Ace lied in his warm bed, sleeping comfortably and snoring quietly. The young pink-skinned newman woman wrapped in his arm slept contently as well, drooling the whole time. Her long hair was blonde, with pink strands here and there, and brown on the very top of her head. Ace shifted in his sleep, reaching under himself and tossing a pair of bra and panties out of the bed, and returned to his peaceful slumber.
Suddenly, his house phone system cooed seductively, "Ace, honey. Pick me up and turn me on."
"Ace, phone," the blonde woman said sleepily, wiping the drool off her face. He reached over her and picked up the receiver.
"Ace here," he yawned.
"Yes," the man on the other end said politely. "I understand that you are the leader of a club of hunters?"
"Uh huh," Ace yawned again.
"I was interested in joining. My name is…"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Ace rubbed his head. "I'm not the one you wanna' talk to."
"Who should I contact, then?" Ace struggled to remember the answer to his question. All he could think about were girls and sleep, but mostly sleep. He glanced at his clock and saw that it was six in the morning. With that mindset, he gave the only answer that came to mind.
"…Uh, look up El." He hung up the phone and lied on his belly as he had originally been. As he wrapped his arm around the woman next to him, he remembered something.
"Hey, Chandra?" he asked, stroking her hair and closing his eyes.
"Hmm?"
"Where'd your sister go? She was here…yawn…last night."
"Nowhere," she said, returning the infectious yawn. "I got your right arm so she probably got your left. Why?" After a few seconds of the wheels turning in Ace's brain, his eyelids burst wide open. He felt nothing in his left arm. He lifted himself up and saw the other woman beneath himself, sleeping completely naked. Unlike her sister's bright hair, hers was black with a few violet locks.
"Selene, you okay?" he asked nervously. Still half-asleep, she pulled him back down onto her. "Whoa! Don't forget my eight-hour rule."
"You're the one who took off my underwear," she grinned.
In a dark room, a woman was sound asleep in a black, circular bed. She had dark skin and long purple hair. Suddenly, her phone began to ring like an alarm. She tried to ignore it, rolling over. Soon, she buried her head under her pillow. When the tone persisted, she grabbed the receiver.
"This had better be good," she growled.
"I was told by Ace to contact El about joining ABC?" the caller said.
She groaned, "That ass! I don't have anything to do with interviewing new members!"
"Terribly sorry. Then, who should I contact?" El got an evil thought.
"Try Q," she answered. "And remember this. Don't EVER call me before noon." With that said, she hung up and tossed the receiver across the room.
A few hours later, Q's phone rang while she was eating her breakfast in a pink robe in front of the holovision.
"Yeah," she answered.
"I would like to join ABC," the caller said more directly.
"Why the fuck are you calling me about that shit?" she asked, arching her eyebrow.
"Pardon me?" the caller exclaimed. "El told me this morning…"
"Damn, you fucked up already," she said.
"Yes, I know… Must you use such language to a complete stranger?"
"It's a medical condition, asshole," she replied. "Anyway, call Ci. She's supposed to be our negotiator or some shit like that."
"Er…thank you," he said. "Tell me, what is your condition called."
"It's called none of your goddamn business. Shit…"
"Really now. Is that sort of attitude really necessary?"
"No, but fuck you anyway," she said, hanging up. "Shit. Guess nobody's ever heard of fucking coprolalia."
A phone rang in what looked like an office. There were several people sitting at desks, doing computer work, checking files, and answering phones. A fair, pink-haired woman in a pink blouse and black jeans answered this call.
She cheerfully answered, "Hello, this is Princess Cicia's residence and office. Pikalika speaking hear and how may I help you?"
"THE Princess Cicia?" the caller exclaimed. "I'm sorry, I was looking for Ci of Team ABC."
"Same person," Pikalika shrugged. "What do ya need?"
"I need to ask her about my possible membership."
"Oh, well in that case, you can call me Pi. Ci's really busy right now, as you probably already know. I'll see what I can do though. One moment please."
Generic elevator music began to play while he was put on hold. He didn't mind it at first. He even found the first song catchy. But as time passed, the pure monotony of old mediocre songs began to bore a hole into his mind. He couldn't tell how much time had passed. It could've been a few minutes or a few hours. He was slowly going insane as the tracks switched from one incoherent rap song to the next bland rock song. Then a recorded voice came on. His first challenge was over. Now he had to face the horror of pre-recorded dial options.
"If you'd like to support the Android Rights Association, please press one. If you'd like to file a complaint against the Android Rights Association, please press two. Si usted quisiera oír sus opciones en español, presione por favor tres…" He pressed one.
"Thank you for supporting our organization. We will contact you soon to collect your donated funds. If you'd like pledge now, press one. If you'd like to speak with a representative, press 2. If you are playing a prank, press 3." He wondered whether he should just cut his losses right then and there, but decided against it.
"If you would like to join one of our sister organizations, press 4." He pressed four.
"If you'd like to join the Newman Equality Organization, please press one. If you'd like to join the Gerudo People Association, please press two. If you'd like to join the criminal organization of Droids, please press five. If you'd like to join a hate group, please press six. If you'd like to join an unethical government organization, please press seven. If you'd like to join a club for unique hunters, please press eight. If you'd like to join Citizens Against Anti-Sweets Legislation, press nine. If you'd like to hear your options again, please press 0." He nearly blacked out through the process, but pressed eight.
"Hello?" a female voice said. "This is Ci of Team ABC. Are you still there?"
"There is a god!" the man exclaimed. "Thank you…thank you so very much!"
"You've passed three out of four of our tests," she said. "The tests of tolerance, patience, and perseverance."
"Aren't those nearly the same thing?"
"Maintain your tolerance for a little longer," she replied with a snicker. "Your final test will be the most important, making the previous trials seem needlessly torturous and pointless… This whole thing wasn't my idea by the way… You must meet with Jay."
"Wait, but I thought you were the negotiator?"
"I am. Jay is the spokesperson and doubles as a publicist of sorts. He is the final step. Meet him at the exact place I'm about to fax you…" The fax was sent.
"Should I come alone?" he asked, seeing how ritualistic the process was.
"It's not that serious," she laughed. "Bring as few or as many people as you want."