By myself but not Alone

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8.

SQUALL'S POV

I'm pacing, I need to stop pacing. Irving and Zell are staring at me with small smiles on their faces. I'm tempted to ask them what the hell their problem is but I can't.

I'm riddled with worry. Selphie's in the floor below us, watching over Rinoa and Quistis. The Ragnarok's on auto-pilot, which I don't really trust. I like to keep humans in the loop somehow but Zell's a useless driver at most other vehicles and Irvine's too consumed with the fact that there's two unconscious women below him.

I can't drive it either; I dunno it's just too complicated. I don't think I could drive it even if I knew how, there's just too much on my mind right now.

These thoughts include Quistis's medical state, the light blast that didn't kill us, the fact that the petrol in the Ragnarok is dwindling terrifyingly close to empty and of course… Rinoa.

Finally having enough of their continuing stares, I turn to them both, a look on my face that I haven't directed towards too many people in my existence.

"What are you two staring at!" I snap harshly.

"You, why don't you just go down there and see how she is?" Irvine enquires.

"Yeah, I'm sure she'll be fine." Zell adds.

Zell had regained consciousness about ten minutes ago but he was as spry as ever.

I suddenly feel a jolt and it sends me to the ground. Zell's sent to the ground as well and Irvine smacks his chin hard on one of the seats.

I feel another one and can hear crashes and bangs on the floor below us.

"What the fuck's that?" Zell exclaims.

I shakily make my way towards the cockpit. Another jolt sends me to the ground again, and I slide towards forwards about a meter crashing into the driver's seat.

Taking a seat I fasten my seatbelt and look down at the flashing lights that are going off. The one that catches my attention first is the petrol light. How ironic that one of the most known high-tech airships in the world is still hindered by a little thing like gas.

I fly out of my seat and slide towards the elevator to help Selphie, two unconscious people, one of whom is seriously injured must be quite a mission to keep safe at the moment.

Zell and Irvine follow my lead and run behind my sliding body.

Once the doors are closed all three of us slam into the doors, the Ragnarok has started freefalling from the sky, face first by the feel of it.

The doors open and I immediately see Selphie trying desperately to reach for Rinoa, whose body is slumped in the far corner of the room. Selphie's cradling Quistis's head in her lap and has wrapped her legs around her injured body to steady it and stop it from sustaining more injury.

I trip and fall as I get out of the elevator and slam into the far side of the Ragnarok. I grab Rinoa, who is right beside me now and hold her body against mine, readying myself for the worst jolt of all. The one when we hit the water.

This ship is air tight so I'm confident that no water will come in as long as we don't sustain damage.

Selphie has started screaming and Irvine is holding her, Zell has taken over Quistis's safety as Selphie is a little distraught.

We slam into the water, it's not as bad as I thought it would be but it's enough to give us all the fright of our lives… well maybe not lives. Trust me when your working with death for a living nothing scares you.

Suddenly everything goes calm. I can't believe we forgot to get fuel for the ship before we left. It was just that we were all so worried about Quistis we let it cloud out better judgment.

"Is anyone hurt?" I yell, picking Rinoa up once again.

"My arm, I think I dislocated it." I hear Zell say.

I hear a loud popping sound and Zell cry out in agony, Irvine obviously just put his arm back in place.

"Better?" Irvine says with a grin.

Zell just glares back and momentarily I get this feeling that everything is going to be ok.

But when you're a SeeD, nothing is ever just Ok.

I give Rinoa to Irvine and make my way out of the room, deciding that I need to assess out situation. Selphie follows me while Irvine and Zell are left to clean up.

"What happened? Were we attacked?" Selphie asks.

"No… we ran out of gas." I say quietly.

Selphie chuckles and then looks back up at my face.

"You're serious." She says loudly.

I nod and feel a smile tugging on my lips. The legendary SeeD's, the ones responsible for saving time itself… ran out of gas.

"Oh my sweet Hyne. Well what are we ganna do?" Selphie exclaims.

"I don't know, radio for help I suppose." I reply.

She nods and as I turn a corner to get up on the roof she continues straight. Although I don't usually enjoy her company, don't get me wrong, I like Selphie it's just that she can be a bit much sometimes. But right now I need someone to ease my thoughts.

"Aren't you coming?" I enquire.

"Nah, I need to take a walk or something to cool off."

SELPHIE'S POV

I imagine that Squall's thinking about the same thing I am… what was that light? It was powerful, and believe me when I say that I was shitting myself! But at the same time I felt completely at peace when it passed over me. I knew that it wasn't going to hurt me, but why didn't it? And why was it coming from Rinoa? I've never heard of a type of magic or a Gf that is anything like that. I'll have to ask Quistis… if she's ganna be ok.

She's roughed up pretty bad. I dunno, she's cold. It's weird. I wish she was here… we need her.

When we arrived Quistis was battling one of those Hyne awful monsters. Squall and me killed it and Quistis just sorta fainted. Squall reckons its probably exhaustion or something but I hope she wakes up soon.

And now Rinny's out as well. Squall's so bumbed about that. I can't help but be slightly amused by his situation. I don't think he's ever had a crush on a girl before. Oh except for his "vision" but don't get him started on that.

'Oh there was an angel!' I nearly laughed when he told me about that but I'd never tell anyone. Its personal and I think he'd hate me forever if I did.

This has been such a bad day! First Quisty's knocked outa action, then Rinny is too and now the Ragnarok is FUCKED!

NORMAL POV

Rinoa's eyes slowly fluttered open, she perched herself up on her elbows and was startled at her surroundings, till she noticed two familiar faces.

"Hey guys." Rinoa said groggily.

"RINOA!" Irvine and Zell yelled in unison.

"In the flesh." Rinoa laughed.

Zell scooped her up in a hug while Irvine patted her back, obvious not wanting to damage her anymore than she already was.

"What happened to you? When I went inside you were fine." Irvine asked once Zell had put Rinoa down.

Rinoa stared at Irvine quizzically; she bit her bottom lip and tried to think back hard.

"I-I dunno."

Squall finally made his way up to the roof. He was assessing the damage that the Ragnarok had sustained when he noticed a slight crack in the side where it had hit the water. Deciding that it wasn't substantial enough to merit immediate repair he sighed and looked out over the endless ocean. He could faintly see the Balamb continent and swore to himself. It was so close yet so far.

Squall's POV

Why is everything going wrong now? It was so simple before but today is just a mess. I can't do anything right.

I find myself momentarily wondering if I should check on Rinoa… and Quistis of course! I'm riddled with worry but I can't let it show, I have resigned myself to the fact that most of the people on this ship do regard me as some sort of leader and a person in that sort of position must be strong. If not for myself then for the others. I stand and make my way in a circle around the roof of the ship, staring at the ground absent mindedly as I go.

I don't really want to be alone right now but my current company is not something that I wish to deal with.

I should've visited Laguna while I was in Esthar. He would've tended to Rinoa and Quistis's conditions. But I have a bad history with Esthar and rarely visit it unless I really have to. This situation might have merited such a visit but I didn't really want to face Laguna. I still can't bear to call him Father, or any other name that would acknowledge him as such. I just can't.

How can you call a man that catapults himself into your life claiming to be your father something as important in your life as that? I think I hurt his feelings every time I call him Laguna. But he can't expect an immediate response from me. He did abandon me for… no I promised myself that I wouldn't dwell on the past. He says that there was nothing he could do… he says that he tried to find me… He's the President of Esthar though! Surely it wouldn't be that hard to locate me.

Suddenly I am thrown out of my thoughts by a hand on my shoulder. Startled I look up to see a pair of the purest brown eyes I have ever had the pleasure of staring into. If I could hold any moment, this would be it.

She's smiling a small smile and a can feel one tugging at the rims of my mouth, but I cant smile. This is no time for celebrations. But with her calm eyes settled on mine I feel tranquil, as if nothing could ever ruin this perfect moment.

SNAP OUT OF IT LEONART! Rinoa jeopardized the entire mission; she put not only her life but the life's of my crew in danger.

"Squall." She says softly.

Her voice floats into my ears like a sweet melody, caught on an early morning breeze. I close my eyes for a second and let myself enjoy this moment, before it all turns to shit.

"Rinoa." I sigh; I can't help but let the relief show in my voice.

Realizing finally that if she isn't informed than slip ups such as this can happen again, I decide that action needs to be taken… but first…

"What happened Rinoa?" I ask my voice as serious as I can make it… believe me when I say that's pretty damn serious.

"I don't know." She says back, I imagine she's had this question a lot since she woke up.

"What do you remember?" I persist.

"Well, I was covering Zell and that thing was ganna get me and you must've saved me."

I shake my head; my burrows have gone together like they always do when I'm frustrated.

"No Rinoa I didn't save you. You saved yourself. But you could've been killed! What in Hyne's name possessed you to get on this ship!" I say, my voice getting louder and louder as I go.

"I-I don't know… I just wanted to be included…"

"Well your carelessness nearly got Zell killed! And who knows what else could've happened! You're a civilian Rinoa!"

"SO WHAT! I can look after myself!"

"No Rinoa that's the thing you can't! For some fluke of nature you survived today! What about tomorrow? How long do you expect to get lucky?" I yell.

I can hear something banging behind the entrance onto the roof. Obviously Zell Irvine and Selphie. Those three were never the stealthiest people on earth.

Rinoa open and closes her mouth, each time she looks as though she's about to start another assault but stops herself.

"You are not to try and assist anyone in any further missions. Is that clear Miss Heartilly." I say her name, making every syllable sharper than the last.

She looks hurt, I can tell. Believe me, when your personalities like mine you get used to hurting people and you get used to the tell tale signs. But for some reason it hurts me to. I can't believe that I'm flipping out like this. I didn't intend to flip out like this. I was going to sit her down and explain to her the importance of not getting involved in things of this sort but this just got out of hand. If she just stopped retaliated to everything I said then maybe I'd stop yelling at her.

Her eyes have welled up and her mouth is open, suppressing a gasp, I suppose.

"Transparently!" she screams before she storms off back inside the ship.

I hear the entrance door slam and hear her footsteps stomping down the stairs.

I remain quite calm, staring at the way she left. Then I screw my face up, throw my hands up in the air and scream… "FUCK!"