Wake Me Up Inside
Notes: I suppose I should have explained this better last chapter. (I think that's one of the dangers in writing. You get it because you wrote it and sometimes the fact that everyone else doesn't have the same foresight as you tends to escape you.) James and Peter were surprised/disturbed. The Bet thing was Lily's 'plan' of sorts to make it seem like they were all very supportive and not at all shocked.
Warnings: Vague incest hints or…something of that nature. Just be content in the knowledge that Sirius comes from a vastly screwed up family and probably had deeply rooted psychological issues that will most likely never be resolved. …hey, I'm a writer, not a shrink.
Chapter Four
It's not to be so alone
Remus didn't know how it happened. Sirius had left the compartment for a few moments to go to the bathroom and wound up being cornered by his brother, cousins (or whatever they were to him), Lestrange, and a wary looking Snape. If hadn't known better he would have thought Snape wanted to be anywhere except where he was.
But that didn't make sense. The creepy little bastard never missed a chance to taunt him to the fullest extent of his ability because…well, because he was Snape. It was just what he did. Usually. Not so much since the werewolf exposure thing.
Remus considered barging in and…doing something. What he wasn't really sure but he didn't think it was a good idea to let Sirius's relatives harass him anymore than they probably already had. He'd come to see what was taking Sirius so long (since he'd been missing almost ten minutes) and now was hiding less than completely discreetly in the next car. They were all huddled close to the door and he ducked to the side of it and could hear them clearly as well as see them.
…So, maybe werewolf-advanced senses weren't always so bad. And hopefully he'd go unnoticed. Not that he thought spying was a good idea. He was just…a bit curious. He couldn't be blamed for it; it wasn't like Sirius took the time to tell him anything about his family, beyond them being terrible and hatful. He'd met his parents once or twice and couldn't seem to escape the presence that was Regulus.
He hadn't cared at first because Sirius and Regulus had gotten along very well when his younger brother had started at Hogwarts but now… now they treated each other with a sort of detached air. Not that Sirius seemed to hate his brother or had turned off whatever brotherly affection he'd had. There were sill moments when Remus knew that his friend cared.
"What do you want?"
"I've heard some rumors." Bellatrix said while tilting her head to the side. She was in her seventh year, meaning that they'd hopefully be rid of her for good, along with her slightly out there boyfriend. "About you and a certain little bookworm reject."
Bookworm reject? Had she really just called him that? His brother came up with more hurtful insults in his sleep. Honestly.
Sirius bristled. "Don't call him that. It's none of your concern-"
"Of course it is!" Bell put a hand on his shoulder and shoved him back until his back was against the wall. Remus more felt then heard the dull thud. He had to fight to keep from snapping at her. How dare she put her hands on Sirius?
It was strange because Sirius once looked up to her. She was older, wiser, stronger, and had always been a bit of a mystery to him. He had been, for a time, completely entranced by her. Remus supposed it was kind of like hero worship and had been kind of jealous of how the girl had made Sirius' eyes light up by just entering a room.
Sirius liked to chalk it up to temporary insanity and a very depressing phase he'd gone through. Remus wasn't too sure about all of that but found he didn't mind much. He'd never really liked her the moment they'd first met. Something about her just wriggled its way under his skin and left him with a sick slimy feeling all over.
"We're family after all." She smiled widely, showing off her teeth. She leaned into him and her lips hovered dangerously close to his ear. Remus decided that he'd rather like to pull her face off and then shove it down her prejudiced little throat. "You don't think wanting to run away from us will change that do you Sirius?"
Stupid wench.
"Bella." Remus could hear Sirius' teeth grinding together in annoyance.
"Yes?" She sounded strange cooing like that.
"Would you kindly get the bloody hell away from me?"
Her fingers twisted in Sirius' hair and she made no move to get away from him. "Now Sirius is that any way to be treating me? You know you've always been one of my favorites and you've never been so eager to get away from me before."
Sirius put a hand on her shoulder and forcibly pushed her away. "Don't touch me. We're not…this isn't…bugger it, just don't touch me. Lastrange can't you control your girlfriend."
She scowled and shook her head. "You know better. No one controls me. I did want to tell you about my engagement."
Remus imagined how Sirius' lip must have been curling. "You actually want to marry her? …I will never understand what makes you people tick. Hell, even you three can't be this hard up for friends. Though, I hear you're engaged to that git Malfoy."
Narcissa Black, who reminded Remus more of a china doll that the Black's trotted out when they needed a pretty empty headed trinket, looked up. Her gray eyes shimmered from beneath blond bangs. She was a year behind him and had recently turned fifteen (Remus remembered the flurry of owls that had come with gifts that day.) Lucius Malfoy was turning twenty-one in the next few weeks, as it was splashed all over the papers.
It seemed kind of…wrong to Remus. Maybe it was just him though.
"Yes." She remarked softly. "I am."
He heard Sirius sigh again. "Right. Why don't you all go wallow in your happily pathetic bliss and leave my life alone? I've been blasted from the tapestry, why can't we leave it at that."
"It's not that easy Sirius. You can't just leave us."
"Sure I can." Sirius sounded surprised. "You want to know if I'm with Remus? It's none of your business who I choose to be with so how about you-"
"You haven't been the same ever since you made friends with Lupin and those others."
"James and I have been friends for years."
"But you aren't buggering Potter and that makes all the difference in the world." Regulus all but growled at his brother. "What is so special about Lupin anyway? What about has you turning into such a pounce?"
"I am not turning into anything!"
"He's right." Bellatrix was speaking again, more musing than anything. "You've dated before Sirius. What secret does this little conquest hold?"
"He isn't a conquest and he doesn't have any secrets." Sirius' voice kind of dropped off towards the end and Remus couldn't help but look at Snape who looked like he was ready to flee at any moment. Apparently Sirius had looked as well because everyone else turned and Snape managed to look even paler than usual.
"You know something Severus?"
Remus heard Sirius curse softly and imagined he was glaring at Snape. Remus wanted to tell him to stop because pissing Snape off wasn't really something they could afford to do anymore. Or at least not something he could afford anymore… they'd already seen that Snape would blab to someone, even if she was a half-crazy girl who no one would believe, it was probably best not to tempt him.
Snape snorted then, while Remus contemplated what would happen when he was exposed because he doubted Snape would do anything but when confronted by his friends, spoke. "I know a great many things about many things Bellatrix. You'll have to more specific."
Remus' head collided with the wall dully as he nearly pitched over. The train had lurched and, combined with the surprise of Snape's flippant reply, he'd lost his footing. He held his breath for a moment, wondering if anyone had heard. At first he thought they were too caught up in their little glaring match to notice him, but then Snape's eyes flickered over his way.
The pale teen quirked an eyebrow in a way that could only be called ironic, before putting his eyes back on Bellatrix. Remus decided it best to duck a little bit lower just in case.
"Severus do not play games with me." Her tone held the promise of…something nasty if he defied her. Remus found himself believing she'd do something right there in the middle of the train, where anyone could come out of their compartment and see. She had never seemed to sort to mind attention, bad or otherwise. "As much…fun as you have proven to be for all of us, things can become very nasty very fast."
Snape's mouth twisted into a smile that was more like a pained grimace. "You actually thought I was having fun?"
Bellatrix moved fast…only not really. Remus saw the way her muscles tensed and how her arm cocked back clearly and he also saw Snape roll his eyes heavenward and sigh as if he saw it all as well. She smacked him and Remus imagined she did it rather hard because the sound seemed to reverberate throughout the car he was in. He half expected people to come peering out of their compartments to see what all the commotion was about.
No one did.
"You will not defy me!"
Snape didn't even flinch. He blinked mildly then put a hand to his lip, which was bleeding slightly. His tongue flicked out, gathering the blood, before shrugging in response. She growled then whirled back to Sirius.
"I'm afraid our little heart to heart will have to wait until later Sirius. You'll have to find another compartment for the ride."
Snape's lips quirked like he was going to smile or laugh but instead he just turned and left. He opened the door and a rush of air went past Remus' head. He looked up at Snape who didn't even look back down at him.
"She's rather harmless Lupin. Don't trouble yourself."
With that he began to walk down the car very deliberately. He left and Remus blinked. Who the hell was he talking about? What the hell had any of them been talking about? Why did he have such a goddamn headache all of a sudden?
The door opened again and an annoyed voice drew his attention. "Moony?"
Ah. Busted. He was pretty sure he didn't care. He was still watching the door Snape had just gone out of and decided that looking up wasn't necessary just yet. "You have a very strange family Padfoot."
He could almost feel Sirius rolling his eyes. "Saw that did you? Spying isn't nice."
"So?" He straightened up and met Sirius' eyes. The black-haired teen looked torn between amusement and worry. "I learned from you and James."
"Damn. I knew teaching you all of my tricks would come back to haunt me." The annoyance was gone from his voice and his usual laughing tone was back. An arm found it's way around his shoulders and he found himself being steered back towards where their friends were.
"I take it they didn't like me."
"Nope. They think you're the cause of me running away."
Remus snorted. The day someone could influence Sirius to do something other than what he wanted would be a cold day indeed. "I'm flattered they think so highly of me."
Sirius laughed. "Right. Just…stay away from all of them, okay?"
"Uh. Sure." He glanced over at Sirius who was staring ahead pointedly. What a weird request. "Do you mind if I ask why-"
"Yes I mind." Sirius snapped and Remus would have stopped still in shock if Sirius wasn't still forcing him to walk. The hell? He frowned. He hadn't known Sirius' voice could even have that kind of…harshness to it, let alone ever expected it directed towards him.
Even if they weren't actually dating Sirius was all but his best friend.
But he didn't ask about it, deciding it was better to just take the hint.
-----------------------
Romulus changed his mind at the last minute and ended up bringing some Slytherin girl, Rebecca somethingorother. (Safe to say Remus couldn't care less about which mindless bimbo his brother decided to bring along) Once Remus and Sirius had seen James, Lily, and Peter off they'd meet the other two teens and were currently waiting for their train.
It'd be an annoying ride out to the town near their house, at which point they'd get a ride from whomever was lucky enough to play chaperone that day. (Remus used lucky because it was common sense that if you were watching the teenage sons, than Remus' father couldn't be ordering you around.)
Though his father held Muggles in the lowest of regard, he wasn't an idiot to how their world worked. He seemed to have this strange obsession with cars and kept a few for whatever reasons. They'd ended up being useful after Raven, Remus' older sister, was conceived and his mother decided she was too delicate to walk and would need to be driven everywhere, from town to around the estate.
Remus wasn't sure what exactly he thought of that, but he did know he'd grown up with a private chauffer…or as private as anything could be when you had a twin. Yet he'd never minded walking to town. (And that was the only time he used a car, and only because his parents insisted)
…Then again, this was him. Of course he enjoyed everything the rest of his family loathed.
"I'm so glad you invited me Romulus." Rebecca was gushing and hanging on Romulus arm. Her robe was gone and now she was wearing a very low cut top and short skirt. Remus was watching her as she bounced around, trying to calculate the odds that she may spill out of her top in his head.
…Yep, he was queer. Rather than hoping she spilled out, he was analyzing the situation.
He decided the odds were slightly better than the odds she might topple over in those platforms of hers and twist her ankle. Either would have been satisfactory end results to Remus. He wasn't ashamed to admit he took a certain…pleasure in the embarrassment of others, when said others happened to be ignorant jerks.
"I wouldn't want to bring anyone else." Romulus said, while watching a girl in a mini-skirt prance by. Remus glanced at Sirius to see if he had noticed and, indeed, his friend looked like he was having a hard time not laughing.
"This is going to be so much fun."
"You must not know much about our family then." Remus said dully. Sirius hid a snort behind his hand, trying to remain the picture of politeness. Rebecca and Romulus stared at him, as if trying to gauge his exact meaning.
Really, Remus thought it rather clear, but he'd always had a problem with being too sarcastic where his family was concerned. He was, sadly, the cliché dissatisfied and angst-ridden rich kid, who shunned the 'ritzy' lifestyle and spent more time with the cook than with him own mother. (The whole werewolf thing aside because that was hardly cliché. Or maybe it was.)
"What Remus means is, it's not so much fun as it is a chance to see relatives and show off the people we've decided to bring." Romulus said, smiling at her.
"No, actually I meant that these gatherings are mind numbing, sometimes coma inducing, borderline tedious, and utterly pointless displays of wealth, status, and what pretty accessory you have on your shoulder that day." Remus pointed at Rebecca. "That'd be you, if I spoke too fast."
"You'll have to excuse Remus, dear, he's very irritable sometimes." He lowered his voice into a loud whisper. Not that it'd matter, he could whisper for real and Remus would still hear him. "He's a bit of a black sheep you see. Family affairs only upset him."
Rebecca looked at him, a hint of disdain in her gaze. He stared back placidly, not willing to let this silly little girl think he had something to be ashamed of. He almost missed the wide smirk on Sirius' face, as if he was proud that Remus as being difficult.
Finally he sighed. "What? Do you think if you stare long enough I'll start to baa?"
She frowned at him than flashed a brilliant smile towards Sirius, apparently dismissing his presence. He found he didn't care. The less people he had to deal with the better.
"You're Sirius Black aren't you?" She asked, tone all sweetness. Remus could see right through the fake politeness, he had long ago perfected the art himself. It was how he'd survived this long with the reputation as the 'quite and mild one'. Sirius had told him a few years back it wouldn't do for anyone to know what an brilliant, but twisted, mind he hid.
Remus was inclined to agree. If anyone knew it was he who had memorized the teachers' schedules and tricked the portraits and ghosts into leaving certain corridors at just the right moments, or fine tuned all of James and Sirius' plans for realism (Sometimes their pranks bordered on the fantastic and impossible and he had to scale them down) …Well, he imagined he'd see a lot more detention.
He liked being the unassuming one who no one could ever pin anything on. Unlike James and Sirius he needed time to study and he found he couldn't do that when he was cleaning up whatever mess they'd made that day.
"Only on days that end with 'y'." Sirius said mildly.
If she got it she gave no indication and continued speaking, dropping Romulus' elbow as she did. "I had heard rumors that the two of you were together. Didn't think it was true though."
"It's amazing what you learn isn't it?" Sirius asked, tone mimicking her overly sweet one.
"Mmhmm. I always thought you were quite the witches' man." She batted her eyes and Remus raised an eyebrow. Was she hitting on his pretend-boyfriend? The nerve. A part of him screamed that he should rip her face off, how dare she even look at what was his? Stupid bi-
Wait, no. Bad Remus, Sirius wasn't his.
Yet.
But even if he wasn't, he was his date and they were standing right in front of his brother. The nerve of the little twit.
"And I thought Slytherins didn't think and I see now that I was right. I'm in awe." Sirius quipped, putting a hand on Remus' shoulder as if telling her to back off.
Romulus picked this moment to intervene. "Now, there's no reason to bring that silly rivalry with us is there? Becky, why don't you go ahead through? It's platform ten."
"Okay Rommie." Her tone was nothing short of innocent and sweet, as if she saying 'they're being mean to me for no reason'.
The moment she was on her way Romulus turned and frowned at Remus. "Keep your…boyfriend in line Remus."
Remus blinked then snorted. "Keep your whore in line and I'll see what I can do. You couldn't have brought a girl with some kind of moral code? Could her flirting have been any more obvious than it just was?"
"You couldn't have brought someone with some kind of breeding?" Romulus hissed.
"I assure you Sirius' blood is no less pure than ours. Less pure than hers though, as she seems like the poster child for the dangers of inter-family marrying." Remus said, frowning thoughtfully. Then he nodded in Sirius' direction. "Besides, I'm trying this new and wild concept called a lasting relationship and monogamy. Try it one day."
His twin glowered at him for a moment then turned and headed for the platform. Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up as he did. When he was done he offered an apologetic smile to Sirius, who was looking somewhere between bemused and annoyed.
"I'm sorry about that. It's not too late to back out, I would totally understand. My family can be...well, just imagine lots of people like Romulus and you've pretty much got the idea."
Sirius shook his head. "No, I can deal with your family…they won't all insult me to my face will they?"
"…I don't know. I wouldn't do that to anybody, but I am the black sheep…" He shrugged some.
"You are so lucky we're friends Remus." Sirius said, shaking his head ever so slightly.
Remus nodded, smiling wryly. "I know. I am forever in your debt for this."
"Yes, you are." Sirius slung his arm around his shoulder and started steering him towards the waiting train. "You know that girl is an idiot, right?"
"Yes. Romulus knows too. That's why he picked her. He likes 'em big on chest and money, but low on brains and self-worth. Then again, my father was the same and yet he ended up with my mother who is nothing short of genius…well, and a drunk…"
Remus spoke, knowing he was falling into a long since quelled habit of rambling aimlessly when he was nervous. He wasn't sure why exactly his heart was thudding like it wanted to punch through his ribcage (And why he couldn't quite banish an image of his heart flopping around on the concrete like a fish out of a water.)
Rather suddenly a hand clamped over his mouth. He inhaled sharply. Christ. "You talk entirely too much Moony. Breath would you?" Remus glanced at the other teen from the corner of his eye, wondering if he was about to pass out…
No, he couldn't pass out. How the hell would he explain that to Sirius? Did he have no kind of resolve where Sirius was involved? How pathetic was he?
He nodded and Sirius let him go. Remus shivered, not quite able to banish the feel of Sirius' fingers on his skin. Then he let out a breath of air. He was so pathetic.
"I don't believe you said whore." Sirius was snickering. Remus glared over at him before shoving his friend.
"I'll have you know I have a vast vocabulary of…foul…words." He scratched his head as he considered that. "I just choose not to use them."
Sirius didn't seem to want to let it go that easily. "You called her a whore to your brother's face."
"I wasn't lying." He muttered while shoving his hands into his pockets.
"You would have never said anything like that in school." Sirius acted as if he hadn't even heard him. "Not even if it was just in front of the three of us."
He sighed. What could he say, that his family brought out the absolute worst in him and made him turn into a person he still wasn't entirely sure he approved of?
That sounded so…insane.
-------------------
Remus drummed on the window of the car mildly, considering what he'd gotten Sirius into. The vast majority of his family would be glad to ignore him but, at the very least, his immediate family wouldn't be ignored.
His father, Jean Lupin, wasn't a complex man. Remus wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing really, but it was the truth more than anything else. He was simple and he liked things around him to be just as simple and easy to figure out as he was.
That was probably why he treated Remus the way he did. Not that he was harsh, cold, or overly cruel in any way, he just didn't react to Remus as one would expect a man to towards his son. No, he preferred to treat Remus like a daughter. He understood it to a certain degree; him being fond of boys wasn't a simple thing that his father could just…go along with. It made him a complex creature so, in order to rid himself of that complexity, Jean Lupin treated his youngest child like he would a female. That made sense to him: Liking boys equated feminine.
It made slightly less sense to Remus. He had never (and still didn't) thought himself feminine in the least, but trying to tell that to his father was like having an in-depth conversation with a brick wall.
…Only slightly less productive.
His father was over-protective, scrutinizing each and every boy Remus or his sister brought in front of him. And, though winged pigs would ice skate in hell before he told anyone, there had been a few boys Remus introduced to his parents. Nothing had ever happened, not so much as a kiss, because his father usually sent them running for the hills. He was an intimidating man. Not large in stature, per se, but he had the air of someone who would kill to protect his family.
Regina Lupin, an Englishwoman who'd married into the Lupin fold, was an interesting mix of too concerned with image to care and doting mother. Remus would never accuse his mother of not loving and cherishing her children, because he kind of feared her wrath, but he often thought she didn't care as much for them as she did the bottle.
Sometimes Remus could remember when his mother had been a completely different woman, with a ready smile and cheeks flushed naturally, who liked to run around in worn jeans and t-shirts. But considering that most of his childhood memories were of a drunken, fussy, obsessively neat anal retentive nutter…well he was sure it was just wishful thinking on his part.
Then there was his sister, Raven. She was a slut. That was pretty much it.
The rest of his family was…an interesting affair. His parents were about as accepting at it could possibly get, as far as his sexual preference went. He had an Aunt Emma who was always preaching about hellfire and burning for eternity and he regularly bit his tongue to keep from pointing out that he was a werewolf and if anything was going to go straight to hell for that, so who he felt like taking to his bed didn't really factor into anymore. He didn't care for her, but he had been raised to be a respectful child where his elders were concerned, no matter what.
His Uncle Lester, Emma's younger brother, was forever trying to set him up with 'some pretty young thing from the office' he just knew would make Remus forget all about all of that 'pouncy' shit he was so intent on being involved with. Of course Uncles Lester's pride and joy, Shannon, tried to molest Remus on a bi-daily basis so he thought it best to just ignore the man.
Clearly he wasn't the best judge of character in the world.
Really Remus had taken the awareness that he preferred his male classmates to the female rather well. He thought that in all honesty he had to be gay. There was simply no avoiding it. His life was the cosmos' way of letting off steam, how could he be anything but thoroughly abnormal?
He thought it was funny.
Sadly he was the only one that thought that… He'd tried to explain the concept to his parents once and his father had turned purple while his mother burst into loud noisy tears that had actually made him feel guilty.
He preferred not to think about it.
"Moony." It took all of Remus' will power not to jump. Sirius had, at some point, gotten very close to him and was whispering in his ear. Warm lips brushed against his ear in a gesture that was nothing short of teasing, and warm breathe wafted over his cheek.
Damn it.
He swallowed. "Yes?"
Sometimes he could almost hate Sirius. Really. Hate.
"There's no chance that any of my family is going to be here, right?"
"…" That was the thing about Pureblood families. They all seemed to be related in one way or another and it was almost impossible to escape without seeing at least a relative of someone you knew from school. Considering that Sirius and his family weren't on the best of terms that could only make things worse.
He shrugged. Sirius sighed and moved away from him.
He cursed under his breath. It really wasn't fair.
--------------------------------
Xandria: I'm lazy. And I only wrote up to about this point before the fact I was lazy made me stop writing. Plus there is a lot of editing… But mostly I'm lazy.
Lil: Soon is such a realtive term…I promise to never to make you all wit a year for an update. Other than that…eh.
Ice: Aww…thank you.
Jane: Well, first off, thanks for the small correction. Those are things that were from the original that I forgot to fix… Lesse…Autumn isn't really Snape's girlfriend. Snape…doesn't…date. And Autumn… See, the problem is this all belongs in another story. Like I said this is part of a larger series and the follow up to Snape having a big mouth is handled later on, along with the fact that Sirius' family all appear to be insane… Think of it as foreshadowing only…more obvious.
I-Shave-Clowns: Nah, the original sucked. No need to spare my feelings. Heh. And yes, HP3 does make it rather obvious. Old married couple indeed…
Korosu: Well. I promise they'll get to hog a bunch of scenes after this. In theory anyway…
Miko: I am so not qualified to teach French. Proper English escapes me at times, as I'm sure this story proves…
Drama Queen: Thank you so much.
Phinea: Lily's reaction is accurate (that's how I was when I found out two of my male friends were dating) but it's also overdone. Ah well… And I have to admit I laughed while writing that.
Sapphire: Again with that 'soon' word…
PanPan: Well they clearly left this chapter. Passage of time between now and the first chapter is a few weeks. I think it was three… (Can't remember my own plot line…ugh.)
Benny: You want to meet Remus' family? Why?
Phoenix: We met the family, Remus sulks, Remus gets drunk, Remus sulks some more, and then I think he gets drunk again…
Elizabeth: …I don't even know when boxing day is! Here's hoping I made it, but I doubt it. Next update before my mother's birthday! (March 14th… heh. Don't hurt me…)