Drowning: Chapter 5
Visions of Angels and Death
Pairings: 1xR, 2xH
Quatre's POV
Warnings: language, experimentation on children, dying children
If any of this bothers you I would ask you not to read this chapter because it is very dark. Don't worry, it won't affect your understanding of the story much if you skip it. If you do read it and are offended, I'm terribly sorry. You've been officially warned.
Notes: Ooh, ok. I messed up on writing the pairings up above last chapter. The way they're written now is how they're supposed to be. Sorry about that.
Also I can feel this fic heading in a direction I didn't think it would take, but oh well. I've been kicking this idea around for a while now and it seems like it's calling to this story. Hold on folks 'cause the ride has just begun!
Disclaimer: I still don't own them.
Today has been a strange day. Nothing seems real, but at the same time everything is too real. I keep vacillating between super awareness and this dream-like state. The edges of my vision keep getting foggy, like when my goggles get rimmed with sweat. I think I must have rubbed my eyelids off by now trying to clear my eyes.
As frightening as this is it's even creepier when the moments of clarity come over me. Every detail, every sound, smell, gesture, emotion, thought comes through with painful, piercing precision.
The other guys have been a great help. When they aren't smothering me, that is. I love the fact that they're here for me, but really. I have twenty-nine older sisters. I've been babied enough to last me several lifetimes. I'm not going to break…I feel like I'm drowning…and I don't need them to be so overprotective with me.
I'm cranky. I know I am. Maybe it's from not sleeping; waking up several times a night soaked in sweat, the sounds of screams in my ears. Duo tells me they're my own, but they always sound like they're coming from far away. I don't scream. I'm a Gundam pilot and a man and I don't scream. I yell loudly.
And why won't Relena and Heero just touch each other for the love of Allah! We've been sitting here for close to an hour and they pretend like they don't even notice each other! They're attracted to each other. Very attracted. It's annoyingly obvious. Just take her hand, or touch her leg! She's sitting right there!
I need to calm down. Why can't I control anything today? My empathy is all messed up. It's digging into my mind like a splinter that I can't work out. I can't…I can't stand this!
Calm. Be calm. There's something calming me. It's pure and sweet like a rich balm over my mind. It's Wufei. Steady as a rock. He's touching my hand discretely with only his index finger but it's enough. I'm grounded. I'm calm.
Duo's talking. Just small talk. Asking Relena how her job is going. Inquiring about Trowa's life at the circus.
Trowa is standing apart from the others, seemingly detached but I know he's fully engaged. Wufei is sitting next to me. He hasn't said anything to me or the others yet, but he seems more at peace. Especially after I hugged him this morning and invited him to join us in the sitting room. I think joining the Preventers has done him a world of good. He's still carrying the guilt but behind that is the calm and wisdom of the scholar I know him to be.
The hostility is slowly creeping back on me. It's like a slow tingle starting at the base of my skull. I don't think even Wufei's calm is enough to stop it. Who is it coming from? Is it my own? I'm so confused and I don't like to be confused! My head is hurting and why won't these people just shut up?! I want them to leave. Now. Just say it! Get out of my house! Get out! Get out! GET OUT OF MY MIND!
The walls are so white. They hurt my eyes. My eyes hurt and I'm scared. I can't remember something…something important. I remember home. It's all fuzzy in my head though. I can't…! No wait, there it is. Papa's face. Strong and warm and tired. What is it? What could it be? Oh. Oh, no…
I can't remember my name.
There's a black mark on my shoulder, but I don't think it's my name. I don't know what it is. Even if I make my neck hurt to look it's still upside-down. I'm scared. Where's papa? He could tell me my name…
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I want them to leave me alone! Leave me alone! Leave me alone…they can't find me here…I'm in the floaty place and they can't catch me here…
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My finger hurts. I can't stop. I won't stop. They can't make me. I remember it now. I remember. Quatre. Quatre. Quatre. My name is Quatre.
My blood is all over the walls, the white bright light walls…I won't forget now…now that my name is everywhere around me…my red bed fed wed bled dead blood…Quatre Quatre Quatre. It's so pretty in red.
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"Quatre? Quatre? Oh my God! Are you all right?"
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I'm alone. I'm always alone. I wish someone would hold me. I'm sleepy. The blue stuff makes me feel icky and sleepy. My tummy hurts.
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I can see the others through the walls. They're little and pale like me. They look like sick black blobs. They hurt too. I wish they would stop hurting. They make me hurt. I hurt. I hurt. Please stop. You're hurting me. What's that? They hurt you too? They hurt me all the time, but I never see them. I go to sleep and when I wake up there's blue all under my skin and it makes me sick.
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You're dying. I can tell. Some of you have already died. The black just runs away like ink. And there's nothing left of the ones that die. You'll be just like that. You'll just be ink floating away. I'll be with you when you go though. I'm always there to feel you. I'll feel you die and I'll wish that it was me that was ink all going away.
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"Get him into bed!"
"Why isn't his sister here yet?"
"God, which one?"
"The doctor! Jesus! How can you…"
"Why is he shaking like that?"
"He looks like he's dying."
"Don't say that! Don't fucking say that! Just shut the hell up!"
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I've been here for minutes. I've been here for years. I can't remember anything before this. Before white walls and dead children. There was red on the walls once. It isn't there anymore.
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"What's that mark on his back?""What mark?"
"The one right there on his shoulder. That's strange. I've never notice it before. It looks like a…well, I dunno."
"I've seen that before somewhere. I'm not sure what it means though."
"It's called a sigil. It's the sigil of the archangel Azrael." 1
"Irea! Thank God you're here. Cat isn't doing so good."
"It's his empathy isn't it?"
"How did you know?"
"Sit down. I think you all need to hear this."
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"Remember friend, as you pass by.
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon shall be.
So, prepare for death, and follow me." 2
"Follow me, little children. You're suffering is now done. I'll lead you to God."
They burn the ones that don't please them. The men in white take the sick ones away. They lock them in a little metal room where they're so scared and alone and they burn them. I feel them die. They don't die like the others. They just float away like ashes. They scream in my mind.
… Father took me by the hand and led me to God…
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They're dying! They're dying! Stop! Oh, please stop! They're cramming them all in together and they're all screaming!
Why won't someone help them? I can't help them. Oh please, someone! I can't get out! Let me out, let me out, let me out letmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeout…
LET ME OUT OF MY MIND! They're dying! They're dying, I'm dying, I'm burning, oh Allah I'm burning, I'm burning…
to be continued...
Thank you all of you who decided to go ahead and read this chapter. Thanks as always to my loyal reviewers. Next chapter Irea will (hopefully) be able to explain some things.
-NostalgieMalaak
1 to find a color picture of this (Cat's tattoo is black) look up angelic symbols on google and look at the first site that comes up. I've tried several times to put in the address, but this system doesn't seem to want to let me. Anyway...just if you're curious.
2 this is a poem I found about Azrael (the Islamic angel of death)