Drowning: Chapter 16
Fears, Friendship, and Vanilla Ice Cream
Pairings: 4xOC, 1xR, 2xH
Quatre's POV
Warnings: swearing, kissing (het.)
Notes: Thanks to those of you who are sticking with this story, I'm so sorry it's taken so long to get this update out! Also, thanks to all of you who review! I really appreciate the feedback.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but this story is mine. Oh yes, this story is mine.
They say that the road to recovery is often long and hard. They also say that the best cure for an illness is chicken soup. Hell, they say a lot of things that when it gets right down to it are as false as sunlight in the colonies.
Within days of being 'rescued' I am back home and trying to resume normal life without the nasty chicken soup, thank you very much.
I still hold that I was doing a pretty good job of helping me and Sara escape. In fact, I doubt there was any reason at all for the guys to have to show up.
Ok, that's a lie. I'm not so mentally unstable from all that has happened to know when I'm up a creek without a paddle. Truth is, I'm not really sure what happened back there. Sara's been trying to explain it to me. Sara. I honestly don't know what to think of her at the moment. Ever since we've come back there has been none of the closeness that I felt in those last frantic moments before my empathy went crazy. In fact, if anything she's been cool and distant towards me, always talking to me in the tone of voice that doctors take on when examining their patients.
Quite frankly it's pissing me off.
"It would appear that back in the labs your body, probably from so much stress and shock from blood loss, couldn't protect you from your growing empathy anymore. It just sort of gave up and let everything in. Not only that but your other ability, the one that lets you project your emotions on others, went out of control as well. Those men…they…"
For the first time since she's started talking to me a bit of emotion creeps into Sara's voice. No doubt she's remembering the last of the kidnappers I killed in the cell block. Duo told me after I regained consciousness in the hospital that those men had literally torn themselves apart from the pain. Blood and bits of brains were seeping out of their ears.
With quiet and clinical determination Sara pushes back her emotions and continues her thoughts on the matter, "I can only assume that I wasn't affected by it because you were trying to protect me and not hurt me. From what I could tell about your emotional state after you stopped projecting you were vacillating between your episodic state and consciousness. It felt as though you were letting everyone and everything in, like you couldn't shut any of it out."
"Yes, that's what it felt like," I say quietly, all the while thinking that if she doesn't show a little emotion here and soon I'm going to scream.
"It would appear that now that your body is nearly recovered it has once again reverted back to keeping almost everything out, including physical pain. This can't go on forever though; sooner or later not even your mind will be able to handle shutting everything out. You'll be like you were back in Dr. Azrael's labs."
"What do you think I can do about it?" Oh wise and all knowing Sara.
"You need to find someone else that can keep your empathic abilities in check until you can slowly let them expand. That way you'll be able to control whatever level they're trying to be at right now."
"And who do you think that will be?" And of course it won't be you because you have decided that I am now and forever the dumbest most insignificant excuse for a non-human being that you have ever known, you ice queen.
"What are you thinking about?" She asks, her eyes narrowing in annoyance. I'm surprised she hasn't caught on to my little inner monologue. But then again, it's not her that's delving into the realms of telepathy at break neck speed.
"Nothing. Nothing at all," I say in my coolest spoiled-rich brat voice.
"Well that's no surprise," she retorts.
We're still sitting imobile, glaring at each other for all we're worth when Wufei walks into the room. He gives Sara such a look of disdain that even I wince before curtly informing us that dinner is ready.
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Dinner is a quiet affair despite there being so many people crowded around our kitchen table. We really should be eating in the dining room but none of us have been able to bring ourselves to eat there after Father died. We always ate in there with him. It would feel…empty…without him seated at the head of the table. Perhaps someday I will sit there, in his place, but not for a good long while. I miss him. I wish he was here.
The episodes continue as before, but as Sara says, it's only a matter of time before the stress of them breaks through my physical barriers and I am permanently stuck in the pure flood of empathy. It frightens me more than I could ever let on.
Dr. Azrael's trial date has been set already. While Sara and I were being rescued a message came in from the prosecuting lawyers. They want both of us to testify. As the only living children from Arael's wing of what news reporters have ingeniously named the "Newtype Holocaust" we are expected to provide much of the evidence against him. I wonder why that sounds so familiar. Newtype Holocaust. I've heard it somewhere before…
No matter. I am actually a bit scared about the upcoming proceedings. Me. A Gundam Pilot, afraid to get up and talk in front of people. But really, this is so much different than simply giving a speech. I will be publicly announcing myself as a Newtype. My family is preparing for it as best as they can, but I know there will be a lot of animosity aimed at me. This isn't what really bothers me though. What bothers me is that I'll have to see him again. Dr. Azrael. Honestly, I don't know what I'll do when I see him. I've imagined so many times what I would do to him for making me suffer. For making my family suffer.
Heero and the others are working on taking back as much information from the underground labs as possible. The scientists who had remained behind to destroy the written evidence, and the lives of as many children as the furnaces could hold, had all been killed by the rebel group Red Dog, but not before issuing instructions to the escaping members of their sick group.
The written evidence had been destroyed, but Red Dog never thought to take the evidence left by the mere presence of the labs. They had been too horrified by what they found in the cells below the Death Lab; the emaciated bodies of two little children, the only ones left, the veins in their body glowing with blue chemicals-even their eyes seem to glow with unholy light. The rebel fanatics believed that they had come upon demon children.
The remaining children from the different experimentation groups plus Sara and I were put into a small transport ship and sent in the direction of the L4 colony cluster. The few of us who had survived the lab, the furnace that had claimed so many at the very end, and the cold trip across space were placed in a hospital immediately. I can't remember the children from the other labs. Later I would learn that besides myself there were only sixteen children who survived everything.
The colonists, enraged by the treatment of their children, returned to the satellite that Red Dog had found. Upon arriving however, the labs, cells, and furnaces were nowhere to be found. There was no time for a more thorough investigation before the Alliance came and reclaimed it.
Heero's theory is that the Alliance paid White Flame to come in after Red Dog had left and then been demolished and remove the last traces of evidence. Getting rid of the labs would have been easy, but the scientists wanted to have a place where someday they could continue their work. The furnaces and the bottom two floors of the entire structure had been lowered until only the office space above had remained visible. It was a clever idea, and one that had obviously worked. During the war after the Alliance fell records of the satellite and what had occurred there had been lost. White Flame returned to the abandoned satellite, claimed it as their own, and built stairwells and elevators leading to all levels of the labs. If not for White Flame reopening ways down into the labs they would have been lost forever.
Currently Relena's people were exploring the disused labs, trying to gather enough evidence from them to convict Dr. Azrael.
And I am preparing to go on the stand and testify against the man, all the while fighting back the tempest that lies inside me. I can feel it coming. It is only a matter of time. I just hope that I can last out until after the trial. I want to help convict Dr. Azrael. I would like nothing better than to see justice served for the wrongs that were done to me and Sara.
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There's a strange sound coming from the bedroom just down the hall from mine. I wonder who's still up at this time of night. It's Sara's room. It almost sounds like…it sounds like she's crying.
Slowly I creep towards her room and push open the door. My crippled empathy is telling me that she's hurting. Not like I really needed to be psychic to figure it out.
"Sara? Sara, it's me Quatre. Can I come in?" I ask, still lingering at her doorway.
"What? Quatre? I…you can come in I guess." The room is suddenly flooded with the soft light from her reading lamp. I can tell she's been crying for a while now, even though she's trying to hide it. Her eyes are red and puffy and her breath is coming out in little hitches.
I gently sit next to her and take her hand in mine. Her hand is so soft. I try not to hold too tightly both to prevent startling her and so that the rough calluses on my hands don't scratch her smooth skin.
"What's the matter?" I ask after a time.
"It's…nothing. No really. I shouldn't tell you."
"Why not? Wait, I have an idea. Come with me."
"Where are we going?" She asks, her eyes so wide they remind me of a startled kitten's.
"You'll see," I reply in a secretive whisper.
I'm suddenly struck by how childlike we both are at the moment. Both of us barefoot and in our pajamas sneaking down to the kitchen to get a snack. I haven't let go of her hand. It feels nice in mine. She suddenly giggles like a young girl. She must have caught my own feelings.
Teenage-hood suddenly imposes upon the childhood fantasy I'm having when I notice that I'm slightly aroused. Must be being this close to her…and she's not wearing very much clothing…just a pair of pajama pants and a tank top. She's not wearing a bra…Quatre get your head out of the gutter! Allah! You get a nice moment with a girl and you have to ruin it by giving in to your stupid teenage hormones!
Great, now my palms are sweaty. I really hope she doesn't notice.
This is so different than being near any of the other girls, like Relena. Sure I knew that Relena was taken and that Heero would throw me off the roof of a tall building if I had ever come on to her, but I never felt that way about her. She was always just like one of my sisters.
Well, there was that one time in the Sanq kingdom…when I took her hand in mine…and she looked at me like…stop it! Anymore thinking about her like that just makes me a little queasy, like the thought of kissing one of my sisters. Eugh.
But Sara…being with Sara is different. I think I…no, I know I have a crush on her. There! I said…er…thought it! I have a crush on Sara A'Mal. I just wish she wasn't being so cold to me all of a sudden.
I lead her to the kitchen and sit her down at the worn wooden table. I then busy myself with taking out two bowls and spoons.
"All we have is vanilla, is that ok?" I ask over my shoulder as I root through the huge freezer. Stupid sisters. Ate all the coffee and mocha ice cream.
"Umm…ya. It's fine. Quatre? What are we doing?"
"Well, when I'm upset and can't sleep, I like to eat ice cream. My sisters used to make me drink warm milk but I never liked the taste."
"Ya, me too," she says with a small smile, "I never liked warm milk. Not that my parents much cared about what I liked or not…"
"That's so sad. What happened with them? I mean, my father and I didn't really get along too well after I became in his words 'a surly and obnoxious teenager'…"
"No, it wasn't that. I don't think they ever really loved me."
"What?! Why wouldn't they love you? I mean you're so beautiful and smart, not to mention a good person and…"
"But that's just it! They didn't think I was a real person. They thought I was some mutant freak. I guess I kind of am. When…when I was taken away, they didn't really mourn for me. Well, I think my mom did. I was always closer to her than I was to my father, but I didn't live with my mom. I live with my dad and my horrible stepmother. I only get to visit my mom sometimes. So anyway, when I left my dad and step mom didn't really even care. At least that's what Joseph, my brother, said. Joseph was the only one who really looked after me, loved me. When I came back, it was even worse than before. This time I was a freak with lots of emotional and health problems."
"Oh Sara. I'm so sorry. Is that…is that why you were crying?"
"Sort of. I miss my brother. I see you with your friends and your sisters and I can't help but be a little jealous. You have everything, you know?"
"I didn't used to. I mean, I was always rich and had my family…but there was a time when I wasn't even allowed outside my house. I had no friends. I had never even met another person my age before. I was lonely and after a while I began to think that I was nothing more than an experiment. A creation of my father that went wrong somehow. I didn't even think that my life had a purpose except for me to be used by other people."
"I guess we both were pretty messed up, huh? I suppose I'm a little scared too. I'm so sorry that I've been…well…a bitch to you lately." Sara ducks her head into her chest and grips her spoon a little tighter.
"You're not…a bitch," I say quietly, my face heating up as I say the word, "I have so much respect for you for staying as calm as you have through everything. What are you so afraid of?"
"I'm scared of having to testify. As much as I want to see Dr. Azrael put away forever, I don't know if I can get up in front of the entire world and tell everyone what happened to me. And…I'm afraid of what's happening to you. What if it happens to me too? You said it started when your father died. What happens if my brother should die? What would I do then?"
"You'd come here and we'd be crazy together," I say smiling. After a beat she smiles back at me.
"Did you mean what you said?"
"What, about you coming here? You're welcome here whenever-"
"No, I mean…did you mean what you said when you said I was pretty and smart?"
"Oh, that. Well, I believe Miss A'Mal that what I said was that you were beautiful. And yes I meant it. You're a really lovely person, if a bit hot tempered…and well, I don't think I've ever met anyone as stubborn."
She grins and chuckles a little, "Comes with having red hair I guess. For a blonde, you're remarkably un-ditzy."
"Oh, stick around long enough and you'll definitely get to see some class action ditzyness going on."
"I'd like to."
"Like to what?"
"Stay. Here, with you…I…I really like it here. You're sisters are really fun and you're friends are…certainly interesting. Nothing like what I expected the fearsome Gundam pilots to be like anyway! And I…I really like you too."
I don't think I've ever smiled as brightly as I am right now. She says she likes me!
"Well I like you a lot. A lot, a lot. I'm so happy you want to stay. But won't your parents want you back soon?" Please say no! Stay here with me, just a little longer.
"Like I said Cat, my parents don't really give a damn about me. I'll call my brother and my mom though, let them know I'm staying a little longer. Joseph's going to college right now, but he likes to know where I am and what I'm doing."
"Well, I'm happy to have you here. Do you think though…that maybe we could try being friends? I know you don't really like that I was a Gundam pilot and a Winner and all, but do you think you could look past that for a little while and be my friend? I don't really have a whole lot of those…"
"I'm sorry Quatre but I can't do that."
"What, but-"
"Being a Winner and a Gundam pilot are things that make you who you are today. I could never pretend like those things weren't important to you, because they so clearly are. I will be and am your friend Cat, but I won't look past who you are to gain that friendship. I like you because of those things. Don't ever give up what makes you you for other people. I was stupid before, and I'm sorry. Will you be my friend as I am yours?"
"No need to even ask," I say with a smile, "I think I liked you even before I had met you. When things started getting really bad with my empathy, I knew in my heart that you would be able to help me."
"Well, I haven't exactly been doing a good job with that…"
"No, you have! Just by being here you have helped me so much. I would have never figured out everything I have without your help. Before you came I felt so lost. I felt…like I was drowning. You're my life raft Sara. You're keeping me afloat."
"You really mean that?" She asks, leaning in close so that our shoulders are touching.
"Uh huh," I respond intelligently. She reaches a light hand out to smooth my wayward bangs out of my eyes so she can look deep into my eyes and I into hers. There's such depth and warmth in those eyes. I can see myself in her eyes. In her soul…there's light and love.
I lean forward so my forehead is resting on hers. We're breathing in and out together; her hand is resting gently on my shoulder.
Before I even have time to think she's kissing me and I'm kissing her right back.
Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of "Drowning"! Hopefully it won't take me as long to write…crosses fingers
-NostalgieMalaak