Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, but I still have the night to
dream about it!
A/N: Ok, I splurged and decided to update all the chapters I have written so far which is up to chapter 25. All the author notes are old, but read them because they might have warnings and other such things. The recent chapters will hopefully be up once every 2 weeks, if I'm lucky. Anyway, have fun!
Chapter 6
Tourniquet
Amaya slowly returned to consciousness by the highly annoying sound of her steadily beeping alarm clock. She opened her cerulean eyes and let out a loud groan as she did so. The last thing on Earth she wanted to right now was get up and listen to some boring teacher drone about god knows what. She closed her eyes again, but immediately re-opened them to her fathers voice at the bottom of the stairs.
"Amaya, get up, your going to be late!" He called and so, atlas, she was defeated. With a yawn she sat up, only now realizing that she was in the same clothes that she had on yesterday. Barely awake, she managed to change into a simple black tank-top. She looked in the mirror and that he hair had for the most part came out of the ponytail. She redid her hair, grabbed her backpack, and headed downstairs, still wearing the leather jeans that she had on the day before.
"Amaya." She heard her mother say, with a disapproving look at her daughter's attire. "Your not wearing that to school." If Amaya had the energy, she would've rolled her eyes, but this morning she was just too drained.
"Mom." She said, annoyance and agitation plastered all her face. "I'm 18 fuckin' years old, I can wear what I want." Her mother narrowed her eyes at her.
"As long as you live under my roof, you'll listen to my rules, now upstairs and get changed." Amaya crossed her arms angrily over her chest.
"No." She said, her voice suggested that she wanted to end the conversation, but if her mother noticed, she gave no sign of it.
"It's bad enough your grounded, now do you want to make it worse?" She asked, her voice was threatening, but Amaya didn't budge.
"No." She seethed. "I want you leave me the fuck alone!" And with that, she grabbed her backpack, her keys, and was out of the door, looking for all the world like a fireball just released from hell.
Her anger had not dissipated by the time she reached her high school, in fact, she was more pissed then she had been at he house. She stormed to her locker, flung open the lock, and stuffed her books none to gently inside. She turned to leave when a familiar voice called her name, she spun around and saw Demi.
"Where the fuck have you been, you were supposed to meet me yesterday." She said, Amaya, still angry, snapped at Demi.
"I was busy, Ok." Demi looked, hurt but pushed it aside, replacing it with genuine concern for her best friend.
"Amaya, what's going on with you?" She asked softly, Amaya glared up at her.
"Nothing." She replied shortly.
"Yes there is, what happened to you these past couple days?" She prodded, Amaya's eyes turned harder.
"It's none of your Goddamn business!" She shot, Demi was hurt, but her anger clouded her better judgment.
"Well excuse me for trying to be your friend." She snapped back, Amaya glared up at her again, and there eyes locked. The blue skies of day merged heatedly with the green soil of Earth.
"Look, I don't need this shit right now!" Amaya burst out, she wasn't really angry at Demi, but she needed to let her pent-up anger and Demi was the closest thing within ten feet of her.
"I'm not trying to start shit." Demi countered, her exterior was that of anger, but inside she was truly afraid and concerned for her best friend. She knew something was wrong - really wrong and Amaya just wouldn't open up to her like she had always done in the past. There had been many times when Amaya would show up in tears at her doorstep after a fight with her mom -usually because her mom had hit her. She didn't understand why she had become so distant, and angry, and it scared her. "Your the one who's freaking out on me."
"Well if I'm freaking out on you so badly, then leave." Amaya snapped, her angry rising and she really didn't know why, but she felt like she had to push people away.
"Amaya, I didn't mean-"
"Save it." She snarled, re-opening her locker and gathering her books. "I'm outta here." She slammed her locker shut, replaced he lock, and stormed out the building.
On her way out, she saw Betsy Winner, the head cheerleader.
"Hey Amaya." She sneered. "What's got so pissed off? Had a fight with your little friends, oh wait I forgot you have none." Amaya bristled at the pretty blonde.
"Keep walking Winner, or you won't have a face - at least not one that can be recognized." The blonde looked her up and down before crossing her arms over her chest.
"You wouldn't dare." She said confidently. "My Daddy knows the principle, and you would be thrown out of here so fast you wouldn't know what happened." Amaya's mouth pulled into a smirk. She was really pissed off right now, and that little blonde bimbo was about to be seriously hurt. She hated preppy little with a fiery passion that was equally matched with Demi's, and she really wanted to punch something, mainly that bitch's face.
"Oh ya?" Se said, her face a mask of innocence, before it turned to one of pure anger. "Like I give two fucks." She brought her fist back and punched the blonde with all her might in the face. She fell to the ground, holding her nose that looked to be broken, but it wasn't then there was something else wrong with it.
"You bitch!" She yelled, bright crimson blood flowing from her nose. "I'll have you expelled!"
"Shut the fuck up." Amaya snapped, and walked out the building, her anger and frustration only slightly relieved.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Amaya walked into her house, it was almost ten-thirty, and she hadn't been home since she had left that morning. Her mother stood in the doorway, fuming.
"Where the hell have you been, the school called and said that you were expelled!" Amaya glared up at her mother.
"Why do you wanna know?" She spat, she was really pissed off, first with her mother, then with herself for dumping her anger on her best friend, and finally at her mother again. "It's not like you care about anything other then making my life fucking hell."
I tried to kill my pain,
But only brought more - so much more,
I lay dying,
And I am pouring crimson regret and betrayal
"Don't talk to me like that!" He mother yelled at her. Amaya knew what this would eventually lead to, but she didn't care.
"Why?" She seethed, her eyes flashing red fire. "Truth hurts don't it?" She saw her mother's hand go back, and she felt a hot sting in her cheek where her mother had slapped her.
"You little bitch!" She spat, her eyes equally angered as her daughters. Amaya's hand her cheek, but she didn't feel the pain on her body, she had delivered herself more pain then that with the bloodstained razor blade upstairs in her room.
"That's right isn't." She shot back, her eyes welling with unshed tears that she screamed at herself not to let fall. She pleaded with her body not to let the damnable tears fall, she wouldn't show her mother weakness, not this time. She had spent most of eighteen years letting her mother win, and it wasn't going to happen now that she felt strong enough to stand up. "I'm just a bitch that you got stuck with when you were drunk." Her voice was deadly calm, and then exploded with the anger and hatred that she had held back all her life. "So why you don't you stop trying to be the pathetic excuse for a mother that you are!" She screamed it, but she wasn't stopping there.
"All my life you've wanted me to be someone else, a daughter that you brag about! A perfect angel where the center of her universe! Well wake up 'mommy' Cuz I ain't that!" She shrieked, her anger coming out in an almost frightening level of intensity.
I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
And screaming,
"Well that's quite obvious!" Her mother screamed back, but never the less, taking a step back her rage-blinded daughter. Amaya only stepped closer in response.
"My father left when I was 3 years old!" She screamed. It was true, her real father had left her at a young age, but he mother had married the man that she was with now, and Amaya loved him with all her heart. She had, in the past been able to save her from most of her mother's rage, but he was out now, and that's how Amaya wanted it to be. She want anyone to save her, she could save herself this time.
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
"Ya." Her mother said, a sadistic note in her voice. "And I wonder why, he wanted to deal with a ungrateful bitch like you." Amaya felt long closed wounds re-open at her mothers cruel words. The words had slashed her heart with her greatest fear, here fear of being unwanted, of being shunned, of being forgotten and fading into the background like she had always done. She couldn't fight it anymore, he tears fell, making a hot trail of salty water down her cheeks.
"Fine!" She yelled, her anger quickly turning into sadness. "Fine! I'll leave! Leave you seeing as that's what you want so badly!" She fled to the door, her backpack still on her shoulders, but she was headless of it's weight as she bolted down the street, running as fast as could, seemingly that she could escape the pain and anger of she run fast enough.
She hated the world, hated everyone that had ever caused her pain, that had ever make her feel like dying. She ran with blind fury, not knowing where she was going, and not giving a shit, she just wanted to get away.
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation,
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation,
As she ran, memories of her past ran through her head. Memories of the pain that other people had caused her. After a few minutes of trying to fight the images, she sat down in a alley, and let them play, an old wound re- opening with each recollection.
~ Flashback ~
She was back in grade school, third grade to be exact, and was watching the other popular girls eating their lunch together and talking happily. And there she was, sitting a corner all by herself watching the other girls with a mixture of anger, and envy.
She wanted to be like them, with their good grades, popularity and glamour. She would have loved for then top invite her over to eat with them, to be accepted, but everyday was the same. They would make fun of her, finding a reason to be cruel one way or another. Either it was her clothes that weren't brand name and cost $60.00 for a pair of jeans, or her hair wasn't perfectly in place like theirs, or her parents didn't make as much money as their wealthy parents did. Whatever the reason, it didn't matter, it all sounded the same to her, cruel.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She was a few years older now, and was wearing a black shirt and matching top. Her hair was down and flowing to the middle of her back. She was excited to go to the dance that the most popular in the class had asked her come with her to, and she, so eager to be accepted, had agreed to go. Her mother drove her to the church where the thing was being held. She hopped out and immediately saw the two girls that had invited her.
"Hey Amaya!" The one said, her name was Leigh Cressey. Amaya noticed that they were in jeans and casual T-shirts. The pit of her stomach dropped down a notch.
"Hi." She replied, trying to sound friendly.
"So, what's going on?" The other asked, Jennifer Beck.
"Not a lot." She replied as the made there way to the dance floor, and it was then that she noticed that she was the only one in a dress, and the boy from her class that she liked walked over to her.
"Hey, wanna dance?" She asked, she knew that it had to be a trick, but part of hoped that maybe it wasn't.
"Sure." She replied, but the he laughed, a laugh that held only dark amusement.
"Like hell I would." He said, and looked her up and down. "Why would I would I want to dance with you?" And then the others started laughing. Leigh and her gang's laughter rang through her ears as she walked out of the building, and into the cold street. When she arrived home, she told her parents that she had a great time, but that the dance had ended early. After that, she had ran upstairs and through herself down on the bed, sobbing.
'I should have known!' She thought miserably. 'I should've known they were planning something.'
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Do you remember me?
Lost voice alone,
Will you be on the other side?
Will you forget me?
Again she was older this time 14 to be exact, and was walking up to her boyfriend Jae. Jae wasn't exactly a good person for her to be hanging out with, he had done a lot of drugs, and was an real playboy. But again, he had asked her out, and she had so foolishly hoped that maybe someone would accept her. He had told her so many wonderful things, and had eventually convinced her to have sex with him, losing her virginity to him.
"Hi Jae." She said, smiling up at him, he smirked at her.
"Hi slut." He replied, Amaya figured her was joking, but something in his eyes told her that he wasn't, and she felt her heart slowly shatter.
"Why......?" Was all she could ask as he smirked again.
"Because I found someone else that's one hell of a lot better looking then you." And with that, he was gone, leaving her heart shattered at her feet, and tears streaming down her cheeks. She had gone home that day, and thankfully, her parents were still working. She ran upstairs, and slammed her door, crying into her pillow, when something gleamed out of the corner of her eyes.
She looked up, and there was a razor. She had been using it to cut paper before, just for the hell of not doing it with scissors. She picked up and studied it, and brought it to her skin. She made a cut on her arm with it, trying desperately to release some of her anger, her pain, her torture. She watched the blood trickle slowly down her arm and noticed the calming feeling it gave her, she felt no pain, and perhaps that's why she liked so much, she didn't feel it. She could control her pain. She picked up the tiny object and put it in her jewelry box, knowing that she would need it again.
~ End Of Flashbacks ~
She was jolted back to reality by the pounding rain that washed over her skin. When had it started raining? She didn't know, but she did one thing, she needed a way out. She couldn't stand the flashbacks anymore, remembering all the things that people had done to her, all the emotion wounds that kept getting reopened. And she hated them, hated them all for killing her heart and mind, for making her want to die, for everything that they had ever done, she hated them.
Normally, she would have gone to Demi for help, so that Demi could pull her out of it, she needed Demi to save her. But Demi wasn't there, she had pushed her too far away, she had cut the rope to her salvation, and all she could do was drown. She knew that she wanted to die, and she looked down at her feet. There it was plain as day, the way out sitting right in her boots. She could leave them all, leave them all behind, show them that they can't hurt her anymore.
I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
And screaming,
She rolled up her sleeves, exposing the skin of her arm were, even in the darkness, the scars that ran across her arm were visible. She could leave them, show them that she escaped, that she was safe from them. She took her backpack off and tossed it onto the wet ground. She slammed her heel on the pavement, and the hilt of the Swiss knife came out. She picked it up and held it at her skin.
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
Without a second thought, she slashed the tender skin of her forearm with the knife. Crimson red blood spurted from the wound and fell onto the ground, mingling with the water and washing away, washing away like all her problems. She took her knife in the other hand and slashed her other wrist. Oddly enough she didn't feel the pain, she only watched the blood that flowed like a river down her arm, bright red blood, and then she felt consciousness slipping away from her. Her vision became blurry, and her whole body started going numb, she thought she a figure walking toward her, but she wasn't sure, and then there was only darkness as she fell away from the rest of the world.
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation,
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation,
My wounds cry for the grave,
My soul cries for deliverance,
Will I be denied?
Christ, tourniquet,
My suicide.
A/N:
MWAHAHAHAHA! Cliff hanger! *Ducks as readers throw tomatoes at her* Yikes! Now people chill out, she's not going to die! She's the main freakin' character! Anyways. I'll update soon if I fell like it, or maybe I'll make ya wait! Anyways, as always please R&R!
PS the song I used for this chapter was Tourniquet by Evanescence. Great song.
A/N: Ok, I splurged and decided to update all the chapters I have written so far which is up to chapter 25. All the author notes are old, but read them because they might have warnings and other such things. The recent chapters will hopefully be up once every 2 weeks, if I'm lucky. Anyway, have fun!
Chapter 6
Tourniquet
Amaya slowly returned to consciousness by the highly annoying sound of her steadily beeping alarm clock. She opened her cerulean eyes and let out a loud groan as she did so. The last thing on Earth she wanted to right now was get up and listen to some boring teacher drone about god knows what. She closed her eyes again, but immediately re-opened them to her fathers voice at the bottom of the stairs.
"Amaya, get up, your going to be late!" He called and so, atlas, she was defeated. With a yawn she sat up, only now realizing that she was in the same clothes that she had on yesterday. Barely awake, she managed to change into a simple black tank-top. She looked in the mirror and that he hair had for the most part came out of the ponytail. She redid her hair, grabbed her backpack, and headed downstairs, still wearing the leather jeans that she had on the day before.
"Amaya." She heard her mother say, with a disapproving look at her daughter's attire. "Your not wearing that to school." If Amaya had the energy, she would've rolled her eyes, but this morning she was just too drained.
"Mom." She said, annoyance and agitation plastered all her face. "I'm 18 fuckin' years old, I can wear what I want." Her mother narrowed her eyes at her.
"As long as you live under my roof, you'll listen to my rules, now upstairs and get changed." Amaya crossed her arms angrily over her chest.
"No." She said, her voice suggested that she wanted to end the conversation, but if her mother noticed, she gave no sign of it.
"It's bad enough your grounded, now do you want to make it worse?" She asked, her voice was threatening, but Amaya didn't budge.
"No." She seethed. "I want you leave me the fuck alone!" And with that, she grabbed her backpack, her keys, and was out of the door, looking for all the world like a fireball just released from hell.
Her anger had not dissipated by the time she reached her high school, in fact, she was more pissed then she had been at he house. She stormed to her locker, flung open the lock, and stuffed her books none to gently inside. She turned to leave when a familiar voice called her name, she spun around and saw Demi.
"Where the fuck have you been, you were supposed to meet me yesterday." She said, Amaya, still angry, snapped at Demi.
"I was busy, Ok." Demi looked, hurt but pushed it aside, replacing it with genuine concern for her best friend.
"Amaya, what's going on with you?" She asked softly, Amaya glared up at her.
"Nothing." She replied shortly.
"Yes there is, what happened to you these past couple days?" She prodded, Amaya's eyes turned harder.
"It's none of your Goddamn business!" She shot, Demi was hurt, but her anger clouded her better judgment.
"Well excuse me for trying to be your friend." She snapped back, Amaya glared up at her again, and there eyes locked. The blue skies of day merged heatedly with the green soil of Earth.
"Look, I don't need this shit right now!" Amaya burst out, she wasn't really angry at Demi, but she needed to let her pent-up anger and Demi was the closest thing within ten feet of her.
"I'm not trying to start shit." Demi countered, her exterior was that of anger, but inside she was truly afraid and concerned for her best friend. She knew something was wrong - really wrong and Amaya just wouldn't open up to her like she had always done in the past. There had been many times when Amaya would show up in tears at her doorstep after a fight with her mom -usually because her mom had hit her. She didn't understand why she had become so distant, and angry, and it scared her. "Your the one who's freaking out on me."
"Well if I'm freaking out on you so badly, then leave." Amaya snapped, her angry rising and she really didn't know why, but she felt like she had to push people away.
"Amaya, I didn't mean-"
"Save it." She snarled, re-opening her locker and gathering her books. "I'm outta here." She slammed her locker shut, replaced he lock, and stormed out the building.
On her way out, she saw Betsy Winner, the head cheerleader.
"Hey Amaya." She sneered. "What's got so pissed off? Had a fight with your little friends, oh wait I forgot you have none." Amaya bristled at the pretty blonde.
"Keep walking Winner, or you won't have a face - at least not one that can be recognized." The blonde looked her up and down before crossing her arms over her chest.
"You wouldn't dare." She said confidently. "My Daddy knows the principle, and you would be thrown out of here so fast you wouldn't know what happened." Amaya's mouth pulled into a smirk. She was really pissed off right now, and that little blonde bimbo was about to be seriously hurt. She hated preppy little with a fiery passion that was equally matched with Demi's, and she really wanted to punch something, mainly that bitch's face.
"Oh ya?" Se said, her face a mask of innocence, before it turned to one of pure anger. "Like I give two fucks." She brought her fist back and punched the blonde with all her might in the face. She fell to the ground, holding her nose that looked to be broken, but it wasn't then there was something else wrong with it.
"You bitch!" She yelled, bright crimson blood flowing from her nose. "I'll have you expelled!"
"Shut the fuck up." Amaya snapped, and walked out the building, her anger and frustration only slightly relieved.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Amaya walked into her house, it was almost ten-thirty, and she hadn't been home since she had left that morning. Her mother stood in the doorway, fuming.
"Where the hell have you been, the school called and said that you were expelled!" Amaya glared up at her mother.
"Why do you wanna know?" She spat, she was really pissed off, first with her mother, then with herself for dumping her anger on her best friend, and finally at her mother again. "It's not like you care about anything other then making my life fucking hell."
I tried to kill my pain,
But only brought more - so much more,
I lay dying,
And I am pouring crimson regret and betrayal
"Don't talk to me like that!" He mother yelled at her. Amaya knew what this would eventually lead to, but she didn't care.
"Why?" She seethed, her eyes flashing red fire. "Truth hurts don't it?" She saw her mother's hand go back, and she felt a hot sting in her cheek where her mother had slapped her.
"You little bitch!" She spat, her eyes equally angered as her daughters. Amaya's hand her cheek, but she didn't feel the pain on her body, she had delivered herself more pain then that with the bloodstained razor blade upstairs in her room.
"That's right isn't." She shot back, her eyes welling with unshed tears that she screamed at herself not to let fall. She pleaded with her body not to let the damnable tears fall, she wouldn't show her mother weakness, not this time. She had spent most of eighteen years letting her mother win, and it wasn't going to happen now that she felt strong enough to stand up. "I'm just a bitch that you got stuck with when you were drunk." Her voice was deadly calm, and then exploded with the anger and hatred that she had held back all her life. "So why you don't you stop trying to be the pathetic excuse for a mother that you are!" She screamed it, but she wasn't stopping there.
"All my life you've wanted me to be someone else, a daughter that you brag about! A perfect angel where the center of her universe! Well wake up 'mommy' Cuz I ain't that!" She shrieked, her anger coming out in an almost frightening level of intensity.
I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
And screaming,
"Well that's quite obvious!" Her mother screamed back, but never the less, taking a step back her rage-blinded daughter. Amaya only stepped closer in response.
"My father left when I was 3 years old!" She screamed. It was true, her real father had left her at a young age, but he mother had married the man that she was with now, and Amaya loved him with all her heart. She had, in the past been able to save her from most of her mother's rage, but he was out now, and that's how Amaya wanted it to be. She want anyone to save her, she could save herself this time.
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
"Ya." Her mother said, a sadistic note in her voice. "And I wonder why, he wanted to deal with a ungrateful bitch like you." Amaya felt long closed wounds re-open at her mothers cruel words. The words had slashed her heart with her greatest fear, here fear of being unwanted, of being shunned, of being forgotten and fading into the background like she had always done. She couldn't fight it anymore, he tears fell, making a hot trail of salty water down her cheeks.
"Fine!" She yelled, her anger quickly turning into sadness. "Fine! I'll leave! Leave you seeing as that's what you want so badly!" She fled to the door, her backpack still on her shoulders, but she was headless of it's weight as she bolted down the street, running as fast as could, seemingly that she could escape the pain and anger of she run fast enough.
She hated the world, hated everyone that had ever caused her pain, that had ever make her feel like dying. She ran with blind fury, not knowing where she was going, and not giving a shit, she just wanted to get away.
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation,
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation,
As she ran, memories of her past ran through her head. Memories of the pain that other people had caused her. After a few minutes of trying to fight the images, she sat down in a alley, and let them play, an old wound re- opening with each recollection.
~ Flashback ~
She was back in grade school, third grade to be exact, and was watching the other popular girls eating their lunch together and talking happily. And there she was, sitting a corner all by herself watching the other girls with a mixture of anger, and envy.
She wanted to be like them, with their good grades, popularity and glamour. She would have loved for then top invite her over to eat with them, to be accepted, but everyday was the same. They would make fun of her, finding a reason to be cruel one way or another. Either it was her clothes that weren't brand name and cost $60.00 for a pair of jeans, or her hair wasn't perfectly in place like theirs, or her parents didn't make as much money as their wealthy parents did. Whatever the reason, it didn't matter, it all sounded the same to her, cruel.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She was a few years older now, and was wearing a black shirt and matching top. Her hair was down and flowing to the middle of her back. She was excited to go to the dance that the most popular in the class had asked her come with her to, and she, so eager to be accepted, had agreed to go. Her mother drove her to the church where the thing was being held. She hopped out and immediately saw the two girls that had invited her.
"Hey Amaya!" The one said, her name was Leigh Cressey. Amaya noticed that they were in jeans and casual T-shirts. The pit of her stomach dropped down a notch.
"Hi." She replied, trying to sound friendly.
"So, what's going on?" The other asked, Jennifer Beck.
"Not a lot." She replied as the made there way to the dance floor, and it was then that she noticed that she was the only one in a dress, and the boy from her class that she liked walked over to her.
"Hey, wanna dance?" She asked, she knew that it had to be a trick, but part of hoped that maybe it wasn't.
"Sure." She replied, but the he laughed, a laugh that held only dark amusement.
"Like hell I would." He said, and looked her up and down. "Why would I would I want to dance with you?" And then the others started laughing. Leigh and her gang's laughter rang through her ears as she walked out of the building, and into the cold street. When she arrived home, she told her parents that she had a great time, but that the dance had ended early. After that, she had ran upstairs and through herself down on the bed, sobbing.
'I should have known!' She thought miserably. 'I should've known they were planning something.'
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Do you remember me?
Lost voice alone,
Will you be on the other side?
Will you forget me?
Again she was older this time 14 to be exact, and was walking up to her boyfriend Jae. Jae wasn't exactly a good person for her to be hanging out with, he had done a lot of drugs, and was an real playboy. But again, he had asked her out, and she had so foolishly hoped that maybe someone would accept her. He had told her so many wonderful things, and had eventually convinced her to have sex with him, losing her virginity to him.
"Hi Jae." She said, smiling up at him, he smirked at her.
"Hi slut." He replied, Amaya figured her was joking, but something in his eyes told her that he wasn't, and she felt her heart slowly shatter.
"Why......?" Was all she could ask as he smirked again.
"Because I found someone else that's one hell of a lot better looking then you." And with that, he was gone, leaving her heart shattered at her feet, and tears streaming down her cheeks. She had gone home that day, and thankfully, her parents were still working. She ran upstairs, and slammed her door, crying into her pillow, when something gleamed out of the corner of her eyes.
She looked up, and there was a razor. She had been using it to cut paper before, just for the hell of not doing it with scissors. She picked up and studied it, and brought it to her skin. She made a cut on her arm with it, trying desperately to release some of her anger, her pain, her torture. She watched the blood trickle slowly down her arm and noticed the calming feeling it gave her, she felt no pain, and perhaps that's why she liked so much, she didn't feel it. She could control her pain. She picked up the tiny object and put it in her jewelry box, knowing that she would need it again.
~ End Of Flashbacks ~
She was jolted back to reality by the pounding rain that washed over her skin. When had it started raining? She didn't know, but she did one thing, she needed a way out. She couldn't stand the flashbacks anymore, remembering all the things that people had done to her, all the emotion wounds that kept getting reopened. And she hated them, hated them all for killing her heart and mind, for making her want to die, for everything that they had ever done, she hated them.
Normally, she would have gone to Demi for help, so that Demi could pull her out of it, she needed Demi to save her. But Demi wasn't there, she had pushed her too far away, she had cut the rope to her salvation, and all she could do was drown. She knew that she wanted to die, and she looked down at her feet. There it was plain as day, the way out sitting right in her boots. She could leave them all, leave them all behind, show them that they can't hurt her anymore.
I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
And screaming,
She rolled up her sleeves, exposing the skin of her arm were, even in the darkness, the scars that ran across her arm were visible. She could leave them, show them that she escaped, that she was safe from them. She took her backpack off and tossed it onto the wet ground. She slammed her heel on the pavement, and the hilt of the Swiss knife came out. She picked it up and held it at her skin.
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
Without a second thought, she slashed the tender skin of her forearm with the knife. Crimson red blood spurted from the wound and fell onto the ground, mingling with the water and washing away, washing away like all her problems. She took her knife in the other hand and slashed her other wrist. Oddly enough she didn't feel the pain, she only watched the blood that flowed like a river down her arm, bright red blood, and then she felt consciousness slipping away from her. Her vision became blurry, and her whole body started going numb, she thought she a figure walking toward her, but she wasn't sure, and then there was only darkness as she fell away from the rest of the world.
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation,
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation,
My wounds cry for the grave,
My soul cries for deliverance,
Will I be denied?
Christ, tourniquet,
My suicide.
A/N:
MWAHAHAHAHA! Cliff hanger! *Ducks as readers throw tomatoes at her* Yikes! Now people chill out, she's not going to die! She's the main freakin' character! Anyways. I'll update soon if I fell like it, or maybe I'll make ya wait! Anyways, as always please R&R!
PS the song I used for this chapter was Tourniquet by Evanescence. Great song.