Wake Me Up Inside
Chapter Two
What you think you know
They met in the library everyday for the next two weeks, discussing how they were going to make this work, as well as teaching Sirius basic French with the aid of a very nice book Remus had found. (Or at least nice in Remus' opinion. Sirius hated the damn thing.) A very strict teacher enchanted the book and if Sirius didn't repeat or use a word correctly it began to insult him in very fluent, and angry, French.
Only a week of school remained and the problem of how to make it convincing enough for even Romulus hung over them. Remus was starting to have hundredth doubts (having long since passed up second doubts) about the entire scheme.
Sirius however was more determined than ever. Give the teen a challenge and he'd do everything in his power to conquer it. That was just who he was. Whether or not that was a good thing was something Remus wasn't totally sure of.
Remus had his head pillowed on his arms and was watching Sirius becoming increasing annoyed with the book in his hands. Finally Sirius shut it and shoved it back into his bag. Remus smiled, feeling a little sleepy. The library was warm and quiet, save the whispers of other students, and it was easy to relax in such a place.
"The things I do for you Remmie."
"I appreciate it." Remus said, fighting back a yawn.
"You'd better." Sirius muttered, looking around. They'd chosen a table in the back of the library, where they were almost sure to not be disturbed. Yet Sirius looked a little uneasy. "Hey Rem?"
"Yes?" He looked up, blinking tiredly.
He had the strange urge to push his glasses up on his nose, but didn't. Really, he despised the things. His eyesight was fine, beyond fine actually, which was the problem. He'd found he could see things there was no way the average person could see, so enchanted glasses in order to make his vision worse were needed, in order to keep people from being suspicious.
It'd become needed after an incident involving a rouge bludger and a certain annoying Slytherin…
They were little more than a pain in the ass.
"I was wondering…how far are we taking this?"
"What?" Remus asked, stretching some. He was trying to wake himself, but had the feeling that he was failing miserably.
"I mean…this. How far does it go? How long have we been together, are we sleeping together, are we affectionate or not, do we kiss in front of other people…that sort of thing."
Remus sat up abruptly and this time did push up his glasses. "I…don't know. This was your plan, in case you've forgotten."
Sirius nodded, clearly trying not to laugh. "You're right, but you should be in on this too. You're half of this relationship after all." Remus nodded, swallowing. "So, how long?"
"A few months, I think. Nothing too long, so my parents don't start contemplating weddings, but anything too short and they'll be upset I brought you. More upset." He added, as an after thought.
"Are we sleeping together?"
"No." Remus said quickly, and then blushed at the amused look his friend was now wearing. "I mean…no offense or anything, I'm sure you'd be…umm…"
"Great in bed? So I've been told." Sirius was all cheeky confidence now and all Remus could do was continue to blush and stammer, feeling more and more like an idiot with each passing second. Then, seemingly taking pity upon him, Sirius reached out and took his hand. "Its fine. If anyone asks, and people will just to be annoying, we can say we're waiting."
"And they'll think that really I'm just too much of a girl to sleep with you." Remus sighed. It was odd, he realized, that he wasn't taking his hand back from Sirius, but instead was sitting there and watching their intertwined fingers. Even odder that Sirius was holding his hand.
"Would that be the truth? I mean, honest Remmie, if you wanted you could have-"
"I'm waiting." Remus interrupted, shrugging. Sirius' thumb moved over the back of his hand, making small circles and Remus could feel that his hand was rough, calloused, and nothing like his own. Sirius smiled and nodded.
"Than that'll be the only true thing we say." Remus nodded his agreement, but couldn't stop himself from wishing there was more truth to this than there really was. "And what about this?"
Sirius was gesturing to their hands and Remus blinked, clueless. What the hell was he asking? He was rather distracted by the contact and the warmth his friend had. He couldn't explain it, but he felt utterly content, in spite of the fact it was all just a huge lie.
That didn't change how comforting and…real it felt.
"The touching. Do we touch, hold hands, stand close to each other…all of that stuff."
Remus licked his bottom lip. "I suppose. That's how these things work, right?" Sirius should have known better than to ask him. His entire relationship knowledge came from watching Lily and James, and it went without saying that anything they pretended to have couldn't be like that, for obvious reasons.
The first being that the Ministry, being only mildly ahead of the Muggle-World, had been forced to declassify homosexual sex as a crime less than a decade before. Ironically it hadn't always been that way, not did it make much sense. An estimated 35% of the Wizarding world was less than hetero, which was said to explain why Muggles outnumbered them by so much. Odds are the law had been passes at a time of anti-Muggle feeling, to encourage more breeding within the magical families.
Hogwarts was, as far as a school that was equal parts pureblood and Muggle-born went, fairly open minded about the relationships its students pursued. Purebloods frowned on homosexual relationships (because they felt that anything that got in the way of purebloods having as many children as possible was bad), and Half Bloods tended to follow along that train of thought as well. Muggle-Borns, however, seemed open to just about anything, no matter what the laws were when they returned home for the summer.
After all, if magic and the like existed, why should they care if two boys or two girls wanted to date? At least that was something they'd heard of before…not that outrageous when you considered it. Sadly, both Sirius and Remus were from pureblood families. It went without saying that Remus' family wasn't going to be pleased, no matter how often they looked away when his male relatives came around. They probably expected him to settle down and marry a nice girl regardless.
Still, as 'open' as things were in comparison to other places, you still didn't see gay couples hugging and kissing in the Great Hall, or holding hands in the hallway, or cuddling and making out in the library during free periods. Well…maybe the last one, sometimes if they were either very bold or popular enough to withstand what others would say, but not the other two.
No one was that bold. Not even Sirius.
Couples wouldn't face too much criticism or hatred out in front everyone, as most people would frown on open displays of bigotry, but there would be whispers and rumors, mostly from the Slytherin end of the spectrum. And everyone would shrug, because what was the harm in talk?
"More or less." Sirius said, nodding. "And what about kissing?"
Remus knew he was blushing again. "What about it?"
"Do we? Don't we? Are there rules if we do? Closed mouth, hands above the waist, only when we're sure someone would be watching…?"
"…have you done this type of thing before?" Remus asked, looking away from Sirius.
"Nah. Just don't want there to be any misunderstandings." Sirius smiled. "You're too good a friend for me to risk anything going wrong, or doing something you don't approve of."
Remus wasn't sure what to think of that. It was great that Sirius was about him, and how he felt about this…but it was also disturbing that he could try and make things comfortable for him, yet couldn't see how completely gone Remus was over him…
"Well…I guess, kissing is needed, to be convincing. And…we shouldn't over plan it, otherwise it might look forced." He let out a breath. "I won't be upset if you just…decide to kiss me or something, its for the image. And…lets keep it school appropriate, I think. I am a blushing virgin after all."
"True enough." Sirius smiled, then leered at him. "So, should we practice?"
"…kissing?" Remus chuckled nervously. "Real funny Siri."
"Whose joking? It's for authenticity. It simply won't do if, for our first public kiss, you pass out from the sheer amazement of the experience, or turn beet red, as you are so prone to doing." Sirius sounded very calm and logical, as if this was as routine as discussing Quidditch plays to him, or the latest prank.
And, in a way, it was just the latest prank.
Remus bit his bottom lip, thinking for a moment. "You know I've never kissed anyone before." Cousins and people his parents tried to force upon him aside. Those didn't count, since they usually consisted of Remus grimacing and wondering what it would take for his parents to get the hint.
"Well, Remmie, you are one of my two best friends and you do tell me everything about your personal life, sad and non-existent though it may be, so yes, I am aware."
"So I'm probably no good at it." Remus continued.
Sirius tilted his head off to the side. "Maybe."
Remus pulled his hand back finally, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "And people may notice that sort of thing, right?"
"It's possible."
"So practice wouldn't be…horrible."
Sirius smirked. "Finally I get to teach you something. It'll be fun." He paused. "Assuming you don't mind that your first kiss is going to be…a bit of a scam."
Remus shrugged, deciding to refrain from saying that as long as it was Sirius, he didn't mind that it'd be 'for the sake of image' because that seemed terribly pathetic and obsessive, even in Remus' own mind, so he couldn't even imagine how bad it would sound out loud.
"I think I'll get over it."
Sirius nodded again then looked around. "And what about the break up? I mean, when we get back to school, we'll have to tell people something."
"I'll tell them I caught you snogging one of my cousins." Sirius scowled and Remus smiled. "Its perfectly believable and you know it."
"Let's refrain from damaging my reputation any more than it all ready is. How about…difference in direction."
"Okay."
Sirius nodded then, with a smile that reeked of mischief, leaned over the table and pressed his lips against Remus'. Remus stiffened, staring straight forward with wide-eyes. He looked everywhere but at Sirius for a moment, considering.
He was kissing Sirius…well, really, Sirius was kissing him and he was sitting there looking like an idiot, but…the basic principal still applied. Lips…Sirius…His…Touching.
A hand touched the side of his face then moved back to thread through his hair and pull him closer. Something wet flicked over his lips and, not sure what else he could do, Remus parted them obligingly. Sirius' tongue moved over his and he couldn't hold back the groan the bubbled up inside of him.
Then he heard it, a gasp and a snicker. It must have been close, because Sirius heard it too and pulled back, looking in the direction it'd come from. Remus turned too, while one hand went up to brush over his lips, which he was willing to swear were tingling.
He saw a flash of black and purple and arched an eyebrow. The only person he knew of with such a color scheme was Lisa Row, a Ravenclaw girl and by far the hugest gossip to ever walk the face of the earth. She liked to talk about everyone and everything, no matter how little truth there was to the actual rumor.
After all, what was the truth or the feelings of those involved when you had a juicy piece of someone's personal life just waiting to be revealed to the entire populace of Hogwarts, right?
Or perhaps Remus took it all far too seriously. He didn't care much for gossip and gossips. It was a rare occasion that he was ever spoken of, but he recalled last year rumors of a 'drug addiction' (As an explanation for his frequent illness and paler than normal exterior) had run rampant. It eventually came to a point that he was a prostitute, Sirius his pimp, and James his best customer.
It hadn't bothered him then, and still didn't, but he'd known Lily had been furious over the whole thing.
"Everyone will know she saw us by the end of the week."
"Well, no worries then, since we'll be on the train by then." Sirius said, looking nothing short of cheerful and sly. Remus blinked once then sighed, leaning back in his chair.
"You knew she was there."
"Why, Remmie, I'm sure I don't know what you're trying to imply."
"Oh spare me Siri. You knew she was there and you kissed me knowing she would see it, and even if she hadn't, we're out in front of…everyone. Explain for those of us who are slightly confused."
"Com'n, I'll explain on the way to the tower." Remus got up and gathered his things quickly. They left the library and Remus was willing to swear that already people were looking at them oddly. "Lisa will make sure everyone knows in a matter of moments and, since we want this convincing, its something everyone needs to be in on."
"So you are basically entrusting Lisa to do all the footwork for you?"
"Exactly mate."
"That's rather devious of you Padfoot."
Sirius swept into a low bow. "I try Moony, I try."
"Yeah. It's all fun and games until the wrong person finds out." Remus said, sighing. It was borderline common knowledge that Remus didn't like girls, but he certainly didn't…flaunt it, out in the open. Maybe it was stupid, but he was genuinely afraid someone with a less than favorable opinion would find out and when they weren't within the safety of Hogwarts…
Well things happened.
It wasn't that he feared getting hurt, he sincerely doubted anyone in Hogwarts could actually hurt him, unless they had silver handy, but he was afraid of hurting someone else. His ability to control the wolf was good, and he didn't think he'd react too strongly if he was the one in trouble.
But if this had negative repercussions for Sirius…
He could almost feel a growl working at the back of his throat at the thought. It wouldn't be pleasant for those involved, that much he could promise.
"Don't worry Remmie, I'll protect you." Sirius' tone was light, but Remus could hear an undertone of seriousness. And he looked up at the younger teen and smiled, before shaking his head some.
"Sirius-"
"I mean it." Sirius' smile dropped way completely. "I wouldn't let anyone hurt you…I mean…you know what I mean, right? I wouldn't let anything happen."
Remus chuckled and nodded. "I understand. Really Sirius, I never thought you could be so sweet and thoughtful." He made his voice a high falsetto and batted his eyes playfully. "I just don't know what I'd do without you!"
Sirius shoved him, a blush creeping up over his cheeks. Remus laughed even as he stumbled, but regained his balance quickly, before falling back into step with Sirius.
"Aww, Siri, come'n, is that any way to treat your boyfriend?" A few people in the hallways turned to look at them. Sirius blinked as well, as if he couldn't believe Remus had actually said that out loud. Remus didn't blame him; he couldn't believe he'd said it either. What the hell had he been thinking, people didn't…
Oh.
His mind pulled an expert shut down when Sirius pushed him against a wall and kissed him again.
Maybe Sirius was that bold.
Remus swept his hair out of his face as he walked down the near empty halls. It was near time for curfew and, Prefect or not, he had to be in the tower. …Well, actually, being a Prefect meant he really had to be in the tower, so he could be sure everyone else was in the tower.
And, while he made exceptions for his friends on occasion, he tried, at least, to enforce the rules. He just…felt like he owed the others sometimes, and that letting them sneak in or out every now and then was the least of what he could do.
He really was a horrible prefect. He didn't know what the hell McGonagall and Dumbledore had been thinking when they'd reinstated him for another year.
He turned the corner and nearly slammed into Severus Snape, of all possible people. He took a step back and prepared himself what would surely be an unwanted confrontation. Severus was still smarting over that whole 'werewolf' thing, Remus knew, and was likely to haul off and hex him without a seconds notice.
He was surprised, however, when Severus just crossed his arms over his chest, before glancing over his shoulder. A pale white hand snaked out of the shadows, touching Severus' shoulder, then a girl walked out. It took Remus a moment to identify the girl as Autumn Pryce, a Gryffindor. Or, she had been at least. Remus had been sure she dropped out the year before.
Her eyes were so pale they almost seemed to glow white in the dim lamplight. Her lips quirked and she tilted her head off to the side. She'd once had rust colored hair, long and curly, that the vast majority of females had envied, but now it was cut in a style similar to the one James wore.
"Remus. It's been far too long."
"Autumn." He said, looking between the two of them nervously. The older girl smiled, mischief plain in her eyes.
"You know, of all the wolves I've met, you're the nicest." She rested her chin on Snape' shoulder and pouted, ignoring the shocked look Remus was wearing. "It's such a shame, the way things are going to go for you. Lots of heartache, only fleeting moments of happiness. And, by the way, Cerberus is a splendid middle name, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
Well, he was officially confused. He'd heard rumors that Autumn was a seer, and was prone to horrible seizures as such, but this was kind of freaky. He was tempted to ask her what the hell she meant, but something more pressing plagued him.
She'd called him a wolf.
He glared at Snape, who just blinked at him placidly, then looked down at the petite woman.
"You're frightening him Autumn."
"She is not!" Remus said indignantly. "What I want to know is how she knows what I am."
"I know everything about everyone. I can see into the very depths of your mind and soul." She intoned and he shivered. She held his gaze for a moment, and then snorted loudly. "I'm sorry Remus, but it just too tempting to resist. No, actually, Severus told me. He's got a big mouth."
"Autumn."
"Well, you do. But it's okay, I hear Lucius gets quite the thrill out of it."
"That's disgusting." Never mind the fact that he was sure Lucius Malfoy was engaged to Sirius' cousin Narcissa, that was just…disgusting.
"Yes." Snape nodded slowly. "I agree completely."
"Though probably in a different fashion." Autumn said, bouncing gleefully. "Right Severus?"
The Slytherin smirked. "Undoubtedly." He quirked an eyebrow at her and she giggled before turning back to Remus, hands clasped behind her back.
"I'll tell you a secret in return, to make up for Severus being a naughty boy."
"Autumn…"
Remus hesitated. "If you're going to tell me you two were shagging I don't want to know."
"…Well, we were, but that's not it." She giggled again while smoothing back her hair.
"We were not."
"Not for lack of trying Severus. You have such a stick up your arse. Or perhaps the problem is you want a stick up your arse. I forget sometimes." She muttered, walking away from the taller teen. He rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything else. She leaned forward and put her hands on Remus' shoulder. Her lips brushed against his ear as she spoke and he couldn't help but shiver.
Damn but she was scary.
"Two decades from now, your son will hold my son as he suffers his first vision." She paused for a moment then smirked. "And Severus thinks your bum is cute, but that's not important."
Before Remus could react Snape had the woman by the arm and was shoving her back from the shadows they'd emerged from, which Remus realized was really one of the many secret rooms Hogwarts was riddled with. She was laughing and shouted over her shoulder.
"And I think you and Black are a cute couple. Good luck with that!"
Snape glared at the offending hole in the wall, then chanced a glance at him. "Close your mouth Lupin, its wholly unattractive. You can't hope to keep Black's attention if you plan to gape like that all of the time."
Remus shut his mouth with an audible click then stared at the Slytherin, finding himself unable to resist the temptation. "You think my bum is cute?"
Snape fixed a withering glare on him and Remus was suddenly very glad looks couldn't kill; otherwise he'd be one very dead teenager. He laughed softly then continued on his trek to the tower.
For some odd reason it didn't occur to him that there was no reason Autumn should have been in the castle, or her first odd comment. She was, after all, a Gryffindor who spent all her time with Slytherins, it went without saying that she was a little nutty.
For those of you who've read 'Should Have Been', yes Autumn is Chase's mum. She went round the bend a bit faster than Chase did though. Chase could probably make twenty without showing any effects of his powers, beyond a morbid sense of humor, Autumn worked herself into a coma by the time she was twenty-six.
Hp4Me: Well I'm glad you're glad.
I Shave Clowns: Remind me to run the French part of your review through a translator… Thanks nonetheless.
Tanya: LOL. Well, strong reactions are always encouraging…I just hope you didn't shout that out loud. And I try to update once a week, so I hope that's soon enough for you.
Phinea: Nah, my French sucks, trust me.
Chimerical: Well Sirius doesn't use the library much. He's one of those 'sit and class and absorb' types, not a 'study' type. And I agree…where would we be, as a society, without Pads and Moony angst-ridden fluff I ask you!
Firesnake: Well I can't tell you, cause that'd ruin the surprise. Just believe that there is a lot more going on with the Lupin family that we suspect. As for AU…in a technical sense, sorta. Not as AU as the stories that follow, but still…
Lilsi: Romulus is rather…iffy, isn't he? Poor Remus…
Obviously : Thanks hon.
Broken Bottle: Deleted it for repairs. The French…I can't tell you what it means, exactly. I don't remember all of it. The basic gist was that Rom needed to get the hell out of Remus' affairs.