Drowning: Chapter 3

Crying for Help

Pairings: none

Quatre's POV

Warnings: none

Notes: I wrote the last chapter while I was uber tired, so here are some clarifications. I like Quatre to be called Cat. I tried Quat for a while but I think it just looks funny. Also in the last chapter he was having many flashbacks/moments of insanity all in a row and he felt that they were coming on too soon. This story takes place after Endless Waltz. Sorry about the confusion friends. Now! On with the show!...er story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing (but my Gundam Wing DVDs just came in! Yay! So I do own those.)

"It seems as though for every ten people who are enjoying peace and hoping that it will last, there is always one who wants to perpetuate the fighting and killing. Who could want to go on living in fear and pain?" Relena sighs, sipping delicately at her tiny cup of coffee.

"Sadists," I reply helpfully.

"Ha, ha. Very funny. I'm being serious here! I don't believe that people truly want to go on fighting. I guess I just don't understand people who like to fight. Everyday, even with "peace" established, I receive more news about this uprising, or this random killing. Maybe Dorothy was right. Maybe man's natural instinct is to battle."

I smiled inwardly. We go through this every time I see her. She spouts her ideals about peace and I reassure her. It's like a ritual any more. We even eat at the same little hole-in-the-wall restaurant and she orders the same thing every time. I really should get her to be more adventurous with Middle Eastern cuisine. There's more to it than just kabsa and pita bread with hommus. Wonder if I can trick her into eating some mubassal. 1

"You know you don't believe that. Peace is something that can be achieved. It's just going to take time," and a miracle I think to myself.

"I'm probably boring you with all this, though. You have so much on your plate already."

Ah, Relena, the former Queen of the World and present Queen of Understatement.

"I don't mind. Everyone needs someone to vent to. Besides it gives me an excuse to get out of my office for an afternoon." I smile at her and she gives me a gracious smile back. "But you know," I can't help but add,"People will never have true peace until either everyone evolves or dies."

She looks at me for a moment trying to decide if I am being serious or not. She finally comes to the conclusion that she can't tell. Ah, the joy of Relena baiting. It's even more fun than teasing my sisters because she doesn't know me well enough to tell when I'm kidding.

"I'm kidding," I finally say with a chuckle.

"Oh! Of course…" She looks relieved.

But am I really kidding? I mean, I don't see absolute peace being achieved any other way. There would be peace if there were no longer any more people left to cause disputes obviously, and there would be peace if everyone could have empathy for one another…oh Allah! Not now…not here…not in front of Relena…

Shusch…shusch…I'm in the desert, only it's no desert I've ever seen. There's just the sand and space. No air, no wind. That's strange. It takes wind to move sand, doesn't it? I can hear them whispering…the gentle souls…the vengeful souls…they're all around me. They're all in my mind.

There are lights on the horizon. They look like stars at first, but I can see them moving. No. I can sense them moving. They're getting closer. Little flecks of star paint. Where did they come from, where are they going? They're drawn to me. I know they are. Flecks of star paint to a flame.

I'm hot and cold all at once. The heat comes from space. Who knew the desert could be so cold? My feet are numb. My head is burning. Am I sick? I must be sick. Where is my father? Or my sisters? I wish they were here in the black desert with me. They would know what to do. They would know what to do for feet numbed by black ice and a head filled with smoldering star embers.

But they're not here. Only…only he's here! Tell him to get away! Get away from me! He'll hurt me! He'll hurt me again with needles filled with chemicals…ones that leave bright blue track marks up and down my arms. They'll burn me! They'll burn! And I'll be back in the white room with only the songs of faceless voices and the eternity of rushing blood pounding in my ears…

The bright flecks are over my head now. They aren't hard and cold like stars. Oh, no. They're quite wondrous. So soft and warm. They make me weep…

"Si tu aimes une fleur qui se trouve dans une etoile, c'est doux, la nuit, de regarder le ciel. Toutes les etoiles sont fleuries." 2

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My head hurts. That's about all I can get out at the moment.

There are blurry shapes above me…flowers… and I think I'm going to throw up. No, scratch that. I am going to throw up.

My sister Helima is holding onto my shoulders as I empty the contents of my stomach into the waste basket placed conveniently beside my bed. I don't know how I got home. Come to think of it, I'm not all that clear on what just happened at all. The last thing I remember was talking to…oh Allah. Please tell me Relena did not just see me throw up.

Crap.

"Are you alright Quatre?" she says, peering down at me, concern sparkling in her eyes.

"Mggghhh," I reply intelligently and promptly return to discovering the most intimate details of my trash can turned toilet bowl.

"I'm going to go call Irea. Relena, could you stay here with him and make sure he doesn't…um…pass out and, well, drown?" Helima snickers as she heads to the door.

How my sisters can always find humor at my expense truly amazes me.

Relena nervously sits down on my bed, toying with the hem of her skirt and worrying her lower lip. She finally manages to cast a brief glance in my direction before going back to staring resolutely at the floor.

I wonder abstractly at that moment if I threw up a little on the bed. Probably. She's probably sitting…ew. Shut up Cat. Don't go there.

"How are you feeling? Would you like some water?" She's still not looking at me. Her voice is quiet.

"If you don't mind…" I manage to croak out.

I hear running water from the bathroom down the hall and soon Relena returns with the toothpaste incrusted plastic cup that has lived in our bathroom since before I was born. I didn't have the strength or heart to ask her to go all the way downstairs to get me a real glass. It still amuses me that in a house, well mansion really, as large as my ancestral home the three bathroom per home limit was observed. It certainly made mornings in a family of twenty-nine girls very interesting.

After managing a few swallows past my dry throat I'm ready for some answers.

"How did I get back here? I mean, what happened?"

Relena looks surprised. "I was hoping you could tell me. You just got this bad look in your eyes. Like you were going to pass out. Then you started shaking badly. You…I didn't know what to do. You really scared me. You fell out of your chair. It…I…God Quatre! I thought you were dying, you know?"

There are tears in her eyes. She keeps blinking frantically to keep them back.

"Relena," I don't know why I'm whispering. Don't want to break the mood, I guess. "I'm okay now. Don't worry anymore. I'm fine, okay? Oh, hey now, don't cry. Don't cry Relena. I'm fine. I'm fine." I'm holding her and she's trembling. All the while as I'm saying this my heart is hurting and I can't help but think, I'm not fine. I'm not fine at all. I wonder where Heero is. He usually comes with Relena on these trips. I wonder why he didn't come this time. I really miss him. I wish he was here right now, here to comfort Relena instead of me because right now I don't think my empathy can handle both our pain.

"Where is he?" It's more breath than whisper, but she hears it.

"Who?" She sniffles, lifting her head up.

"Where's Heero. And Duo and Trowa and Wufei. Relena…I'm not fine. I think…no…I know there's something wrong with me. I need help 'Lena. I need help and I need them to be here with me! I need help…I need help…"

I'm crying. With heaving sighing sobs. The ugly kind of crying that doesn't stop until exhaustion wins out. I can't tell anymore who's more upset. We're both crying. Just sitting on my rumbled bed in my boxer-strewn room and sobbing into each others' shoulders. I want my sisters. I want my brothers. I need my father…

Well, there's chapter 3. How did people like it?

Big thanks to Mlaine and Bibliomaniac for reviewing the last chapter. If I could pay you for the joy your reviews gave me, I would. But alas, I am but a poor student.

-NostalgieMalaak

1 kabsa is a classic Arabic dish of meat and rice; hommus is a dip made of pureed chickpeas; mubassal are onion pancakes

2 "If you love a flower who lives on a star, it's pleasant, at night, to look at the sky. All the stars are in bloom." From Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.