July 1977

End of term exams went well. I'm dreading next year; we have to take our NEWTS. Oh joy.

It's been wonderful living at Hogwarts this summer. There are eight of us here, and we're pretty much allowed to do whatever we want, as long as it within the normal school rules, of course. The teachers have been great, they'll talk to us whenever we need someone to talk to, and they'll joke around with us a lot as well.

The people staying, other than James, Sirius, and I, are a third year Ravenclaw, Judith Brooks, a fourth year Hufflepuff, Amanda Willis, first year Hufflepuff twins, Michael and Gwynette Roberts, and fifth year Ravenclaw, Faramir Grant. Yes, Faramir, his sister's name was Arwen. He's like me; his parents and sister were Muggles. He told me his parents were big fans of the Muggle Lord of the Rings trilogy. Poor kid, everyone calls him Farrie.

It's really interesting to talk with everyone and hear their stories. Michael and Gwynette come from a very mixed family, on both sides. Gwynn said it's a family joke that when someone is pregnant, every puts money on whether it will be Magic or Muggle; you never can tell. Apparently it's been that way for generations. She said almost all her aunts, uncles, and cousins were killed as well.

Anna writes me often. She's living with some of her parents' friends. She seems to be doing well. I can't wait for school to start so I can see her.

I spend most of my time exploring the castle with Sirius and James. They're always making notes and checking for hidden passageways, secret rooms, and other things like that. I can tell they're up to something, but they won't tell me what. They just assure me that I won't get in trouble. I hope they're right.

I wrote it. I promised myself I wouldn't use that word anymore. Last time I did, everything turned our horribly wrong. I can't hope anymore. Hope has died for me.

Farewell, Hope.

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Surprise, surprise! James asked me out the other day. This is what, the one hundred and twenty-ninth time since first year?

Surprise, surprise! This time I said yes.

A couple of the teachers are taking the eight of us to Hogsmeade for a chance to get away from the castle. Even the twins are allowed to go. I can already hear them bragging about it to their friends when term starts.

It's hard to believe that this will be my last year here! So much has happened at Hogwarts; so many memories have been made. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life after I graduate. I know what career I want to pursue; I want to work as a healer at St. Mungo's, but what do I want to do with my life?

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Hogsmeade was fun. I was afraid James would take me to that awful Pudifoot place so many Hogwarts students seem so fond of. Thankfully he didn't, I think I would have killed him if he had. It would be a shame to have to kill him just when I was starting to like him.

To be honest, I don't think I would have done anything differently at Hogsmeade if we hadn't been on "a date". I didn't mind, though I was very surprised that he didn't try to kiss me. Really, I think I prefer it that way. I want to build a strong friendship with him before getting romantically involved. I have no idea if that's why he didn't make any moves, or if he's just scared that I would have slapped him as hard as I could, like I've done when he's flirted with me in the past…

Yeah, it was most likely the latter.

I'm worried that when school starts back and everyone returns, he'll go back to being the way he was before; a stuck-up arrogant jerk. Maybe not, from what I saw, he really acted better last year than he did through first year. Maybe he really is becoming more mature. I hope(1) think he has, I don't want to lose him.

I hope want this change to be permanent. I've had my hear broken twice this year already, I don't want it broken again

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Why can't I stop using the word hope? Why does so much seem to depend on it? I wish things could be for certain and I didn't have to rely on hope so much.

Hope always fails me.

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(1) The hopes in the last two paragraphs of the penultimate section are supposed to be struck out. However, the FF.n editor doesn't support strike outs, so I had to deal with just underlining them. Oh well...