American Road Trip

Prologue: Wrapping Things Down

PG

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. This fic jumped out of my brain and hijacked my mind. I'm not sure how, and I don't want to know. I'm just going with the flow.

Warnings: I'm not one of those people who rate because there's SLASH in my fic. I give the work its true rating, not some crappy thing, so if you're going to go off your high rocker when I have people snogging all over the place, why don't you watch your Disney movies. People kiss all the time in those. Gosh. I do, however, rate by chapter.

Summary: The war with Voldemort is finally over, and the Hogwarts gang has finally graduated. The Gods were pleased with the turnout, and have granted many favors for the light side and punishments for the dark side. Somehow or another, Harry, Lily, Draco, Sirius, Hermione, Ron, Remus and James end up taking a road trip in America. What kinds of wacky things will happen to them?

Harry was unsure of how he ended up here. Hell, he was unsure of how ANY of them had ended up here. He wasn't even sure, anymore, if he was alive at all. The final downfall of Voldemort had caused him to black out; when he came to, he was surrounded by people he thought he'd never see again. Namely his mom, dad and Sirius, but there they were, and he was left feeling dead and very much like he belonged in The Wizard of Oz.

It was obscenely odd to look at his parents, who both were barely a year older than he, embracing and kissing, for Merlin's sake. There had to be something odd about it. He didn't even think to think as to why his godfather and former professor were, of all things, not only his parents' age, but were shamelessly snogging at any opportune moment.

The war was finally over. The Gods, however well-intentioned, had decided to let every person on either side have the life they deserved. Needless to say, the years after the war held the highest cases of bonding, male pregnancy, soul mate finding and overall love any had ever seen. There were, however special spots for the bad, but most wizards gained happiness from the Gods' happiness.

Harry Potter's "present" from the Gods had been the disappearance of his scar and the chance to see his parents and their friends bloom and live happily-ever-after. He had his mother, father and godfather-all of which he though were gone due to Voldemort. Not only that, but he may have chanced upon his soul mate, but he didn't know if said person felt the same way.

Draco Malfoy is no longer an insensitive prat. Without the influence of his father, he has become a wonderful poet with many charms but with all the 'pureblood' airs. Witches want him, wizards want to be him, but he isn't sure why he doesn't bask in their attentions.

Hermione Granger chanced upon a small spell discovery that made her instantly wealthy and famous. It was only a small difference from turning a ruby into a diamond-in fact, it was easier, but it made her rich anyway. She used the proceeds from her endeavor to create the largest library in the wizarding and muggle world. Lovingly named "Anti bellum" the library provided a chance for muggles to get their hands on any muggle book, and it provided the wizarding realm a look into the muggle. It offered coffee and pastries that could be enjoyed around the books (what kind of witch would Hermione be if any of her books weren't spelled with some time of 'spill-proof' charm?), and was an overall delight that gathered many from around the world. She also was maintaining a healthy relationship with the one and only Ron Weasley.

Lucius Malfoy withers away in Azkaban, where the Dementor guards have been replaced with Spongebob reruns. His sanity did not last long.

Ronald Weasley had somehow managed to calm his intense hatred for Draco Malfoy. He may not have, had it not been for the numerous times his life had been saved by the blonde, and he was adamant on repaying the debt with small favors and common courtesy. He also had managed-somehow-to make his way into a contract with the Chudley Cannons during the last bit of their seventh year (which had to be made up because of the war).

Mr. Weasley had suddenly been offered the position as Vice Minister of Magic, and was only too glad to take the position. He had been looking to further his career after the war but had no aspirations to become Minister. The rest of the Weasleys benefited greatly, though, and they had soon added numerous rooms to their home, including a permanent room for Harry. Fred and George held the deeds to not one, but twenty-seven Weasley's Wizard Wheezings. Charlie had married a lively woman name Amilya whom he had met during his work with dragons in Scotland. Bill was currently shacking up with the young Oliver Wood, whom had quickly been picked up in Quidditch after the war, and Charlie was planning to propose-tonight(1). Ginny had found a quiet, yet passionate, marriage with Neville Longbottom who had risen lately in the ranks of the Herpetological Wizarding world.

Peter Pettigrew is the most hated man in the wizarding world. They sell dart boards modeled after his likeness, that if you hit, he is sure to feel it in Hell.

Xena Gargoyle, who fought gallantly, even with a nearly broken wand, has found a sudden inheritance of the very small sum 724 thousand galleons. No foul play has been found.

Luna Lovegood and her father were now extremely well off. Their paper, The Quibbler, is now in direct competition with the Daily Prophet for popularity because of its tendency to tell the truth, and the Prophet's tendency to make Harry Potter's life a nightmare. The people have spoken against it, and now buy The Quibbler en masse.

James and Lily Potter had come back from the dead in time to witness the mental breakdown of their son, who, for a long time, believed he was dead and that they were in Limbo, but he had come around-for the most part. The two lovers were completely ecstatic at this new chance for life, happiness, and, above all-love. Both were extremely disappointed they didn't get to see Harry grow up, but they delighted in the small things and were even thinking of more children. James had, especially, delighted in giving Harry the 'sex' talk and seeing the increased tomatoey-likeness of the boys face. He had enjoyed it even more when Sirius was 'invited' in, and they discussed the finer points of male 'bonding' (especially in the Quidditch shower rooms). Lily couldn't wait until he was married off and constantly bugged him about his choice for a partner-whether male or female.

Marille Black found herself in an…unfortunate transfiguration accident, and now finds herself as a magical punching bag in a heavyweight gym. Each time a rip appears, it magically repairs itself.

Severus Snape continues to be a loathsome git. His, hair, however, is now wonderfully soft and well-cared for, and his nose has lost its likeness to a hawk. For some reason, he has regained his youth and spends his free time with a young woman whose name he refused to indulge, although anyone could tell that the young Alexiel Almasy now smiles much more at him than is normal. For anyone. Ever.

Alexiel Almasy, subsequently, wormed her way into the potion master's…black abyss and plans to tell him that she only loves him for his wonderful hair. None know how that happened.

David, sex god of Rome, has made his way through the alphabet twace and is working on his third 'go' at it.

Albus Dumbledore is still old, but he seems to have acquired a large collection of hopelessly fluffy socks in a wide variety of colors. He claims the fell into his office

from nowhere, and, in the wizarding world, one is more inclined to believe him, even with the recent outbreak of sock burglaries.

Minerva McGonagal is still a crazy cat, but she's calmed down now that she is expecting her and Albus's first child in May; their wedding will be shortly after.

Leanna Swann has found herself with a very successful Star Wars business that flourishes on "Almost-Real Lightsabers!" and talking dolls that sounded JUST like the character.

Remus Lupin had endured his transformation on All Hollow's Eve relatively well and woken up looking nearly 30 years younger (because, alas, the years hadn't been kind

to him and he had been aging at the rate of a bonded wolf without its mate-which is exactly what he was) enveloped in the wonderful warmth and smell of Sirius-his wonderful, marvelous Sirius, who he didn't want to live a day without. His transformations, too, only got easier with better versions of Wolfsbane being made available by the one and only Draco Malfoy; Remus felt he should be indebted to the blonde forever, but the boy refused any payment except keeping Sirius at bay whilst he poked, prodded and questioned the werewolf after each full moon.

Amy Mortenson still has problems with an unidentifiable long-lost twin, but she has found her soul mate in a young man named Donald Quilk. Damn, is he hot.

The Dementors have vanished and any innocent souls sucked have come back to life. The numbers are astonishing and reach well over four thousand. Each of these poor lost souls was granted at least 50 galleons for their trouble from the ministry.

Sirius is now a free man; he isn't sure what to do with that knowledge. Coming back to life is one thing; coming back to life looking 19 again is another-and it is much

better because the 18-year-old has much higher stamina than the poor, emaciated, 34-year-old body. The once-wanted man was shocked when he was presented numerous awards for his 'service' to the side of light. He had shaken them off good-naturedly but was really angry at them for taking so long to realize that he would never betray James Potter-his best friend. The three marauders spent a good deal of time ridiculing the ministry afterwards and roasting the awards over an open magical fire while laughing and joking like in their Hogwarts days.

Tom Riddle was sentenced to a lifetime of working with muggle orphans. Especially the young ones who liked to spit up and pee in his face.

Hagrid became the new Minister of Magic. He is currently working on allowing previously illegal magical species to enter the UK for studying and breeding. So far, he's having a jovial time-especially inviting random people to tea.

Blaise Zabini has suddenly made it known that he is very male and very, very gay now that his father is officially out of the picture

Amelia Kons, whose leg was lost during a fight in which she was ratted out to Lord Voldemort as a spy for the light side, finds herself with said appendage and she feels more healthy than ever-even if she doesn't know where her leg came from.

Colin Creevy's pictures are some of the most sought after. His odd habit to take pictures-both magical and wizarding-during the war was a stellar decision on his part and has led to much fame. Especially "Innocent Casualty"-a black and white portrait of a witch of barely six with indigo robes (the wizarding color for mourning) and a bunch of small flowers in her hands who crouches over a small owl-a casualty of the war from when the ministry took to killing any animal of flight that was carrying a letter.

And, suddenly, summer has found Lilly, Hermione, James, Harry, Draco, Ron, Sirius and Remus in New York City, all piling into a very crammed van that they had affectionately named "The Plough", just because the six had nothing better to do. Luckily for them, all were licensed witches and wizards, so they did not need to worry about their belongings-just themselves and the things they deemed necessary to bring out.

The Plough could hold nine people comfortably and about twenty uncomfortably. The very back was devoid of seats and Sirius and Remus had immediately claimed it as their own, lining it with various pillows and blankets they found and creating an effective nest. The others though it wise to put up silencing charms. Hermione and Lily claimed the entire back seat to themselves, claiming that, as the only girls, they needed bonding time. James was left to pout, but this was quickly remedied when he got to sit with Ron where they could chat Quidditch for hours on end. Harry and Draco sat in the driver and passenger seat respectively, as they were the only ones who could drive besides Hermione and Sirius-who were otherwise occupied.

And thus started the wacky, romantic, American road trip.

Oh goodness. I can't believe I wrote that. Seriously. I can't believe I had the sudden urge to take this from my mind and implant it here...argh...it's such a DUMB idea, and I do want you to know that there will be SEVERAL side stories pertaining to this if I ever get it going. Why did I WRITE this!

I must have been horribly high or something, and I'm terribly sorry to make you read this.

(1) A terrible reference to Legally Blonde.

Thank you to all my lovely little friends at s4. for letting me steal their souls. If they don't sound like cannon characters, they most likely aren't.