DISCLAIMER: I don't own Mary, Wilson, Billy, or Charlie. I don't own Mary's Malibu... Chevrolet owns the name, and my friends own the actual car! The title of this chapter, and the lines at the end come from the song, "If I Am" by Ninedays!

MY NOTES: Thanks to all reviewers!

Kaykay- Thanks! Glad you like it!

Shan- I love you, doll! I won't say much about the review since it was so long ago, but I'm glad we're OK! BTW, this chapter is my Christmas present to you! I love you!

GeorgeStultsFan- No problem! Why'd you change the name?

Oy-with-the-poodles- I guess I shall update for another Beth!

Babs567- Thanks a ton!

Forbidden Love- Thank you sooooo much!

buffyhu-Thanks! They were meant to be together!

Chapter 5: Standing on the Ledge

The next day, Wilson decided to take Billy to the Promenade to see a movie and eat lunch. Billy loved the movie, but since it was a kiddie movie, it didn't appeal to Wilson. Then, they went to the outdoor café for lunch. They sat down at a table, and a waitress walked up to their table. "Hi!" she said happily. "I'm Debi, and I'll be your waitress today. Can I get you guys something to drink?"

Wilson smiled at her and said, "Yeah. I'll have a Coke, please."

Billy looked at Wilson. "Can I have a milkshake, Dad?"

"Sure, Billy. Whatever you want."

The little boy smiled at the waitress, some of his teeth missing. "I want a chocolate milkshake, please."

The waitress grinned and scribbled the orders on her notepad. "OK, I'll go get those out for you."

Wilson was trying to decide what to eat, but Billy was busily looking around at the people sitting at the other tables. Suddenly, he jumped up and ran over to a woman he recognised. Wilson groaned. It was Mary. Billy grabbed her shirt sleeve and led her over to their table.

"Hold on, sport," Mary said. "I can't sit with you guys."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because...I just...I can't, OK? I just can't."

"Yes, you can," Billy insisted. "Can't she, Dad?" He said, looking innocently at Wilson.

Wilson shrugged. "Why not?"

"Are you sure?" she asked.

He shrugged again, then indicated the chair that was open. She sat down, set the baby carrier beside her, and smiled at Charlie, who was fast asleep and sucking his thumb. She put her purse and the diaper bag beside it.

Mary smiled when the bubbly waitress asked her what she wanted to drink. "Um...let's see..." she looked at the beverage menu. "Let's go with Sprite."

"Sprite," the waitress repeated as she marked her little notepad.

She left, then returned with a Coke for Wilson, a chocolate milkshake for Billy, and a Sprite for Mary. Mary looked at Wilson. His eyes looked so haunted. Even more so than the day she'd seen him after the wedding. The day she'd given his ring back, then left. He looked up at her, then turned away.

She turned her gaze on Billy. "How's the milkshake, Sport?"

"Good," he said. "But it's givin' me a headache."

Mary laughed. "Here. Have a sip of my Sprite. It's my secret cure for brainfreeze."

Billy sipped the Sprite, and it cured his milkshake headache right away. "Thanks, Mary," he said.

"You're welcome," she replied. "But, remember, it's a secret. So you can only tell people who are having a brain freeze."

"OK," Billy said, a look of honor in his little-boy eyes.

The waitress came back quickly. "What can I get you guys to eat?"

Billy grinned and said, "I want a toasted cheese sandwich."

Wilson nodded at Mary, who told the waitress that she was on a seperate check. She waited for the waitress to flip the page, then said, "I want a grilled chicken salad, and a small cheeseburger."

The waitress nodded, wrote down the order, then flipped back to the other page for Wilson, then turned to him. "I guess...I'll have a large cheeseburger and fries."

"OK. I'll get those out to you in a little bit."

"Thanks," Wilson said.

Mary was thankful for Billy, because without him, the whole thing would have been one long awkward silence. His constant chatting was helpful. And it also kept Wilson from blowing up at her.

The waitress brought them their food, and they all dug in. Billy was hardly able to contain his excitement. For within his seven-year-old brain, a plan was formulating. A plan that would give him the family he'd always wanted...

He grabbed Wilson's arm immediately after finishing his lunch and said, "Dad, I wanna go to the park."

"OK by me, Chief. It's your day today. Whatever you want."

"Good," Billy said slyly, "Mary comes, too. And...wait...what's the baby's name?"

"Charlie," Mary said, giving him a smile that made him really wish that she was his mom. "His name's Charlie."

"OK, Charlie comes, too."

Wilson shrugged. "Whatever you want, Champ."

"Let's go!"

"Billy," Mary interjected, "I don't think I should go."

"Why not?" Billy asked innocently.

"B...because, Billy."

Wilson shrugged for the millionth time. "I guess its OK with me."

"Are you sure?" Mary asked.

"Yeah. Billy wants you to come."

"Yeah," Billy said. "I want you 'n' Charlie to come with us."

This time Mary was the one who shrugged. "I guess so. OK."

She stood up and hooked the carry-all in her right elbow, grinning at the still-sleeping Charlie. She slid her other arm through the straps of the diaper bag and her purse. Billy grabbed her shirt sleeve with one hand and Wilson's with the other, then skipped down the sidewalk to Wilson's mom's car. "Mary, can you ride in our car?" he asked.

"No, Billy," she said. "I need to drive mine."

"Dad, can I ride with Mary?" Billy asked, holding tightly to Mary's sleeve.

Wilson shrugged and looked at Mary. "Fine by me, if it's OK with Mary."

"Sure, Billy," Mary said. "It's OK with me."

"Thanks, Dad!" Billy said, hugging Wilson. "Thanks, Mary!"

"No problem, sport," Mary said with a smile.

"Go on, chief," Wilson said.

Billy followed Mary to her Chevy Malibu. She buckled Charlie into his car seat. Billy climbed into the backseat along side Charlie and buckled in. Mary climed into the car, and signaled, checking over her shoulder as she pulled out. "Wait, Mary!" Billy said.

"What!?"

"You didn't buckle your seat belt!"

Mary had to chuckle at the little boy's concern for her safety, although he had scared her nearly to death. She buckled her seat belt, and went on to follow Wilson to the park.

They arrived at the park, and Mary sat with Wilson on a park bench and watched Billy playing on the playground. Mary sat on one end, with Wilson on the other, and Charlie between them. They sat for a long time before Charlie's crying broke the silence. Mary picked him up and patted his back, then pulled out a bottle and popped off the lid. It was still warm from the thermal bag that she kept it in. She gave it to Charlie, but again focused her attention on Billy.

Wilson looked at Mary. "So...uh... When was your son born?"

"Charlie? He's three weeks old. He'll be four weeks on Friday."

Wilson nodded. "He's a cute kid."

"Thanks," Mary said softly.

They became silent again until a question popped into Wilson's mind that he had to ask. "Why'd you leave, Mary? You never told me why."

Mary didn't know what to say. She looked at Wilson. "I don't know, Wilson...I... I was scared. Scared of being married to you and being Billy's mom."

"Why am I so scary to you?" Wilson asked.

"I don't know... I didn't think I was ready to be a wife or mother."

"So, two months later, you were ready?"

"Wilson, that's not fair," Mary said.

"Life's not fair, Mary. Get used to it."

Mary couldn't believe this. This wasn't the Wilson she had known and loved. Something had changed him, and it wasn't just her. She wished she knew just what was bugging him.

She looked down and smiled at Charlie, who had already finished his bottle. She popped the cap back on and put it back in the diaper bag, raising Charlie to her shoulder to burp him. As she patted his back, Wilson watched her. Anger rose up in him from a place inside that had been locked away until this day, when he saw Mary again. And then, it was replaced by sorrow. Charlie should have been his son. Mary should have been his wife. But they weren't his.

"Uh... Mary, I'm sorry if I'm not being fair. But I have to know. Why could you marry Carlos and not me?"

Mary shook her head. "Because I was stupid, Wilson. Because I let my own fears and emotions drive me to do things I shouldn't have done. Things I regret every single day of my life."

Wilson took a guilty pleasure in knowing that Mary regretted her decisions. He couldn't believe it. Something like that would never have made him happy before. But he was buried so deeply in his own pain and misery, that it made him happy to know he had company.

Mary felt even more awkward than she had in a long time. She knew that she shouldn't ask Wilson what was bothering him. It was none of her business, but she had to ask. "Wilson, what's bugging you? It's not just me..."

He turned an angry glare on her, and she wished the earth would swallow her up. She hated herself for even asking. Wilson finally spoke after she was sure that he had burned a hole through her with his eyes. "It's none of your business, Mary. Just stay out of it."

"I'm sorry, Wilson. But I do care about you. And something is obviously bothering you."

"Since when do you care about me? If you'd cared about me, you wouldn't have left me standing at the altar without an explanation. If you'd loved me, you would have at least told me why you didn't want to marry me."

"Wilson, I told you why. You're just avoiding the question." By now, Mary had tears in her eyes.

Wilson looked at her angrily. "If you must know, I finally met someone, not long ago. Alyssa... And I loved her, and she loved me. And a few days before I was gonna ask her to marry me, she died. And that's the second woman I loved that I had to bur. Are you happy now?"

Mary's tears were now streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry Wilson. I didn't know."

"Well, maybe now you'll learn to stop butting into other people's business."

This proclamation threw Mary into a fit of sobs. At first, Wilson didn't care. He thought she deserved it anyway. But seeing Mary's red face, streaked with tears, made him feel like a jerk.

He didn't know what made him do it, but he moved the carry-all and slid over to be close to her. He put his arm around her shoulders and said contritely, "I'm sorry, Mare. That was out of line. I shouldn't have said it."

Mary shivered when she heard him call her "Mare." Noone had called her that in a long time.

The feelings inside of her frightened her. So she stood up and wiped her face. "I have to go."

He nodded. "OK...I... OK, whatever you need to do." He, too, was frightened by old feelings. He wanted to tell her, but he couldn't.

She snapped Charlie into the carry-all and picked it up, along with her bags.

Billy looked up from where he was playing, his hopes rising when he saw Mary in his father's arms, only to have them dashed abruptly when he saw her stand to leave. He ran over. "Where are you going, Mary?"

She sniffled, "I have to go home."

Billy looked at his feet. "OK"

"'Bye, Billy."

He walked over and gave her a hug. "'Bye."

She nearly burst into tears again. She had blown her chance to have this boy be her son.

Wilson turned away. He wouldn't look at her. Billy peeked in to look at Charlie. "'Bye, Charlie," he said, sadly.

Mary turned around and headed for her Malibu, hoping she'd never feel the way she felt with Wilson again. Because love had brought her nothing but heartache.

--------------------

I see you standing on the ledge,

It looks like you might fall,

It's so far down,

Or maybe you were thinking about jumping.

You could have it all,

If you learned a little patience,

And though I cannot fly,

I'm not content to crawl.