Drowning: Chapter 20
Pairings: 4xOFC, 1xR, 2xH
In the End…To Live Without Fear of Drowning
Quatre's POV
Warnings: language, angst
Disclaimer: don't own
Notes: this chapter has been reposted with corrections made by FlonathePrincess. Thanks Flona!
Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods. 1
Who would have thought that watching Duo and Wufei go at each other in a fiercely violent game of ping pong would be so relaxing?
I suppose it's because it's one of the few normal moments of my most abnormal life. My life has been strange to say the least. Or to say the most. Perhaps that sums up my life right there: the utter ridiculous strangeness of it. But I wouldn't trade it for any other life in the world.
Heero is chatting with Relena. Honest-to-goodness chatting! Every time I look over at the two of them I can't help the huge grin that spreads across my face. It's so wonderful to see him like that, so unguarded. The Heero I really know, the one that spoke kind words to me the stroked my hair soothingly on a golden beach as the tide game in, and then prompted me to play like the child I was.
Relena looks happy. I'm glad. She deserves some happiness after all that has happened to her. She looks so pretty right now too. My sisters convinced her to let them play with her hair. It's all wavy and silken. Heero keeps reaching out to touch it, smoothing it back from her face.
Hilde, like her gregarious American boyfriend, is involved in a game of some sort with my sister Qamra. I never would have imagined that sweet quiet Qamra could be so competitive! Hilde can't see it, but that Winner stubbornness is there in her eyes. She's not going to let Hilde win without a fight.
My other sisters, Lina, Helima, Rihana, Khalida, and Samirah, are watching the ping pong match. They've already chosen sides and the racket they're making cheering for "their" boy is enough to wake the dead. None are louder than Samirah though whose face is bright red from the excitement and yelling. I'm not sure what's making Wufei lose more, the pack of girls screaming around him, or Samirah standing at his elbow occasionally running her hand down his back with undisguised affection.
Isra and Irea are in the kitchen cooking something wonderful for us to eat. I wish she was home more often because she certainly loves to cook! Must be all that chemistry she had to take in college, can't seem to enjoy herself unless she's concocting something messy and wonderful.
And poor Trowa doesn't seem to know what to do with himself. On the outside he's as calm as ever, but inside I can tell he'd much rather be in a cage of wild lions.
"Wanna take a breather from all this excitement?" I ask, casting him a mischievous look.
He nods and takes off for the door. I chuckle and follow him. He's so predictable.
Once outside he lets out a sigh of relief and rubs at his temple.
"You're family is…fun," he's says after a moment.
"Ya," I say laughing, "Just be grateful that all my sisters aren't here. It would be really fun then!"
"I'll have to take a rain check on that one. One sister is enough for me, I don't know how you do it Cat."
"Patience, and the ability to cry at will."
A small smile and rolled eyes are his answer to that.
"I'm glad you and the other guys decided to stick around with me…especially after…you know…what happened during…"
"Don't worry about that Quatre. What did you think would happen? We'd all go screaming to the hills? We're your friends Cat. And you…well, you're my best friend. I've never been able to say that before. That's not something I'm just going to let go of just because you're different than I am."
"Ya," I say sarcastically, "A lot different."
"What do you mean? I don't think you are."
"How can you say that! You felt what I did back there! I practically brainwashed those people into convicting Dr. Azrael."
"You didn't Cat. No really, you didn't! All you did was show them what you felt. What you went through. They made up their own decision about him. It was the right one too. Anyone would have done the same after feeling what you had gone through. And more than that…you didn't brainwash us. You shared something with us. I'm not sure what that was…but it was so beautiful Cat. Painful, and terrible, and sickening…but beautiful too. You know why that was?"
"Why?" I ask quietly, looking anywhere but at him.
"I think it's because you shared yourself with us. Both the bad and the good memories. We saw you, for one brief instant and it was wonderful. It's something I'm never going to be able to forget. Not ever."
Late afternoon light is splayed across the yard, turning the sand past the grass in my font yard a warm buttery yellow. I love this time of day, even if it isn't real sunlight here in the colony. Maybe Trowa's right. After all, something good came out of baring my soul to the world. Dr. Azrael won't be able to hurt anyone ever again. And my mind's okay now. That's a major victory in itself. I guess my father was right all along. This ability, as expanded and strange as it is was always there, hidden behind my grief and lack of trust in the people I should have been able to trust: my sisters and my brothers. Sharing myself with my sisters and my fellow pilots unleashed a wellspring of emotion the likes of which I have never felt. And with that balmy tempest came control and ultimately relief.
"How is Sara doing?"
Trowa's question jerks my mind out of its wanderings.
"Better. She's staying with her mother and brother on Earth. She really loves it there. After what happened at the trial the man who was arranged to marry her called it off. I'm glad. No one should have to be forced into a relationship like that with someone they don't love."
"And you two…?"
"Hmm. We're still young Trowa. I suppose now I can say I've had the first love of my life."
"I thought you really like her though."
"I did…I do. But we both have…issues that we need to work through and as much as I wanted to think so, me being around her isn't helping either of us right now. Maybe when we're older and have more control, more knowledge of what we can do. Or maybe she'll find someone that she really loves, and I'll just be that crazy kid she met in the colonies." I say with a ruthful smile.
"I don't think so. If anything, she'll remember you as that extremely wealthy crazy kid she met."
"Thanks Trowa."
"No prob."
"No, we both need time to find ourselves right now and work through what happened to us. She needs her family right now. Just like I need my family right now."
"Well that's why we're here," he says with a soft smile, staring out at the fading lights of the colony.
I return his smile with a little one of my own.
"Hey you two!" Irea calls out the kitchen window. "Come eat something! You're both too skinny!"
Trowa turns to go back inside.
"Coming?" he throws over his shoulder.
"In a minute."
"'K. Don't blame me if Duo eats everything before you get in there though."
I'm glad to be home. As much as I love the Earth, there is nothing quite like the colonies. In the hearts and minds of the colonists is such peace and contentment. They do their jobs, work together, and in the end come home to their families and friends. My father loved that about the people here. My people. As different as I am from them, I'm still a part of them. If anything this whole experience has taught me that. There's a little bit of me inside every one of them because I can share in a little tiny piece of each of them.
As strange as my life is, as terrifying and saddening and wonderful and joyful as it has been in my short sixteen years, it is also a good life. One full of memories, both my own and those that have gone before me. Those beautiful souls that have found the distant shore and found it more wondrous than can even be conceived. My father…my mother…my dear mother who I will someday ask my sisters about…and the millions upon millions of others that touched me in those brief suspended moments of death when I was too little to comprehend what death was. That is my life and it is a good life because I know what is most important to me.
Inside the home behind me are the people I hold dearest in the all of Earth and Space. They are my family and they are my friends. I couldn't live without them and I doubt I'd want to. And I know that whatever my future has in store for me, I will never have to worry about drowning again no matter what sort of ocean I'm forced to swim. I'll always have those that love me to hold me up. And when we some day have to depart for that distant shore, the millions of others that now each hold a share in a part of my soul will keep my memory alive, like a message in a bottle, floating for all time.
The End
1 Aristotle
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In case you wanted to know…
Some of the characters' names were chosen for a specific reason. Some of the others just have cool meanings to their names so…here is what they mean:
Quatre Raberba Winner- well I didn't pick his name but just in case you were wondering Quatre is 'four' in French (you probably all already knew this) and the name Fayiz used in the story is the Arabic name for Winner
Sara A'Mal- I just really like the name Sara…but her last name A'Mal roughly means 'hope.' In the chapter where she's introduced Quatre is looking for someone he can pin his hopes on and Sara is who he thinks of first.
Dr. Azrael- not his real name but the only name Quatre and the others know him by, named for the Islamic archangel of death, Azrael
Quatre's sisters (those mentioned in the story):
Qamra- closest to Quatre in age, I'm not sure what her name means but Qamara is the feminine name for moon
Samirah- second youngest sister, her name means 'entertaining person'
Khalida- third youngest sister, meaning 'immortal'
Rihana- fourth youngest, is a pharmacy major, meaning 'sweet basil'
Helima- means 'kind, gently'
Lina- 'palm tree'
Noya- briefly mentioned, middle sister younger than Irea, I looked up this name and it said it meant 'beautiful' but it's not an Arabic name. The Arabic name for beautiful is Jamila.
Maryam- briefly mentioned, middle sister somewhere between Noya and Irea, is the name used for Mary the mother of Jesus
Zulema- briefly mentioned, next oldest after Maryam
Irea- sister from the series, I didn't pick her name, also spelled Iria
Isra- two sisters older than Irea who is somewhere in the middle, 'journeying by night'
Altair- briefly mentioned, fourth oldest, meaning 'the bird'-when used as a name it's actually a masculine name…I first saw this name being used as a female name in a science fiction novel and just assumed it was a feminine name. Sorry for the confusion.
Nafeeza- briefly mentioned, third oldest, meaning 'precious thing' (pronounced Nafisa)
Jala- briefly mentioned, second oldest, again I looked this one up and it meant 'charity' but it's probably not an Arabic name
Kadira- briefly mentioned, oldest sister, meaning 'appreciated'