DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto. Perhaps this is a good thing. Or the warpage would be ins4ne. Ins4ne like a bungee jumper.

I LOVE REVIEWERS! So, thus, i shall personally thank them. Yay

Digitalgirl3-I'm glad you like the fic. Makes meh emotional. ;-; And YAY FOR DUST BUNNIES!

Alucard Crimson-I SHALL TRY TO FINISH THIS ONE! See, the problem was, I didn't like any of the fics I'd been writing since my masterpiece, The Fast and the Flubbery. But that wasn't a Naruto story! I attempted many more after that, BUT I HATED THEM! GRRR! But I like this one a lot. Lots and lots. It's about my favoritest people ever. So I SHALL CONTINUE! Now sprinkle yourself over to my homepage, you little fiend you.

KaibasShadowGirl-AHAHAHA thank you for your input. And yes, I agree, 4Kids is a disgusting manifest of Hitler. Someday we must send The Kitty after them. And don't worry, ZAKU'S MY FAVOWITE TOO! He's so adorable in a not-adorably adorable way. Love the zankuuha. Love it gooood.

Aki- Hurray! I have converted someone to DZKism! Yessss. Worship them like they DIDN'T die lame and miserable deaths not long after they made their stupid debuts. Worship.

Rei- Yes. LOOK EVERYONE! THIS IS REI! SHE'S MY REAL LIFE BUDDY! WE ROLEPLAY ON YIM TOGETHER! WITHOUT HER, MY WACKYFUL CHARACTER PERSONALITIES WOULD NOT EXIST! NOR WOULD THE KITTY! Well, The Kitty would exist but not in a cool way.

firefly- Fufufu I feel so warm and fuzzy inside everytime I read your reviews! I don't think warm and FUZZY is very healthy though, in my opinion. But! You were my very first reviewer! I LOVETH THOU-super-duper hugga wugga-

Temari- MY OTHER RP BUDDY! SEE! PRAISE HER AS WELL! WONDERFUL PERSON SHE IS, HAR HAR HAR!

(if i didn't respond to your review, it's because I didn't get it until after i updated)

I'm afraid of this chapter. I'm afraid of Yoroi and Misumi. I'm afraid they'll make me bump the fic up to R-rated, which I don't want to do.

ALSO-this chapter is not meant to offend anyone from any walk of life. Just know that.

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"Hmmm. . . . .if I were a gay gypsy, where would I go" Zaku asked, doing the "pondering pose".

"Gay gypsy? Who said the gypsy was gay" Dosu asked, not doing the "pondering pose."

"Zaku did. Weren't you listening? Silly Dosu. That Sound Amplifier thingy has blown up your own eardrums." Kin sighed, as if the only way to rid Dosu of his deafness would be to lick his eardrum rapidly until it was all wet and working again. Wouldn't that. . . taste. . .nice.

Zaku pointed ahead all like Genki from Monster Rancher like LET'S GO FIND THE PHOENIX! Except it was like LET'S GO FIND THE GAY GYPSY!

"Why does it have to be a gay gypsy? Can't we find a normal gypsy" the-only-one-who-would-say-that said.

"GOD DOSU." Zaku exclaimed. "You don't need to be so homophobic! There's probably lots of homosexuals reading this RIGHT NOW! Like Sakon. He's probably up there somewhere."

"Yeah" Kin agreed cuz I don't like her all that much so she can just agree or something. "Now let's go to the gay bar in Otogakure Village and find that gypsy."

". . . . . . . . .who said anything about a gay bar"

Zaku chortled. "Dosu, dosu, dosu, you NEED to learn that all gay gypsies hang out in gay bars."

". . . . . . . ."

AND SO, THE SOUND TRIO WENT TO OTOGAKURE VILLAGE! TO THE GAY BAR!

"There's a candy store with caramel apples on sale in the window next door." Dosu pointed out.

"Shut UP, Dosu" Zaku and Kin said. "You're not the ONLY one who doesn't want to be here."

". . . . . well then why are we going"

"Because we need to find the gay gypsy"

". . . . . .morons."

They approached the bar. It was big. It was triangle-shaped. It was purple. It wasn't Tinky-Winky.

Two leaf nin walked out of the bar. They were Kotetsu and Izumo. ". . . . . . . . . ."

". . . . . . . . . . . . ."

There was an awkward silence as Sound and Leaf exchanged stares.

". . . . . . . . . . . . . . "

". . . . . .you didn't see us here" whispered Izumo as he zoomed away, Kotetsu following immediately.

"Um. . . . .okay. Whatever. Let's go find the gypsy now" said Zaku as he PUSHED OPEN THE DOORS OF WONDERFUL MAN-ON-MAN-LOVIN'!

The room was kinda funny-smelling, and it was full of guys. No girls. It wasn't a lesbian bar. It was a yaoi bar.

"GAAAAY GYYYYPSY WHERE AAAARE YOU" Kin squealed at the top of her lungs.

Dosu got the feeling he was getting funny looks. "I really don't want to be here." He says that as if he would get normal looks anywhere. He thinks it's just the gay bar. God Dosu, look in a mirror. I think a guy wrapped in bandages with gray cowprint scarf-and-pants and a gigantic fluffy pompom on his back is bound to attract funny looks wherever he goes.

The place was packed. "Over there" Zaku said as he grabbed Kin and zoomed off into the crowd, leaving Dosu behind to fend for himself.

". . . . . . . ." Dosu then decided the best way to get out of this situation would be to sit down at an empty table and wait for his buddies to come back. He wasn't in the mood to get into any hassles. Of course, he backs up without looking and predictably bumps into someone. "Oh, excuse me. . . ."

"MY, MY, MISUMI, LOOK AT THIS ONE" the someone who had been bumped said.

"HE'S GOT QUITE THE FEATURES TO HIM, DOESN'T HE YOROI" responded the other one, who was obviously named Misumi.

Do you remember Yoroi and Misumi? From the Chuunin Exam prelims? They were on Kabuto's team; Yoroi fought Sasuke and Misumi fought Kankurou. Yoroi had the chakra-sucking hand, and Misumi had the Rape no Jutsu. (This term was borrowed from LinkandLuigi. I credit them fully and I shall never use it again because it's theirs. I just used it so you know who I'm talking about.)

"THIS ONE'D BE A FUN LITTLE FELLOW IN BED, WOULDN'T HE" Yoroi said as he fidgeted uncontrollably like a horny freak.

"OH BUT YOROI" Misumi pouted"I AM YOUR BEDMATE! HOW COULD YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN! WE HAVE DONE SO MUCH TOGETHER! DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THREE-WAYING WITH THAT PEZ DISPENSER"

Yoroi giggled nostalgically. "NO, NO, OF COURSE I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN, MISUMI! I WAS JUST THINKING WE COULD SHARE THE LUVVIN' WITH HIM! HE LOOKS MORE ENTERTAINING THAN THE PEZ DISPENSER. LOOK AT THAT SEXY BOD."

Then the author gave the Shift key a break and switched to Dosu dialogue.

". . . . . . . . . ." Behold. That was Dosu dialogue.

He really didn't know what to do at this point. People like this freaked him out. A lot. So he decided to just edge away slowly and go find Zaku and Kin.

He thought that would end all his problems, but it DIDN'T! Before he get out of sight, Misumi used his stretchy arm to pull him back to them. "TONIGHT SHALL BE FUN! LET'S KIDNAP HIM AND TAKE HIM BACK TO OUR LOVESHACK! YOU STRIKE ME AS THE UKE TYPE, BANDAGE BOY, SO THAT'S WHAT WE'LL LET YOU BE."

Dosu was like wtf. He wanted to leave now. He knew something uh-oh would happen if he went in this place, and his intuition was right. ". . . .um. . . .sorry, I have to get back to my group. They're waiting for me."

Yoroi and Misumi guffawed with laughter. "WE CAN'T LET YOU GO. WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOME FUN WITH BONDAGE" Yoroi wiggled a pencil as if pencils were a form of bondage. "COME! COME TO OUR PLACE AND WE SHALL SHOW YOU WHAT THAT BODY OF YOURS CAN REALLY DO."

Dosu felt violated so he zoomed away to the back of the room, locating Zaku and Kin. "Let's get out of here."

"We finally found that gypsy. . ." Kin squealed. "But she said that she didn't have any more caramel apples, and that the last one was sold to a big scary vampire living in a big scary castle on a big scary hill. Kowai"

"C'MON" Zaku c'moned. "WE'RE GOING TO FIND THAT VAMPIRE" Kin squealed in agreement.

"But there's a store specializing in caramel apples right next door" Dosu said, but it was too late. Zaku and Kin were dragging him out of the gay bar ready to find that Vampire on a Hill. Upon passing the sex-hungry duo Yoroi and Misumi, Dosu was winked and groped at. . . . .oh well.

IN THE OTO FOREST NOW!

"I can't believe we have to see a vampire just for this caramel apple. . ." complained Dosu. The Kitty shook, making a pompom noise.

"Gee whiz, Dosu, you whine more than anyone I've ever met" squealed Kin. "Whining about VAMPIRES now. God. There's nothing wrong with vampires."

"Yeah" Zaku agreed. "You practically ARE a vampire."

". . . . . .I'm not a vampire."

Zaku giggled with delight. "LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE! You silly vampire you. You could like be Dracula's long-lost son Alucard for all we know."

"I don't sound like a vampire" Dosu said, in a voice that sounds like a vampire cuz he does. And with that, every person reading this that still has those episodes in their possession goes back and listens to Dosu's voice and says HAR HAR HAR HE REALLY DOES SOUND LIKE A VAMPIRE cuz he does.

"Now tell us where the Vampire on a Hill's hill is, vampire boy" Zaku ordered. That was somehow a tonguetwister. Try it.

"How would I know"

"Cuz you're a vampire, that's how."

"AHHHH" Kin squealed in fear. "HE'S GONNA SUCK MY BLOOD TONIGHT IN THE COWPRINT TENT WE ALL SLEEP IN WHEN WE'RE ON BIG MISSIONS LIKE THIS"

Dosu was like wtf. One, why was he being called a vampire! Vampires suck blood! The Kitty may suck blood, but Dosu Kinuta doesn't! Two, was this really going to be considered a BIG mission in which he had to share a tent with these freakballs! It was just a caramel apple! It shouldn't devour so much of his time and patience! Third. . . . .well, he didn't really have a third reason but we can pretend he did so he looks more like a whiney loser than he already does.

". . . . . .if that gypsy said that the hill the Vampire on a Hill lives on is scary, then I guess we'll have to believe her and look for the scariest hill around" explained Dosu, knowing more than he should about vampires and scary hills and the like. What he said really wasn't THAT knowledgeable but Dosu is supposed to come off as the smart one in this fic so just smile and nod if you know what's good for you.

"HEY LOOK" Zaku shouted, bouncing up and down like a Mexican jumping bean. "A VERY SCARY HILL" He pointed up at the horizon, and conveniently there was a very scary hill there. I don't exactly know what a very scary hill looks like so you can just think for yourself. Use that imagination Barney gave you and work WONDERS, CHILD!

Kin linked arms with her posse, Dosu on the left and Zaku on the not-left, and squealed "We're off to see the Vampire! The wonderful Vampire on a Hill! Because because because because becaaaause! Blah blah blah thing-that-rhymes-with-Hill" Her voice was perfect for this song since she sounds so much like a Munchkin. How appropeaux.

With a hop skip and a jump, DZK (that's dosuzakukin just so you know for future chapters) hurried up the very scary hill to discover their next challenge.

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Dosu: Well, there you go, another chapter is finally up! The author was pretty busy, so she apologizes for the delay.

Zaku: ISN'T THIS JUST YOUR FAVORITEST THING EVER!

Audience: No.

Zaku: Oh shut up, you weens.

Kin: A reviewer has made a fic based off of ours! Makes us feel so HONORED! As long as you know we're the original. It's not a rip-off, but if you DO see a rip-off. . . .

Dosu: Spray it with Febreze.

Zaku: Febreze always makes me feel good inside-

Kin: As it should, Zaku, as it should. MA! We're off! Keep reviewing, folks! Feedback is great! Even if it's bad feedback!

Zaku: Yeah, cuz if it's bad feedback, I can just stick a car-key up your ass and then you won't be flaming anymore because you have a car-key up your ass! Nobody can flame when they have a CAR-KEY up their ASS! HAR HAR HAR.

Dosu: . . . .uh. Yeah. Thanks for reading. See you next time.