Harry Potter and the Curse of the Centuricus
Chapter - 1
Painful Beginnings
The sun was up. A warm breeze played across the flower gardens .The sweet aroma of wet grass cast a cheerful atmosphere to the doll-like houses of Privet Drive. But there was no cheer in the tall, gangly, bespectacled teenager lying despondently across the well moved lawns of No.4 Privet Drive .His jade eyes were dull and if you looked close enough, you would see a deep burning flame of need, guilt and pain in those once-emerald bright eyes.
"Oh! For God's sake, boy, do you want the neighbors to think we don't give you a roof? You don't even need to perform your daily chores like any normal boy. Just come in before your uncle wakes up", his aunt, Petunia Dursley snapped. Harry Potter flinched at her screeching voice, sighed and dragged himself into the house. Before opening the door, he glanced back and tried to locate his watcher. It was a daily habit. If he had to be followed, the least he could know was who was doing it.
As Harry walked up to the shower, he fingered the wand in the belt holster. While other kids carried a cell phone it just had to be Harry who needed to carry a seemingly harmless stick. He contemplated his growing obsession with his wand. He knew he was turning into a Moody, Jr. It wouldn't be long before he started yelling, "CONSTANT VIGILANCE".
The change in him had scared him at first. He would wake up late in the nights sweating heavily and feeling different. A feeling he had found difficult to understand or accept. He had been scared before. Facing Quirrel, the basilisk, dementors and then Voldemort and his Death Eators had all been scary, but it was nothing compared to this mind-numbing, spine-chilling fear that gave him nightmares when he slept and kept him brooding when he was awake. It was the prophecy. That his fight with Voldemort would decide the fate of people like the Weasleys, Hermione and all the Wizarding World was not a comforting idea.
It was the responsibility that made him wonder why he was chosen. Did it really matter now? What was left to fight for? Why couldn't he just give up and rest? But Harry found he could not live it out in apathy. He cared too much. Not for himself. But for others. People with lives. Like Ron, Mione, Professor Lupin, the Weasleys, Professor Dumbledore, everybody... He had answered every letter of Ron, Hermione and Prof.Lupin with as much sincerity as he could muster. But he hadn't told them about the prophecy. He wouldn't think of that now. They hadn't pushed him to talk either. Just seemed grateful he was writing at all.
The jet of cold water woke him up. He remembered promising to talk to Professor Lupin today. He didn't really want to but he had told himself at the start of the summer not to fuss, especially not with Lupin. The man must have been suffering as much or perhaps, even more than Harry himself. The shower washed away all the grime and sweat of a night spent on the lawn and Harry felt better - as though all his pain, guilt, anger and fear had just been washed away. It would all come back soon but I was a short reprieve and he liked it.
As he dressed in the usual hand-me-downs, he realised he had grown this summer. Perhaps the food given ungrudgingly or perhaps puberty (at last) but he had finally had his growth spurt, so much so he thought he topped Vernon Dursley, his huge(in every dimension) uncle and would perhaps be able to look Ron or even Snape in the eye. Snape...that name brought into focus thoughts better forgotten. He knew better than to judge a man from his arch nemesis' memories in a pensieve but his hero image of his father was broken and will never return.
The sound of cutlery broke his silent reverie and Harry walked down to the dining table. His aunt pushed a plate full of something towards him. Harry didn't pause to look at what it was before shoving it down his throat. He didn't care. So long as it was edible he would eat it. He had found at the start of the summer that eating helped and somehow he seemed perpetually hungry nowadays. Also it was his job to survive for he had to face Voldemort and kill him even if that were the lest thing he did. It probably would be the last thing he would do.
"Boy, pass the custard", Vernon sounded impatient. Harry looked at him blankly before he understood what Vernon wanted. His uncle turned away uneasily from those deep eyes and said in a milder tone,"can you?" That was rich,coming from Vernon who could quell a raging bull with his purple-faced(the really deep shade) angry glare. Obviously Moody's scare had made them all too scared to bother him, starve him or give him chores. Now Harry had too much time, too much food and too much quiet to like his stay here. He had started to read his OWL material again to beat the boredom and the pain.Just as he cleared his plate, the doorbell rang.
Uncle Vernon glanced nervously at Harry, probably wondering if it was Moody. Harry opened the door and let in Professor Lupin, who looked tired and tattered as usual. Unlike Harry there was something in his eyes, something Harry yearned to see for it had been a week since he saw it. It reminded Harry of his reason to live. It was why able to accept his guilt and try to move on - HOPE. All these people had hope. He wouldn't shatter it, not if he could help it.
As Vernon shuffled out to office and Petunia sniffed disapprovingly, Harry nodded and led Lupin to his bedroom. "Hi, professor", Harry said as he motioned to Lupin to sit on his rickety old chair. To his surprise, Lupin ignored the chair and sat next to him. "Call me Remus, Harry. I would rather be your friend than your teacher". "Okay, Remus, what did you want to talk about?", Harry asked, fidgeting.
Remus again surprised him, putting an arm around his shoulders. He pulled Harry closer and told him in a firm tone, "Don't do this,Harry. Don't distance yourself from those who love you. I know you have been writing to us all. But that isn't the real you. Life is all about living, not surviving. Losing one traveller must not end your journey. There is still a lot to see and feel. Don't close yourself in". Harry was surprised, then touched that Remus cared for him despite losing his best friend to Harry's stupidity. He knew Remus was suffering as much as he was and yet he wanted to help.
Planning to open up just a little to him, Harry said,"It isn't just Sirius, you know. Its much more. I don't think I can take it all much longer. Someday I will crack and nothing will be left". He had already said so much that he knew he couldn't stop the flow any longer. Yet Remus asked, "Take what, Harry, the visions, the scar? Do they still trouble you?"
Now Harry couldn't stop himself. His words flew out in a gush, "No, there is nothing new in all that. I don't know how to say this but something in me hates this ...loss... of ,eh, control, the utter helplessness of it all. I feel as though my life is speeding through a dark tunnel, with no light guiding me, speeding forward blindly and there are echoes all around me. I could take it as a child. Accept it as another disadvantage of being a freak and an orphan. But not now, not any longer".
After battling within himself for so long, Harry was surprised by how light his heart felt. All it had taken was one true friend to talk to, to relate with and Harry felt stronger. After a moment of silence, Remus pulled Harry into a hug, so warm it unsettled the normally strong boy. Not wanting to let go of this new found support, he plunged on, "Iam scared, Remus. I dream things. No, not the visions. These are nightmares where Sirius, Cedric, mom, dad and then lots of others die slowly before my eyes and I just look on as though I don't care. I wake up scared that maybe someday I will really not care. And then there is the prophecy. Now I cant even die in peace".
Remus suddenly pulled out of the hug and stared at Harry, "What prophecy? I thought it was lost in the fight. And you weren't supposed to know anything about it. What are you saying, Harry? Tell me". Harry realised he had blurted it out and there wasn't any going back. He thought about how light his heart had felt on revealing his fears. Maybe, talking about the prophecy would help too. Either way, there was no going back. And then the whole sordid tale was revealed. Remus listened, not once interrupting while his face mirrored a miriad of expressions from surprise to shock and then deep thought.
Remus spoke slowly in a soft, measured tone," So you let a prophecy rule your life. You could meet Voldemort when you are 17 or you could be 70. What do you plan to do? Keep hiding till then? You moan your lack of control over your life. And yet you decide to let the future rule your present", Remus was aware of just how much Harry needed to hear these words and he went on, "Harry, if expectations are all we live for, man could never have evolved. Sirius would not have held on to his sanity, Dumbledore would not need to lead a thankless world, Snape would not be in the Order, hell, I would be a Death eater. And none of this happened. Think, Harry, why? Why didn't any of us do what was expected of each of us?"
"Because Sirius was not guilty, you are not a cruel person. You can never be cruel. And Dumbledore, without him, the Wizarding world won't survive", Harry said. "So, what is common among all of us? Tell me". Harry thought some more. What did all this have to do with him? And then it hit him, the answer to Remus' question and much more. "Because you follow your conscience, not others expectations!"
Remus was jubiliant. He realised that at last, Harry understood. "Exactly. It would so easy for you to fulfill a destiny, learn some duelling and fight Voldemort when he makes the inevitable move against. At some point you will lose for there will be nothing driving you in your effort. And yet if you listen to your conscience, your stronger self, you will find that hidden potential in you which drives champions". Harry didn't speak for a long time. And then when he spoke atlast, he sounded like a drowning man who had just been given a lifeboat, "I won't survive. No, I won't just survive. Instead, I will live. I will let neither a prophecy nor a cracked up Darklord rule my life. I won't sit back and take it, not any longer, I promise".
"As for your other fear, I know you will never forget Sirius. But you need to let go. The pain will recede. I know. Trust me. You will always love Sirius. But you will remember other things about him. You will learn to love other people as much". "Perhaps",Harry nodded but he sounded unconvinced. Remus sighed. He knew Harry needed this understanding and he was ready to spend as much time as it would take to bring back hope and optimism in this child. He had made enough leeway in one meeting, enough to bring Harry's actions and thoughts back into perspective. It would take much longer to get him to accept Sirius' loss. Remus swore to himself to be there for Harry when He needed a confidante and guide.
As of now, there were other pressing matters, too. Bracing himself, Remus said,"Harry, I know this is not the time to tax you but I need to do this. Sirius surprisingly has left his effects in atleast partial order. He has left us a will. You see, he has not listed out his personal and familial property which amount to a value unsurpassed by any wizard in Britain. It would have been nice if he had finished it as it has taken the order members working with many lawyers atleast a week to put it all in order. But Sirius has been very intelligent as he has written out a foolproof statement that all his effects shall be yours to use as you please".
Waiting for Harry to digest this news, Remus continued, "Harry, If you are going to tell me you don't need it, I understand. But there are consequences to not claiming this property which I would like to avoid. One of them being that after one year this would all naturally pass on to the next of relations, namely the Malfoys, the Lestranges, etc. Do claim it, Harry. He wanted you to".
Harry was astounded. He had never truly realised there were aftermaths to a death. "Iam not sure, Remus, I'll think about it", he said. Remus nodded as though satisfied and took on the next topic that needed to be spoken about.
"There is something else too,Harry". Remus took a deep breath and plunged on, "Will you learn Occlumency again? I haven't spoken to anybody about this but I can't afford to lose you to those visions of a monster. You are all I have left and I don't care if you hate me for this but I still need to ask". Dumbfounded by Remus' concern again, Harry was just about to say that he had been conmtemplating the same when many things happened almost all at once.
A loud pop sounded just outside followed by the slamming of a door, something that sounded suspiciously like a vase broke, somebody shrieked and a gruff voice broke the maddening noises, "OH, SHUT IT WOMAN...POTTER ! WHERE ARE YOU?... LUPIN !"
AN: Guys, for those who care, I am reposting this fic. The first attempt was O.k but I wasn't satisfied with some things and Harry was a little too depressed. I like happy endings and sweet dreams and hence, this second try. Please read and review.