By myself but not Alone

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8.

Ok, I'm depressed, so expect a sad chapter… unless I stop writing and come back to it tomorrow, or the day after or something.

Tomorrow's Christmas and I have a huge party to go to in about two hours, so I'm ganna try to finish this chapter before I leave. I doubt I will though cause I've still gotta get ready.

Rinoa stared blankly at the ceiling; she lay on her bed, her hand resting behind her head while thoughts went through her mind that she thought she was over.

'She died two weeks ago, get over it.'

Although she knew that she should she just couldn't get over it. She'd never felt a more powerful emotion than this one, and it wasn't the sort of emotion she liked hanging around.

Her mother had been her light, she wasn't just her mum she was one of her best friends too. It was like she lost out on two things, her mother and her friend.

Rinoa rolled over and hugged her pillow; she bit down on the corner, something she'd done since she was quite little. Her mother had always tried to break the habit, but it was there to stay.

She closed her eyes tightly and tried to stop to torrent of tears that were about to cascade down her face, but to no avail. Alas they flowed, staining her pillow; tears were the essence of misery. At least these tears were.

She gripped the pillow tighter to her chest and buried her head into it. She'd never felt so alone.

Three days later

Rinoa walked around the empty corridors of Balamb Garden, well half empty. Most of the cadets were in class and only a few SeeD's were hanging around, most of the others on missions of some sort.

Rinoa was relieved that Quistis and Selphie apologised for there 'advise' on the night of the concert. She was relieved because at least now she had some people she could consider friends. Unfortunately Quistis had gone on a mission the next day and wasn't expected back for another two days. Selphie was still around though; she'd been allocated the duty of training some of the junior cadets in the 'monsters lair' as she'd referred to it.

Rinoa had offered to help which Selphie had reluctantly agreed to. Rinoa took it as a bit of an insult at the time; didn't she think that she could handle herself?

When Selphie had asked her what weapon she used Selphie had been surprised that Rinoa even had a weapon… even if it was just a Pinwheel.

Back to the subject at hand… Rinoa was on her way to the dormitories, where she was meeting Selphie before they started.

Rinoa was a little more at ease about it than she thought she would be. She clutched her chosen weapon at her side apprehensively, her heart was pumping in her chest and she had wild Goosebumps… but a lot better than she thought she would be.

Her heart went to go live in her stomach as she saw Selphie approaching, a huge smile on her face… as per usual.

'How can she be happy? She's going to take some pr-schoolers to go slaughter some monsters.' Rinoa thought as Selphie got closer.

"Ready!" Selphie squealed enthusiastically.

While it did pierce into Rinoa's eardrum and she was sure that the ringing in her brain wasn't going to subside for quite some time, Rinoa couldn't help but smile at Selphie's exuberance.

"As ever." Rinoa replied.

Rinoa couldn't help but wonder what the time was as she stood outside the training center. Selphie was giving the kids a quick lecture about properly handling there weapons and to stay in there groups no matter what.

"Alright, let's go have some fun!" Selphie finally finished.

The next thing Rinoa knew she was standing there watching a group of running children all bolting towards the entrance. Selphie leading the pack of course.

Rinoa chuckled a little, but couldn't help but think it was a little weird.

As she opened the large metal door that separated the wild beasts inside from the outside world she was shocked at what she saw.

Nearly every child was fighting some sort of monster. There were children fighting with sword like weapons, two or three were merely using martial arts but what surprised her the most was how experienced they all seemed to be at magic.

While she did know a couple of spells, nowhere near as many as these kids.

The monsters they fought were at least six foot tall, which was including the tentacle type things above its head. It was a puke green color with a mouth full of razor sharp teeth with claw wing things coming out of its head.

Selphie came over and stood beside Rinoa, a look of pride on her face.

"Selphie, what exactly are these things?" Rinoa enquired as she watched the battles taking place.

"Grats, nasty buggers." Selphie said with a shudder.

"Don't all the SeeD's train against these things? Isn't it a bit dangerous to take the kids in here?" Rinoa asked.

"Yeah, but these are lower level Grats, there's certain sections of the Training Center have stronger monsters, while others have weaker. I'm not exactly ganna take them go fight a T-Rexaur." Selphie explained.

Once again Selphie had shocked her. She could turn so quickly, one moment she's happy as Larry and then she'd just turn serious.

Rinoa heard footsteps behind her and wasn't surprised to see Squall Irvine and Zell heading towards her. Since she'd been at Garden she'd grown quite accustomed to those two following Squall around. She'd actually gotten quite accustomed to a lot of people following Squall around.

"Go on Squall! Just this once." Zell nagged.

Squall had his usual blank look on his face; Rinoa came to know that this meant he generally wasn't really listening.

"Zell give up, he's not ganna go for it." Irvine laughed.

"Hey Boys!" Selphie yelled, turning around quickly as she said it.

"What are you doing here?" Squall enquired.

"You should help me, I've gotta watch about thirty students in here. All cause Quistis and the others had to go on that mission!" Selphie said downheartedly.

"Not even if you paid me." Squall replied as he continued walking.

"Amen." The two boys with him agreed.

Needless to say by the time Selphie had finished nagging all three were there to stay.

Selphie smiled triumphantly as she watched all the students run to Squall's side. All excited about being taught by SQUALL LEONHART.

Rinoa's POV.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS GUY! Everyone kisses the ground he walks on! I haven't seen him do one thing that I would consider miraculous! All he does is blow people off.

"Y'know, we saved the world too, you think we'd get a bit of recognition." Selphie sighed.

"Not when Commander Leonhart's about." Zell laughed.

I glance over at Squall; he'd been dragged out into the training center to give a demonstration. He was still fighting reasonably weak monsters but the kids were all really excited.

Squall leaned his sword… like… thingy… against a rock and removed his leather jacket, throwing it carelessly at Zell.

Wow, Mr Big-Man can take off his jacket… what a man.

Yeah that was sarcasm… it thought it was witty.

"Go stand over there." Squall grunts at the students.

He points over at us. Suddenly all the students begin piling towards us, I'm suddenly surrounded by a bunch of five year olds.

I turn to Selphie, who's talking to Irvine and Zell and begin talking to them, not particularly interested in watching Mr Commander slaughter something.

I hear all the students begin cheering and have no choice but to turn back to the battle, seeing as that's what Selphie and the others did as soon as they heard it.

Squall had his hands out in front of him, welding his sword in his hands. His head was down and his eyes were a shadowed by his hanging locks of hair… did I mention that I should be a poet?

He's wearing a sleeveless white shirt and I can see his arm muscles tensing as he stares at the unholy creature in front of him.

I can't help but admit it… he looks very very nice.

I subconsciously lick my lips, believe me if I knew I was doing it I would've slapped myself! I hate violence and stuff like that, but it's just that… he's so… and I'm just… sigh.

The creature runs at him, its arms flailing above its head wildly. Squall looks up and raises his blade. He does a lightening fast twirl while the monster was about to attack him, his blade slicing into the beasts chest.

Squall grabs a piece of cloth as he walks away, wiping away the blood on his weapon, not bothering to look back and see the outcome of the battle.

The children all erupt in cheers, so does Selphie Irvine and Zell. I can't help but cheer as well.

Squall starts rubbing the back of his neck while red rises to his cheeks. He seems embarrassed by it all.

Naturally the students were all a bit more amped after that.

Normal POV… AFTER DINNER…

Rinoa wiped the sides of her mouth and excused herself from the table she sat at. She'd made quite a habit out of eating with Squall and the others.

She couldn't help but think that they weren't themselves around her, but she was a 'spy' after all.

She'd also taken quite a liking to walking around the corridors of Garden at night. The stream going through the Quad always looked beautiful at night and the whole Garden just seemed magic.

After walking for about half an hour she decided that she'd go sit in the Quad and read a book, seeing as it was so peaceful in there.

With a book under her arm she made her way towards the Quad, staring at awe at the Garden as she went. No matter how long she was here she just couldn't get used to it.

As soon as she walked in she started making her way towards the open part of the Quad, the part that showed the stars.

Finding that she wasn't alone, seeing as there was a shadowy figure leaning on the railings, she was going to leave. But then she noticed that it was Squall.

"Do you come here much?" Rinoa asked as she approached him.

Squall turned around and then turned back when he saw it was Rinoa.

"Not really."

Rinoa nodded and set her book down on the ground, figuring that she wouldn't really read much while he was here.

"I love it here." Rinoa said as she too leaned against the railing.

Squall nodded and went back to staring at nothing.

"You're quite skilled." Rinoa said, fumbling over what to say to end the silence.

Squall sighed and lowered his head; he raised it again and glanced at Rinoa.

"Thank you."

Rinoa stared at Squall once he'd looked away from her; she studied his face, trying to remember every aspect of it. It was like a beautiful painting she wanted to remember forever.

"What?" he finally asked, aware of her staring the whole time.

"Nothing, I was just staring." Rinoa replied, not denying it for a second.

Squall gave her a look like she was insane and opened his mouth in a sort of disgusted look.

"Why?"

"Why not?" Rinoa said back quickly, quite enjoying the reactions Squall gave her.

"Why are you here?" Squall suddenly said, surprising both of them.

Now Rinoa was the one to look disgusted at Squall, he was prying and being awfully blunt about it.

"That's none of your business!" Rinoa yelled.

Squall held up his hands in defense, shaking his head as he did so.

"What was it to stay with Seifer or something?" Squall said in a sing song voice.

Once again surprising both of them.

"What are you jealous?" Rinoa laughed.

Squall didn't reply, he just rolled his eyes. Rinoa smiled and couldn't help but hope that he was, she knew that she shouldn't really want to get involved with someone like him. But he was intoxicating. She was realizing why everyone liked him so much, why everyone respected him.

"It must suck having everyone follow you round like that." Rinoa chuckled.

"You get used to it." Squall said simply.

Rinoa nodded and decided that once again it was time for her to take her leave.

"Well I'll leave you to it." Rinoa said as she picked up her book and began to walk away.

Squall turned quickly and before he could stop them, for about the twentieth time in this conversation he said something that he could've kicked himself for.

"Don't…"

I'm ganna stop now. I hope that wasn't as evil as I think it's going to be.

Questions, queries whatever just review.