Disclaimer: I don't own Friends.

A/N: Eesh, sorry it took so long to get this done. The holidays made everything hectic, and I only got the chance to write this yesterday and today. It's semi-long...ish. I don't know, it depends on your definition of long. I hope everyone had a good holiday(s). There are many to celebrate this time of year.

My next Friends fic, the college-years one, is coming out sometime early next year (when I say early, I mean January). I'd like to complete this, complete my other story, and then focus on the new Friends one. I've got mid-terms coming up, however, so I'm going to be even busier.

Thanks, reviewers. I wish I had more time to give you all personal responses, but, alas, my minutes are limited. I really do appreciate the positive feedback, though.

This little Rachel-introspect takes place a day after "The One With The Videotape". The ending is completely my doing, and never appeared on the show, but it fits so it could have happened.

XXX

And just when I thought things were going well…

I'm not mad at Ross. That much. I mean, he did tape us having sex. Accidentally. But now all our friends know I came on to him first. Which is embarrassing.

God, what a way to welcome Monica and Chandler back from their honeymoon. Watching me and Ross engage in some weird sort of foreplay that even I don't think is so hot, and I was the one who initiated it!

The whole 'who came on to whom' (who knew Joey knew about that stuff?) debate was really stupid in the first place. I don't even know why I cared so much. And Ross tried so hard to protect me, but in the end we're both too stubborn. I think that's always been one of our problems. We've been too stubborn to get off the crazy carosel that is our love life.

But that's another whole matter altogether.

Ugh, I can't believe everyone wanted to even watch it. Well, I guess I can understand their enthusiasm. I mean if I were one of them, I would've wanted to see the tape too.

But I'm not one of them. They all must think I'm the biggest slut in the Village now.

Things had been great this past week since I told Ross I was pregnant. He's been supportive and helpful and caring and over at the apartment all the time. We'd gone out and gotten books about pregnancy and I'd coerced him into buying a cute little baby blanket (white, very neutral, since we don't know the sex yet). I really thought we were finally acting like real adults in a situation that involved the two of us. Lord knows most of the time we're like two teenagers in high school.

But the tape…

I can't believe he never told me about it. He just kept it to himself. I mean, he told me he never watched it, but still. Of course, judging by our similar reactions to the tape when we viewed it together, I'm thinking that he was telling the truth.

We look good together, I have to admit. Making a tape of that kind of stuff had never been me and Ross's type of thing when we were dating, so I'd never gotten to actually see both he and I, together like that. And now that I have, well, we look pretty damn good.

God, these hormones are making me crazy already.

This is the sort of thing that one of our four other friends would tell our child someday in the future for revenge. Or, in Joey's case, something he'd tell just for fun. Oh man. What if he or she wants to see it? I'd never allow that. I'm sure Ross wouldn't either. And I bet whoever our significant others are by that time wouldn't want to even talk about a tape like this. If they ever got wind…

I really have too much spare time here in my office. I've gotten all the shipments done, I've checked with the departments I'm in charge of, and I've had my assistant make all the calls that needed to be made for the moment. I should be flipping through the What To Expect When You're Expecting book that Ross and I bought, which is now lying, ignored, under a stack of mail.

All of a sudden all I can think about is the future.

Sure, Ross and I have acted like children a lot of the time in the past, but everything is so different now. We're having a baby. In the back of my mind I'd always sort of expected to end up having a kid with Ross. I never thought it'd be like this, but still.

But I'd put all of those thoughts aside. I mean, God, he and I broke up years ago. Yet here we are. Having a baby together.

What does this mean? I wish I could ask him that, but I'm too coward to go down that road again. Things are going so well between us right now. He's excited, I'm excited, our friends are excited.

So why do I feel a pang in my heart? I know it's not the hormones; not this time.

I've started to daydream a lot lately; ever since I found out I was pregnant. And those daydreams have led to playing a little scene in my head of the future (what else?). And, though I'd never tell anyone, Ross is always there. With me. Like we always had thought it was going to be, before Mark and Chloe (ugh) and work and other boyfriends and girlfriends, respectively.

Before we let things get in the way, when it was RossandRachel, one word, always said together, because we always went together. It was just natural. Our names combined just roll off the tongue easily.

My assistant must think I'm crazy, because now I'm laughing at myself. Why am I thinking like this? Since when did I even consider getting back together with Ross? Wasn't it just last week I was insisting we didn't get married, even if it was, technically, 'the right thing to do'?

Still I can't help but think about a future, not only with this child, but also with Ross. He's going to be an amazing father. Hell, he already is one.

He's going to be a great disciplener, unlike me. I'm sure I'll be a pushover. Ross will get them to do their homework so they can be just as smart as their father. I'll insist on going shopping all the time, if it's a girl. I'll probably insist on going shopping all the time if it's a boy. Ross will encourage sharing. I'll encourage buying enough so no one has to share. Ross will force them to go to bed at a reasonable hour. I'll let them stay up late to play a game or watch a movie.

But maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to learn a thing or two from Ross. He's been a father for six years, he's sure to have some wisdom to share with me. He's already told me I'm going to be a great mom. I hope he's right.

I hope he's there for all of it. I don't want him to miss anything. I know with Ben it was difficult, since he lived primarily with Carol and Susan, so Ross missed a lot (except for Ben's first words, which I'm proud to think back on because I was there). Our child deserves both their mother and father. Not just a full-time mom and a part-time dad.

Of course, who's the full-time dad going to be? Ross? Or is it going to end up being another man who I may wind up marrying?

Those daydreams seem so real, though. More like a premonition than a mind-trick…

I know it's crazy, but some part of me hopes they come true.

It's five-fifteen, there's nothing left for me to do, so I decide to head home. The future clouds my mind.

It's five-fifty now as I reach the apartment.

Ross is standing with his back to me, having not heard my entrance. I try to see what he's doing as I set my purse down. It looks as if he's putting something large together.

"Hey," I say.

He turns and smiles. "Hey, I didn't think you'd be back this early," is his reply.

"Nothing left for me to do, except annoy my assistant by buzzing her every twenty seconds for no reason, which gets old after awhile," I tell him. "What're you doing?"

Ross shrugs a little and lifts what he had been fiddling with on the floor. It's a stroller. "I picked this up and was putting it together."

Tears are in my eyes, because crying is what pregnant women do. I hug him for no reason. He pats my back gently. "Thank you," I say when I'm composed.

"They're my child too," he responds with a small smile. "I was in a baby store, and I never got to buy one for Ben, so I just…did a little impulse shopping."

I shoot him a smile as I lay my hand on the stroller, examining it. He grabs his jacket. "I've gotta go," he tells me, kissing my cheek. We've gotten more affectionate lately.

I nod. "Where're you headed?"

"Coffee house. There was this girl checking me out, I wanna see if she's still there," he says with a grin.

My thoughts from earlier come back to me, and I almost ask him to stay with me and talk about things, about what might be happening between us now that we're having a baby.

I want to know if he's joking or not.

"Have…fun," I say as nicely as possible.

He nods and leaves.

My heart breaks a little and I wonder why I'd spent all afternoon thinking about Ross. Obviously, he wasn't thinking about me in that way.

I go into my room to lie down, glancing at my sonogram picture, which I keep on my nightstand.

Looks like I'm gonna have to throw those daydreams out the window.

XXX

A/N II: Next time I update, Rachel's thoughts will be from the end of season eight, specifically "The One With The Baby Shower".