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What is the point to this, you ask? To make you see what a miserable life I've lead over the years and make you pity me and coddle me like you seem to think the rest of the staff does? Or perhaps to give you cannon fodder for when I destroy yet another potion, waste yet another batch of your precious ingredients?
To be honest, I really don't know. Emotions confuse me. You know, it really would have been easier if Dumbledore got what he wanted - a jaded fighting machine oblivious to the joys and pains of the world, trained to defeat that arsehole we know as Voldemorts, before slipping into a black void, never to be seen again.
Ron and Hermione? You know, they would get over it. They would be sad for a while, but they have each other. And if the jaded fighting machine really accomplished what it set out to do, surely, a few lives could be sacrificed in the name of freedom? After all, what matters one arrogant brat when the fate of the wizarding world hangs in the balance?
Nothing, that's what.
We're coming down to selfishness again. And I'm sorry if my almost non-existent brain cannot seem to grasp the fact that the World matters more than me, but when I am preordained to either murder or be murdered, it comes down to three words.
Life.
Really.
Sucks.
Infinite wisdom summed up in three words. I'm proud of myself.
In ways, I suppose, you're quite similar to me. Well, asides from the hair colour, our mutual hatred for each other and Voldemort, and our dislike of Dumbledore's manipulations, I mean. Neither of us had a particularly pleasant childhood, although I seem to have gotten off much better than you. Both of us are determined to prove something to the world, to contradict our despicable families. And you could even say we're both ambitious.
Don't laugh. The sorting hat almost put me in Slytherin. That might have done the inter-house relationships some good, don't you think? The boy which symbolises, no matter how sick or corny that sounds, the Light, placed in the House that is stereotypically considered Dark. Either it will help them get over the stupid prejudices about Slythering and Gryffindor, or they will assume that I'm the next Dark Lord.
Yeah, I think the second one's more likely, too.
But see, because people have this expectation of me, because people like Mr. Ollivander and Dedalus Diggle assume that I am powerful, that I symbolize the Light and belong in Gryffinder, because of that I am so obstinately rebellious. They assume I am powerful because of a silly scar, because of a piece of magic I've had to lose my parents for, a piece of magic which my mother, not I performed, I am to be treated as some type of Hero, placed upon a pedestal, and worshipped. While in the meantime, Dumbledore is standing right beside me, force-feeding me his ideals, morphing me into the Hero he wants, the Hero the public would want, without me even noticing it.
Fame hasn't shrouded my eyes, Professor. Fame is like a pack of hounds, leaping upon me without information and refusing to let go until they have what they want. In either case, not pleasant.
I do not wish to be famous. Don't you think I would give all the money in my Gringott's vault, the safety of the wizarding world, and then some, to see my parents and Sirius again? I would rather be a nobody, failing potions on my own accord with no way to get out of retaking the course, than be Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. Be a nobody, and have nothing more than a failing potions course to worry about. Not Potter. Just Harry.
Just Harry.
Sounds rather cliché, doesn't it? "Just Harry"
Well I'm sorry if that's the way I feel. I can't help it. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and while you might sneer at it, disagree with that way of life, mutter bitterly about stubborn Gryffindors, that's who I am and you can't change that.
Hmm? The Past?
Yes, I suppose you're right.
Well that's one way of looking at it. The Past cannot be changed, just the same as my stubborn Gryffindor qualities cannot be changed.
The past. Horrible thing.
"If I were not so busy running away from it, I would learn to deal with it."
Don't make me laugh, Professor. Dealing with the past. You, of all people, tell me to deal with the past, when you yourself have not overcome your old demons. That's rich. You have even less excuses of running away from the past than I do.
At least you're not responsible for what happened to you in the Past.
I am for me.
Don't lie to me, Professor. Sirius died on my account. Cedric died on my account. If I were not a stupid Gryffindor, if I didn't insist on acting the Hero, if I didn't tell the Sorting Hat that I refuse to be in Slytherin, I might have had some sense in my brain to realise what's going on and prevented two deaths. Two deaths were indirectly caused by me, but I might as well have uttered the god damned curse myself!!!
Last Chapter Coming up, and it's going to be in third person.
aljake - I'm not very good at characterizing Snape (I'm not even really any good at characterizing Harry) so I don't think I will be doing a Snape POV for this fic. I don't think I could handle Snape talking for a few thousand words. He strikes me as the active and not the verbal type. -grins- Sorry! I'm thinking of writing another one like the fic 'Sorry' though. You could say it would be another take on it, another apology fic... Thanks for reviewing!
Kitty-Noir - My personality? Really? -blinks- I'm really that whiny? lol. Nah, I don't think my problems are anywhere near as severe as our lovely Potter-boy's grins but if he sounds like me, it's not intentional . -sweatdrop- Thanks for reviewing!
duj - Thank you for your honest opinion -grins- After thinking the first part of your review over, I can't really say that I agree wholeheartedly, but you do have a very good point, and I will try to keep that in mind. As for the second part, the part that pertains to the story - keep in mind this is from Harry's perspective, and Harry is biased in favour of himself. If I were writing an analysis of the relationship between the two, it would be different. But yes. Thanks you for pointing it out a well as the helpful constructive criticism -grins- I really appreciate it! (look, I used spell check this time...-blush-)