Intolerable annoyance
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters and/or themes. They belong to Nintendo. So don't sue me.
The name's Epona. I'm a horse. But not just any horse. The Hero of time's horse. Now not meaning to sound mean or anything but that the so called Hero of time is an idiot. He screams and grunts all the time. He straps a mask to his face and blows it off on his face and he runs into very dangerous places without changing into his lucky boxers. And he thinks that he can just jump onto my back and hit me with his hand or his bow and make me run, not to mention jumping over broken bridges and tall cliffs. This is my story:
I began life like all horses. The whole "you know what" thing and later I was born. The little girl at the ranch names me Epona. I should've been called Nayrill. It sounds nicer to me. Anyway, the little girl who I found out was called Malon which is really close to melon decided to teach me to come to the sound of a particular song which reminded me of that chubby drunk stable hand who I think is gay because he wears pink when he gets drunk and sings. Well, I behaved myself but when this freaking midget (excuse the language) showed up with this little tasty looking fairy, the little girl left me to get used to him. I didn't like it when he tried to climb on me so I ate his fairy. He tried to prise my jaws open to get his fairy back but as I just wanted to annoy him more, I swallowed it.
Seven years later, he got his revenge. He slammed his boot covered feet into my sides and jumped me over the fence. I became a common carry horse. While he was strutting around saving the day and having all the girls become lovesick after him, I was left in the field to munch the grass and run like hell when a Poe showed up. It was bad enough that I'm having to carry this guy on my back when he ways a ton but when he decides to take a leak near me, I have to endure the horrible stench and not run away. It's not fair. But I get my revenge here and there. Ever since I ate his fairy it's always been cautious of me. But I usually just wait until she drops her guard and use my tail to whack her into Link's back. She gets in trouble and I get off free. On top of that, when he tries to get me to jump over the broken bridge in the Gerudo valley, I gallop and then stop suddenly at the edge so that he goes flying over me and falls down the cliff into the river. He comes back in the end, pulling fish out of his hat and underwear. I get abused, misused and constantly used but in the end, I kinda love the big sucker. I mean, for a guy he's not half bad. But still, I don't really like him a lot. Oh well. This is my story for the moment. I'd say more but Link's back and he needs a bath. I'm going to chuck him into the river. Hee hee! A loud yell and a splash later The fairy did it!