Drowning: Chapter 8
Awakenings
Pairings: 1xR, 2xH, 4xOC
Quatre's POV
Warnings: swearing
/talky talky talk/ empathic/telepathic thoughts
Notes: thanks as always to my reviewers: Mlaine, you kick ass. Bibliomaniac, always an inspiration.
Side note: (My little brother looks just like Cat. When he was younger well, I should say whenever he gets bored 'cause he still does this he liked to color himself pretty colors with markers. I'm not all that sure why...I thought it was funny though so I put it in the story. Really most of the stuff I put in is from personal experience not the whole experimentation part, thank God. So if you're ever totally confuzzled about stuff in the story, there's probably a funny little anecdote behind it and I'm the only one who will get it. I think it's either funny or sad that I amuse myself so much.)
Disclaimer: don't own
Here we are. Can you see us? Can you hear us? We can see you. We can hear everything.
There we were. Could you see us? Could you hear us? We couldn't see anything. We could hear only suffering.
Where will we go? Can you help us? Can you tell us? We're lost and afraid. We need your love.
"Hush now, my baby
Be still, love, don't cry
Sleep as you're rocked by the stream
Sleep and remember
My last lullaby
So I'll be with you when you dream" 1
Quaaaatre...Quaaaatre...where are you love?
Where are you? I can't find you!
Quatre...I'm right here little one. I've always been with you...
Wait! Where are you? I can't find you. Wait! Mother! Mother! Please! Don't leave me...
Quaaaatre...Quaaaatre...
"Quatre!"
"Mother!"
It was a dream. It wasn't real. Where am I? There are tears on my cheeks. Someone is gripping my shoulder. Someone is speaking but there's a rushing sound in my ears and I can't hear them!
"What? What? I can't...! Wait!"
"Quatre," It's Relena. She's here with me.
"Quatre, how are you feeling?" She's concerned and worried. Not a good sign. Relena tends to get as overprotective as my sisters when she's like this.
"Strange. I...I had a very strange dream...episode, whatever," I say nervously, running a shaky hand through my hair.
"You were calling out to someone in your sleep. What does 'Um' mean?" she asks quietly. 2
"Never mind," I don't know why I don't tell her. It's not like it makes sense anyway. I never had a mother anyway.
"What time is it?"
"It's a little after three AM. You should try to get some sleep."
"Oh, Allah, Relena. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to wake you..."
"It's ok. I wasn't asleep anyway," she looks sad and worn out.
"What's the matter 'Lena? Is something troubling you?" I'm not really sure I want to know, but I've never been able to say no to anyone in need.
"Well...it's nothing. Well, ok. It's not nothing. God! Why are men so fucking stupid?!" She shoots a contrite look in my direction as if to say 'no offense or anything'.
"Heero problems?" I ask, managing to look sincere. By Allah am I tired of hearing about boy problems. Why every female I have ever known feels like I'm the perfect person to vent their man troubles with is beyond me.
"He tries. I know he does. It's just...it's not enough! I don't want to be the one who carries the entire relationship! I mean, doesn't he want to be with me? I love him and he...he treats it like it's no big deal!" She's so upset by now she's pacing back and forth in front of me. It's strange but it seems like the most logical thing in the world to be having a conversation about relationships at three in the morning. Early morning does that. Makes every conversation seem like the most profound thing ever uttered by human lips.
"Relena, calm down. He does love you. I know he does. You know he does. It's just hard for him. He's not used to expressing his feelings. This is all really new to him, you know? Besides, you're only sixteen. You both have plenty of time to develop a deep relationship. Just take things slow. He might just be overwhelmed right now and the only way he knows how to deal with it is to draw back into himself."
"Ya...you're right. You're such a good friend Quatre. I know we don't see each other all that often but when we do you always make me feel better. Thank you," she says, giving me a brief hug and a small smile.
"Any time," Hmmm...that's why they all come to me. Way to go, pushover.
"You need to talk about anything? Besides everything that's going on with you right now? Not that I don't want to hear about that...but...really I don't want to hear about it," she giggles a little. I can tell she's blushing even though the only light on in my room is the small reading lamp over my bed. Finally! Someone else who understands! It's not enough that I can't go out in direct sunlight without turning into a lobster, but to turn beet red every time I get even the tiniest bit embarrassed?
"I'm ok now. I'm sorry, again, for waking you."
"It's fine. Thanks for the talk. I'll see you tomorrow, k?" she says softly as she leaves my room, closing the door behind her.
It takes me a long time to get back to sleep, even though I was incredibly tired from all the nightmares. I can't even tell anymore when I'm having a nightmare or an episode. They both feel so much alike. I finally sleep a little in the early morning.
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It's been almost four hours and no episodes. I'm almost jittery with relief. This morning I was able to sit down with my family and eat breakfast and hold a pleasant conversation with them.
After breakfast Qamra decided to the park this afternoon to see the outdoor art show. Khalida plunked herself down in front of the tv in our main living room and proceeded to have a twenty four hour Casablanca-thon. Samirah watched for a while, got bored, and decided a little Wufei stalking was in order. The others took some of the guys on a site seeing trip around the colony. Isra called. We talked. Brother-sister stuff. She's coming home in a few days. I love it when she's here. She's definitely my coolest sister. Mostly because she sneaks me into clubs late at night then we spend the rest of the night talking. I can talk about anything with her and she never thinks I'm stupid or too childish. I can't wait until she gets here.
Maybe I'll go to Mosque today. I haven't been in a while, ever since the episodes started getting worse. Today I'm feeling really good though. I really miss going. For a while during I tried so hard not to believe in God. After all, how could an all-merciful, all-compassionate God let such evil in the world? In the end though, I realized that I could never give up on my beliefs. I guess that's what it means to have faith. Maybe it's because it reminds me of my dad. We went to Mosque together every Friday. It was our time to be together. Just the two of us.
Trowa's still here. Maybe I could do something with him. Say my afternoon prayer here and then hang out with him. Actually, come to think of it, I really want to get out of the house. Relena and Heero must have come to some sort of understanding because they're...well...let's just say it isn't very comfortable to be an empath right now.
I'll go find Trowa and we'll go outside and play football or something for a while. 3 That'll be fun. Now where could he...oh no. Shit. I thought I was ok...I thought...
Space is crashing upon itself, like oil waves and white foamy stars. I'm drifting rising up and down with the swells. Planets like great bulbous predators drift through the expanse, crunching up small bits of meteors with massive gaping jaws. They're all around me, near me, waiting. Waiting to swallow me up.
I'm trying to swim but I'm so tired. My arms ache. There's neon blue streaks in my arms, rivulets of plasmid tears. They can't escape the confines of my too-pale skin; they drag me down.
My head feels like it's full of cotton. I can't breathe. I can't breathe! I won't let it in. I won't let the black waters in, but it hurts so much. They're like snakes in my arms! Writhing around and pulling me down. I want them out! Get out of me. Get out!
Tear at them. Tear with teeth and claws. Animals don't feel for others. I don't want to feel for others. They put blue acid snakes in me and let the black waters come in all around me and I'll claw them out! I'll bite them! My teeth are full of blood. My mouth is full of bone. There's muscle stuck between my teeth. When I close my jaw it crunches on plasmid snakes and pure white bone. My bones. I've torn them out in shards with my teeth! I don't care. I feel nothing. I feel nothing! I feel NOTHING!
I come to in a haze of pain. Trowa is holding me and screaming. There's blood everywhere.
Oh God.
I've torn my arms open.
My sisters are coming. They have stricken looks in their faces and fear cramped in their stomachs. I want to tell them that I'm ok. I got them out I want to say. I didn't drown.
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I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's just a phone call. I make phone calls all the time. Most of my day is spent talking to people over the vid-phone. Yep. I am the king of calling. Then why can't I do this?!
Deep breaths. Maybe I shouldn't do this now. It can wait.
I look down at my arms. They're covered in bandages. It wasn't as bad as it had looked. One can only scratch so deep. It had taken an hour to clean the blood out from under my fingernails.
I must do this. I can do this. I can. I can.
I...oh Allah. Look at her.
"Hello?" she says politely.
She's polite! Yes! She's lovely and polite! Oh, Allah. She's not just lovely. She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Ever. She has long wavy red hair. Red like rubies, like red leaves in fall...like...like...and her eyes! They seem to look right into my soul. Such a clear beautiful green. Her dainty little mouth is turned up in a slight smile...her eyebrows look so soft...
I've never felt this way before.
Oh Allah! What the hell am I doing? Say something. Say something idiot! Oh shit. Why am I still not saying anything? SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING!
"Ummm...." O...My...Fucking....GOD. You are THE BIGGEST MORON EVER!!!!!
Say something else! It's not too late! She hasn't hung up yet. Go. Say: my name is Quatre. Say it. It's not hard. Quatre. Quatre.
"Quatre."
"What?" Great. Now she's looking at me like I'm crazy. "Can I help you with something?"
"Ya. I mean...um...ya. I'm uh. I'm uh..." uh oh, that can't be good...
"I'm Quatre," finally you dumbshit, "Quatre Raberba Winner."
"Oh...oh!" her eyes go big when she recognizes the name. She looks absolutely adorable that way...
"...honored to have you call me." Shit! I missed something! I missed the first part. Jesus Winner, get it together!
"What can I do for you Mr. Winner?" she's very professional now...I bet she's really smart. Beautiful and smart...
"Please, call me Quatre, or Cat...my friends all call me Cat and I know we've just met but it's still cool for you to call me Cat and all that..." If there is a god, I wish he would have mercy on me and end my miserable little existence right now.
"Alright then. Cat it is." She didn't even seem to mind that I'm retarded. And she called me Cat! Cat, cat, cat. I love the way she says it. Cat...
"You're Sara A'Mal?" Finally a non-stupid question.
"Yes, that's right."
"Ms. A'Mal..."
"Sara. I mean, Sara's fine Mr. Win...Cat," She's turning red just a little at the tips of her ears. She tucks her long hair behind her ears in a nervous gesture.
"Sara. I'm calling you because...because I need your help. At least, I hope you can help me," I say. She looks stunned and composed all at the same time.
"I'll do everything I can to help, but I don't understand. Why me? You're heir to one of the wealthiest and most influential families there is! How could I possibly help you?"
"Because we're not as different as you think we are. Because you're an empath. And I know this because you were a child of Azrael."
She's so shocked she looks like she might pass out. Her face is completely drained of color. I wish I could help her, but I'm too far away! Why didn't I go to her in person...
"You were there," she says so quietly I would have missed had I not been looking right at her and read her lips.
"Yes."
"I remember you," she says, this time a little louder, "You stayed with the dying ones...you stayed with them until they passed..."
"Can you help me?" I whisper. I didn't mean for it to happen, but somehow a little desperation crept into my voice.
"You're in pain now...can't control it. You lost your anchor somehow," She's staring far back into my eyes now. I wonder if this is what I look like when I look at people, when I really see them.
/You I feel like you're I'm drowning/
"Yes."
"I'll be there as soon as I can."
Well there's chapter 8. Yepper depper.
-NostalgieMalaak
1 from The Prince of Egypt "Deliver Us"
2 "Um" means mother in Arabic
3 European football aka soccer