She called me the other day and invited me to lunch. That woman has some set of balls on her, that's for sure. She ended the conversation that day with, "Don't tell Elliot." I'm not sure why it matters anyway; we haven't spent more than two hours together since we decided to separate six weeks ago, but I kept my mouth shut and met her at the diner down the street from the precinct.
She walked through the door and smiled at the waitress behind the counter, then looked around until she spotted me in the corner booth. I nodded slightly when she finally made eye contact.
I couldn't help but notice how much she'd changed since I last saw her. I'm pretty sure she's the only woman I know that has actually gotten more beautiful with age, and I hate her for it. Her hair had grown a bit, and it's a beautiful auburn shade. She changed her make-up and is wearing a touch of jewelry now. Even the soft lines around her eyes make her seem mature and learned instead of old and haggard.
She started speaking, and I was suddenly shaken from my thoughts. "Thanks for coming. I wasn't sure I'd be able to convince you to meet me."
"To be honest, I'm not sure why I accepted," I explained.
She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by a waitress wearing a nametag that read "Wendy".
"What I can get for you today, ladies? You want the usual, Detective?"
"That would be great."
"And for you?"
"Whatever she's having," I responded. I couldn't be bothered with the menu right now.
"Sure. Gimme fifteen minutes." With that, Wendy went off toward the kitchen.
"So, you were going to say something before we were interrupted..."
"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about Elliot. And before you tell me it's none of my business, it is. He's my partner and I can't watch out for him when he refuses to watch out for himself."
"What are you talking about, Olivia?"
""He's detached and depressed, Kathy. He hasn't been himself for weeks now, and it's not getting better."
"There's nothing you can do about it. We've made our decision. He made his decision," I explained to her.
"I don't understand. What choice did he make?" She asked me. Is she kidding? Does she really not know?
"I gave him a choice—the job or his marriage. Obviously, you know which one he chose." I told her bitterly. Just saying it left a bad taste in my mouth.
"It wasn't a fair decision for him to have to make, Kath. He doesn't know how to be anything but a cop. It's part of who he is. You know that as well as I do."
I shook my head. God, they sounded like carbon copies of each other.
"What?" She asked.
"He said the exact same thing."
"It's true. He doesn't lie to anyone, especially you and the kids."
I hit a nerve. I guess what I've heard about is true: partners are like blood. Especially since she went to bat for him.
Wendy returned with our order: two Cobb salads and Diet Pepsis.
"Thank you," Olivia said. I smiled at the waitress for a moment, then turned my attention back to the woman in front of me.
"Why did you bring me here, Olivia? Just tell me what you really want to say."
She almost choked on the bite of salad she was chewing on.
"I'm worried about him, Kathy. And you should be too. I don't know what happened between the two of you, and I don't really care. What I do know is that I cannot watch my partner and best friend hurt and do nothing about it. And it's beyond me how the woman that he has loved for more than twenty years can sit here and tell me 'it's not her problem anymore'. If you don't love him anymore, fine. But don't let him go over the job he loves. And, for the love of God, work out a better arrangement with the kids. They are his life, and I think that I'm not far off when I say they need him almost as much as he needs them."
I sat there for a few moments and stared at my salad.
"You know, for a detective, you are pretty blind when it comes to certain things," I paused for a moment to finish conjuring up the courage I needed to tell her the rest. "Olivia, it's not that I don't love Elliot anymore. He's not in love with me."
"That's ridiculous! I've seen him these past few weeks. He's hurting like crazy because he loves you. He misses you being at home every night when he finally gets home waiting for him."
I let out a small laugh and shake my head at her. "You've got it all wrong; and right at the same time. You're right in that he misses someone being at home when he gets there, but he couldn't give a damn if it were me. He misses the kids more than he'll ever miss me, but when he chose the job over his marriage, he just cemented the theory I'd had before that night: he loves the job and with that job comes you. When I told him to choose, the first thing he said was, 'I can't do that to Olivia,' not 'I love my job too much'. It was you he thought of first. With him, it's always you."
I could tell that what I just told her was the last thing she'd ever thought she'd hear. I could see her eyes beginning to water at the thought of breaking up her partner's marriage and for some reason, I felt sorry for her. God help me, I should hate this woman and I took pity on her. Before I could get out my next thought, she started talking.
"Kathy, you have to believe me when I say that Elliot has been nothing but faithful to you; that we've been nothing but faithful to you. I know that we've never been the best of friends, but I need you to believe me when I say that I would never do something like that to you...or your kids. Never."
"Olivia, Elliot told me that there was nothing going on between you two, and I believe that he told me the truth. But you have to understand that what I just told you is quite possibly the most difficult thing I've ever had to say. You have no idea how hard it is to admit to someone else that your husband is in love with another woman and by God, I hope you never have to do it. The two of you are so blind, so fucking blind sometimes it make me sick.
"Don't you think I've noticed how he calls you at night just to make sure you're home alright? Or how he is always so proud to tell me when you made the collar or the connection that broke open the case? When the psycho was after you, do you know how many times I tried to convince him that you were a grown woman and could handle yourself and that he didn't need to baby-sit you? I've known for a long time that I'd lost him, but I wasn't ready to let him go. The time has come for both of us to move on, in whatever direction fate might take us. I'm ready for the change and he's been for a long time. It sucks that I had to be the one to take the plunge, but it had to be done. We can't hold to on the memories anymore. It's time for both of us to make new ones, with those we love now and will come to love."
When I finished talking, I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I couldn't hold in the hurt that I felt sitting there across from the woman my husband loved. Just the fact that she invited me here today to talk about him confirms just how deep that love is. She put herself on the line for him in the every way she could, and I loved her and hated her for it.
I opened my purse and threw a few bills on the table. I couldn't be there anymore. I reached across the table and grabbed her hand tightly. I stared into her tear-filled eyes for a moment before telling her what I came here to say. "Promise me you'll love him as much he loves you; in whatever capacity he needs you. Take care of him for me, Olivia."
The tears started rolling down her cheeks despite her best efforts to hold them in. "I will, Kathy."
I released her hand and got up from my seat. Before I left the café, I glanced back at the table and saw that she was sitting with her head in her hands, crying. I smiled sadly at the woman I'd just given my husband to and walked out into the crisp New York air. We both needed a good cry after this conversation. Now was as good a time as any.