A/N: Thanks to azure-gloom, poison blossom, Mistle, fire-sprite-14,Q-BriarXJade-Q, Tinkbelle, Lady Moofin and chineseblossom for reviewing!
Disclaimer: I hacked into Hermione's inbox and there it was, a large neon sign saying "Harry Potter Belongs To J.K.Rowling." So now I don't own anything except the information I got from Hermione's or anyone else's inbox.
BTW: I got a beta reader! Thanks a million to Q-BriarXJade-Q for agreeing to help me!

To: no1quidditchking
From: thedarklordrewards
Subject: Potter

I was thinking about alliance. I mean, we are similiar in a lot of ways. We are half-bloods, we are (in this case, I was) devastatingly handsome, we are undeniably powerful and we both hate the hell out of the bumblebee snogging Dumbledore. There is no good or evil, Potter. Only power and those who wish to seek it. Choose the winning side. How about it?

-The Dark Lord Rewards

To: no1quidditchking
From: booklover11235
Subject: Re: Alliance

Are you kidding? Of course you reject the offer! Although you hate Dumbledore, you can find other ways for revenge! I mean, our lives are at stake here! If you take it I will die!

-Hermione

PS: If I die, I will personally make sure to haunt the exact bathroom you would be using and watch you. I will also continously flood the toilet so amusing brown little things will float into your bedroom. Good luck getting it all clean!

To: no1quidditchking
From: ginnycontrol
Subject: Re: Alliance

Hmm... Did he offer you anything worth while?

To: no1quidditchking
From: ginnycontrol
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Alliance

Of course I know You-Know-Who will kill my whole family and I. You don't get the point, do you? Let me phrase it again, did he offer you anything?

To: no1quidditchking
From: ginnycontrol
Subject: Re: Mental Health

I am in perfectly fine condition, thank you. I have no idea why are you sending me such horrible insults.

To: no1quidditchking
From: cooldudeweasley
Subject: Beware

Careful, Harry. Fred and George hacked into Ginny's account recently. It could be you next! By the way, Ginny is in a bad mood, did you do anything regrettable?

-Ron

To: no1quidditchking
From: cooldudeweasley
Subject: Re: Re: Beware

Too bad, mate. I hope you survive this one.

To: no1quidditchking
From: mrsharrypotter
Subject: Marriage

I love you, oh you little piece of delicious hunky man, you! I think of you day and night! When will you announce our engagement to the world? You will always be my piece of sweet white chocolate with sticky fudge in the middle! My piece of sweet white chocolate with sticky fudge in the middle, remember, our love!

-Mrs. Potter

To: no1quidditchking
From: thedarklordrewards
Subject: Re: Re: Potter

You mean you won't join me because the Mudblood will haunt you? It's perfectly easy to handle that! I have a few Ghosts banishing spells I can do! Just a little swish and flick! By the way, you simply must check out "The Ultimate Love Website". I highly recommend the user Dark and Sexy.

-The Dark Lord Rewards

To: no1quidditchking
From: mrsharrypotter
Subject!

What do you mean you're gay and madly in love with Snape? It can't be! I've watched you in Hogwarts! Nor do I believe your relationship with Trevor the toad. It used to belong to one of my students. So drop it.

-Mrs. Potter

To: no1quidditchking
From: booklover11235
Subject: Congrats

Looks like we both have stalkers. Send me the email and I'll check it out with you. I'll try to check mrsronweasley or something as well. Good luck cleaning up your keyboard! (BTW, I heard that vomit stains are really hard to clean... Tell me when you're done cleaning everything up)

-Hermione

To: no1quidditchking
From: mrsharrypotter
Subject: Re: Re!

My identity will be known when we wed! Just call me 'darling', 'love', 'honey' or whatever nick names you can invent!

-Mrs. Potter

To: no1quidditchking
From: cooldudeweasley
Subject: Re: Stalker

You mean this fangirl, ( or fanwoman) is asking you to call her soppingly sweet nicknames that even ants avoid? Neat! Anyway, I heard she is calling you her piece of sweet white chocolate with sticky fudge in the middle. That's completely priceless!

To: no1quidditchking
From: cooldudeweasley
Subject: Re: Death Threats

Um... no. Death threats will do nothing to faze me anymore.

To: no1quidditchking
From: colinanddenniscreevy
Subject: Ron

Erm... Harry, we were wondering if you had any relationship with Ron? We bet against Ginny with 5 galleons. If you're not having a relationship with him... Who is? We mean, er, you're his best friend, you should know, right? Thanks for reading this e-mail. I hope it's not taking much of your fangirl-mail time!

-Colin and Dennis Creevy

To: no1quidditchking
From: colinanddenniscreevy
Subject: Re: Bet

Oh, you heard about the bet? Ron wants to do what to us? Is that even physically possible?

-Colin and Dennis Creevy

To: no1quidditchking
From: ginnycontrol
Subject: Re: Sorry

Oh well, I should have known! I'll kill them! I'll force George to eat up his own teeth after I finish him! I will make Fre eat his Weasley Wheezes tricks up after I destroy it, and maybe cause some physically permanent damage to him as well. Woah. Deja vu.

To: no1quidditchking
From: booklover11235
Subject: Search delayed

The search for Mrsharrypotter was delayed. Sorry, Harry. I was kind of curious to find out who she was, myself. Maybe I'll go to the unofficial Harry Potter fan club to see if her name was listed there. I bet you didn't even know there was an unofficial Harry Potter fan club. You can check it out at "We Love Harry Potter" -link-. It is completely pink. A painful shade of pink. I suggest wearing sunshades to protect your eyes. Good luck!

-Hermione

To: no1quidditchking
From: thedarklordrewards
Subject: Who is Dark and Sexy?

Oh.. I recommended that user for no reason in particular!

-The Dark Lord Rewards

To: no1quidditchking
FromL thedarklordrewards
Subject: Re: No.

Don't worry, Potter. You will live to regret your decision!

-The Dark Lord Rewards

PS: Have you tasted mudblood blood before? It's perfectly delicious! You should try some sometime! I highly recommend mudbloods with know-it-all attitudes and bushy brown hair! Mundungus said they taste more delicious!

To: no1quidditchking
From: cooldudeweasley
Subject: Re: Bored

Do you mean you want porn sites?

To: no1quidditchking
From: cooldudeweasley
Subject: Re: Re: Bored

See? Even Hermione knew you were suggesting porn sites!

To: no1quidditchking
From: booklover11235
Subject: Traumatised for life

I found out who IT was yesterday but I wanted to make sure. I received the search result e-mail recently. And here it is. Let me warn you first, you won't be very pleased. Anyhow, just wanna tell you that blood stains are even more difficult to remove than vomit stains, so get a bucket ready first.

Congratulations!
Your application to find the identity of the holder of the email 'mrsharrypotter' has been found! She is also known as Dolores Umbridge!
You can also contact him at "The Unofficial Harry Potter Website" link with the nick name of Potter'sluver. Apparently, she has a fetish for Harry James Potter's blood.
Thank you for subscribing at EmailSearch!

To: no1quidditchking
From: booklover11235
Subject: Re: Re: Traumatised for life

Sheesh! Sor - ry! You did want to know! I told you and you can't blame me for transforming your white keyboard into red! That's entirely your fault! I mean, it was your blood!

To: no1quidditchking
From: albusdumbledore
Subject: Research

I hope Miss Granger will not be doing further research about my life. I know it is quite interesting and slightly exciting but I promised Minerva not to let anyone know about to Pumpkin and The Spade accident. Have a good time during your holidays and please pass my message to Miss Granger.

-Albus Dumbledore

To: no1quidditchking
From: booklover11235
Subject: Re: Incident

Oh, that pumpkin and spade accident. Don't tell Dumbledore I already know about it. And I won't tell you. I think Dumbledore probably already knows I found out about everything but he trusts me not to tell you. No amount of begging, bribing, threatening or forcing will force me to tell you about this particular incident.

-Hermione

To: no1quidditchking
From: mrsharrypotter
Subject: Proposal

Oh, Harry... My beloved. Why haven't you contacted me in so long?

To: no1quidditchking
From: mrsharrypotter
Subject: Re: Re: Proposal

Oh, damn.

To: no1quidditchking
From: booklover11235
Subject: Re: Re: Incident

No, I won't tell you. Whatever you do, a quick Reparo would do the job, remember. And if it doesn't, Dumbledore's Reparo will.

To: no1quidditchking
From: brewingglory
Subject: Re: Research on your not-so private life

Give me a reason Potter. Just give me a reason and I'll make your life more hell than Voldermort could ever manage.

To: no1quidditchking
From: booklover11235
Subject: Take a lookie this!

Congratulations!
Your application to find the identity of the holder of the email 'iluvronweasley' has been found! She is also known as Luna Lovegood! Apparently, he has a fetish for Crumple Horned Snorkacks.
Thank you for subscribing at EmailSearch!