorry. Thanks a lot Potter.

"No, it's okay," I answer, hearing my voice crack. How embarassing.

I stand up and push my chair back. I'm not angry. Just hurt. He knew I liked him. So why did he not want to be with me? Didn't he want to be with me for what... nine damn years?!

Walking near the stove, I bend down to clean the mess I made on the floor, trying to make my breaths even, though it comes out raspy. Never have I been hurt like this. It's like... a slap in the face. Made by James Potter of all people! I remembered vowing that I'd never let him get to me. I promised myself that in third year, when he decided to put toads in my schoolbag. And never has he gotten to me. Until now. This is what happens when you befriend James Potter; you end up kicking your own ass.

Mopping up the sauce, I sit there pondering to myself. Is it me? Maybe it's me. Did I get fat or something? I can't be fat! I'm 130, and that's good for 5'8! Maybe it's the way I dress... maybe he doesn't like my style. I guess I could start dressing up better. Start putting on makeup. But I hate wearing makeup! And there is NOTHING wrong with the way I dress! I'm up to date with fashion! UGH! He got me doubting my weight AND my fashion sense! I hate him!

I rinse away the sauce from the towel and throw it in the sink. Turning around to raid the fridge again, I find he's still here. Well, I'm not going to speak to him. Screw the fridge! I slam the door shut hard, and head over the cupboards. Cookies. Good. I don't care if they have calories. I'll just get fat. No one wants me anyhow.

I Walk back over to the table and take my previous seat in front of him. I glance at him; he looks even worse than before. Well, I refuse to care! I'll just sit hear and eat my lovely double peanut butter chocolate cream cookies, dipped in a jar of chocolate syrup. Bliss.

"Are you mad at me?"

I can barely make out his voice over the crunch of my cookies. Looking up at him, he's staring at me. I refuse to answer.

"I take that as a yes."

Damn right it's a yes! You made me doubt my fashion sense! And my weight! I hate you!

"I'll leave now; it's going to be weird for me staying around."

Go on, leave then. See if I care.

He looks at me as if I would make a comment and ask him to stay. But I'm not going to. He gets up from his chair and walks slowly towards the door. Surprised, I follow him to the door.

He pulls it open and is just about to step out into the dark. He looks at me sadly. "I'm sorry..."

He steps out side, and pulls the door. It's almost closed.

"You know what?" I call, reaching for the door. He pushes it back to face me.

We are so close to each other again. Just like how we were before Fawkes came. I can feel his breath on my face.

"You know what?" I repeat, suddenly anger filling me once again.

He sensed it and stepped back onto the front porch. "What?"

"I'm sorry too."

He opens his mouth to say something, but I don't want to hear it. Before he can, I slam the door in his face.

My back is against the door. My breating is coming out quick. Did I really just do that? What happens if I ruined my chance? What if we could've gotten together? But he didn't want to. He didn't want a relationship. You heard him, he wanted to stay single throughout the rest of his life. He couldn't stand for someone else to make him sad again. He wants comfort. He wants someone to understand. I understand. I've known him for so long. How can he not know it?

I can make him happy. I can comfort him.

But he doesn't want me to.

Sliding to the ground, pulling myself into a ball, I sit there, staring into space, thinking about nothing an everything.

I've never known myself to cry that long.

- - - - - -

One week has passed. It has been the slowest week in my entire life. The most painful week I've ever spent alone. Well, not really alone. James was here. But let's not talk about him. I've never hated him more than I do now. Constance came back two days ago, looking as dead as ever. We only exchanged hellos, and went about ourselves. We kept moving around the house, but what we were doing, we had no clue. It's as if we were trying to keep ourselves busy from thinking about anything. But the more there is nothing to do, the more you think. And the more you think, the more you dwell. Dwelling doesn't really lead to the best things.

I must've lost a few pounds. I haven't eaten since those cookies. I haven't been inside the kitchen since that night. The kitchen reminds me of things I don't want to remember.

I thought of phoning Dex again, but honestly; what's the use in that now? We both know I like James. We'd just feel uncomfortable and dishonest around each other. Best not to fuck up another relationship. I'm so confused I don't even know what to do.

Currently, I'm staring at the blank television screen. I'm thirsty, but I really do not want to set foot into that kitchen. I see Constance shuffling into the room. Giving a glance at her, I see there are rings under her eyes. Her hair hasn't been brushed and is now frizzed and everywhere, like my own. She's chalk white. She sits on the other couch wearily. Her hand is clutched around her wand.

"Constance?" I ask, unsurely. She must look worse than me.

"Y-yes?" she replies, shaking. I always thought Constance was the braver of the two of us.

"You okay?'

"Fine."

"I missed you."

"Thank you."

Never have I ever had such a conversation with her like this. It doesn't feel right. I walk over to her and sit beside her. Her reaction was to jump up and move as far away from me on the couch as possible. Is she scared of me?

"I won't hurt you, Constance. It's me, Lily."

No answer. She just looks so scared. What did Remus do to her?!

"Constance?"

Still no answer. Her eyes are glassy; she's starting to scare me. What happened to her?

I prod her with my finger. "Hey..."

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she shrieks, bouncing off the couch, and sprinting on the other one, taking the furthest seat from me.

She's never been like this. She's never been like this with me. Is it just me, or am I repelling everyone I talk to nowadays? What did I do? I don't know... oh great. I'm crying again. She doesn't need to be this mean. I'm just concerned for her! She doesn't need to yell at me like I'm some sort of psycho! She's the psycho, with that face and attitude!

I bury my face in my hands, crying. I'm scared, I'm hurt, and I've been rejected twice in a week. This is dumb! I can't stand it anymore! I stand up, and stomp over to Constance.

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" I demand, looming over her. She shrinks back, shielding her face from mine. She seems to be making scared noses. "Huh?! What's wrong?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG?!"

Through my yelling, I'm crying. I hate this.

"What do you want from me?" she asks, her voice small and tight. She cowers in her seat.

"I asked you what's wrong! You're never like this! Why are you acting like this? And why are you scared of me?! Is it something I did?!"

"No..."

"THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING MATTER WITH YOU?!"

"Lily, you're going crazy..."

"I'M GOING CRAZY?! I'M GOING CRAZY?!?! WHAT ABOUT YOU?! YOU SCREAMED WHEN I TOUCHED YOU, YOU WON'T TALK TO ME, AND YOU LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS!!!!!!"

"Stop it."

"IS IT ME?! DID I DO SOMETHING?! DO YOU HATE ME?! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!"

"Stop it!"

"IS IT REMUS? HE MADE YOU HATE ME HUH!"

"STOP IT!!!!"

She's standing up now, regaining her composure. We both stand in front of each other, breathing heavily, both crying.

"Lily, I'm scared," she eventually says, looking down.

"Me too, Constance," I reply.

We both finally look at each other. I see my own self in her; scared, angry, confused.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," she whispers.

"I'm sorry for acting up on you," I answer.

Tears are streaming down my face. She sees them, and wipes them away for me, as I do the same thing to her. She holds out her arms for me. I gladly take them. Hugging can really help.

It is here that we both let our true feelings out. It is here that we realized some things are better off unsaid. It is here that we know is the right moment to cry.

I've never been more grateful for my bestfriend then at this moment.

- - - - - - -

One month. One whole month. And nothing has been the same since.

Constance and I have never been closer. I love her; she's the only thing I can really count on these days. Since that day we spent crying and hugging, we've spent most of the month together in comfortable silences. We tried cheering each other up by telling jokes; we figured it was time to move on. To dwell on something that is past doesn't do anything but bring bigger pain. And it worked.

The both of us are now fully rejuvinated. We had decided to go to a muggle spa, treating ourselves to mud baths and massages. It was really good to get all that tension out of us; we both felt much better by the end of it. We even decided to go on a shopping spree. I had brought clothes and dozens of pairs of shoes while Constance unloaded her purse for muggle toys. Her favourite is the yoyo. She's so fascinated by it, I swear, while she would be playing with it, she wouldn't even notice the house burn down.

I've seen Serene twice since the incident. She seemed better composed than Constance and I did at first, but after the three of us spent a day talking, she let her guard down and cried. We cried with her. The second time we saw her, she had renewed herself as Constance and I did. She had told us that she decided not to think about it, and just go meditating. It worked for her, I guess.

It's strange how the death of a little boy can cause so much effect on all of us. For one thing, we weren't close to the Woods at all. We knew them, and yes, we sometimes talked, but we never KNEW them. But Oliver was such a sweet kid; everyone who met him loved him. How can someone murder an innocent little boy?

I've seen Sirius and Remus five times. Remus had come to visit Constance sometimes, giving her more comfort. They both came to talk to me too, about James. They told me that James wanted to say he was sorry. I don't even care anymore. He's not a part of my life.

At the moment, I'm at work, in my cubicle. Serene is right here beside me, as it is our lunch break. Since the incident, we've decided to not step out of the office until home time, as an extra precaution.

"Where's Sirius?" I ask through a mouthfull of dumplings.

"Oh, up and about the office, I suppose," she answered, waving her drink in the air. "He's become a different person. He started riding his weird flying bike around more often."

"He's not scared?"

"I think it's his only means of escape."

"So, how are things?"

"You're asking me? I should be asking you! You haven't seen James around much, have you?"

"No, and I don't want to."

"Well, don't look now then, because he's heading in our direction."

And here he is, right in front of my cubicle wall, with Sirius beside him looking airborne.

Serene giggles at her boyfriend, something I haven't done in a while. "You look handsome," she says, still laughing at his attire.

"Oh, that I already knew," he replied, puffing his chest out. "Would someone as gorgeous as you like to escort me on a ride?"

Say no, Serene, please say no.

"Sure!"

DAMN IT!

I see her getting off the chair beside me, packing her things. Once she's done, she turns to me. "Sorry to leave you hanging, Lily. But I think there's a few thigns we all need to get out of our systems."

She takes the hand Sirius holds out for her, and then - they're gone. Leaving Potter behind with me.

James comes around the cubicle wall and takes the seat that had previously occupied Serene. We are both silent.

"May I help you?" I ask, trying to sound proffessional, as if this were a mere meeting.

He cocks an eyebrow. "Actually, yes, you can."

"And what with?"

"You can help by explaining why you've been avoiding me."

"Nonsense, I haven't been avoiding you."

Okay, that's a lie. I know. But I don't want anything to do with him!

"Then why won't you even look at me?" he asks, his voice sounding like a yearn. Is he yearning for me? Don't think about that.

I sit up straightly in my chair and revert my eyes to his. "There, I'm looking at you."

"You know what I mean Lily."

"So what?"

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

"There's nothing to avoid, James. You can't avoid something that isn't anything to you."

"What's that suppossed to mean?"

"It means that you aren't anything to me."

At this comment, he glares at me. Boy, his glares are quite scary in daylight. I feel myself shrink back.

"I don't mean anything to you?' He asks, in deadly calm. Okay, don't panic. DON'T panic.

"No," I reply defiantly, though I'm still moving backwards.

"If I don't mean anything to you, then why do you like me?"

"How do you know I still like you?"

"Because you've been avoiding me."

Okay, that's a point for him.

"Look, James. I don't want anything to do with you, okay?" I state, finally stopping as my cubicle won't let me go any further.

He looks at me hard, as if I've just punched him. "No, it's not okay."

"Why not? It's my decision on who I want in my life!"

"It's not okay because you know you don't want me to go away."

"And how would you know?"

"I know because you still like me!"

"So what?! Nothing's going to happen, as you so finely stated back in my kitchen! You don't want a relationship, you don't want anything! So why are you worked up about it?"

He's silent. He can't answer. Ha! I will NOT let him get to me.

"Because I'm scared to lose a friend."

Okay, that got me. And I'm stumped. I can't think of anything to say.

"Why can't we just be friends?" he asks, looking down at his hands.

"Because," I start, resting my hands on my desk. "We're so different. We started off hating each other. Well, you then decided to like me for some unknown reason - which I don't really want to know. And then when we became friends, I started to like you. And you found someone else."

"Okay...?"

"No matter what happens to us, James, it's going to be weird. We can't get along as friends if all this shit is going to stop us and intrude."

"I see."

"We're just... not... friendship material I guess."

And then it hits me. We're not friendship material. So I get my wish don't I? Since we can't be friends, James Potter will officially be out of my life, just like how I asked for it. But I never really meant it. I was just angry.

"Not friendship material..." he echoes. He looks so lost, so lonely, as if he was a little kid again. "So now what?"

Good question; now what?

"Maybe - " I start to say, but am cut off by him.

"Maybe we should just... end it right here, don't you think? Incase anything starts getting worse. We'll still be frie - oh wait, we can't."

"No, we can't."

"Well, I'll see you around here then."

"Yes... you will."

"Goodbye Lily. And thank you for those last months of giving me a chance."

He gets up to leave my cubicle, but before he goes, he pulls me up to my feet.

"Uh..." I stutter, not exactly sure what's happening.

He gives me a look of sadness and anger. But it's not anger for me. It's anger for himself.

"Maybe I should have asked you out back that night. Maybe I shouldn't have said I didn't want a relationship. But that's all past, and it's lead us to here. I'm sorry," he says, never keeping his eyes off mine.

Looking into the hazel orbs framed by his horn-rimmed glasses, I can just lose myself. And before I know it, I feel a tingle on my lips. But as soon as I feel it, the sensation is gone.

He turns to leave me, standing there in ecstasy and misery. My fingers are pressed to my lips; I'm astonished at what just happened.

I can still feel the tingle playing on my mouth.