Fear
It snakes round his gut, vicious, squirming.
It strangles his thoughts, chokes his voice, so the coherent words that will persuade Kolya to let her go come out only as a terrified cry of demand.
"Say goodbye to Dr. Weir."
Fear paralyses him. He cannot find the words to save her. He cannot think of an action he can take. All he can do is beg and plead and bargain for her life and scream the name of his tormentor.
"Weir is dead."
Fear becomes reality. He freezes. Fear has become hate, vengeance, ice-cold needles chilling his heart and soul.
No more words now. No more Elizabeth. No more gentleness, or laughter, or softness. Nothing left now but death. his own, and as many of the bastards as he can take with him.
He'd known fear before. For himself, for others, for friends, for strangers. But he's never gone beyond fear before. Never felt fear so deeply, nor had his fear so brutally realised.
John Sheppard had never known what would be left if he crossed the line. If what he feared most came to pass. If the woman he respected, admired, liked, loved, died. If his world was robbed of it's light and peace and joy.
Now he knows.
Beyond fear, there is nothing.
Joy
In the half hour since he heard she was dead, he'd forgotten joy ever existed. Forgotten love, passion, warmth, happiness. That had all belonged to Elizabeth, and now he is cold as she is.
There's no joy in a dead man's heart.
"Weir is alive"
Joy ripples through him. A demand for proof, and then her voice. Her voice, dragging him back to life. Suddenly, it all comes back,. joy suffusing through him. Hope, happiness, comfort, peace, love, all within his grasp again. There's desperation and panic too, but she's alive, and he's alive, and he can pull this off and save them both. He saves her, she saves him, and life is joyous again.
With her, there is always joy.