Spike's POV

Oh god I feel so crappy... My head's spinning and the room's too bright and shiny. Everything's hurting my eyes and I haven't even opened them. It's like someone's put a light bulb under each one of my eyelids and put them on full blast. It really hurts and I just want it to stop.

There's a pounding in my head and it feels like there's some imp in my brain hitting every chamber with a friggin sledgehammer before moving onto the pneumatic drill. There's also a dull buzzing there, but I can barely hear it over all this noise. Was there a flyer or something? Mosh pit in Spike's head, everyone invited?

I feel so sick.

I'm squeezing my eyes shut tightly to keep out more of the light and curling up tighter. I need to make it go away. Maybe if I make myself smaller it wont be able to find me? If I just stay here and ignore it it'll go away. That's what I do to Xander.

Speaking of Xander, where is he? I would have thought the bugger would have found me after I didn't come back. I mean, we're not friends or anything, but shouldn't someone be wondering where the bloody hell I am? I know the slayer wouldn't, or the witches, or my Nibblet, or the watcher, or Anyanka. But I would have thought that Xander would have been wondering where his verbal punch bag was.

Guess he really doesn't care about me. Not that I care that he doesn't care. I mean, what do you think I am? Human? I'm still evil. I hunt, I prowl, I drink, and I smoke. I'm a complete badass. Look at my clothing! ...Where is my clothing?

Okay, I'm dressed in a white tee shirt that's huge on me, some sweat pants that have managed to twist themselves down to round my knees and some big arse socks. Right, I'll just pull up those trews and cover myself. Somehow I don't think...oh shit. Angel. I'm in his clothes in his bed and he's not here.

Ow...my head hurts lots. I think it's me groaning as I roll over to snuggle more into the covers. Yes that was an evil being saying snuggle. Deal with it. It's so...nice in here. I don't care if it's my sire's and he'll just throw me out when he comes to his senses. It's warm and cosy and safe and snugly and just so...right.

I push my head deeper into the pillows and inhale the sire scent that blossoms from it. I'm such a nancy boy. I can't help the tears forming in my eyes as I think back to when this has happened before. Me in Angel/us' bed sniffing the pillows and rolling in his scent just so I knew I'd never forget it. Darla totally freaked when she found me.

Angelus had been gone for nearly three weeks and I'd never been left alone for that long before. The most Angelus had been gone before then was one night while he went out hunting. Then he'd come home, kiss me on the forehead, tell me all about his hunt and then we'd either talk throughout the night or he'd go screw Darla and come see me when I was asleep.

Anyway, Angelus had gone and I only had Darla and Dru for company. I know I loved Dru and everything, but this is before I liked her. This is when I was in my 'I'm being abandoned now that he's got his baby girl back' phase. That one lasted for about two years. So yeah, Angelus had gone, Darla was picking on me at every available opportunity and Dru was having a few visions of white mice. So to get away form her howling, Darla's criticising and the minions, I went and locked myself in Angelus' room.

I cried a lot in there. I wailed for him to come back to me and take me away from the bitch and crazy cow. I whimpered and sniffed and moaned and screamed and begged and pretty much let out every wimpy emotion I had in that room. Just because he wasn't there to hold me whilst I did. Of course, when he did come back he smelt him all over me and realised what I'd been doing. He carried me to my room that night and stayed with me so mine smelt just as safe as his.

But those days are over now. Angelus is gone and Angel wears his face. Hating me with every glance and...

Holy mother of God in hell!!!!!!

!"£$&()

Right...ow... I'm on the floor...how the bleedin hell did I get on the floor? Ow... okay, I don't care. Need Angel. Want my Sire. He'll know. Sire's smart and he'll look after me and get rid of this headache. God I ache all over, but my head feels like it's going to explode. I'll just crawl out of this room and go find him. He'll look after me. He has too.

I know I'm sniffling and practically using my arms to drag my body out the door, but I've made it to the hallway. Hopefully Angelus wont be too far away. I need him right now.

Wonder if he's okay? The demons he was fighting were really big and they looked like they meant business. There was blood everywhere and I could feel it on my hands and on my face...but when I looked there's nothing there but my white creamy skin. I don't understand my head hurts too much. I don't think I'm meant to understand.

It hurts so bad. I can barely open my eyes and I think I'm crying but I'm not sure. It's like someone's closed up my nose, mouth and eyes and I feel like I need to breathe but can't. My face feels closed and I desperately want Angelus. I want my sire.

I've got to find him. He can't be too far, before this happened I could smell him. I could feel him. It was like he was here but I don't know. It's all muddled up. He couldn't have been here, why would he be here? I don't know...ow...

Okay, Angel. Focus William. Focus. Right okay. Oh look a banister! Now if it stops wobbling I can use it to stand up and find him. Right, I've dragged myself over to it and I'm holding onto the base. Hey look, if I look through this gap I can see Angel. He's yelling. Oh he's yelling and it's loud and it hurts.

Maybe he's yelling about me. I don't like it when he yells. He used to be so nice and so quiet. He'd never yell or be mad, but then Darla came along and she ruined it. The bitch. I hated her. Hated her loads and I was gonna kill her but I couldn't coz she was older and now my head's hurting loads coz I can't breathe and I need to breathe coz I think I might die if I don't.

"Angel..." I manage to whisper but he's yelling too loud to hear me. I need to get closer. Okay, I'll just pull myself up and try and ask the room nicely to stop spinning.

Oh, go me. I'm standing up. Okay I'm hunched over but I'm not on the floor. Okay, think I'll hang onto the banister; its nice and not moving so much now. Okay, easy now, one foot in front of the other and shift weight.

Few steps down and...oh bugger...there's stairs... I can do this. I'm over a hundred years old for crying out loud. I'm not some toddler that needs training. But dear god I feel like it.

Maybe if I cry out he'll see me? No, can't cry. Then he'll yell at me for being a stupid little brat that can't look after himself. Okay I'll just go to him. I slowly make my way and manage to go down three steps without stumbling. However, the room soon starts spinning again and I think I'm gonna throw up. I'm not sure. I haven't thrown up in over a century so I can't remember how it feels like.

Thankfully I don't, doesn't mean I wont later, and I can go down another few steps to find the floor flattened out. Thank god. I think I'm gonna collapse here. Swaying slightly now. I don't know if it's the floor moving or me. Maybe it's both. Oh god this hurts...

Angel looks up at me and I need to ask for help because I'm going to faint here... "Sire..." Before I know it, my feet give out and I find myself being held up by two strong arms.

"Spike what are you doing here? You're meant to be in bed." Oh god he's mad at me again. I'm sorry sire. I'm so sorry but what if you'd been killed? What if those demons had ripped off your head and I'd be all alone again. Please don't be mad...

"Had to...had to see you..." I answer and I hope he won't drop me because otherwise I'll just fall down more stairs. I can't see very well and it's just like a huge sire smelling blur is keeping me safe and I'm so scared. I can't feel anything other than this pain.

"Why Spike? You need to rest. Come on, I'm taking you back upstairs." No don't move me. I came to find you, you great Poof now you will bloody well listen to me before I fall. Oh crap I'm gonna puke I know it... Okay, I'll just ask then he can take me back to his bed.

"Did you kill it?" I can't do anything but whisper or I'll up chuck. I'll just steady myself on his blurry shoulders and not fall in a heap. Oh that's good. He's wrapped his arms round my waist and I'm glad coz I think my feet are going to fall off.

"Kill what William? Kill what Precious?" He's pulling me closer and somehow it's easier to breathe. Fuck I want to sleep. I want to just curl up with him and feel how cool his skin is against mine. I'm burning in here. And my head...ow...

"The demon. The monsters. I saw you fighting. Fighting when I was walking away." It's true Angel. It really is. I saw you fighting when my head exploded in pain and it hurt so bad and there was this guy...

"Fighting what demons? When Spike?" Oh that's good. He's lifted me into his arms and whom the shitting hell's holding my head up? I don't care. Just glad someone is coz I sure as hell can't.

"Before. When I saw you fighting. It was my first dream of you when I wasn't sleeping..." yeah. Usually it only happens when I'm asleep and it doesn't hurt this bad. So I came to tell you to piss off and you make it worse.

Oh that's nice. I'm the bed again and he's wrapping me up and tucking me in like the baby I am to him. I want to sleep so badly but I feel so crappy. I don't think the pain will let me sleep anymore.

"Okay my boy. We'll talk later when you're feeling better. Okay? You go to sleep now Precious and I'll come feed you soon." Yeah. Okay. Feed me? No I wanna be fed now! Please? Hungry now sire... oh screw it feels to good to protest when he begins to stroke my hair. I'll just purr instead.

I'll just sleep here...

Oh fuck! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, owie, owie, owie! Angel!!! I want my sire. I want him so bad. Why isn't he here? Angel! Please come back. Please don't leave me here. I need you to hold me. Make it stop Angel. Please?

I wail loudly and before I know it he's there. In the bed with me unwrapping me from my cocoon of heat and sweat to hold me against his cool skin. God he's so cool. My head is splitting! I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Why am I trying to breathe? This is so hard! What did I do to deserve this? I haven't been that bad. Please make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop.

I can't stop writing about and it hurts so much. My head's burning inside and I can't stop it. It feels so bad. Angel! It's like something's trying to burrow into my head and it's drilling and drilling and drilling and it won't stop. Help me make it stop.

I can't hold still maybe if I move it'll stop. Please make it stop. Angel hold me. Hold me so tight I can't feel it. Hold me so tight that I can't feel the burning, just your skin. God your skin, it's so cool. Please don't stop touching me Angel. You're so cool and oh God Angel hold me.

I can't stop shivering as if I'm cold but I'm not and it's burning and I don't understand. Pictures keep flashing in here and I don't know what's going on. All I know is that I'm with Angel. I'm in his lap and he's saying something I can't hear and he's cool. So cold compared to me. Suddenly there's a lot more cold and it's all I can feel. It's all round me and he's here. Angel's here.

Oh God. I can feel it. He's holding me and the pain's burning so bad but I can only feel the heat inside and my outside is so cold and I think he's topless and I think he is moving but I don't know I don't know I don't know. Please don't leave me. Hold me. Cool me.

And he is and he's sitting up and I can't it's too hard. Hold me? Then there's something wet between us and it's moist and falling down his chest I think. I don't know. The he's holding the back of my head and I'm being pushed against him and it's easier to breathe when confined. Everything's mixed up and all the laws of everything are being flipped upside down and I want to be in England in 1881 and curled up in bed with Angelus talking about my dreams but I can't and oh god I think I'm going to die.

I feel the wet stuff hit my lips and I can't help but lick at it. It tastes so god...I think. I don't remember what good stuff tastes like. But oh god I think it's good. It's sticky and I can feel something in it that makes me want more. So I lick it up and mewl a little. Then there's more in my mouth and I can't help but choke on how good it tastes.

I swallow a little and it warms me inside again...but in a nice way. It only burns up top now and I can feel my hands and oh holy mother of all things holy my head! Ow! Arrgh! I can't...it's too much...Burning and pushing and pulling and cramping and making itself comfortable and I have to scream. I have to yell. I have to cry and moan and groan and whine and wail and whimper and show someone that it's too much so it might stop...

And it does...

!"£$&()

If you're like me and wondering what the hell just happened to make the pain stop, review and I'll think about writing more...please can I have some really long reviews? They make me smile a lot...and write faster.