Chapter Fourteenth – My Beautiful. Lovely, and dearest Raven,

My Beloved Readers:

I have indeed been unfaithful to you all and I am extremely sorry! This is the chapter that you all have been waiting for but a lot of events have made my situation complicated. I am at a near end of the incident that has so forever altered my life. As this will pass, so will the time. I must finish this. I am committed and my first Teen Titans fan fiction will come to an end. Unfortunately!

I am in the midst of reading a very uneventful book "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens. I have found the work of literature mundane, and although the usage of words is eloquently put, I have found myself very disinterested. Perhaps something will happen to change my thought, but for now, I've paused my required reading and decided to dedicate this time (the hour and five minutes before Full Metal Alchemist) to writing this half finished chapter. I hope you will all enjoy it, and please leave your comments.

Brace yourselves and grab a box of tissues…

I have to thank a couple of songs… one is Go On and Cry by Diana Degarmo… she made this chapter happen… Open Arms… Clay Aiken…. You'll be in my heart by Phill Collins!

DOWNLOAD YOULL BE IN MY HEART by PHILL COLLINS while reading the letter from Clay… gosh… I cried!

…

Striking was the figure that lay lifeless atop the sustaining cot. Drained of color, the porcelain white skin, which was mistakenly pasted upon her face, could have given competition to any doll. And like a doll she was as her delicate features and her stillness resembled one exactly. Although the beauty was relevant beneath the tattered strips (which were at one time clothes) her wan complexion could have been easily compared to a ghost. A ghost with nowhere to go, lurking the streets seeking that sense of belonging it never seemed to have found.

Her distinguished amethyst eyes, that were her trademark, were veiled to the world. Raven's corpse-like state did not allot them to open, not once, and although it was indeed gratifying that this distinctly meant she was resting, no one had an inkling of what she was feeling. Her eyes usually contained a diminutive glint of emotion, if you were her friend, like the Titans were, you'd understand how it'd work. Whether they her eyes filled with annoyance, anger, worriment, sadness, or loneliness… you were able to trace her emotions through her eyes. But this wasn't an alternative at the time so the Titans gathered around her hospital bed waiting in desperation for her to wake.

They knew only a small fraction of what occurred the days she was missing. They were absolutely clueless as to knowing that the claws of death managed to grab her. Foolishly those same claws upon error released her… letting her escape from the burden of hell. And lucky she was but what still remained in her conscience were the following questions… why did she still remain upon this world? What was her purpose?

She would live forever searching for a question that had no answer.

In the therapeutic trance in which Raven was engaged, voices echoed in her head, bouncing off the walls of her mind.

"Maybe… maybe dieing would have been the better way to go." One voice remotely told her.

"No, you have to live for him." Disputed another.

"Who's he?" quipped yet an additional voice.

But the question was left floating amongst the air. There was an interruption.

Faint droning noises were surpassing her thoughts. The self-talk that had been filling her with guilt soon vanished… only to be replaced by the "loud" whispering of three individuals. It was the oh-so-familiar voices of her three friends that had been barely kept alive in her memories. She guiltily reminisced, recollecting that during the midst of this ordeal she hadn't thought of them once. Not even for a second. Not wanting to suspend their conversation, she discreetly listened in.

"Starfire! SHhhh!" hissed Robin as put his finger to his mouth. "Do you really want her to wake up? She's resting."

"I am sorry," she mouthed guiltily.

Raven was a most unscrupulous spy and she didn't intend to be deceiving but she did not know of a way to make her wakening in any way awkward.

"Ya know," Cyborg announced a little above a whisper "Rae's been sleeping for approximately… umm…. 46 hours."

Raven's eyes shot open.

"WHAT!" she shrieked aloud.

"Raven! You're up!" Robin yelped.

"Marvelous!" said Starfire clasping her hands together.

Raven absorbed the information gradually, but it still was an incredible shock. 46 hours? Raven sat up as quickly as her body allotted her, immediately she felt like the wind was knocked out of her, her eyes closed in excruciating pain and she ran her hands to her stomach.

"Ouch." She barely whispered.

The titans all pressed their hands to her chest and laid her back down. She hadn't realized it prior but she was fixed so that there were about 100 tubes attached to her. She gasped.

"You've been in the intensive care unit for the past two days." Said Cyborg as he pointed to all the wiring connected to her. "Just like Beast Boy."

"Oh no…" were the words that escaped her mouth. She tried to force herself to get back up.

"You must not force yourself to do anything just yet friend." Starfire reinsured.

"Where's Beast Boy? It's my fault he's hurt."

"Don't worry… he's here" the titans separated making a gap showing that BB laid on the bed next to her. He was tied to as many tubes as she was.

"He woke up earlier and insisted he be in the same room with you." Cyborg said smiling, "looks like you two gone through a whole lot together."

Raven felt a pulse throbbing underneath the layer of blush. Robin raised an eyebrow at Cyborg. Robin neared Raven and reached for her hand.

"Don't worry. Everything's going to be okay now. You could tell us all about it later…. If you want…" He gave her a lopsided smile. That smile alone hid so many things…. But Raven wasn't sure what it was all about.

"Thanks, guys." She said wearily. Her eyes drooped and she closed them. Robin's warm hand was still in place and she was extremely uneasy about it being there. It didn't…. feel right.

"Why aren't we back at Titan's tower?" inquired Raven with her eyes still closed.

"You and Beast Boy were very bent out of shape… pretty much beyond our repair." Reported Cyborg. "I think you guys are still going to be here for a while."

"Robin was indeed worried when we found you, he was ventilating-hyperly." Starfire added on. There was something in her voice… something Raven couldn't detect…. Jealousy? Anger? Sorrow? She didn't know…

No one made the attempt to correct Star. They understood that she meant hyperventilating; but everyone was just concentrated on Robin's reaction.

"Well," Robin said in reply to Starfire, "I was worried, that's all." He looked down and was surprised that his hand was still clamped to Raven's so he reluctantly released it.

"Robin," Starfire retorted, "Can I talk to you for a minute please?"

Robin put his hand in the back of his head and uneasily shook his head. She led him out of the hospital room. Like a stray dog being taken by the pound, he gave a last pleading glance…. To help him. The boy wonder himself couldn't help this situation.

"Oo someone's in trouble." Cyborg said after they had left. Raven's eyebrows knitted. "Ahh… you know nothing of this situation of course."

"What situation?" inquired Raven.

"Well Star and Robin are… what you call "dating"."

"Finally," Raven breathed out, rolling her eyes.

"But that's not the thing… Robin told me just a little bit back that something happened between the two." Cyborg smirked. "Well Robin was teaching Star the "art" of kissing. And while they were engaged in their: Cyborg did the bunny ears thing with his hands: moment, Starfire asked "how she was doing", and he replied, "you're doing really good, Raven".

Raven gasped and put her hand to her mouth utterly surprised.

"He didn't do that did he?

Cyborg laughed and nodded.

"But… why…"

"He doesn't understand it much himself either… but… you've been the center of attention lately. He's really confused. And Starfire's really, what you call, jealous."

Before Raven could respond, the door opened and they both came in.

"Sorry," Robin said uneasily, "just had to talk to Star about some things." He gulped.

"The nurse said we must depart," Said Starfire sadly, "But we leave this button up long sleeved shirt with you. You had it on when you came."

Raven looked at the shirt with disbelief. She had forgotten that Clay had given it to her. She immediately took it and held it tightly.

"Thank you," she responded gratified. Robin grabbed Starfire's hand and said weakly.

"Well, you need your rest, I hope you get better and we'll be sure to come back tomorrow. Tell Beast Boy so when he wakes."

Starfire took her hand back and went to Beast Boy's bed. She kissed him deeply on the cheek.

"Hope you get better friend." She whispered and returned to Robin's side. Starfire was obviously doing that just to spite him. Although angry, Robin made an attempt to let it slide. He gulped and waved.

"Bye Rae." Cyborg said winking. And they left the room

Raven sighed holding the shirt tightly. As she did she heard the crinkle of a piece of paper. Surprised she held the shirt before her and inspected it. In the pocket to the side, there was a folded piece of paper. She pulled it out and saw that it was letter, addressed to her. She gulped. She didn't know what to expect she was scared.

My Beautiful. Lovely, and dearest Raven,

:Raven already halted at those words. They were false, they were untrue, and they were not words to describe her. It was just like Clay… already she bit back tears:

At this time I hope that you have been obedient and you have kept away from the peril and harm that has transpired in these days. I anticipate that you are in the hands of those who love you dearly and will care for you until you are well. My deepest desire is that you are no longer within miles, of the cavern, your father's ruins, or… my corpse.

:Raven closed her eyes. She felt guilty… tears started to stream down:

Raven, knowing you these past days have helped revived that sense of belonging I've never felt.

:Raven gulped, and whispered to her surroundings "Clay… now I'm the one searching for that sense of belonging… the one I found… and I lost.":

Those days surpassed all the moments in my life put together! And that is why; I wanted it to end in this way. Our love was impossible. Because the guilt, the greed consumed me and I almost became this monster I didn't want to become. What suitor in their right mind would give up such a worthy prize? Raven, I wanted to keep you for myself, I wanted to hold you, I wanted to kiss you, I wanted to love you, and I wanted even in my deepest desires for you to bear my children.

We briefly knew each other less then a week, and you had me captured. Your eyes were the key that had the power to open the vault that contained our love.

I'm sorry to say that I threw it away.

But how foolish was I to fall in love with you? My victim? My hostage? How foolish was I to fall in love with a jewel so pricey that even the wealthy could not afford? How foolish was I to think you wanted me and not another?

Raven whispered ;;; Clay… that's not true… Clay… I love you…

Very foolish indeed, and they way you looked at Beast Boy told me everything. It told me that I was enough trouble, I was ruining the love of the two perfect for each other. Raven… I had to leave this earth, knowing that only in our dreams we can be together. In our dreams guilt will not be a factor, are passion will not stop, identities wont have to be kept secret and we would both be able to love…

:Raven was streaming tears, she couldn't even imagine the feeling he was describing…. That's how bad it was… she couldn't even imagine it.

Raven, I love you. I dream with you, I see our children. But you must think of me lowly… even the scum of this earth, because you've been offered better. Beast Boy will give you all that I will no longer be able to give you. He deserves you Raven, you deserve him. You were my sun, the part that completed me, the missing piece that I had lost. And now… the sun has set on my time, but you must continue to give off that radiance and warmth to others.

Raven, you were my life… and that's why I'm gone now…that's why I had to go… because with me living you'd suffer.

:Raven started to hysterically cry. He knew nothing… he knew absolutely nothing…Clay…she moaned:

My love, my everything, my life… I leave it here. I hope that you will remember me.

We'll meet again… I promise.

With much love that no one can describe

Clay

Raven wiped her eyes in attempt to wipe away the tears, but she couldn't stop them from falling. She missed him so incredibly much, and the hole in her heart was never going to be repairable.

A nurse entered her room.

"Miss Raven? You need your rest now. Oh! What's the matter?"

"Nothing," replied Raven gulping down tears as she closed her eyes. As she pulled the covers over her head, she felt the light grow dim and she knew that she was once again in the pit of a lonely and dark place… almost an exact replica of her room.

So much had happened. So overwhelming. It was so... indescribable. Raven languidly lay in the darkness of the tranquil hospital room. And although she had been reunited with the titans... she couldn't help but look out the window and feel so hollow... so empty inside. She knew she should sleep and recuperate from such a state... but it was in many ways then one... useless. Tears began to fall yet again. She carefully stressed her stomach muscles that ached so badly, to sit up and cover her eyes. Everything hurt so badly... and she was ever so confused.

"Raven... its okay." beast boy said through the darkness. Raven jumped. She had almost forgot that the same person, who ventured the same journey as she, was in the same room as her, feeling as much physical and emotional pain. He neared her trying to hold her, and slipped into her bed. He began to caress her. Starting with running her fingers through her hair, and then carefully rubbing her lower back. She let him do all this and tried to imagine what it was like again to feel his closeness, his love, and the pleasure of having someone there for you. Raven nervously put his arms around his neck and let him stay next to her. She was scared. She was scared that she was going to let herself go… and if she did…. She knew she would hurt him… again.

It was decided… she was going to ask Robin.

AUTHORS NOTE: After a YEAR and a day.. I UPDATED! FINALLY! SO what did you think about the chapter? Its all down hill from here... believe it or not! SO REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Im me at Innocencem2aol if you want! okay? wellgots to go! REVIEW PLEASEEE!