Disclaimer: I swore never to say it again but........ don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, just borrowing all those pretty bishies for my amusement. I also don't own the lyrics the song '45' by Shinedown (A 45 is a type of gun by the way)
A/N: Ok, as promised in the previous Author Note, this chapter is a big turn for Seto and Demi, and as a warning, there are a few mature subjects in this, so if you can't handle it, don't read this chapter, it doesn't seem that way at first, but it gets dark. The chapter after it can stand alone if you don't wanna read this one, you'll get the basic idea of what happened. Anyways, on with the fic!
Song lyrics
Chapter 37
45
Amaya awoke and dressed quickly that morning in preparation for the movie that she and Demi were going to.
Yami had warned her to use a fake name if she had to give one- she was still assumed dead after all. She gave Yami a few quick kisses and made him promise not to do any of the hacking until she got back, and made her across the hall to her friend's shared apartment.
Demi Martan awoke to the sound of someone knocking on her door. She groaned and covered her head until she heard Amaya's voice calling from the other side of the door.
"Demi you lazy ass!" She called, rapping on the door again. "Get the hell up unless you want to be late!" Demi gave another groan and threw the blankets of her, not at all surprised to find that Seto was nowhere in sight.
"DEMI!"
"I'm coming, I'm coming." She called weakly as she quickly threw on a pair of baggy black cargos and a plain black shirt. She turned to glare at the empty bed, a new emotion that she couldn't identify rising within her.
'Oh sure.' She thought bitterly. 'He can fuck me, but can't even wake up with me once in a fucking blue moon.' Shaking her head to clear her thoughts she walked up to the door where her best friend was impatiently on the other side. 'Today, I'm not going to worry Kaiba.' She told herself firmly. 'He can work himself to death for all I care, all he cares about his is work anyway. No, today, I am going to have fun for a change!'
"Bout time." Amaya scoffed as Demi opened the door.
"Well sorry if I was sleeping." She muttered sarcastically. Amaya playfully whacked her upside the head.
"Your such a baka, come on."
"And how exactly are we getting there?" Demi asked, a note of suspicion and envy in her voice. Her suspicions were confirmed as Amaya held up the keys to Yami's black sports car. "You bitch." Amaya laughed as the two girls entered the parking lot.
"Can I drive?" Demi asked, trying to sound pitiful in hopes that Amaya might actually let her drive something expensive.
"No chance in hell." Her friend replied firmly. "Yami pacifically told me not to let you drive." Demi pouted as Amaya fired up the car, but decided to compromise by raiding the gang leader's CD collection instead.
Finding one that caught her eye, she placed it in the player. Sad But True by Metallica came blaring out of the speakers full force making Amaya jump, and Demi had the look of a kid in a candy store. Amaya smacked her hand to her head at her friend's antics.
This was going to be a long drive.
Unknown to Demi, Seto Kaiba was not at work as he should have been, but had sealed himself in the bathroom, were he intended to remain.
Perhaps if had known this, things might have been a little different in the way that were to play out, but then again maybe not.
He sat in the bathtub, half-way submerged in the hot water, his soulless eyes staring at the white walls that seemed so much like a prison. A prison he had happily made for himself. This was it, three years to the day that he had failed the only person that he had ever really gave a fuck about, save for his parents which he didn't remember that well.
He had let his brother die over some dumb argument.
His little brother that he sworn he would protect, as an older brother, it was his job to protect him.
And he had fucked it up, fucked it up good.
Send away for a priceless gift
One not subtle, one not on the list
Send away for a perfect world
One not simply, so absurd
He closed his eyes, trying to fight that the memories that had haunted him for three years, but at the same wanting them to come, for him to allow his punishment to come again and again, an eternal reminder of his failure.
He knew work would be pissed as hell, but he didn't care. It was just a bunch of dumb fucking people ordering him around anyway, and besides, why should he worry? He wouldn't have to worry about anything after today.
Today, he was going to grieve for his mistakes, he wasn't to act like it didn't bother him. For the last time, his walls were gonna crumble.
In these times of doing what you're told
You keep these feelings, no one knows
He hated his failure.
He hated his reflection.
He hated himself period.
Reaching over to the small table beside the tub he picked up his straight blade. Lifting his arm out of the warm water he stared down at the three years worth of scars that littered them like a morbid painting. Without the slightest change is his expression, he slid the razor across his forearm, watching the trail of blood as it mingled with the water and fell into the tub, making swirling patterns before fading.
He breathed a small sigh of relief, he was getting it out of him, paying his blood for Mokuba's. It was the only real thing that he could do for his dead brother, and do it he would.
Without hesitation he made another thread thin cut, and again watched the blood. He didn't feel any pain, he didn't feel anything at all anymore really. He ate because he needed to survive, he worked because it was the only thing he knew how to do, and he fucked because it let him forget, if only for a little while.
The life he had felt when he still had Mokuba was gone, he no longer knew how to laugh or smile.
He had been slowly falling apart for three years, and this was as far he could stretch himself, this was as far as he could go.
What ever happened to the young man's heart
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart
He made another gash, this one deeper then the other two, and bleeding harder, but it still wasn't enough, it would never be enough.
He closed his eyes, finally letting the gruesome memory play.
Flashback
"But big brother-"
"I said no!"
"But I don't want you to be in the gang anymore!" He wailed, his obsidian eyes shining with unshed tears.
"I'm staying in it, Mokuba, end of story!" He yelled, his blue eyes blazing fire.
"FINE!" The small child yelled, tears splashing down his face. "GET KILLED LIKE MOM AND DAD, SEE IF CARE!" And with that he turned and ran.
"MOKUBA!" He yelled, this time not in anger, but concern. All he got in reply was the slamming off a door.
Flashback Within Flashback
He ran out into the dark street, the rain pouring in heavy buckets and lightening and thunder flashed ominously, as if a sign of what was to happen that night.
He ran through the wet streets, trying to catch a glimpse of his brother in the darkness. A flash of lightening lighted the sky, but he couldn't make out anything through the heavy rain.
"MOKUBA!" He yelled, but the thunder claimed his voice. He ran down the streets, shouting his brothers name, begging him to answer for what seemed like hours. He began to shake with the cold, but he didn't care, he needed to get Mokuba, and get him fast.
He ran and shouted some more, worry turning into panic. After what seemed like forever, he heard his brother's frantic call and ran towards the noise that lead him into a faintly lighted alleyway. He turned the corner and froze dead in his tracks.
There, was Marik, with Mokuba in a strong choke hold. Although Mokuba had stopped screaming from lack of air, his wide frightened eyes were screaming absolute volumes.
"Looks like your big brother's found you." Marik cooed to the child, an insane and sadistic smirk plastered on his face. "It's too bad he won't be able to save you." Slowly, he raised a knife, the razor sharp blade glinting in the rain and lightening.
Seto wanted to run, to stop Marik, to save his last blood tie, but all he could do was stare in mute shock in horror, his legs like useless lead, leaving him to watch as the knife came down, cutting through the small boy's tender flesh.
Over and over again it came down, and all Seto could see was the river of blood that was pouring everywhere. The rain turned crimson, washing down into the drain. Finally, but far to late, he was able to move his body, a wild scream tearing from his throat as Marik threw the broken and slashed body down onto the ground like a battered ragdoll.
He clutched the lifeless body to him, his younger brother's blood spilling onto him freely, staining his clothes, Marik's laughter ringing in his ears. Slowly he raised his head to stare at the murder before him, hoping, preying that Marik was going to turn the blade on him next.
'Please.' He begged in his mind, tears mixing with rain, the first tears that he had shed since he was a very small child. 'Just let me die.' But he wasn't to be blesses with death yet. It was almost as if Marik knew the thought that had just ran in his head, knowing that he wanted to die, and he wanted to put Seto through pain.
He just smiled cruelly and walked away, leaving Kaiba with the corpse of what had once been his reason for life.
End of Flashback
And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45
He snapped back to reality with a jolt. He wanted to cry, to let the old wounds open and the tears to run down his face. But he couldn't, after that day he had lost all feeling inside, and with it, the ability to cry with his tears.
That's why he now cried with his blood. Self-loathing flooding through him, he sunk the razor into his skin, pulling it across his wrist, and letting the crimson tears flow to join the bath water.
He should have been able to stop it, but he was just useless. He had stood and watched his brother die. It was as good as killing him with his own two hands. He would never be able to forgive that, never.
He was to blame for his brother's death, just like he was to blame for his stepfather's suicide. (If you've read the manga, then you'd know what I'm talking about.) If only he had lost them game, then his stepfather wouldn't have jumped from the building, but he had, and Seto had been there to witness it.
Send a message to the unborn child
Keep your eyes open for a while
She closed his eyes, trying to block it out, but he knew he never would be able to. With an animalistic cry he went into a frenzy of slashes. Any skin he saw he slashed with a raging vigor.
Ever since that day, his life, the life that he had worked so hard to build to protect himself and Mokuba, had shattered before his very eyes, the pieces spread to all corners of the universe and locked away after the key had been destroyed.
In a box high up on the shelf,
Left for you, no one else
There's a piece of a puzzle known as life
Wrapped in guilt, sealed up tight
He stopped slashing, breathing heavily. All he could see was crimson fluid running down his arm form countless gashes and cuts, overlapping the old scars to make new ones, a spider wed of thin lines that decorated his body.
The bath water was beginning to turn a soft shade of pink, and still he didn't feel any of it.
'Why can't I feel it!' He ragged, picking up the razor and proceeding to slash his other arm with the same rage, the same utter self-loathing that had slowly driven him over the edge. He didn't care about hitting main veins now, in fact, he was aiming for them, watching with satisfaction as they spilt, sending streams of red liquid into the water, blood spurting from his arteries in time with his heart beat.
What ever happened to the young man's heart
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart
He couldn't stop, he didn't want to. Everything that he had tried for so long to hide came out in a blind rage as he continued the cut whatever skin he could find. Not his arms, but his chest, his legs, anything that would bleed.
And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
Finally, breathing hard, his rage spent, the razor slipped from his fingers and landed on the bathroom floor. He began to feel numb, and tired.
He knew he was dying.
He didn't care.
"Mokuba....." He whispered, his breath coming out like a sigh. It was the last thing that he said before darkness claimed him.
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45
Amaya stepped out the car and made her way back up to the club, Demi behind her.
"That movie was so gross." Amaya said, making a face as she walked into the main part of the club.
"I like it!" Demi exclaimed, a huge smile on her face.
"You would." Amaya muttered. "Anyway, I have some hacking to do. You coming?" Demi shook her head.
"I'm taking a shower." She replied. Amaya shrugged.
"Whatever, catch ya later!" Demi waved and made her way up into the motel. She reached the door of her shared apartment and opened the door.
The minute she stepped into the apartment she knew something was wrong. The house was too quite, yet it didn't have the feeling of emptiness to it. Shrugging off this strange feeling she sighed and walked to the bathroom door and turned the handle.
It didn't move.
Someone had locked it.
"Kaiba?" She called, wondering why he was home for work so early. "Kaiba you in there?" No answer. She tired the doorknob again, although she knew it wasn't going to work. She began to get really concerned now and pounded on the door. "KAIBA!" Still, she was only greeted by silence.
Everyone's pointing their fingers
Always condemning me
And nobody knows what I believe
I believe
In a panic she did the only thing that she could think of and kicked the door open, breaking the lock with the force of the blow and stumbling into the room.
She froze, her mouth wide open in a silent scream of horror.
Seto was in the tub, which had turned a dark red in color. His face was ghostly pale, and she saw the cuts that littered his body like grotesque decorations. The only indication at all that he was alive was the blood that was still spilling in time with his heart.
She told herself to run, to get help, that maybe there was still a chance that he could be saved, but her body refused to move, she could only stare in horror.
Reality hit her like a slap in the face, and she, her body suddenly coming to life, ran down the steps like she had never ran before. It seemed that the journey to the club took hours, when in reality it had only been mere seconds at the speed she was going.
Without stopping she burst into Yami's office where he, Amaya and Maiyu were crowded around the computer. All heads snapped up when she burst through the door, her complexion pale and chalky, her entire body trembling from head to foot.
"Demi, what the hell happened?" Amaya asked, hurrying to the side of her friend. Demi sputtered it all out so fast that no-one understood a word. "Demi, breath. Now what happened?"
"Seto." She managed to choke out. "In the bathroom, there's- there's blood everywhere. He-cut his wrists." At this, Yami turned white as a sheet, and Amaya felt like she was in a dream, everything was going so slow.
"Jesus Christ not again." He whispered before running out of the room, Amaya and Maiyu in toe. (A/N: I hope that didn't offend anyone, if it did, just let me know and I'll change it.)
And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
Demi, shaking from head to foot collapsed onto the floor, her legs unable to support her weight anymore. In her hysteria she didn't notice the tears running down her cheeks at first. And then, as she wiped the salty droplets away, the truth hit her like a physical blow.
She loved him.
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45
A/N: Alright, this is by far my favorite chapter that I have written so far. I liked the intensity of it! I'm actually very proud of the way this chapter turned out seeing as it's nearly 8:00 in the morning and I haven't slept at all yet. I really, really, REALLY want to know if you, the almighty readers think of this chapter. I don't usually write stuff at this level, so feedback will be greatly appreciated.