SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1Summary: Lily and James went to Hogwarts together. Unfortunately their memories are not all enjoyable. Their time was spent pranking each other senseless, while competing for the top grades in the school. Two years after graduation they bump into each other, again, and again, and again... Could it be that they have a combined fate?
Disclaimer: I woke up this morning and typed and typed and typed. Here is the result. A fanfiction about Lily and James! My favoritest characters that I created. Then I looked in the mirror and realized. I'M NOT J.K. ROWLING!! (ps: that means I don't own anything)
Author's Note: Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the wonderful encouraging reviews! I appreciate it!! Since I didn't do this in the last chapter I want to thank my WONDERFUL beta readers that have spent so much of their time going over my LONG chapters and offering me advice. SO THANK YOU!! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I made it long once again, hopefully you will all enjoy it as much as you enjoyed the first one! I just have to point out that I loved Order of the Phoenix! I cried so much over the death in the book that my parents thought I was crazy. Now I'm in a struggle with my fics because Arabella Figg is indeed an old lady. I will work it into the story that this is her daughter or something...somehow. James was a prat just like I imagined him! Hehe but he did change...like I made him. Of course it was in their 7th year and now this has gotten WAY too long so I'm stopping!
Midnight Goddess
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Excuse Me Miss Evans
Chapter Two: I Resent That Comment
By: Midnight Goddess
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The sun was beaming down in rays of golden yellow upon the street in Diagon Alley. Two young witches were walking down the street chatting, seemingly unaware of the world around them.
"Lily, do you need new robes?" Arabella questioned as they stopped outside of Madame Malkin's Robes For All Occasions. Lily shook her head as she followed Arabella inside the crowded room and glanced over the hundreds of colorful robes that were on display.
"You should buy some more dress robes Lily," Arabella suggested with a gleam in her eyes that made the purpose of the robes clear to Lily.
"Oh no! I do not need dress robes for that," Lily told Arabella sternly, Arabella of course just shook her head with disbelief as she searched through the robes for something that suited her.
"Lily, you do want to make a good impression on his parents!" Arabella teased. The teasing tone missed Lily's ears as they turned bright red matching her face, and her hair.
"What for?" Lily shakily said. 'I know what Arabella is thinking about. She thinks that I should buy robes for Sunday when I go help James cook. I don't think that requires new robes. Sure, I'm going to meet James' parents, but as a friend, I'm not dating James and I have no intention of dating him ever.'
Arabella shook her head at Lily who was deep in thought. "She'll realize it someday," she muttered underneath her breath as she continued to glance through the robes, watching Lily try and sort out her feelings.
"These robes are beautiful," Lily gushed out as she pulled out a deep green pair. They blended with her eyes, and her hair stood out wonderfully against the green shade.
"So you are going to buy dress robes for Sunday?" Arabella questioned, her brown eyes alert, hoping the confession would come out sooner than expected.
'Why did I say that?' Lily asked herself. 'I should know better than to make any unneeded comments around Arabella. All she does is twist my words around. Now because I made some silly comment about some pretty green robes, Arabella thinks that I want them to impress James. Argh, the things I go through with her.'
"I didn't say I wanted them," Lily snapped back at Arabella.
Arabella smirked as she replied, "Lily, it was implied."
'Arabella really thinks that I like Potter. It wasn't implied. It's just her crazy mind coming up with ideas. I'm sure that James isn't having this problem with Black. I bet they laugh about Bella and me all the time, yet Bella can't see that. It's all to annoy me...'
"I don't feel that way about him, Bella," Lily sighed out as she continued to glance over at the green robes that hung on a rack a few feet away.
"Yes, you do," Arabella said in a matter-of-fact tone as she continued keeping her smiling face out of Lily's view as she searched for her robes.
"I don't like Potter! I resent that comment!" Lily shouted, causing many other customers to glance over at her with intriguing faces. Arabella just smiled.
"Of course you do, Lils," Arabella replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"No, Bella, I don't!" Lily forcefully said, trying to keep her voice at a lower level.
"Think what you want to, it doesn't make it true," Bella whispered into Lily's ear.
'Can't she just drop the subject and leave me alone?'
"I really don't like him!" Lily burst out; around ten minutes after the conversation had been dropped.
'Lily is so clueless.' Arabella smiled to herself. 'Of course they always said that love is blind, I guess there is truth to that. She was thinking of him. That's what she was doing for the past ten minutes before she felt that she should say something...'
By now, the two young witches had left Madam Malkin's Robes For All Occasions, and were headed down the streets of Diagon Alley.
'I cannot believe that Arabella actually thinks that I like James. James Potter! The James Potter that hates me and I hate back with as much passion that I can put into the feeling. How can I be in love with someone like that?'
They did not notice James walking down the street holding a bag of potions and ingredients. Of course, they noticed James once he was lying in the middle of Diagon Alley on top of Lily.
Lily who had, in fact, bought the stunning green robes found her package lying on the ground next to James'. James, of course, was found lying above Lily. Their faces both bright red. Neither of them moved.
"Sorry Lily," James mumbled, his face was crimson and he noticed that many people walking by were staring at the two adults lying in the middle of the sidewalk. It is unusual to find such acts as these, even in the wizarding world, where the unusual is the usual.
"It's okay," Lily mumbled back, her face was equally as red as James, yet despite their embarrassment, both had not even suggested moving.
'He has the brightest brown eyes I have ever seen...' Lily trailed off in her own thoughts as she stared into James' eyes, forgetting the surroundings and the exclaims of anger the shoppers shouted as they walked around Lily and James.
"We should move," James lightly told Lily when he realized that he was still lying on top of her in the middle of Diagon Alley.
"We should," Lily responded; still staring into James' bright coffee colored eyes.
'Her eyes are so deep. They cause me to drown, to fall. I don't want to prevent it; I yearn for it. I live for the feeling of helplessness that washes over me when I dip myself into those emerald pools.'
"We aren't moving," James muttered after a few more minutes of lying on the ground.
"You're on top of me," Lily responded tenderly, as if she regretted causing James to move. He bolted up and held out his hand to help her up, but dropped it quickly when she was safely on her feet.
"I need to go," James murmured as he turned quickly and left Lily and Arabella standing in the middle of the sidewalk.
"Don't say anything," Lily warned Arabella as she apparated to their apartment. Her mind was running and she needed to think.
'How can I feel like this around him. I don't want to be this way around him. I don't want him to make me weak in my knees, or to make my heart beat extra fast when I see him, hear him, or think of him. I don't want him to cause me to loose my mind, and to control my thoughts. I don't want him to do this to me...but he does and I enjoy it.'
~*~
The bell on the door jingled as Lily stepped into a small café on the edge of a small wizarding city called Godric's Hollow. As she waited for someone to come help her, she glanced around the cozy, and warm café.
"I see you everywhere," a warm, deep voice whispered from behind her. Lily smiled; she could recognize the voice. Lily turned around, her emerald eyes glowing in the dimmed room, facing a tall man, with deep coffee eyes that made her melt.
"Table for two?" the hostess asked when she returned and saw Lily and James standing waiting for her.
"We aren't —" Lily began to say before James cut her off.
"Yes, please," James replied while he brought his hand up to ruffle his hair, it had become a habit to make his hair as messy as possible during Hogwarts, and the habit had not fled now that they were grown and away from the comforts of their old school.
Lily looked up and caught James' eyes, which shone back at her as he grinned. Lily returned the grin as they walked back to their table. 'Why do I see him everywhere I go?'
When they were seated at their table, which was next to a large window that showed the streets of Godric's Hollow, Lily looked out of the window with interest, watching the witches and wizards walking down the street, avoiding James' eyes; which were staring absorbedly at her.
"How have you been since, er, I last saw you Lily?" James asked blushing.
Lily tore her eyes away from the window and smiled as she answered, "I've been fine, except for a bruise I have on my elbow. How have you been?"
"I'm sorry about your bruise, I should have been watching where I was going," James quickly shot out, as if he were afraid Lily was going to start yelling at him again.
"It's okay, really," Lily trailed off as her eyes raced towards the window once again, dreading contact with James' hazel eyes.
"This is weird," James softly said as he fiddled with his napkin and turned his eyes to the window, catching a glimpse of Lily's reflection in the mirror.
"Why?" Lily questioned as she turned her head to look at James. Her green eyes glinted in the sunlight and James' breath caught in his throat. 'She has to look at me like that. Why does she have to do it? Why does she have to have those eyes?'
"I know you hated me during school," James replied as he turned his hazel eyes down onto the table and warped his napkin even worse as he desperately tried to keep his eyes away from Lily's.
Lily sighed. 'Of course I hated him during school. He was an egotistical prat that didn't care for anyone but himself. He teased the Slytherins, tortured those who annoyed him, and flirted with every girl he met. How could I not hate him? But then... he changed. I tried to still hate him, but it was impossible, and here we are, and I find that those old feelings of hatred have left me completely, and he believes that they are still there. He's afraid that they are still there.'
"Of course I hated you during school James," Lily sighed out finally after minutes of silence.
"I guess I deserved it," James replied softly as he raised his eyes to meet with Lily's. They didn't talk as they just watched each other's expressions.
"Yes, you did," Lily replied, a little harsher than she meant to. James' eyes glinted at this comment. 'She must still hate me. I can sense it, she is still hostile towards me. She still can't put behind those feelings of anger towards me. I don't expect her to, I don't expect her or Snape, Malfoy, or any of the Slytherins to. I don't think that they will ever realize that I have changed and that I hate the fact that I was like that before.'
"You always had to keep your hair messy, you always messed it up. You thought it was cool, like you had just gotten off of a broomstick. I hated when you did that," Lily ruthlessly replied. James quickly brought his hand down from his head where he was about to mess it up again.
"You always caused trouble with Remus, Sirius, and Peter," Lily continued, "It seemed as if your lives were based on the fact that you wanted to hurt other people."
James turned his eyes downwards. 'Everything she says is true, I was horrible. I didn't care of other people's feelings. I didn't care how bad they felt afterwards it was all for my own amusement. If I could change everything I did to those people I would. I would give up my life to change what I did to those people...if Lily wouldn't hate me.'
"You and Sirius acted like you wanted every single girl in Hogwarts to notice you, and most of them did, but you ignored them," Lily spat out.
'I didn't want every girl in Hogwarts to notice me and Sirius. I found it was more of a burden than anything. There was really only one girl I wanted to notice me, and she did, but she never noticed me in the way I wanted to. I tried everything to get her attention, and she hated me for it, and I hated her for hating me.'
"Then you always had that stupid snitch, letting it fly around and catching it. I hated it when you did that. You were always showing off, always!" Lily shouted out, a little louder than before. Many people had turned around to see what was going on.
'If she could only realize that I did everything for her. That I loved her, that every single thing I did, was for her. To impress her. I was so young and clueless back then, if I could have only seen that everything I did made her hate me, more and more and more.'
"Then you were so horrible to Severus Snape," Lily began, James' eyes darkened, "calling him Snivellus,"
'How could I have done everything to him? I did it to show off, to try and catch her attention, and it did, but not in the way I would've wanted it to. I ruined everything I could've ever had with her by doing those things to Snape. I tore my chances down, and threw them away when I did that.'
"You made me sick," Lily finished. Her face was red with anger and she looked down to avoid James' gaze.
'Of course I made her sick. I made myself sick, she told me countless times how horrible I was. How she hated me, and that only made me hate myself.'
"I should probably go then," James whispered as he stood up to leave.
Lily's eyes scanned his face. 'He feels horrible about everything. I can tell.'
"I said you made me sick," Lily whispered as she grabbed his arm. James' eyes grew as he shakily sat down across from Lily Evans.
"You changed," Lily whispered as she watched James' hazel eyes light up with excitement.
'She doesn't hate me! She doesn't hate me! She forgives me for everything I did! I still have a chance!'
"I'll admit that you still have that horrible habit of messing up your hair, but I haven't seen you carrying around a snitch lately. You changed, you stopped torturing Severus, and you stopped hexing everyone that annoyed you, and you don't make me sick," Lily finished softly.
James' eyes met Lily's as he sighed in relief; "I hate myself for doing that,"
'He really has changed. There is no doubt about it. The James that I used to know would have never admitted he was wrong. His head was so big that I was afraid it was going to explode, but this James is still the same in many ways, but has lost so much of the qualities that made me hate him.'
"Don't hate yourself for stupid mistakes, everyone makes them," Lily tried to soothe James.
"I can't not hate myself for doing what I did!" James shouted, once again attracting attention of the customers in the shop.
"You were young! Everyone does stupid things when they are young!" Lily shouted back at James.
"Not everyone makes almost everyone hate them including the person they were trying to attract the attention of!" James shouted back into Lily's face. He turned scarlet after he realized what he had just blurted out. Without another word he sank back down into his chair and clamped his mouth shut.
"Not everyone hated you James!" Lily forcefully replied; her voice lower than it had been moments before.
"Of course Sirius, Remus, and Peter didn't hate me," James trailed off without finishing his train of thought.
"I didn't hate you," Lily whispered softly.
"Yes, you did," James feebly replied to her.
"I tried to, and sometimes I did, but it always changed," Lily whispered back.
"I should go," James said glancing at his buzzer which was vibrating quickly in the café.
"Goodbye," Lily whispered into the open spot before her, and then she stood up and apparated as quickly as James had.
~*~
"You didn't snog her then?" Sirius questioned as he bounced up and down on James' sofa with interest.
"Of course I didn't snog her!" James shouted back, his face was cherry red and he kept bringing his hand up to mess up his hair and flinging his arm down by his side.
'How can she make me this unsure of myself, this crazy, this insane? It's criminal I can't sit still. I can't think. I just am, and I find myself watching every single thing I do. I find myself turning my head as fast as I can at every glimmer of red that passes me when I walk down the street.'
"Prongs, you need to learn," Sirius said as he calmed himself down and was now watching James pace back and forth throughout his room flinging his hands up and down as if he were unsure of what do with himself.
"WHAT DO I NEED TO LEARN!" James screamed, clearly confused. He began pacing quicker and seemed even more angry as he was almost walking in a circle.
"How to deal with girls," Sirius answered simply as he stood up and began to walk towards James' kitchen.
"I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH GIRLS!" James screamed in Sirius' face as he blocked his entrance into the kitchen forcing him back onto the sofa.
"No, Prongsie, you don't," Sirius replied loudly as he struggled to get up.
"What do I need to know?" James questioned, still quite loudly, but softer than his screaming tone that he had been using moments before.
"First of all, don't' bring up certain times when you used to hate each other," Sirius laughed out, realizing for the first time that it was a mistake.
"You mean when she used to hate me?" James questioned as he sunk down into his red, plush chair across from the sofa Sirius was seated on.
"No, I mean when the hate was mutual, when you two couldn't stand each other. When you two would spend every minute of you day making each other's lives miserable. When you couldn't carry a civil conversation, when you two couldn't even look at each other without hexing each other so bad that you both ended up in the hospital wing. When the feelings were mutual," Sirius responded, slightly out of breath.
"The hate was never mutual," James whispered out so softly that it couldn't be heard by Sirius.
'I fooled everyone. I fooled my best friends, I fooled my teachers, I fooled Lily, at the time I fooled myself, looking back I was never quite convinced, I'm still not.'
"What did you say?" Sirius asked loudly.
"You heard me!" James shouted once again his voice echoing off the small walls of the apartment.
"I don't think I did!" Sirius shouted right back. Both Sirius and James were standing right now and facing each other, their faces red and their hands clenched.
"It's none of your business what I said!" James unreasonably reasoned with himself.
"Of course it is!" Sirius shouted right back into James' face his fists clenching harder.
"What makes you think that?" James questioned loudly.
"First of all I'm your best friend," Sirius yelled right back at James, quickly without taking a break.
"Just because you are my best friend doesn't mean you need to know every little thing that haunts my mind every time I think or sleep!" James shouted out with a passion that made his body quiver.
"Of course not," Sirius yelled back, "but I believe you were talking to me!"
James opened and closed his mouth many times before he sunk down into his chair moaning, "What am I going to do?"
"She doesn't hate you, Prongs," Sirius comforted as he too sat down on James' sofa, watching James intently.
"No one can completely rid themselves of that feeling of hate," James shouted at Sirius his temper rising.
"I thought you didn't like her," Sirius asked, very well knowing that this was the wrong thing to say.
"I don't!" James shouted, with an unsure tone in his voice that showed that he was lying.
"Yes, you do," Sirius forcefully yelled.
James, who had stood up to yell at Sirius, sank back down into his chair once again as he sighed out, "Fine,"
"It wasn't that hard was it?" Sirius teasingly asked James who turned his hazel eyes on Sirius and glared.
"What did you say earlier?" Sirius asked tentatively.
"The hate was never mutual..." James trailed off softly, his heavy breaths sounding loud in the silent air.
"You mean?" Sirius began to ask before James cut in.
"Yes."
~*~
Lily Evans raced up to the fourth floor quickly. She passed a sign that read:
Fourth Floor
Spell Damage
Unliftable Jinxes, Hexes, and Incorrectly Applied Charms, etc.
"Evans! You're late! You have a patient in ward forty-seven. Auror trainee.." the witch trailed off as Lily passed her heading up toward ward forty-seven.
"Mister, I am so sorry I'm late, I got caught up on the second floor, someone needed me to check up on someone who had caught dragon pox, these trainees they are so unsure, couldn't even tell if it was a charm or the dragon pox, I suppose they will eventually learn," Lily rambled on as she pulled out a sheet of paper showing the status of the patient.
Lily's green eyes rose to meet the man lying in a bed, looking quite embarrassed.
'I would recognize those deep hazel eyes and that messy black hair anywhere.'
"James!" Lily shrieked.
"Nice to see you too," James sarcastically replied.
'It helps me so much to know that I frightened her when she saw me. I don't look that horrible do I? What did Sirius do to me?'
"You broke your arm," Lily softly said as she walked over towards his bed to check his arm.
"I thought so," James replied, trying to clear the pain from his voice.
Lily tenderly ran her fingers across his lower part of his arm that appeared to be broken. James winced in pain as Lily quickly removed her fingers from the tender area.
'Even though the pain is intense, I still tingle where she touches me. Maybe she could just rest her hand on my arm, and I'd forget about the pain...'
"How did it happen?" Lily questioned softly as she reached for her wand.
"Well, we were dodging hexes," James began as Lily turned around to face him, "and I...er...lost my footing, and fell on my arm."
Lily smiled softly as she placed her wand on James' arm and muttered a spell. In a matter of seconds, James' arm healed and appeared to be back to normal.
'Still clumsy as ever...'
Once again, Lily ran her fingers across his arm, "Does it hurt anymore?" Lily asked softly.
'Every single time I feel these damn tingles. Why does she do this? What makes these tingles appear so suddenly?!'
"No," James replied, his gaze meeting Lily's. They were caught in each other's eyes. Intoxicated, they were leaning closer, and just as Lily's bright green eyes closed the doors to the room slammed open and Sirius stood in the door.
James and Lily jumped apart, frightened by the interruption. Lily's face turned red as she muttered, "Hello Sirius,"
'I will have to remember to hurt Sirius later on...' Lily thought in her mind. 'He had to interrupt us.'
James simply glared at Sirius who stood in the doorway, "I had to come check on Jamsie's little arm!"
'Sirius is getting yelled at later he just had to interrupt us...he did this purposely so I'd be alone with Lily and then he ruins it! How can he live with himself?'
Lily giggled at Sirius' face as she turned, "I need to go check on a patient next door, I'll be back in a moment."
"So, did I miss the action?" Sirius teased as he raised his eyebrows at James with goofy expression on his face.
"You ruined the possibility of any action happening," James whispered out as he tried to keep his voice low.
"I thought that maybe by putting that hex on you.." Sirius trailed off when James once again glared at him.
"The hex didn't help anything! I looked like an idiot!" James sternly said, evidently trying to keep his voice down to a lower level.
"What did you say?" Sirius laughed out.
"I told her I tripped," James mumbled out as his face turned a deep shade of red.
"You could've made it all heroic," Sirius laughed out once again.
"She wouldn't have believed that!" James spat out.
"True, who would believe James doing something heroic? Not me!" Sirius choked out.
Lily hustled back into the room, in the middle of Sirius' laughing fit and stopped quickly. Glancing at Sirius laughing and James glaring at him from the bed.
"What's so funny?" Lily asked.
James' face showed fear as Sirius opened his mouth, but he just closed and said, "Sorry Evans, I have to go,"
"James," Lily began as she reached out to touch James' arm, but quickly pulled her hand back. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout Lily's arm, to James'. They were standing in the middle of the ward, empty beds around them, staring into each other's eyes and subconsciously leaning closer.
'Sirius has left there isn't anything to interrupt us!' James happily thought in his mind.
"Miss Evans! We have an emergency in ward forty!" a healer gasped as she threw open the door, not noticing how close Lily and James were standing, "an Auror has been hit with a charm that reduced his head two sizes too small!"
Without taking her eyes off of James Lily replied, "I'll be right there."
'I can't believe...the second time today! It seems as if it weren't meant to be...but I know it is...Why am I even thinking this?'
The woman shut the door and Lily softly told James, "Good luck." Then she turned and raced out of the room. Fleeing the feelings that swarmed the room like angry bees, stinging her and pushing her towards something she didn't want to feel.
"I need to hurt myself more often," James muttered into the empty ward as he apparated.
~*~
James glanced up at the ticking clock on the wall, he found himself wishing that he could throw it against the wall and break it. The sound was unnerving, making him cringe. Lily would be arriving any moment.
'What will she think of me? What will she think of my cooking?' James thought frightened. 'What will she think of my apartment? My clothes?'
A knocking sound filled the room. 'She's here...'
"Hello Lily," James said softly, his voice quivering, as he opened the door to reveal a short woman with dark red hair and almond shaped bright green eyes.
'She's beautiful.' James thought. 'She's beautiful and she doesn't seem to know it...not many people seem to know it. I know it...'
"Hello James," Lily replied equally as softly. Neither of them moved, both remembering the incident in the doctor's office the day before.
"How is your arm feeling?" Lily suddenly asked, she was still standing in the doorway and she seemed to have forgotten the fact when she asked the question.
'She has to bring that up. One of the most embarrassing things in my life. Sirius just had to hex me so that I'd break my arm...and I just had to be sent to St. Mungos. He just knew I'd end up with Lily didn't he.'
"It's feeling much better, thank you," James replied politely, it sounded foreign and formal to his ears and to Lily's.
'James sounds so strange being polite. He's never been really rude to me...but he's never sounded this formal. The formality annoys me. I'd much rather feel that I am closer to him...Where did that come from?'
James seemed to realize that Lily was still standing in the doorway; he gave a slight jump as he stood back beckoning for Lily to enter the small room.
"Are you going to change?" Lily suddenly asked as she glanced over James' attire. He was wearing a crisp white shirt and black pants. James looked over his clothing, not understanding what was wrong with his clothes.
'Something is wrong with my clothes! I knew there would be something wrong with my clothes...because every time I see Lily Evans I embarrass myself!'
"What...I mean...why..." James began before Lily cut him off.
"You might get them dirty when you cook, I prefer to cook the muggle way, takes longer but it is so much more fun!" Lily answered happily as she glanced around James' apartment.
There was a red sofa, and chair sitting in the corner by a fireplace. The mantel was filled with pictures and the room had a large window in the center, through which sunlight was lazily filtering in.
'It seems like somewhere that James would live. It is comfortable and filled with things that have no reason...It is perfect for him...and I feel as if I wouldn't ever mind staying in a place like this.'
"I'll be right back," James announced as he bolted through one of the doors, she saw that it led to a darkened hallway, and James was soon out of sight.
Lily moved over to the fireplace to glance over the pictures. She smiled when she saw James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter in the Great Hall at graduation. The four boys were smiling and waving and she noticed that she could see Professor Dumbledore standing in the background talking with Professor Mcgonagal.
'They were all so happy, so carefree. Sirius and James now have this look to them that still suggests that they haven't completely grown up, but they have aged... matured. They look completely different than they did in this picture even though they don't look different at all.'
She scanned over more pictures of James and his friends and family until she found one with James and a young boy that looked similar to him. The boy had the same narrow face, and messy black hair, he even had glasses, but his eyes were a light blue instead of James' hazel eyes. The two of them looked so happy together.
'He must be James' brother. He looks just like him...I didn't know James had a brother...although how could I expect myself to, I was never very good friends with James, and even though I've become closer to him we haven't discussed our families...'
"Who is that?" Lily asked James, who had just walked up behind her.
"My brother," James replied very softly, his eyes darkened as he watched the picture and he lowered his head.
"I didn't know you had a brother," Lily replied without taking her eyes off the picture.
"I don't anymore," James choked out. There was a knot in the back of his throat threatening to cause tears to spill. He tried to hold them in for Lily's sake. He wanted to appear strong, and not weak in her eyes.
'I can't cry...' James worriedly thought in his head. 'I cannot appear weak. I cannot cry.'
"You mean?" Lily gasped out turning around to see James looking at the ground helplessly trying to remain in one piece.
'No wonder I never knew. I can't believe that someone so young and so innocent died so horribly, and caused his whole family pain beyond belief...It is so clear that James still hurts and bleeds over it...his eyes show everything.'
"Voldemort," James swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears inside of him, trying to not release the pain in the open. He didn't want anyone to see how much it hurt.
"When?" Lily gasped out once again; she was now closer to James, watching him through bright emerald eyes, which held concern.
"During seventh year," James whispered out, unable to remain control over his voice.
"I'm so sorry," Lily sincerely whispered back. James could feel her sweet breath on his neck as he tried to regain control of his feelings, and put the sorrow behind him.
'No one should have the pain like this. No one in the world. Especially not James' little brother, who was so innocent, and had such a long life to live. He had everything ahead of him and then it was snatched away because fate was looking the other way.'
"I became an Auror to fight for him," James explained, "I felt I needed to get revenge on the one who ruined my brother's life, who ruined my family's life, and mine."
"He looks just like you," Lily smiled as she glanced at the picture once again.
"His name was Harry," James told Lily, as he glanced at the picture, a small smile playing on his face.
Lily smiled right back, until James' smile faded, and turned into a frown. The tears were threatening to flow and he quickly turned away from Lily. Lily reached over and placed her hand on his arm.
'He does still bleed. I can feel it coursing through his veins. It scares me that I can feel things that he does...'
"I haven't cried since it happened," James confessed to Lily as he wiped his tears away from his shining hazel eyes.
"How?" Lily asked amazed, "That's unhealthy James. You need to let it all out."
Lily reached out and hugged James; he melted into her arms and rested his head on her shoulder as he cried. His glasses dug into her neck, but neither seemed to notice or care that the position was less than comfortable. James' head was bent down low, creating a pain in his neck. To them, it was perfect.
'I can feel his glasses digging into my neck...but it seems so small compared to what James must be feeling. I need to take some pain. I need to let him cry it out and give it to me...I need for him to keep holding me and for me to hold him...it makes me melt...and melting is by far the best feeling in the world.'
'My neck is in pain, but somehow the pain doesn't hurt me. I can only feel Lily...and her arms around me and my arms around her...and her scent tickles my nose and I need to hold her tighter otherwise I might fall to the ground, my legs can't support me anymore.'
After almost a half hour of solid crying James' head shot up, "Lily, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this to you."
Lily smiled as she shook her head, "Don't worry James,"
"We should probably start," Lily said, gesturing towards the clock. Lily and James made their way into the kitchen.
~*~
"That was amazing!" James shouted as Lily set the last knife on the table.
Lily turned to smile at James, "It wasn't that amazing, I only made simple recipes. Plus nothing is finished yet, we don't know it tastes."
"I'm sure it's wonderful," James assured Lily as they walked back into the kitchen.
It was a mess, there was flour everywhere. The eggs were still laying on the counter, and packages and boxes of spices, and flavors were still opened and laying on the counter; some of their contents spilling out over the edges.
'I am sure it will be wonderful if she made it.' James thought to himself as he watched Lily from the corner of his eye. 'Everything she does is wonderful. The fact that she breathes is wonderful. And the fact that she made one of the biggest messes I have ever seen in my kitchen is wonderful. She is the most wonderful person I have ever met.'
"Now we have to clean up," Lily winked at James as she pulled a rag off the counter next to the sink and began to clean up the flour that had spread over the black marble counter in the middle of the room.
'James doesn't care about making a mess.' Lily laughed lightly as she rubbed the counter top clean. 'Of course most men don't. He is still so young at heart. He's so young but he's matured, and grown. He's changed. He isn't the little boy I knew at Hogwarts. Now he's older, wiser, and still as charming and silly as he was before.'
"The worst part," James muttered as he also grabbed a rag and began wiping off the counter-tops. When James reached the bag of flour he dropped his rag, and reached up to place the bag on the shelf right above Lily's head.
It happened in an instant. Lily spilled a cup of water that had been sitting quite near the edge of the counter, begging to fall. The cup clattered and rolled away. James lost his footing as he slipped in the water that was spreading rapidly across the kitchen floor. James dropped the bag of flour as he attempted to stop himself from falling. The flour flew through the air and landed in Lily's hair, covering her in white. She lost her balance and grabbed James to remain standing. Once again James slipped in the water and both of them landed on the floor.
'Great, for about the twentieth time this week I end up on the floor with Lily Evans.' James thought to himself as he tried to remain calm with the gentle pressure of Lily's body pressing down on him. 'Is this some sort of a sign from God? Is there a reason that we keep ending up on each other? Or is this just some sick joke?'
When the last of the flour had settled James mumbled from somewhere underneath Lily sheepishly, "Sorry."
'This is the fifth time that James and I have landed on top of each other. Luckily this one wasn't in public...I don't think I could stand another one of those. I find my mind wandering and I forget where I am, I can only think of things that I don't even want to think about...and then when I realize where I am I've been laying there so long that it makes it obvious what I was thinking about. Then I begin to blush and it just enforces everyone's opinion that I was thinking that...because I really was! And I hate that I was!'
To James' surprise Lily didn't scream, she laughed. She laughed as she wiped the flour away from her eyes and saw James' surprised look, and she laughed hardest when she reached for the left over eggs and cracked them open in James' hair.
'This is not the Lily Evans I remember.' James thought as he felt the egg drip through his hair. 'Evans would never do this. She is still the same person, but different somehow. She's changed in a good way. In a way that makes me love her even more for it...and in that fact it's a bad way because I hate the fact that I love her.'
James reached his hand to feel what damage she had done. His hand met with the slimy, sticky feeling of raw eggs. He glared at down at Lily who was still on the floor laughing.
'His face is so funny.' Lily laughed out loud. 'He makes me laugh so hard that I can't help but feel that he looks adorable. I hate to think he's adorable. I don't want to think it but I do, and I enjoy thinking it. Is that even possible?'
"You think it's funny then do you?" James teasingly asked, trying to maintain a serious tone, but failing miserably.
'Her laugh makes me weak.' James realized as he automatically smiled back. 'I can't be angry when she is laughing. It is impossible, when she laughs, I laugh. When she cries, I cry. She controls me; I have no hold over my emotions or myself. Is that illegal?'
"Yes, I do," Lily replied, holding her sides because she was laughing so hard.
James just smiled and as he stepped forward to get his revenge he slipped and fell on the floor once again.
'I think that it's illegal to not embarrass myself in front of Lily.' James yelled within his mind. 'I fall, I stutter, and I cry. She must think that I'm an idiot...of course she probably already did. Why is she still here?'
"James! Are you okay?" Lily asked worriedly, as she knelt down to his level.
'James has a habit of falling.' Lily laughed. 'At least this time he broke the habit of brining me down with him. Not that I mind being underneath him...Who am I kidding? I yearn for the feel of him. How can I do this to myself? It was so much easier when I hated him!'
"I'm fine," James replied slowly, as he stared into her eyes. They were leaning closer, and closer. Their noses were touching. Lily closed her eyes and leaned in.
'He is close...very close...' Lily thought to herself. 'I can feel his breath, it tickles my ear, I just need to lean in a little closer...'
'She's closer than I ever could imagine...' James thought. 'She smells like vanilla, the smell intoxicates me...I just have to lean a little bit farther...'
Beep. Beep.
The timer went off. Lily jumped up anxious at the chance to get away from James. She pulled out the bread and the chicken and she set them on the counter. When she looked at James, she laughed.
"I think that we should probably shower," Lily suggested as she left the kitchen. The door hit James on his way out; as he rubbed his nose he pushed it open once again.
'Here I go again. Making a fool of myself in front of Lily Evans. I did it enough to last someone a lifetime of women during Hogwarts...why does it have to continue now?'
"I get the shower first!" James shouted as he turned to go into the hallway leading to the rest of the apartment.
"I'm the guest! I should get it first!" Lily reasoned as she ran to catch up to James. Their hands were both on the door and once again they were both staring at each other. When their fingers had touched electricity had shot up their arms.
'My hand tingles every single time he touches me.' Lily thought as she felt the pleasant tingling sensation run up her arm. 'It spreads through my body quickly, and as quick as it comes it goes. Then I spend hours wishing it was still there.'
'There she goes again. Controlling my feelings, my emotions. I don't know how she does it...I love it...and I hate it...I want to control myself again...but I don't.'
For the second time that night they were leaning closer. For the second time that night Lily shut her eyes. For the second time that night they were interrupted.
Knock, knock.
'I swear I will have to kill the person who keeps doing this!' James shouted within his mind as he looked upwards towards the ceiling.
Without giving another thought to their appearances Lily and James opened the door.
"Hello James!" James' mother said as she pulled James into a hug. His mother was a short woman; she had short brown hair that fell into place nicely, and hazel eyes that matched James' perfectly.
"Good to see you son," James father sternly said. James' father on the other hand had black hair; it seemingly would be messy, as James' naturally was, but he had it flattened down that it looked unreal. His face was expressionless.
'James doesn't seem to be like his father. Aside from the hair...' Lily wondered. 'He doesn't have an expression. James always shows how he feels, it is so evident in his eyes...It's odd that he doesn't show how he feels or his personality at all...'
"You must be Lily," James' mother began as she grabbed Lily's hand, "I have heard so much about you!"
James flushed to a deep red as he tried to hide his face from his parents and Lily.
'Of all the things to say...Tell the girl I talk about her a lot. Let's all tell her that I talk about her all the time...I think about her all the time...I want her all the time. Way to go Mum.'
"What have you two been doing?" His mother exclaimed once she noticed Lily and James' appearance. Lily and James looked down and realized that they were covered in flour, and in James' case eggs.
"We were cooking...and then...er...we were cleaning up," Lily replied, at a loss for words.
"We had a food fight," James simply replied as he turned and said, "I get the shower first,"
"I called it!" Lily shouted as she raced after him out the door.
After they were gone and the apartment was quiet except for the occasional shrieking coming from an area near the bathroom James' mother asked, "How long?"
"Soon," James father replied, a smile threatening to appear on his expressionless face.
~*~
Author's Note: I just felt that I should thank EVERYONE who sent me such nice encouragement in their reviews!
Kellie: I am so glad that you loved my first attempt of this story! I loved the idea so much too that I just couldn't stay away...I just had to make it better! I hope that this chapter is quick enough for you I lit my fingers on fire with all the typing! The chapter is the same length hope that made you happy!
Sirius' lover: I hope the 5th book didn't upset you too much...it made me cry...Thanks for the compliment! Hopefully you'll enjoy this just as much
Dark Angel: I'm glad you like the story! And you get to read more of Lily and James' thoughts now! Hopefully you'll enjoy them! And I'm writing just as fast as I can 4 all of you!
Christy: I'm so glad you liked it! I updated but I'm sorry you'll have to wait until next chapter to find out what happens at the dinner. You get the cooking in this chappie!
Fluffymiffin: This chapter is just as long! Hopefully it's just as good!
Oobergoober: This one is long too! And I'm glad that it made you happy, hopefully this does the same!
Hermione101888: Here's chapter two and I hope you like the story just as much!
Princess: Hopefully this is fast enough. It wasn't TOO long! And I'm glad that you liked it!
Lilyclio: I'm glad you liked the story...about making it shorter I just couldn't do it! I prefer to read longer chapters...and sometimes I leave notes telling people they should make their chapters longer...I can't be hypocritical like that!
Amy: I'm glad you liked it! And I'm so glad it made you laugh! That makes me feel really great! Thank you so much! Hopefully this will meet to your standards once again!
Flea: I'm so glad you loved it. About mixing my ideas...I just couldn't leave them there...it also made the chapter quicker to write ;-) I'm glad you like the length and the relationship between James and Sirius, hopefully it's close to the way the flashback was too-although I didn't make James that mean!
Elegystar: I'm glad u liked it! This one is long too so hopefully this update meets to your standards!
Bell: Thank you for supporting this story when it was A Portent Of Love. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! Sorry it seemed too long...I just write more and more until I realize I have to stop! Hope this update is soon enough for you!
Hefeump: I wrote more! And I'm glad you loved my story!
Shadowbird: Here's a chapter! Hope you like it!!
I o u a name: I'm glad that the story made you laugh. I try to make it funny and its nice to know that someone found it amusing! The job interview is for a promotion-you'll find out about it in an upcoming chapter...although I can't remember which one.
Midnight-Shadow: I am so glad that you found it funny!! Hopefully this chapter will make you laugh just has hard!