HI! (waves). So I'm back, had an aweome time, but need to read to many chapters that I missed. And I missed everybdy!

Um, not entirely sure where this came from.

Knowing Why

I don't know why she hates me.

She doesn't even know me.

Or maybe it's just that she hates all of us.

But the same logic still applies.

She has never met any of us before. Any of us "peace-nick hippies".

So why does she look at me with such hate in her eyes?

I tried to tell Rhade that she hates me, but I had to stop. Because I saw it then. I realized why she hates me so much. Why she wants everyone to leave. Why she protests so loudly at fighting for us. Why she got so mad at him when he said he wanted to stay.

She loves him as well.

And he, he has no idea.

That is better for me I suppose.

But what happens if she tries to tell him?

I don't think he feels for her what he feels for me. But then again I did not expect him to be a warrior. A crusader of violence and me, me a spreader of peace. And yet somehow he belong together. I take off some of his edge, his harshness. And he makes me see things, possibilities that I have never seen before.

I love him.

I'm not really sure what to do about this.

I wish I weren't so shy.

I really wish I hadn't blushed when he said that I had an admirer as well, those brown eyes looking so kindly into mine.

I just keep wishing that my nietzschean DNA will take action and claim him as my own, but nothing happens.

So when he asks what it is about Beka I want to talk about, I smile and say he has wonderful friends.

And she is wonderful.

Wonderful to let him be with me. Without, too much, protest. Even though she wants him. Even though her heart is screaming. Even though she hates my peaceful ways. Even though if he were with me, he might leave them.

Because he loves me.

And she can see that.

He's happy.

He loves me.

And I love him.

Who knows? Maybe when this is all over with my nietzschean DNA will take action and I'll claim him.

But for now, I think I'll just settle into this exciting feeling of love beginning.

After all, we have the rest of our lives to start a family.