Chapter Four

In Which the Marauders Become Peeping Toms

LadyLindselot

September flew by in a flurry of adjustments, pranks, and detentions. Soon the leaves shifted from fresh green to vibrant crimson, gold, and orange, and finally into dead, dull brown. Now they fell off the trees when the wind blew ever so slightly or when the cold October drizzle battered them down. The trees became naked and all their glory lost. Even the Whomping Willow in the school grounds was stripped of its cutting razor-like leaves.

It was on a late October Sunday afternoon that the marauders hatched a rather kinky plan.

The boys' seventh year dormitory was wide-awake but rather bored. Occasionally blasts from behind Sirius's bed curtain suggested he was conjuring flies and shooting them down with his wand. The sound of shifting paper and turning pages came from Remus's bed where he was finishing some last minute charms assignment. The flutter of small wings that permeated the thick red curtain of James's bed only meant that he was tossing the golden snitch in the air. Lastly, the sound of shuffling and moving cards made it sound as if Peter was play that ridiculous game he called 'solitaire.'

James's mind wandered back to a month ago when he was on the train with Lily.

"Do you really think that Lily wears a thong?" Peter asked his watery eyes wide.

Remus had said that she did. He envied his friend that memory. James wished he could have seen what Remus had seen at that meeting. Another voice somewhere deep in the back of his mind piped up.

"Why not have memories like that?"

Why not, indeed? It could be quite and adventure to go into the girls' dormitory. No, better than that, Lily and Artemisia's dormitory. Then again, it could also turn into a quite a misadventure…

Without a hesitation, James whisked his bed curtains open. "Are any of you bored?"

Sirius pushed the drapes away from his face pertly. "What do you have in mind, Prongs?" He leered at his friend from his bed and almost toppled into the pile of dirty socks at the side of his bed. Regaining his balance, he fired his attention to James only.

Remus dropped his quill and looked resignedly and James. "Well…" A sock quickly muffled the rest of whatever he was about to say with sock that had little flying brooms zooming on it. A well-aimed "Accio" by Sirius decidedly lodged the sock in his mouth.

Peter was nodding his head emphatically, looking enthusiastic as usual.

"Remember that day we were on the train and Peter asked if Evans wore a thong?" James asked. All the Marauders nodded their heads to show that they concurred. "Well," he continued, "I was thinking, why not see for ourselves if Evans wears whitey-tidies or thongs?" He looked at his mates.

A grin was slowly spreading across Sirius's face. "Brilliant, that's bloody brilliant, Prongs…"

Peter was bouncing up and down like a little three year old and Remus was looking thoughtfully at James. "Is it possible to somehow drag Engledew into this, too?"

James smirked. "Of course." He winked at his friends. "I think it's time to get out my old cloak, eh, mates?"

The girl's seventh year dormitory was peaceful and quiet. Random words, snorts, tossing, and turning were the only thing to disturb it. Thick red curtains that hung around the windows and made only a meager rosy glow to penetrate the room, stifled the sun. Panties, books, parchment, stuffed animals, and quills lay strewn on the flagstone floor. The two remaining occupants of the dorm were fast asleep as the other three roommates were at breakfast. Both Artemisia and Lily were blissfully unaware of their impending humiliation.

"Dammit, Wormtail, that was my bloody foot!" Hissed Sirius, harshly. James sighed as Peter cringed and stepped on tiptoe. Maybe it was just him, but he clearly remembered his father's invisibility cloak being a bit bigger than this. Even with all the elongating charms Remus had put on the shroud last year, it was still hard to fit four, seventeen year old boys who were over six feet tall. (Well, maybe Wormtail was the exception. Sirius liked to say that he was vertically challenged.)

The marauders edged up the spiral stairs that led to a heavy wooden door with a lion knocker with its eyes closed and in its yawning mouth hung a golden chain. The lion suddenly opened his eyes, which were glowing ambers, and shook out its gold mane, not unlike its living replica that lived in the savannahs of Africa.

Suddenly it let out an earsplitting roar that echoed painfully around them. The lion snarled its very sharp canine teeth at Wormtail who was leading their procession. He yelped and ducked behind Remus.

"Bloody hell, Padfoot, shut that damn thing up!" He hollered into the other boy's ears and pushed Sirius in front of the now growling knocker. "You sneak into the girls' dormitory enough. How do you turn it off?"

"Bulla calva!"

(AN: I have no bloody idea what the bubblehead charm chant thing is. This is Latin for 'Bubble head.' Post me, if you can!)

A clear fishbowl-like covering glazed over the lion's head and muffled its wailing.

Remus gave a long low whistle. "No shit, Sherlock." Peter nodded his head emphatically.

"Damn straight," murmured James.

A quick "alohomora" did in the lock and the marauders stealthily crept inside leaving the door slightly ajar.

Artemisia's muggle, battery operated alarm clock buzzed annoyingly close to her ear. Groggily she rolled over, smashed down the off button, and yawned. There was sleep in her eyes that felt like tiny grains of sand in the corners. Her hair was mussed and her nightgown was twisted around her thighs. (AN: Get your heads out of the bloody gutter! Artemisia just woke up and tosses and turns at night, okay? Sheesh.) She gingerly smoothed out the wrinkles and slid out of bed. The dark-haired girl glanced at Lily's bed.

Her friend's heavy breathing sounded faintly from behind the heavy, gold embroidered curtains. Lily was still asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, Artemisia crept into the bathroom and clicked the door shut. With a flick of her wand, which she picked up off the counter, the put a silencing charm on the door.Sunlight poured through the slit-like windows at the far end near the two showers. A toilet was tucked in a cleverly hidden alcove in the corner and two identical sinks surrounded by a full vanity and counter of dark marble flecked with gold stood on Artemisia's left.

Artemisia stripped off her clothing and tossed them into the waiting arms of a cushioned chair beside the shower stall. She slid in, turned the water on 'Hot,' and sighed.

Lily and Artemisia's room was immaculate compared to the marauders'. Only one bed had its hangings still drawn. Three of the five beds were made, one was still mussed, and the other had someone still slept in it.

"C'mon." James hissed and beckoned the other three boys to follow him. "Look what I found!" He held up his prize. James held a red, lacey thong by the right strap.

"But that could be anyone's!" Protested Remus. "This is a dormitory for five girls; we don't know whose it is!"

"That's Adina Leptos's panties."

(AN: Adina means 'slender' and Leptos means 'delicate' in Greek.)

Remus, James, and Peter looked at Sirius questioningly. He shrugged. "It's a system. See, there's a pile of clothes at the end of each bed. Each pile belongs to a girl. So…"

"We just need to find Evans and Engledew's bed." Finished Remus. "Let's start with bed number one." He pointed to the bed with closed curtains.

"How do you know these things, Padfoot?" Inquired Peter. As if having a horrifying second thought, he interrupted Sirius before he could answer. "No, never mind, I don't want to know."

Sirius looked decidedly distraught and Remus smiled. "A wise decision, Wormtail. I do believe that you saved us from all the gore of that particular explanation."

They edged over to the red velvet bed and slowly, cautiously drew back the drapes.

Lily Evans lay there. James lovingly scrutinized Lily. Her long strawberry locks sprawled casually across her starchy white pillows. Her long eyelashes trembled and her full pink lips held a half smile.

A sharp tug from Sirius made him awake from his reverie. He was being pulled to the end of the bed, Sirius dragging him by the robe collar. "Come on, Lover Boy, we have a plan to finish."

True to Sirius's word, a pile of robes and panties galore were stowed partially under the bed and partially sprawled on the floor.

"These are nice," commented Sirius conversationally to the others. He lifted a leopard print one from what seemed like thousands of panties. "I think she would look just lovely in these." The marauder pulled out a sandwich bag and sacked the undergarment with an exaggerated flourish.

"Onward, Comrades! To the Lady Artemisia Engledew's dwelling!" Peter snickered and Remus rolled his eyes, yanked James away from Lily's bedside.

"Considering that Artemisia is a late sleeper, I do not think she is at breakfast," Remus thought aloud. The Marauders approached the sleep-mussed bed beside Lily's. A half smile curved in his lips as he surveyed a pair of silk bikinis and violet thongs and bagged them along with Lily's underwear.

"But if Engledew isn't in her bed and isn't at breakfast, then where-" James began but he was cut off as the door to the girls' lavatory opened and steam filtered out.

Artemisia jammed the faucet down and the warm blanket of water stopped abruptly. She stepped out facing the steamed shower and hummed a tune under her breath. Artemisia wrapped a warm, fuzzy towel around her and sauntered to the door. Bracing herself for the cold she clicked the door open and stepped out to meet the biting ice of the stone floor.

"Get under the bloody cloak!" Hissed Sirius. The marauders ducked beside Artemisia bed and shot under the safety of the invisibility cloak.

"Wait," Remus whispered into Sirius's left ear. "There are only three of us under the cloak. Who's missing?" He looked around.

James was spread eagle on the floor; half of him being hidden under the bed ruffles and the other half sprawled around him. Sirius was in a better condition as he was acting as guard crouching down on his haunches with Remus tucked behind him huddled next to Artemisia's bed.

Peter was nowhere to be found.

"Dammit." Sirius seethed quietly not unlike his nemesis, Severus Snape.

Remus craned his neck to see a great, gray rat with a pink nose and tail scurrying in idiotic circles squealing like crazy due to the fact that Peter's fellow marauders were nowhere in sight as they were hidden under James's cloak. "That bloody git is going to give us away!" Sirius muttered in a dangerously calm voice.

Peter seemed to get a clue because he soon streaked under Lily's bed squeaking frightfully all the way.

Meanwhile, Artemisia was scrutinizing the floorboards for the culprit responsible for making that entire squeaking racket but with no luck. She sighed and glanced at Lily's bed. "That girl sleeps through everything. She must have tried to transfigure a glass into a mouse again but only got a hairy goblet with a tail, nose and ears."

"Close, but no Chrysanthemum Cigar, babe," thought Sirius.

(A.N.: The Chrysanthemum Cigar, as mentioned above, is a creation of my imagination. It gives off different colored smoke that gives off a fresh, piney scent, rather like a Glade Plug-in, and when it burns out, the paper at the butt of it unfolds like origami into a bright, red chrysanthemum.)

Remus released his breath only to suck it back in again as his eyes drifted away from where Peter was putting on a little show in his animagi form to where Artemisia was.

Artemisia tucked some stray strands of her raven hair so they wouldn't get in her dark violet eyes as she bent over heavy trunk to pull out some slippers. She faced away from her bed but unbeknownst to her; another part of her besides her face was turned towards something, or rather, someone.

"Shit," whispered Remus.

"Damn." Sirius breathed appreciatively. "You picked a good one, Moony."

Remus blushed deeply but didn't take his eyes off the girl as she lifted a pair of blue furry slippers from her leather-strapped trunk.

Artemisia started to peel off her fluffy, white towel and lower it to the floor. She shook out her nightgown, which was now slightly wrinkled from being carelessly tossed onto a chair and being slept in.

Half of Remus wanted to keep on watching Artemisia strip. From what he could see, all that he could see for that matter were her shoulders. They were perfectly supple and smooth. Unfortunately, his guilty sides set in, and made him want to protect Artemisia's privacy, so he squeezed his eyes shut and covered Sirius's eyes firmly. Knowing his friend, Sirius wasn't having the same doubts as Remus.

He didn't surrender his grip on Sirius until he heard the shifting of sheets and the soft swish of hangings being pulled around the bed. Sirius whipped around and gave him a looked mixed with disappointment and disgruntled anger, his lips pursed in a look of four-year-old poutiness.

"Aww, come on, Moony, it was just one little peek." He whined.

"I was simply being a good friend by protecting your delicate eyes from rated R content." Remus said with amusement. He gave his friend a cheek grin.

"Spoil sport."

Remus stifled a snort as James disentangled himself from the bed curtain and regained his composure. "We've gotten what we've come for, comrades. Onwards! Let us gloat on our victory this day by a kitchen raid!" He looked about him and added as an afterthought, "Pray tell, Mr. Moony and Mr. Padfoot, where be Mr. Wormtail?"

"He transformed into a rat and almost spilled the beans to Artemisia, squeaking like a coward all the way." Remus replied in a hushed tone, nodding towards Lily's bed. "Dove under the sanctuary of Evans's bed over yonder."

Three-fourths of the marauders rose slowly at the same time and edged toward Lily's bed.

"Better let me pick up Wormtail. Lover boy over here might get a little side tracked by a certain red-head and we'll never make it out alive." Sirius whispered to the two other boys behind him. He heard Remus chuckle softly and James give a hurt snort.

Peter's long snout stuck out from under the bed duster, trembling with all his might. Sirius might have trod on it if he hadn't been watching the ground carefully. He bent down and Peter scurried into Sirius's cupped hands after squeaking his thanks. Sirius scowled down at the rat that was balled up into his palm. "You had better not do any business in there." He hissed into the rat's tattered ear.

The marauders stealthily made their way to the slightly open door at the far end of the room. They slipped out, this time with no mishap with that lousy lion that seemed to have fallen back asleep as the delicate whiskers on its nose trembled with every snore.

They crossed back the threshold to the next staircase on the right.

We're almost home! I can't believe we made it back without one of them finding us out! James thought. He was grinning non-stop, like a Cheshire cat.

Sirius quickly unlatched the door and flung open the door to the boy's dormitory with a flamboyant flourish and heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Freedom!" He disposed Peter onto the floor that instantly shifted back into the chubby, rosy-cheeked boy.

Remus stood in the doorway, looking quite bewildered. "We just went in the girls' dormitory. I almost watched Artemisia strip." He looked at Sirius who was sprawled out on his unmade bed looking at the panties inside the little sandwich baggies with interest.

He sat up and flashed Remus a boyish grin. "Today was the day Moony became a man! I was wondering when the testosterone would kick in." Sirius leapt up and crossed the distance between him and Remus in one giant bound and gave him a noogie.

James's laugh boomed behind them. "I think we should see how long it takes for Evans and Engledew to notice that someone took some samples. I wager it will take until Christmas. Ten galleons. What say you, Padfoot? Moony? You in mates?" He leaned on the door jam casually, his spectacles askew but still managing to look composed.

"I say it will be only tomorrow that they realize someone trespassed," chimed Remus who recovered from his dazed state and flopped onto his bed with a sigh.

"That late? I bet they'll notice it by dinner," offered a jovial Sirius. "Say, didn't you mention going to the kitchens, Prongs. After that lovely adventure, I am rather famished myself."

"Why not just go down to dinner, mates?" Remus asked as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Sirius looked at him wide-eyed. "You're bloody brilliant! Maybe we can see if Evans and Engledew have caught on yet."

So, the Marauders, being the starving, sexy beasts that they were, strode down to the Great Hall with other things than food in their minds. (With the exception of Sirius, of course.)