A/N : I made a few changes to chapter 3, so I recommend you guys to go over it once again ^^' Sowwie heheh Enjoy!

Disclaimer : Standard disclaimers applied

Snow Dust Petals Beneath the Falling Rain
Chapter 4

I couldn't sleep that night, with so many thoughts clouding my mind. How that woman could bring so many changes in such a short period of time scared me. I never knew how it felt to fear something before, until now, until her… It wasn't what she said, nor did, but… but what? Those strange feelings she evoked in me? I raised my eyes to the dark sky and prayed that she wasn't crying any longer… I quickly closed my eyes shut and clenched my fists. Again. That feeling. Those words. Where did they come from? Why did they pain me so much? I gulped the lump that had formed in my throat and lowered my head… She must leave. I ignored the stab of sadness that came with that thought. I wanted to laugh at myself. Sadness. Anger. Joy. Those emotions were never present before. Why now? Why her? I sighed deeply. I would never understand… I lay back on the grass and folded my hands beneath my head. I must try to sleep or I would become insane by trying to sort out everything in my mind… Sleep. It was like a salvation to me right now…

Each sob made her body jerk with its intensity and pain that it carried… With her face buried in the pillow to soften her cries, she didn't understand why she couldn't stop crying, when that despicable man finally gave her what she wanted. Going home to her mother. Leading a peaceful life like before. Before she met him. Her hand suddenly rolled into a fist, grabbing the material of the pillow tightly. Her body seemed to rock even harder as fresh warm tears made their way down her cheeks, onto the already soaked pillow.

"Before I met him…" she whispered brokenly to herself. "Why am I crying?"

Botan was still confused at her own response to the words he spoke earlier. Maybe she got used to having him around, and was actually beginning to like him? That was probably the reason.

"Probably" she spoke aloud.

She hiccupped and raised herself from the bed. She bit her trembling lip and wiped her tears away. Her eyes wandered to the opened window, where she caught a glimpse of his lying form, stretched on the soft healthy green grass.  Her legs had a will of their own as they brought her closer to the window. Botan placed the palms of her hands upon the frame and took in the sight of him… He was lying on his back with one hand supporting his head, the other resting on his stomach and with one drawn up leg. He looked totally relaxed, but no soul but his was aware of the turmoil of unknown emotions raging inside him. She noticed that his face was turned towards the sky, that his eyes were closed, that his chest rose whenever he inhaled and exhaled, that… Her hands quickly went to each side of her head, covering her ears as she lowered her eyelids and kept them closed tightly. Her fingers curled into her hair to form small fists.

"Why?" she said to herself softly. "Why am I noticing such… such details?"

She felt the tears threatening to come back as her confusion and frustration surfaced. She blinked several times to clear her vision, and she couldn't help but cast her eyes back to him… So mysterious, so cold, but yet so beautiful… Beautiful. What a word to describe a man.

"But then, I can't find another word…" she told herself.

Assuming he had already drifted off to sleep, she moved away from the window and went to pull the door open, stepping out into the night. She slowly started to walk towards his still figure. She didn't know why she was doing this. Why she wanted to be near him… why she wanted to remember his face before she left tomorrow… Her feet came to a halt a few inches away from him and she looked down at his profile as she sat next to his unmoving body…

I had noticed her presence before she even reached me… Her scent had filled my nostrils ever since she opened that door. The scent of roses that I liked beyond reason… Odd that I never paid attention to it before… Even stranger that I was, right at this moment… She might carried that familiar scent, but it was somehow different… Perhaps it was because it was coming from a person and not from flowers or my flute… Too busy analyzing her scent, I didn't gave a second thought when she opened the door as to what she was planning to do, until she sat next to me… My heart doubled its pace, but I tried to remain still as the thought that she probably assumed I was asleep, came into my mind. But pretending to be asleep was proven to be a hard task, what with her being so close… what with her smell becoming more and more intoxicating…

She gazed down into his face silently… memorizing its curves, its perfection... From his eyebrows to his chin, without overlooking his closed eyelids, his nose and lips… He was not just beautiful, she realized, but devastatingly so…

"Kurama…" she breathed his name softly upon her lips.

Her fingers itched to travel down his cheek and across his clean-shaven jaw as her eyes remained on his face for what seemed like an eternity. She slowly raised her hand towards his face, but before it came in contact with his skin, it suddenly paused. She knew that if she acted out on impulse and actually touched him, she would disturb his sleep and be discovered. Her nails lightly scraped her palm as her hand closed into a fist. But only a few seconds passed, before her fist opened and her fingertips slowly approached his forehead… However, instead of touching his skin, she trailed the tips of her fingers down the length of the scarlet locks that had fallen on his forehead.

It was only a gentle and light caress done to nothing else but my hair… Then why? Why did every part of me felt that touch? That gentleness? A sudden yearning tugged at my heart, making it squeezed painfully… but I had to fight it down. I just couldn't give in… I just couldn't extend my hand to her face and gently stroke her cheek while gazing into her eyes to look for something that would deliver me, could I? I didn't know where that yearning came from, but it was misplaced… For someone like myself, it was forbidden to yearn for something such as this. Something such as touching this woman's flesh, when I lived for only one purpose… Was she sent to me as a temptation to test me? Foolish. I was just being foolish. She was just a human being. Nothing more, nothing less… I realized how stupid that thought was as soon as it was out. She wasn't a simple earthling. If she was, I wouldn't be here fighting some strange yearnings and drowning myself in an ocean of foreign emotions… If she was, the walls I carefully built around me would still be standing proudly… Never in my entire existence had I felt this weak, this… vulnerable. And it was frightening: because of her, all because of her. If I knew that helping a mere woman would lead to this torment, this pain, this… I didn't want to continue, as I knew where my reasoning would drift off to at the end… Freed from thoughts for a brief instant, my mind registered the fact that the woman hovering at my side was no longer moving…

She had stopped stroking his hair when she saw his face tensed. If she was not gazing so intently at his face, she would have missed it, as quick and slight the change occurred. She wondered for a moment if he was really asleep. She hoped and prayed that he was. Botan kept her hands close to her heart and waited. But he didn't stir nor move. She let out a little sigh of relief. He probably had a nightmare, she thought naively. The corner of her lips lifted into a smile with that thought. She just couldn't imagine that man having nightmares, when he was the one scaring people with his attitude. Her smile suddenly vanished and a frown wrinkled her brows. Had he met a lot of people? Had he saved other women before her? She didn't like the sound of the latter, not at all.

"Kur--" she quickly put her hands over her mouth and turned her body away from him. She couldn't believe she was actually going to ask him whether or not he had saved other women! Her hands dropped to her side and she slowly turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. Was it jealousy she just felt? Inch by inch, she started to distance herself from him, shaking her head all the while. "No…" she whispered faintly. She slowly stood up, her eyes still glued to him. She blinked once… twice, and tears began to pour down her rosy cheeks. She kept pacing backward, the movement of her head, shaking from left to right, still present. "NO!" she let out abruptly, and turned around to run inside the cabin. She let herself fall on the bed and buried her tear-streaked face in the pillow. Her head ached. Her body trembled. Her throat tightened. Her heart bled. She knew. She finally knew why her tears had been shed, why she wanted to look at him for the last time, and why she wanted to touch his face… But it couldn't be… She didn't… How? "I hate you…" she spoke through her broken sobs and as if to convince herself even more, she repeated the words more forcefully. "I HATE YOU!" But with those words came more tears, came more sorrow and heartache…

My lids lifted slowly and the sight of the moonless sky greeted me. I exhaled deeply and I closed my eyes once again for a few moments… I got up from my current position to a sitting one and drew up both of my legs to rest my elbows on them. My head fell forward and one hand came up to cover my face. That single word still resounded in my head. The echo never fading, never hinting that it would vanish any time soon… I didn't understand why. Why she had screamed out that word all of a sudden. Why it had contained, what seemed like a lifetime of anguish and misery… I had and still felt the intensity of that one word, and that, to my own dismay. My pulse still raced. My heart still ached. I wanted to know the reason of her distraught, but as my face felt the breeze brushing against my skin and my ears also took in the muffled cries that it carried, I abandoned the thought of going up to her and demand an explanation. Demand. A mocking sound escaped from my lips as I realized the word 'demand' had slipped into my mind. If I went to her, she would probably throw something at me and demand that I get out… I looked over my shoulder and saw that there was still a dim light cast by the flame of a candle inside the cabin. I closed my eyes then, and listened to the night… The whistling of the wind, the rustling of the leaves… My hearing sense continued to be alert, searching for a particular sound that was present a while ago. But as the seconds turned into minutes, I finally concluded that she had fallen asleep for her cries no longer mingled with the wind… A part of me wanted to walk through that door, but the other screamed warnings inside my head. I didn't know what to do. I let myself fall back on the grass and placed the back of my hand against my forehead. Seeing nothing but darkness with my eyes closed, I started to reflect upon the reasons why I should not go take a look at her.  She was a shrew. She was a disturbance. She humiliated me. She complicated my existence. She made me laugh. My eyes shot open as my last thought sunk in. I swallowed with pain and admitted defeat. With a sigh, I stood up and slowly made my way toward the cabin. Each step hesitant, each step uncertain… My hands balled into fists as a sudden anger began to envelop my being. Why did that woman had to govern every step I made? Why did that woman had to be in every thought I reflected upon? My hand gripped the doorknob and turned it. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath, until I pushed the door opened and stepped inside… The anger locked inside of me vanished in the blink of an eye at the sight of her… She was curled up into a ball on the bed with her hands clasped together against her heart. With each step made to distance myself from the door, I noticed that her body trembled slightly. It must be the chilly air, I thought. Absentmindedly, I grabbed the blanket at the foot of the bed and covered her body. But as I drew it up to her chin, I saw something I shouldn't have… Something that made me felt a stab of pain directly to my heart, and dropped the blanket to kneel at her side… The tears stains on her cheeks and her spiky lashes were tangible proofs that she had cried herself to sleep… Why? I frowned at the sleeping woman, knowing I would never get an answer to that one-word question. I turned my head toward the door, thinking that it was time to go back now. But as I started to rise, a soft sound halted me. A hiccup: a blow to my resistance. Staring intently at her facial features, I only seemed to register the tears stains, dampening her cheeks. A hand suddenly approached her face and a thumb slowly and softly dried away the remaining of her tears… My eyes watched that hand… and widened as it dawned on me that, that hand was my very own, that it belonged to me. I staggered backward and a look of horror crossed my face. I just dried away her tears? I just touched her face? NO! I didn't! I scrambled to my feet and hastily exited the cabin. Running toward the lake, I didn't pause until the water reached my waist. And dove in. Pinching my eyes shut, blocking out all thoughts, I remained underwater until my lungs burned with the need to be fill with air. Resurfacing, I took big gulps of air. Hungrily. Greedily. The emotions inside me still raging, still tormenting…

"WHY!" I cried out to the Heavens. "What did I do to deserve such treatment? Is this another punishment you think I deserve?" Controlled by nothing else than my anguish and anger, I no longer cared who heard me, especially that stupid woman. This was all her fault! Hers! Nothing could shatter my composure before, nothing! My eyes darted to the cabin, where she was. Getting out of the lake, I walked in direction of it. I kicked the door opened, hoping that it would wake her, but as I paced forward, I noticed that she was already awake. Staring back at me.

The awful cry she heard had stirred her from her slumber and made her alert. But before she could even stand up, the door was kicked open and he entered. Wet from head to toe. She could do nothing but stare, as she wondered what had he done to himself. But when she noticed the murderous look on his face, her heart began to race, and found herself scooting backward… to bump into the wall… Cornered. Trapped.

"Wh-what do you want?" she managed to say, hoping the fear she felt wasn't showing in her voice. She watched as he drew himself nearer, and squeezed herself even more against the wall.

"Get up!" I lashed out, and watched her flinched at my tone. Good.

Reluctantly and hesitantly, her feet came in contact with the floor and she stood up. She knew it was in the best of her interests if she obeyed, what with his mood being inexplicably unpleasant. She could claw at him later.

With a finger pointing toward the door, I continued "Out." A frown quickly replaced the fearful one on her face as I pronounced that word. But she did as I ordered.

She was beginning to find him weird, instead of frightening. Why did he want her to get outside at this hour? She had to ask him. She turned around, but before she could get a word out of her mouth, he pointed out the forest.

With that implacable expression of his, Botan watched as his mouth formed and expelled one word. "Go."

"WHAT?" He must be insane! She must have heard and understood him wrong! He didn't want her to go back home on her own, in the middle of the night, did he?

"Are you deaf?! I told you to go!"

"But you said you would escort me back on the morrow!"

"I changed my mind. I want you to get out of my sight! Now. Tonight. Alone. Is that understood?" I spoke with bitterness and contempt.

She cringed at what his voice carried. She fought back the tears that wanted to be released from her eyes and bit her bottom lip. Why was he acting this way? Didn't he have at least an ounce of compassion in his cold demeanor? Her gaze remained fixated on him, pleading him without words for a reason, an explanation…

I directed my glance elsewhere; couldn't bear see what her eyes beheld. I waited. Waited for her to step out of my domain, out of my life…

Her legs didn't want to move. Her eyes didn't want to look away. Was this the last image she would have of him? Turned away after casting her out? Her lids closed and one tear silently slipped down… Her hands moved to her heart, feeling it fall slowly apart, bit by bit, piece by piece… "Thank you…" she whispered as her final words, not knowing if he heard them or not. But she didn't care. She no longer did… Giving him her back, she breathed deeply and gradually made her way toward the forest, where its darkness would soon engulfed her…

I stood rotten on the spot and clenched my fists forcefully until the knuckles turned white. I shut my eyes tightly and fought the urge to go after her. She said 'thank you'… She pronounced those words after I unfeelingly threw her out in the night, told her to find her own way back home… My throat constricted agonizingly. Unbearably. My fists clenched and unclenched, as I battled for a decision. A sudden scream tore the silent of the night, tore through the haze of my thoughts.

"Onna!" overwhelmed with panic, I raced into the forest, with only one goal in my mind. Saving her.