Alone Chapter 2
Disclaimer: They're not mine...damn.
A/N: Broem made me do it.
Everything has changed now and I'm not sure that how I feel about it. It all started two months ago; a little more aggression in the interrogation room, a shorter temper in general. I would have never guessed what the source of the change was and honestly, I wasn't even sure I'd heard Scarry right at first. Elliot separated? Never. His relationship with Kathy is—was—the only reason I'd still held onto the hope of ever getting married myself.
It all makes sense now: Cragen telling me not to go after Elliot a few times; his irrational mood swings; getting taken off the cult case. I'm supposed to be a friggin' detective and I totally missed the fact that my partner was hurting. How the hell could I have been so blind? Me of all people should have seen that there was something deeper going on than work. I guess on some level I knew, but I'd just assumed he'd come to me when he was ready to talk. Normally, I would have taken the time to beat it out of him, but something inside told me not to; to just let him be, that he'd come to me on his own. God, was I wrong.
It's been over a week since I accidentally found out about his separation and we still haven't had a much needed heart-to-heart. I don't want to push him, but I'm afraid if I don't soon, he'll never spill it and he'll get sloppy on the job.
The one thing that makes absolutely no sense to me is why he pushed me away. He used to come to me with his problems, not hide them from me. Hell, I can even understand why Kathy would be jealous of our relationship: I know more about him then she does. I'm the one that knows that the cases involving kids are the worst for him—and not just any kids—the ones that remind him of his own children. I know that he misses his kids from the moment he walks out the door in the morning to the moment he gets home and looks in on them sleeping. He asks me to go shopping for his wife's birthday and anniversary presents. We're so much more than partners which is what makes this all the more difficult.
He knows me completely and for some reason, I trust him implicitly with that knowledge. I know he'll never throw it in my face or use it against me. It's not even something I'd intended to happen; it's just the result of one too many missed dinners with the family and countless hours on stakeouts. Somewhere along the line, things changed and suddenly, Elliot knew me better than I know myself. He knows what's going to push me over the edge and he can keep me from tumbling over with just a look and sometimes, I hate him for it.
Elliot's the kind of guy that any woman would be lucky to have, but he's difficult to understand. He's driven and passionate about his work; that's what makes him a great cop and a lousy husband. Maybe that's why our personalities mesh so well together: we each know what makes the other tick and get out of the way when there's an explosion on the rise. We push each other's buttons with purpose and apologize for it afterward.
Now, for the first time in years, we're not on the same page and I'm wrapped up in a tailspin. He's two chapters ahead of me and I'm struggling to catch up. I'm tired of not knowing where I stand when it comes to my partner. I've had enough of wondering what the hell is going on. It's time to get some real answers out of him because if I don't know what's going on, I'm not really doing my job, am I? My partner is hurting and it's my responsibility to put a Band-Aid on it and kiss it and make it better.
That heart-to-heart I mentioned before? Way overdue. I want—hell, I need—my partner back, in whatever capacity he'll have me. If he won't make the move to talk to me, I will. He deserves that much from me; but not just because he's my partner, because he's my Elliot and he needs that from me.