DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto. Perhaps this is a good thing. Or the warpage would be ins4ne. Ins4ne like a bungee jumper.

A story about the Sound Trio! Oh boy! They're so underappreciated, they deserved a fic. And a shrine. I AM the only DZK shrine on the net. Whoooo.

Read and review; feedback is like, my drug.

Warning: Severe out-of-characterness on Zaku and Kin's part.

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The three finally reached the Purple Room. It was, as it's name stated, a room of purple. Purple walls, purple carpets, purple ceilings, and four purple mafia-boss chairs in the center of the room. This was the room where the Sound Four dwelled.

The four chairs swiveled around dramatically in unison.

"So. . .you have finally come f--ck." Tayuya said. She was the only of the Sound Four in the room.

HA! You thought each chair would be for a different member of the Sound Four, and that they'd all say that last line in unison, but NO. YOU WERE WRONG. The chairs are all for Tayuya because she takes up so much of the world with her "fatness", she deserved four chairs.

"Yeah. . ." said Dosu. "So, what's the mission?"

Tayuya scowled at him. "Don't be so hasty f--ck. Have a donut or two f--ck."

"That's okay, we're fine."

"I'M NOT!!! Donuts are my brethren. Let me eat them." said Zaku eagerly.

"Why would you eat your brethren?" Dosu asked.

". . . . . . . . . . .why wouldn't I?"

Kin beamed. "That's like incestual cannibalism!"

Dosu was like wtf. "Please, Tayuya-san, tell us the mission."

Tayuya sighed and took a long puff off her mafia-boss cigar. "Your mission is. . .to get a caramel apple for Kimimaro f--ck."

Dosu rolled his eye. "But we did that LAST time. Meaning. . .yesterday. Does Kimimaro need a caramel apple EVERY DAY?"

"He never received his yesterday f--ck. I told Zaku to deliver it and I never heard from it again," Tayuya explained as if she really COULD "hear from a caramel apple again".

Zaku smiled stupidly and sweatdropped.

"You ate it, didn't you? Dammit Zaku why do you always have to eat everything. . ." Dosu was getting impatient with this constant behavior.

"I only eat things that are prettier than me. Like that tractor last week."

Poor Zaku. He must have such horrible self-esteem, to think a tractor is prettier than him. Then again, it probably was. He's not a very attractive fellow.

Dosu sighed. "So you thought a caramel apple was prettier than you? So you ate it?" He had spent a long time getting that caramel apple. Why did Zaku have to eat it?!

"I never said I ate it! I stuck it up my ass, silly!" Zaku giggled.

And once again, Dosu was like wtf. Why did he have to be put with THIS person as his teammate?! WHYYYY?!?!?!?!?! Someone who sticks caramel apples up their BUTT!

"Now go! f--ck. Go find the juiciest, most caramelest apple you can find, and deliver it to Kimimaro f--ck!" ordered Tayuya.

Kin pointed out something. "Hey, you know what? Tayuya's kinda like that little cat puppet on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Except instead of ending everything with nyow, she ends it with f--ck!" This just seemed like the silliest thing ever to Kin so she chortled.

"OMG!" Zaku exclaimed. "I FARKING LOVE THAT SHOW! MR. ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD! That Lady Elaine lady was damn ugly."

"I know. She gave me so many nightmares I wanted to poop." added Kin with a squeal.

"FILTHY LADY ELAINE! WHY MUST YOU BE SO UGLY?!"

Zaku and Kin burst out crying and clung to each other, tears flowing out of their eyes like naked-baby-fountains.

Dosu decided right then he had had enough randomness. He wanted to get going, find Kimimaro a stupid caramel apple, and then go home. He had lots of spring cleaning to catch up on. Except it wasn't spring yet. The Groundhog said there was to be more winter on the way, but Dosu didn't believe in groundhogs so HE says it's SPRING. Let the crazy boy think what he wants; it won't hurt anybody.

"Come on, we're going." And with that, he dragged Zaku and Kin out of the Purple Room and out of the Sound HQ building and into the forest. They were still crying over what an ugly puppet Lady Elaine was.

"Stop crying," said Dosu as he swatted the two on the head. "That Lady Elaine puppet or whatever you're talking about probably isn't even that ugly!"

"OH BUT SHE IS!" wailed Zaku. "She has ugly beady eyes, an ugly giant nose as red as a Slim Jim, and UGH! The horror."

The SILOISH echoed out even into the surrounding forest, and it screamed "PAWNS! SACRIFICES! GO AND FIND THE CARAMEL APPLE BEFORE I BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT F--CK!"

And the Sound Trio was prompted to continue on their way.

After about fifteen minutes of walking through the forest, Kin squealed the simple question, "Do you ever take The Kitty off, Dosu?"

". . . . . . . .huh? The what? What are you talking about?" Dosu asked, already wishing that he hadn't.

Zaku looked at Dosu like he was the dumbest person in the world. "The Kitty. That big fluffy thing on your back. Do you ever take it off?"

Dosu was like wtf, as usual. Where did they come up with the word The Kitty?! "Um. . . .let's not talk about this."

Zaku and Kin exchanged glances like "oooo somebody's got a The Kitty fetish" or something.

Kin squealed, "So, is it alive? How does it feed? Is it attached to the actual skin of your back? DOES IT SUCK YOUR NUTRIENTS OUT THROUGH TINY BLOOD VESSELS ENGRAVED INTO YOUR BACK?!"

Zaku thought this was an EXCELLENT theory Kin had devised here. "Yes, I can see that happening!"

The two of them rolled on the floor giggling like babies at the fact that they had discovered the secrets of The Kitty so quickly. Even though they hadn't.

". . . .I let it hunt at night. That's the only time it leaves my back." said Dosu uncomfortably, as if he shouldn't be saying so much to his teammates because THE KITTY WAS WATCHING HIM!!!

Okay, now that was kinda weird. Even Zaku and Kin thought so. "What's it eat?" they asked at the same time.

"Human flesh. But I give it ice cream occasionally too."

"Wow. . ." Zaku wowed. "That must be a lot of responsibility, taking care of a The Kitty."

"It wasn't my choice. I didn't want to do it originally. It chose me."

From then on, Zaku and Kin stayed a tad farther away from Dosu, in fear of being gobbled up by the evil The Kitty.

"So. . ." squealed Kin. "Where do we go? To get this caramel apple for Kimimaro."

Zaku bounced up and down and raised his hand like PICK ME! PICK ME!

"I pick you."

"We could find a gypsy caravan! I'm sure they give out caramel apples. I think there's one traveling SOMEWHERE around Sound right now. If we looked hard enough, we could find it. I love gypsies!" Zaku giggled with delight. Turkish delight.

Dosu blinked or winked or whatever cuz you can't really tell with his one-eyed one-horned flying purple people-eaterness. "Why don't we just go to the Candy Store in downtown Otogakure Village?"

Zaku glared at Dosu. "DON'T BE SO STUPID ALL THE TIME, DOSU. We have a better chance of getting a caramel apple from a gypsy than we do from a CANDY STORE." He rolled his eyes.

". . . . . . ." Dosu knew he was going to be driven knutzen if he endured much more of this. But we don't care. The readers throw giant pieces of debris at Dosu, hoping to maim him if he doesn't endure more of this. He endures, not wanting to die a bloody head-injured death.

"Fine. . . ." he fined. "We'll go find your dumb gypsy caravan. We have nothing better to do anyway."

And with that, our heroes set off on their quest to find the caramel apple!!!

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Kin: Thank you for reading, folks!

Dosu: Now you need to review. You have no reason not to. Just do it.

Zaku: I myself think this fic is kinda STUPID. Someone else should have written it. Not Hyper Riceball. Someone like ME! I'm so awesome I'm practically God! -is electrocuted by the heavens for being blasphemous- . . . . .

Kin: Oh, Zaku, if you just stopped talking that way you wouldn't get electrocuted so much!

Dosu: And then you wouldn't have that hideous hairstyle. It's from the electricity, I tell you.

Zaku: HIDEOUS?! YOU THINK MY HAIRSTYLE IS HIDEOUS?! I THOUGHT IT WAS SPANKIN'!

Kin: Naah. It's hideous.

Zaku: AWWW!!!!!! SHOT IN THE HEART!!!!

Dosu: Well, read the next chapter when it comes out, okay?

Kin: Baaaai baaaai!