By myself but not Alone

The bond that never was and never will be

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8.

Selphie's POV

I can't believe I lost the General's daughter! I told her to meet me outside the cafeteria at 9AM and its only 11AM… she's only a little late. Ow! Who am I kidding, she's not coming… Geez the people for lunch are ganna be coming soon.

But I've checked everywhere, even the Parking Lot! As per usual there were the "lovers" hooking up in the backseat of one of the mission cars, why is it always me who walks in on that?

I didn't look in the Training Centre… but Rinny wouldn't go in there by herself would she?

Suddenly I see Zell running up to me, he looks freaked out about something. Although he looks stressed I can't help but be relieved that he's here, he always makes me calm cause he's so strung out.

"Have you seen Squall anywhere?" Zell pants.

He's obviously been looking for Squall for quite some time.

"Nope, you seen Rinoa?" I reply.

Zell shakes his head, he keeps his eyes sharp as he searches though… thinking about it, I doubt that Zell's been looking for that long, he probably would've given up if he had been.

"Why?" I continue.

Ok, I know that I should be looking for Rinoa, but a girl needs a break. Besides it's not like the Principals looking for her or anything.

"Cause General Caraway just turned up and Principal Cid wants to see him!" Zell exclaims.

My face absolutely falls… Rinoa's missing and her fathers here… her father who she's never met in her life… her father who will probably want to see her.

"Oh my Lord." I gasp.

"What?" Zell enquires, still searching the crowds for Squall's face.

"I have no idea where Rinoa is! The General probably wants to see her too!"

Needless to say both Zell and I begin a frantic search.

Normal POV

"Ok, I haven't seen Squall either, so there probably together, right?" Selphie began.

They were piecing together all the information they had… they were trained SeeD's and trained SeeD's should be able to find the most popular guy in Balamb Garden and a civilian.

"Right."

"Well, I've looked in the VIP rooms and everywhere but the training centre." Selphie said.

"Off to the training centre then."

Rinoa found herself clutching her side in laughter as Squall retold her the story of Zell's first date. They were walking around the training centre, as they had been doing all night, talking and waiting to be attacked by monsters. Squall was training Rinoa, who, although a little reluctant at first, was having a lot of fun.

As if on que a Grat jumped out of the bushes, heading straight for Rinoa and Squall. Squall held his Gunblade out in front of him while Rinoa clutched her Pinwheel, feeling the butterfly feeling that she had gotten used to feeling at the start of every battle.

Rinoa pulled back her pinwheel and released, letting a furiously fast shot straight to the Grats head. It fell back a bit but came back, as enraged as ever.

Although Squall had been training her, there's only so much a person can learn on there first day. Rinoa still wasn't exactly at expert level, but she felt more confident handling her weapon and that was always a start.

Squall held his Gunblade up in front of him to block an onslaught of attacks that the monster was throwing at him. It was basically ignoring Rinoa which she was eternally grateful for… so far tonight all the monsters had seemed to do was attack her.

Squall felt his temper rise up as the hits started to hurt more and more. He twisted his ankle to the side, essentially tripping the beast up and drove his gunblade into his wriggling form.

Rinoa subconsciously grabbed her silver necklace and took a step back, gasping as she did so.

"Sorry." Squall said simply as he wrenched his gunblade out of the now motionless Grat.

Rinoa nodded but didn't let go of her necklace, it was her defence mechanism, just something she'd done for years and wasn't going to stop any time soon.

"So, are there any monsters in here other than Grats?" Rinoa asked as they took to walking once again.

Squall nodded and kept his eyes out in front of him, he'd had to heal himself and Rinoa a few times tonight because of ambushes from herds of Grats. He'd always been told that Grats herding was very rare, considering how much they preferred to be unaccompanied. Apparently these people were wrong.

"Yeah, there's a vicious beast called T-Rexaur. It's basically a giant red lizard, carnivorous and usually awfully hungry. You have to be particularly careful with it than Grats because it's desperate for a decent meal, having only eaten Grats for god knows when." Squall explained.

Rinoa bit her bottom lip, wondering if they were going to encounter any of these ferocious beasts.

"What are the chances that we're going to see one?" Rinoa enquired.

"Nil, they all hang around a different section of the training centre." Squall concluded.

Rinoa was about to continue this discussion when she noticed Squall's head perk up, she soon found out why. There were fast footsteps coming towards them, running obviously and making steady ground.

'Oh sweet Hyne, please don't be one of those monsters…' Rinoa thought as she absent mindedly grabbed onto Squall's arm.

Thankfully it was not… but it could've been something much worse.

Selphie and Zell ran towards them, both of them red-faced from running and panting quite profusely.

"Squall, Cid wants to see you in your office right now." Zell said before Selphie could get a word in.

Squall nodded and began making his way towards the exit, not bothering to bid anyone farewell.

"You should probably go to Rinny," Selphie began, Rinoa gave her a quizzical look, wondering why she would want to go as well, "your fathers here."

Rinoa held her breath nearly the whole way towards the office, curious yet apprehensive about meeting her father for the first time.

She had kinda hoped that this day wouldn't come, she was just starting to enjoy Garden and now she had to deal with this.

"Scared?" Squall asked as he glanced over at her.

"A little." Rinoa stated.

Squall nodded and looked directly in front of him, listening to the annoyingly calm music that the elevator played.

Rinoa's POV

I can't believe this, he's here… why do I feel like my life's about to turn to shit? Not that it's that sweet as it is but still…

The elevator doors open swiftly, there's the receptionist from the other day… she's smiling at me, I feel kinda reassured by the simple act. I don't think she realises that she's putting me at ease.

The double doors open wide and a quickly take an intake of breath, waiting to greet the man that I am supposed to recognise as my father.

"Ah Squall," Cid says as we enter, he seems momentarily shocked to see me standing there, "Rinoa, I didn't expect to see you."

I smile apologetically at Cid, but I can't keep my eyes off the man standing in front of his desk. He has his back to me and hasn't turned around since our entrance. Even when he heard that I was here.

Doesn't he care? Am I not his daughter? The one that he's never seen or talked to… the one he never bothered to care about… the one that he forgot.

As these thoughts and many others boil over in my mind I start to resent the man. He never cared about me for a day in his entire life. He lived his life as if I didn't exist while I spent my whole life wondering what he'd be like, whether he'd like me and why I didn't have a Daddy like all the other little girls.

"… Father?" I say quietly.

Squall's still at my side, I'm so happy that he is. He gives me strength… with him there I know that no one can hurt me. It's just a feeling I keep getting off him since last night. Like no matter what he'll always protect me.

The man turns and I am certain that he is my father. His face gives it away. Although he looks nothing like me (thank Hyne!) I can tell. He's the man that I've had in my dreams when I imagined my father.

"Rinoa." He says softly.

He has black, slightly greying hair and dark black eyes. He's got a strong, square chin and his face is masked with wrinkles but I can see the man underneath… through his eyes… and I think I'm a little scared of him.

"I apologise for the circumstances that we have to meet under. I imagine that right now isn't really the most opportune moment for you to be meeting me."

I know he's referring to my mother's death. How can he say it like that? Like he would've met me had it been otherwise. I can't help it; I have to voice my opinion.

"I doubt we would've met under any other."

There's scorn behind my voice, I can hear it. I'm certain Squall heard it, Cid definitely did, but Caraway seems to be unfazed by it.

Squall's staring at me; he's got a confused look on his face. He looks like he's dying to ask me something but is waiting. I kinda want him to just ask it, to get it out in the open and to get me out of the uncomfortable situation I've put myself in.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." Caraway answers.

He answers like I'm wrong, I know I'm right. If we were going to meet we would've done it before now. If he was going to attempt to contact me it would've happened.

"Please forgive my rudeness!"

Thank heavens for Cid!

"General Caraway, this is Squall Leonhart, he is the commander of our Garden." Cid said with pride behind his voice.

"We've met." Squall says simply.

Caraway nods at Squall, Squall doesn't return the nod. I can see that Squall doesn't particularly like Caraway, it's obvious. He's usually aloof at best but he seems cold now.

I put my hand on Squall's arm, earning me his attention. I smile up at him, trying to read his thoughts, wondering why he's turned so suddenly. Squall just turns back to the other men in the room; I roll my eyes and make my way to a seat in the centre of the room. I think that as the only lady here I should have first dibs on the chairs.

"Rinoa, I understand if you are upset with me." Caraway begins.

How can he understand? Did his father disown him when he was born? Does he even have a father? I doubt it.

"But you're going to have to get over this foolishness. I'm here now aren't I?"

I slowly stand, finally finding the courage to really speak my mind. Believe me, I've been holding back. I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he had to leave. Maybe he didn't have a choice or something. But now he's demanding me to get over 17 years of nothing… doubt it!

"It doesn't matter! You were never there before! Why should I like you? You're the General of an army that dictates to its citizens damn near what there allowed to wear…" I'm just momentarily forgetting about my mother's occupation, that's a long story though; believe me when I say we had arguments. "And I heard that you were living in Deling for quite some time without even bothering to look us up! You forgot me for 17 years and now you expect it to be some sort of happy family reunion? Well I'm sorry CARAWAY but you can't run out on your family for 17 years and expect them to love you!" I scream.

My voice got louder and louder the more I yelled. I can feel the heat rising to my face and my hands are clenched at my sides. I don't understand why I'm so angry, I just am. Its one of those things that I promised I wouldn't get emotional at and I ended out getting emotional in the one way I thought I wouldn't.

How did I think this was going to go though? Did I expect to have Caraway run towards me with open arms, whisk me up into his arms and explain in great detail why he could never be there for me? Did I really believe that this could possibly have turned any other way? Well I would've hoped that it might've gone a little better than it was turning.

Cid's starting to get nervous, I can tell. He's fumbling with the bottom of his shirt and giving Squall uneasy glances.

My breath is course and hard. It feels as though I've just run a marathon or something.

"I would really prefer it if you didn't call me that." Caraway snaps.

My mouth gapes open. What the fuck does he expect me to call him? Daddy… Papa… even Father feels a little extreme.

"What more do you expect! You're nothing more than a lonely old man and I feel sorry for you!" I scream, and I mean I screamed it.

Volume has no limit to me.

After this is said I storm out of the room, not allowing tears to fall, not allowing Caraway to reply and definitely not allowing myself to look at Squall's stunned face.

Normal POV

"I better go talk to her." Squall sighs as he turns and makes his way out behind Rinoa.

Running as fast as he can Squall managed to just slip his hand in the closing elevator door. He forces it open and calmly, as if nothing at all had happened, entered.

"Well that was dramatic." Squall says as he brushes a bit of dust of his jacket.

Rinoa sniffs and turns away from Squall, she lowers her head to the ground, embarrassed that he had to see that.

"Go away." Rinoa sighs.

"No, what was that all about?" Squall continues.

Rinoa leans her head against the corner of the elevator and feels her eyes start to water up. She wants to hold them back, she's desperate to hold them back but unfortunately, as per usual, she is unable to.

"Please… go away." Rinoa sobs.

Squall slowly presses the stop button on the elevator, it comes to a jolting halt and Squall nearly looses his balance for a second.

Rinoa felt the jolt and let herself fall to the ground in a crumbled heap. She'd never felt so emotionally drained in her existence.

Squall crouches down beside her and puts a gloved hand on her shoulder. He tries to shush her, but Rinoa was too emotional at the moment to have mere words console her.

She looks over at him, her eyes red rimmed from crying, a depressed and worn look on her face. She suddenly latches her arms around his neck and buries her head into his chest. Squall didn't immediately hug her back. Instead he looked down at her sobbing form with a look of shock etched into his handsome features. Resigning himself to the fact that she wasn't going to let go any time soon, and that he quite enjoyed it anyway, he slowly wrapped one arm around her waist, while with the other he softly stroked her dark locks.