Commanding Officer Chapter 4

A/N: This is a short chapter, my first attempt at 'first-person'. The next episode in line is Ascension,which has inspired the next chapter to come, because Ascension does a great job of developing and then resolving some trust issues between Sam and Jack. (I'll attempt to 'discover' the relationship issues we don't see specifically portrayed but you know they are there!) This chapter takes place during 'Threshold'...

I should have seen it coming.

I should have been watching Teal'C's back. And It's my fault he's lying in the infirmary, dying.

I knew Tanith was still on that planet. And I knew Apophis' fleet was on the way and had probably made contact with Tanith when we shot down the ship they sent to pick up that stinking spy. I should have realized they'd send reinforcements as soon as they were in range.

I should have seen it coming.

Maybe I'll go home and get drunk. There's nothing I can do for Teal'C now anyway. Janet is convinced this rite of Malshuraan will kill Teal'C. Sounded like Bra'tac expects him to die, too. What was it Teal'C said? That nobody has ever survived the Rite of Malshuraan? Some rite. Of course, Teal'C hasn't exactly been reliable ever since we got him back from Apophis, all brainwashy.

The first mistake I made was in letting Teal'C go after Tanith in the first place. The nova would've wiped him out; we didn't need to risk our lives. I should have ordered him to drop this personal Jaffa revenge thing and go back to the mothership.

Oh wait, I did order him to go back to the mothership. He just chose to ignore my order, and I didn't even try to push it. Now he's lying in that bed fighting for his life because I decided to have a democracy instead of a command.

Carter's pissed at me, too. That's another whole can of worms I've opened because I can't keep my personal feelings separate from my military responsibilities. What was I thinking, kissing her on the ship? And practically ordering her to stay with me while we slept?

I should have asked for a replacement on the team the day I met her.

Oh wait, I did. Hammond overruled me. Well, at least this one's partially his fault. The minute we started sparring in that conference room about arm wrestling and how tough she was, I was attracted to her. Very attracted. I even liked her scientific mumbo-jumbo...now, that really should have been a red flag to me. Up until I met her, I would hide in the broom closet when I saw a scientist heading my way.

I should have seen it coming.

Carter's down there now, sitting with Teal'C. She's barely speaking to me. I can't blame her. First I step over the line with her, then I push her away. I know I hurt her feelings back there on the Al'Kesh. I didn't need to do that. She's done nothing to deserve that kind of treatment from me.

I told Carter I was going to sleep for two hours and then relieve her. Who am I kidding? I can't even sit on the bed for more than thirty seconds at a time. I think I'll go back to the observation room. I've already let Teal'C down too many times. I'm going to be there for him all the way through to the end this time. It can't make up for how I've failed him, but at least I'll be there if he needs me now.

Yeah.

I'm climbing the walls in here anyway. I'm not staying in here another second.

"You didn't stay away long."

"The same could be said of yourself, General."

Hammond can't leave, either. He's thinking about the future Teal'C would face here on Earth if this rite doesn't work, and even though he hasn't said it in precise words, he's determined to see this procedure through to success or death. He's made the decision that one way or another, Teal'C will not be locked up for the rest of his life. Which means, if Teal'C dies, Hammond might as well have pulled the trigger.

Like I did with Carter that day in the SGC hallway.

Being in command really sucks sometimes.

Uh oh. This is it. The heart monitor is flat lining and Bra'tac is trying to bring Teal'C out of it. Better get down there.

This can't be happening.

Right now, the only thing I can see in my mind is Teal'C sitting next to me all those hours I was pinned to the wall of the Gateroom by that alien artifact a couple years ago. He told me jokes, or at least he tried to. He wiped the sweat off my face. He kept me from totally losing it a couple of times. He would have taken my place if there was any possible way, I could see it in his eyes. And he never left.

Hey, Daniel and Carter are moving towards Teal'C and Bra'tac is smiling at us. He's awake! I don't believe it. He's talking. Carter looks like she's about to cry. So does Danny. I'm having a hard time holding back too, come to think of it.

"Out of curiosity, how do you feel about..." I start to ask, just to make sure, because I am the eternal skeptic, and because he's fooled me before.

"Apophis is a false god," he interrupts me readily, " a dead false god."

His eyes look like the Teal'C I remember, for the first time since all this started. The knot in my gut is beginning to unravel, finally.

We're going to be okay.

"That's good enough for me," I smile back at his tired yet peaceful face.

We're okay. Teal'C is okay, SG1 is okay, and we're back together again. And here I am, genuinely surprised right down to my socks that things worked out for us, again. And on top of all this, icing on the cake, Apophis is dead, at least I'm 99 percent sure he is dead.

And Carter. Well, she still looks pretty pissed at me, or sad maybe, but I know we'll be okay, too. Eventually. I hope.

I don't know why I always expect the worst. Maybe it's my training, all those years of learning to prepare for the worst-case scenario. Thinking of all the possibilities and being ready for any of them to happen.

Or maybe Sam was right. I don't trust my team, I don't let myself rely on them the way I should. I don't rely on anyone but myself, even when they have proven their trustworthiness to me over and over. I've been selling them short because I'm not willing to believe in them. In us.

I should know by now, after all we've been through together, that where SG1 is concerned, things just have a way of working out.

I should have seen it coming.