Almost a Riot
The headquarters of Team ABC was filled with members, all waiting for the last few to arrive.
"Big O still can't make it," Jay said, taking a seat beside Bea.
"The transporter isn't big enough yet, is it?" she asked dryly.
"Bingo," he replied.
"What about Ace and Q?" she asked.
Jay began to snicker. "Well, when I called, the number wasn't available. I'm pretty sure she smashed his phone. Thus, we are left to one of two conclusions. Did Ace get his ass kicked by Miss Honey?"
"He scored," Bea said flatly. "Trust me. I've known him long enough."
"Oh, reeeally?" he asked suspiciously.
"Not like that," she grimaced. "I'm probably the only one who's resisted him."
"Five hundred Meseta says Q resisted," Jay said, tossing the money on the table.
"You're on," she said instantly. "…But I don't carry that kind of money around."
"If things go smoothly," Jay began, looking at the door, "you won't have to worry about money anymore." A very dark-skinned Ramarl approached. She wore black clothing with sky blue trim and a bare midriff. She also wore large, round glasses and had a long, purple ponytail hanging out from under her beret.
"I'll take a little of that," she said, tossing her Meseta on the table. "If anybody can bang that bitch, it's Ace." Before the other two could say anything, Ace and Q walked through the door, both looking particularly cheerful.
"Hey, guys," he said casually. "Sorry I'm late. Overslept." Bea and L smirked at Jay. "So, what's up for today?"
"A spy mission," Ci said, reading a memo and turning around to everyone else. "Listen up, everyone. I'll assume many of you have heard of the Couple's Night at the Varian Hotel."
"Effy and I got an invitation there," said a blond Fonewm in a brown suit with a big hat. "What about it?"
"It's a set-up," Ci replied directly. "According to our sources, armed robbers are planning to break in and steal everyone's valuables. It's fortunate that E and F already have invitations, but we'll need more."
"I'll take care of that," Jay volunteered.
"Good," Ci smiled. "Our mission is simple. We must blend in with the guests, find out who's behind this, and prevent it…And since this is Couple's Night, everyone has to break into, well, couples."
"I call Bea," both Ace and Jay said simultaneously. They frowned and leered at each other.
"I call Jay," Bea said quickly.
"Then, I call Ci," Ace said, laying his hand on Ci.
"I like you, too, Ace," she spoke with polite sarcasm. "However, I would appreciate it if you refrained from palming my rear." He backed away, grinning stupidly.
"Mind if we stay out of this one?" G asked, folding his arms.
"Yeah, we're not really into mushy crap like that," D added.
"That's okay," Ace said. "It'd look weird for Racasts to go there together."
The two Racasts thought over his words for a moment. Then G blurted resentfully, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," Ace replied quickly. "Anyway, you guys can watch Little T while were out."
"Ahem," coughed F the Fomarl in yellow with pink hair peaking from under her shawl. She politely said, "I don't think D and G would be comfortable babysitting a little girl. We've already scheduled a sitter."
"Well, then," Ci said. "That leaves Kay, L, P, and Q." Kay was the Ramar in light blue armor with a headband and short violet dreadlocks. P was the Hucaseal in pink and black with synthetic skin and grey eyes. The Ramar looked back and forth between P and Q. His sister, L, glanced at Q.
"Don't even think about it bitch," Q said quickly. "I won't even pretend to be a dke."
"Wasn't asking, bitch," L growled back.
"Let me make this easy for everyone," P said, walking to L. "See, now it all works out. Kay gets to keep Q from burning everyone's ears off, while I pretend to be L's girl."
"Works for me," L shrugged.
"Shall we?" Kay smiled, offering his arm to Q. She shrugged and hooked her arm around his.
"I thought you were a fg," she whispered to him.
He chuckled lightly, taking no offense at all. "No, I enjoy a woman's touch as well as a man's."
"Shit, my bad," she blushed. "I just thought that since your bitch, er cunt, I mean sister, was a dke, er lesbian, then you'd be a fg, I mean quer, no I mean… Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it!"
"Stop and breath in," he said serenely, placing a friendly hand on her back. She took a deep breath. "Now, calm and exhale." She gently blew out.
"If you're going to swear," L said, rubbing her ears irritably, "mind not setting off the auto-censors with epithets and ethnic slurs. The bleeping is really annoying."
"Shit, I can't help it if you're a dke, bitch!" Q yelled at her.
"Don't call me a dyke, nwk!" L yelled back. The entire room stopped.
"Alright, who said that?" Bea yelled angrily. "Who said the n word.
"That's our word!" E said just as angrily. "You have no right to call this young lady a newk, ordinary."
"Dude, no one says ordinary anymore," Jay said dismissively.
"How would you know, rich-guy?" E asked abrasively.
"Cause you didn't get bleeped," Jay said simply. "The modern word is munger. Anyway, humans suck because they're boring. Newmans suck because they die too fast. And Androids suck because they die-hard, have more intelligence, and are all-around more efficient than everything else…Wait, that's not sucky at all! …And all we organics have are these lame-ass techniques. Well not all of them are lame, but what am I supposed to do with this Anti? It's not like I'm going to get poisoned so bad that I…" He stopped when he noticed Ci staring at him.
"Are you all quite finished?" Ci asked patiently.
"Sorry for calling you a dke, dke," Q muttered.
"Sorry for calling you the n word," L said.
"And we're done," Jay concluded.
"Now that that is settled," Ci said, "we can formulate a plan."
"I say we let the robbers make the first move and then we counterstrike," Ace said. Everyone agreed that it was a decent enough strategy. "Alright guys, keep a lookout for anything suspicious. See you all tonight." Everyone began to leave.
"Thanks for volunteering, P," L said.
"Don't sweat it," the Hucaseal replied coolly. "I'm the only choice that makes sense. Besides, I've been getting a little rusty with sweet talking women."
"I thought androids didn't do that sort of thing," L said, raising an eyebrow.
"Most don't," P smiled. "To tell you the truth, I don't really get anything out of it either, but I like to just have that experience on my 'resume,' so to speak."
"Wait, wait, wait," L said, halting the conversation. "We're talking about having sex with women, right?"
"Yeah," P chuckled. "But in my case, it's women or men."
"What were you built for, again?"
"That's my little secret," she laughed, patting L on the back. "Now, let's get ready for the party. I love parties."