"Mind Fields"

Chapter Nine:The Illumination Hotel Redux

Squall looked around himself. He could see the familiar faces; standing in a cricle around him. He slowly looked from one to the other, tracing each face from the start to the end. Fear. Pain. Purity(though bloodstained). Denial. Hate. Desire. Passion. Love. Sorrow. Rage.

Squall felt a tension rise around him. He couldn't catch directions or inhale the scent of the fresh soil around him, but he was aware of one single, simple truth; the darkness was real even if the other things were not.

Squall waited for them to make a move. The hair on the back of his neck was standing up as he felt them close in. They were closing the gaps between them, and formed a full circle; embracing Squall and the grave of Reason.

"I sense that you all have something to say..." Squall said, "Like you always did."

They replied in a choir of their voices, sung altogether;

"We wish to say we have been here ever since you were a little kid!"

"Starting with Ellone's disappereance,
You imagined me and my appereance," Pain stated.

"And when you were left in the cold
You felt me in the stories told," Sorrow exclaimed.

"And when Seifer made you oh-so-mad,
You realised I was all that you had," Hate joined in.

"So when your emotions stroke a betrayal
You compared me to your support; frail," Desire suggested.

"AND I WAS ONLY THERE IN THE MIRROR
ONLY TO MAKE YOUR VISION SO CLEARER" Rage snarled.

"You had always seen me when being controlled
And embraced me harshly when you lost your soul," Fear explained.

"And I was frail, yet much-needed and present
Only as a shadow of all that needed to be absent" Passion said in disdain.

"You never got to know me, but it's okay,
I know Pain had so much more to do or say." Love confessed, her head down.

"I was never there to begin with; never
Then you told me we could be together!" Purity sighed.

"Embracing me, you forged your own hurt,
Whether over or under this barren earth!" Denial stated.

Squall felt as if a voice was missing. But then, he started to grasp the meaning of their words.

"Are you real, or have I made you up?" he demanded.

Their unfied choir replied him; "We are everything that was in your cup!"

"But I don't know what I should think..."

"You only have to let yourself sink!"

"But how can I, all I want is to live!"

"Living on without anything to give?"

"Have mercy on me; I am just a child!"

Then, Sorrow's voice interrupted them.

"A little child cannot embrace denial..." she said.

Squall stood there, in the center of their circle.

"But why do you appear so real to me?"

"Do you not believe that emotions can be real?"

"Still, I never willed this all to be!"

"Yet you can't deny what you so willingly feel!"

"What's my name, tell me my name!"

"You must find out your name on your own!"

"Then just tell me who's to blame!"

"YOU! YOU ARE TO BLAME AND YOU ALONE!"

Squall shivered at this knowledge. The air around him started to spin; he could feel it spinning all around him. He looked around to the faces of his own emotions; those he couldn't accept or deny.

"What must I do, do I have a purpose?"

"You must see the reason for 'hurt' is."

"FROM WHERE CAN I EXIT THIS HELL?" Squall shouted in question.

The choir stood silent, and exchanged looks. Feeling the air around himself tense up; he felt his own ragged breath not heal his need for oxygen.

Then, Sorrow stepped forward and spoke to him.

"The answers you seek are in the cells
They fell down your broken well
They rest in The Illumination Hotel."

Squall froze. The memory of The Illumination Hotel brought sweat onto his forehead, and he looked around himself. They hadn't even taken a step back to let him get away.

"I refuse to step back into nothingness!"

"If you don't you will have something less!" Passion protested.

"This doesn't make sense at all; I can't have more deprivation!"

"You will deprave you everything if you refuse her circumsision!" Fear interviened.

"I am nothing!" Squal confessed, "Nothing without her guidance!"

"You are everything!" Sorrow said, "Everything but her violence!"

Squall stood underneath the rain, his mirrors looking at him. Sorrow was standing more stern than anything Squall had known.

Suddenly, a voice came and interrupted the scene.

"And I am the only thing you have left."

Turning around, Squall saw a man embraced in mirrors. His clothes were made of mirrors, and they seemed to be stained with mud all over. His blank eyes represented a seeing blindness; they glowed with an orange tint to them.

"What are you; you look familiar?" Squall demanded.

"I am You
We appear as ever-so-very-similar
To be true
Yet you are stains in the mirror-"

Squall heard the others join the choir.

"And these reflections
The visions, contradictions
All summing up to segmentation
All your plans, both your hands
Your one and only solid stand
Falls again, calls within,
Just so that you, can pretend
That this thing will just end..." they stopped, observing Squall and his reflection.

"What thing, does it grow inside of me?" Squall demanded.

"It's all that you call is outside of you." You replied.

"Are you a reflection of my tranquility?"

"I am a reflection of your lying truth." You replied to him again.

Squall saw the others form two parallel lines around him; leading him onto a path.

"Is this the path that leads-" he started, and then Fear replied,

"To The Illumination Hotel."

"The end of your deeper needs." You explained,
"The final of your deeds."

Squall Leonhart started to take the steps across the path that was shown to him. Rain was falling down onto this graveyard; and the feeling of emptyness was still fresh inside of him. He felt the reflections of him that showed him the way weep with his silent sorrow.

For he had lost his sense of identity a long time ago. Deep down inside, he was vaguely aware of a name's presence. But a name itself presented him nothing; because it didn't explain his past, his present, or his future. He could barely remember when he had entered this realm.

Without a word, silently, he followed the path presented to him.

All my life, have I only followed paths? Lost inside, a countless bodycount math?

No response came from anyone around him. Squall felt lonliness, and felt Fear put a hand onto his shoulder. He felt a chill pass throughout his body as his path crossed one he felt as if he had walked before. Turning to that at the will of his emotions, Squall stared to walk the path his emotions had shown to him.

Their silent support slowly faded as he felt he got closer to his goal. Slowly, and one by one, all of the emotions left. All Squall could feel was You, standing right nearby.

And You stopped after a building was visible. Squall stopped as well. He turned to You and asked;

"Why did you stop; don't you want to walk with me?"

"I do want to walk with you; but you wouldn't want to walk with me."

You wandered away. Squall observed the building before him. It looked like a regular hotel...

...Only, an inscription was burning on the roof; the flames were really dancing.

THE ILLUMINATION HOTEL

And as Squall advanced towards it, he didn't see the colourful void. He could see the hotel now. He got to the door. Pushing it open, he went inside.

Author's Note: Read on. The note will be in the epliogue.