After a quiet dinner and their hundredth viewing of the Aladdin video,
Ella, Elizabeth and Robert decided to turn in early. They tucked Ella in
together, and gazing at her sweet face, her eyes closed and fine blonde
eyelashes fluttering over rosy cheeks as she breathed sleepily, neither
parent wanted to leave. They just stood there, Robert leaning against the
doorframe, Elizabeth leaning against Robert.
Finally they decided to go at just the same moment. They changed out of their clothes and turned out all of the lights but Robert's reading lamp and got under the covers together. Robert snuggled Elizabeth close and reminded her, "Early day tomorrow,"and clicked off the light. Those words usually meant that they would try to get to sleep without further ado, but Elizabeth reached over and turned the light back on, propping herself onto her elbow to face him. "Robert," she said, "I've thought about things," she swallowed, "and I'll schedule, I mean, unless you don't want me to...." She couldn't bring herself to say any more and collapsed onto his chest to stifled her sobs. He rubbed her back for a minute until she caught her breath, lifted her head and looked at him. "I promised Ella that we'd both always be here for her. How can I break that promise?" she asked querulously. He nodded his quiet approval, but she still didn't look totally convinced. She lay her head back down against him and he stroked her hair as she tried not to cry. "There's no right decision here," he said in a low voice. "There's only what we need to do. Not what we want. Know that I don't want this," his voice cracked, "but that I accept it. We have to."
Hearing how hard it was for him too, Elizabeth sighed, relieved a little to know that she was not facing this pain alone. Robert slid down on the bed to face her, to stroke her face and kiss her. "I'll be with you," he promised.
***
Two days later, in a private room, Elizabeth shivered in a hospital gown while Robert sat next to her on the bed with his arm around her. After a knock, Jan Collins came in with a portable ultrasound. She frowned and explained, "I just need to know how far along you are, to be absolutely sure that this is the right way to go." Robert had slid off of the bed and stood beside Elizabeth, who had not even acknowledged her doctor except that she had started to cry silent, slow tears. She pulled her legs onto the bed and pulled aside the gown. Robert looked away until he started to hear the beeps of the machine which despite himself drew his gaze. Elizabeth, too, with a doctor's or a mother's reflex, had turned her eyes to the screen. "Oh my god," she gasped. Jan quickly switched it off. "It looks like you're further along than we thought." she said, "We're going to have to change our approach," she added. "Maybe you need a minute."
Elizabeth was gulping in irregular breaths, practically hyperventilating. Robert waved Jan away as he moved back onto the bed to comfort her. When they were alone, neither could find words. Until finally Elizabeth started, "How could I not know? But then..." She trailed off. He swallowed loudly.
Elizabeth made a motion as if to reach for something, and completing the gesture Robert grabbed the ultrasound from the counter. "Are you sure?" he asked. But he knew that neither could resist. She held the little monitor and turned it on while he moved the sensor to the spot where Jan had been holding it. Suddenly the little screen was filled with a tiny body, a boy. Elizabeth grabbed Robert's shoulder. He just held himself steady, breathing a little quickened. After a minute, he moved away the sensor, laid it on the sheet, and took the screen from Elizabeth's trembling hands.
"Oh......" she faltered.
When Jan came back in, Elizabeth was lying in Robert's arms, and they were quietly staring into each other's eyes. "Any thoughts?" Jan asked.
"Well,"Robert began, "we all know that a surgical alternative is about as risky for her as the pregnancy, so....." He sighed hard. "I guess we're going home."
Finally they decided to go at just the same moment. They changed out of their clothes and turned out all of the lights but Robert's reading lamp and got under the covers together. Robert snuggled Elizabeth close and reminded her, "Early day tomorrow,"and clicked off the light. Those words usually meant that they would try to get to sleep without further ado, but Elizabeth reached over and turned the light back on, propping herself onto her elbow to face him. "Robert," she said, "I've thought about things," she swallowed, "and I'll schedule, I mean, unless you don't want me to...." She couldn't bring herself to say any more and collapsed onto his chest to stifled her sobs. He rubbed her back for a minute until she caught her breath, lifted her head and looked at him. "I promised Ella that we'd both always be here for her. How can I break that promise?" she asked querulously. He nodded his quiet approval, but she still didn't look totally convinced. She lay her head back down against him and he stroked her hair as she tried not to cry. "There's no right decision here," he said in a low voice. "There's only what we need to do. Not what we want. Know that I don't want this," his voice cracked, "but that I accept it. We have to."
Hearing how hard it was for him too, Elizabeth sighed, relieved a little to know that she was not facing this pain alone. Robert slid down on the bed to face her, to stroke her face and kiss her. "I'll be with you," he promised.
***
Two days later, in a private room, Elizabeth shivered in a hospital gown while Robert sat next to her on the bed with his arm around her. After a knock, Jan Collins came in with a portable ultrasound. She frowned and explained, "I just need to know how far along you are, to be absolutely sure that this is the right way to go." Robert had slid off of the bed and stood beside Elizabeth, who had not even acknowledged her doctor except that she had started to cry silent, slow tears. She pulled her legs onto the bed and pulled aside the gown. Robert looked away until he started to hear the beeps of the machine which despite himself drew his gaze. Elizabeth, too, with a doctor's or a mother's reflex, had turned her eyes to the screen. "Oh my god," she gasped. Jan quickly switched it off. "It looks like you're further along than we thought." she said, "We're going to have to change our approach," she added. "Maybe you need a minute."
Elizabeth was gulping in irregular breaths, practically hyperventilating. Robert waved Jan away as he moved back onto the bed to comfort her. When they were alone, neither could find words. Until finally Elizabeth started, "How could I not know? But then..." She trailed off. He swallowed loudly.
Elizabeth made a motion as if to reach for something, and completing the gesture Robert grabbed the ultrasound from the counter. "Are you sure?" he asked. But he knew that neither could resist. She held the little monitor and turned it on while he moved the sensor to the spot where Jan had been holding it. Suddenly the little screen was filled with a tiny body, a boy. Elizabeth grabbed Robert's shoulder. He just held himself steady, breathing a little quickened. After a minute, he moved away the sensor, laid it on the sheet, and took the screen from Elizabeth's trembling hands.
"Oh......" she faltered.
When Jan came back in, Elizabeth was lying in Robert's arms, and they were quietly staring into each other's eyes. "Any thoughts?" Jan asked.
"Well,"Robert began, "we all know that a surgical alternative is about as risky for her as the pregnancy, so....." He sighed hard. "I guess we're going home."