Polarized Heart
Chapter 7 – I Could Love You Better
Remus could see James and Peter walking out of the hall and towards the courtyard. Pressing himself against the wall as they passed, he slipped into the hall and looked around. Sitting alone at the Slytherin table was Severus, and Remus knew what he had to do.
Severus had seen the look on Remus' face as he chased after Sirius. The two had been going out for a few months, maybe longer for all that Severus knew. What Remus had told him was that Sirius had finally confessed to him what he had been feeling for some time. Once again Severus was reminded of the pain he felt for not being in Gryffindor.
Looking up from the muffin he was buttering, Severus could see a scene that lifted his spirits. James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were leaving the great hall, but Severus could see a little figure hiding behind one of the huge doors to the entrance. The figure was none other than Remus Lupin.
Now why Remus would be hiding from his friends is an interesting question. It was obvious that he didn't want to be seen by them, yet he was coming back into the hall, and surely not to eat all by himself.
Sure as the sun rises and sets Remus entered the hall, and looked around for someone. His eyes fell onto Severus, who had dug into his porridge as though he hadn't noticed the werewolf's presence. Marching determinedly towards the Slytherin table, Remus prepared himself for what he would say. He wasn't sure if he and Sirius had actually broken up or not, but he did know that he needed some immediate attention.
"Severus, do you er…mind if I join you?" The slighter boy timidly sat down across from the moody teenager and felt very out of place. Raising his head just enough to cast a dark look at Remus, Severus spoke.
"Sure, why not. Having trouble with your boyfriend, are you?" He looked right into Remus' eyes, warning him he would not be a fall back. Thoughts of doubt crossed Remus' mind as to why he came running to this boy who seemed to dislike him. But there were some questions to be asked.
"Well, as a matter of fact yes. We were fighting about me and you, if you must know." An awkward moment passed where Severus felt it necessary to chew his porridge and get more juice.
"Why the hell would you be talking about me and you, let alone fight about it?"
"Severus, last night…did you feel the connection between us? Please tell me I'm not being crazy and throwing everything with Sirius away." He looked as though he would cry if Severus didn't tell him that it was all real. But knowing Severus, he didn't know how to trust or even how to be nice to someone he cared for. So he went on torturing the young wolf.
"A connection? Like you actually got what I was teaching? No, I think you're daft as all get out." He poured some raisins into his porridge and made a face as he tried it.
"Never mind, this was really stupid of me to come over here. Really stupid" Remus stood up to leave, and the inner Snape begged him to sit back down. You're killing him Severus! Why do you have to be so mean. You care about this guy, why don't you show it!!
"Remus wait! I, um,…I think I know what you mean. About the connection." He attempted to smile, and Remus took the offer.
"Want to go somewhere else where we could talk? I'd really appreciate it if you could." For the better of both boys, they walked out to the courtyard together.
It was a chilly day and Remus had no coat to protect him from the icy winds that blew down from the mountains around them. Severus watched him shiver for a few moments and then took off his sweater.
"Do you, er, …want my sweater? You look very cold" Severus offered, and a bright smile on Remus' face was his reward.
"Thanks! I didn't know it was this cold out. I guess it would be since holiday break is approaching. I'm stuck here at school for holiday. How about you, are you going home?" Severus looked at him strangely, thinking about his answer. He was staying too, and was now excited to hear that Remus was too.
"Yeah, I always stay here. I only go home when I have too. I know my father likes it that way." He stared off into the mountains, mist rising off of them.
"I can't imagine not wanting to go home. I love my family, and I miss them a lot, but I can't." Images of Remus' beautiful mother and compassionate father swam past his eyes, and his longing for home panged loudly.
The thought of the full moon that was to fall in the middle of break was at the top of his reasons not to go home. He was always moody and extremely sensitive around his transformation time, and it would only hurt him more to know that he bothered his family with this trouble. It had been the final push for him to go to Hogwarts, the idea of his family having a break from his wolf form.
"What happened with you and Sirius" Severus asked coldly with little enthusiasm. Remus looked at the boy for a moment considering his answer.
"I don't really know. I know that he loves me, and I was sure that he knew I loved him…he's so stubborn some times. .. You don't want to hear about this" Severus took a step closer to the small shivering boy.
"Eau contraire, I am interested. Very interested." Their faces close together, breath mingling as one, Severus continued "You see, I know already that the argument was about me, so I'm involved now. I can't quit something that I'm involved in."
Severus was now smiling, a sight that Remus had wanted to see since he woke up that morning, but it was an uncomfortable situation the two were in at the moment. With a sudden step back, Severus stood up straight.
"I thought so." He turned and walked over to some stone benches, patting the space beside him. He was surprised by how assertive he was being, but something inside told him he would have to be.
"What do you mean 'I thought so?'" He padded over to the bench and sat down. "To tell the truth, I'm so confused about everything right now, and your behavior isn't omitted from that." He blinked twice for emphasis.
"Don't get me wrong Remus, but didn't we come out here to talk about what ever is going on so we can straighten things out?" Severus laughed to himself thinking of straightening out Remus. Never going to happen.
"No, you're right. I did want to come out here to talk to you, but not necessarily about Sirius and me. But since you seem to want to talk about it, I guess it's open for discussion."
"Alright, good. What happened at breakfast?" Severus watched as Remus kicked his foot around in the dirt, his delicate hands gripping the edge of the bench. Taking a deep breath, Remus began to talk.
"Well, I think it started last night actually. Sirius had told me that he had something special planned, but I had to cancel because of our study session. This ticked him off beyond reason, and he told me he wouldn't wait up for me. So I came back to our room afterward, and I couldn't go to sleep because I…felt weird" Remus' pause had aroused Severus' curiosity, but he continued with the story.
"But, when I woke up this morning every one was up already, so I had to come down all by myself. I guess Sirius had been dwelling on things all night because he didn't even give me a chance this morning to say anything." His eyes were fixed on the leaves covering the ground but not really seeing them. Severus' arm hovered behind Remus, then lowered back down onto the bench to grip the back.
"So, that's how you got here…stuck with me, eh?" He raised an eyebrow at Remus, but the small boy only shook his head.
"No, it's not like that and you know it! Why are you pushing me like this?" An angry puff of air blew out his mouth and he stood up quickly. "Severus, I know that you…I'm tired of playing these games with you. Do you like me?" Severus' eyes shot up in a flash, his face dropping with surprise. How am I supposed to answer this one? I tried to be assertive and all it got me was in trouble…Life really blows some times.
Severus was incredibly unsure of how to respond. He was still perched on the bench, and Remus was now standing directly in front of him. I could pretend that I don't know what he means, but he seems to be getting irritated with me.
"Severus, this was a mis-"
"Yes Remus!" Severus yelled as he stood up.
"What, yes it was a mistake?"
"What? No, yes to your question" Both boys stood staring for a few moments, a new awkwardness arising with their stance.
"Well, that's a load off of my shoulders" Severus announced, raising his eyebrows and shrugging his shoulders. Remus had a similar reaction to his words.
"So, what should we do about this? Because I feel the same way…"
"You wanna give Orion White a break and give me a try?" This new side was surprising to both, but Remus was happy to meet it. He considered the proposal for a few moments and then turned to Severus.
"I think it's worth a shot. For now, let's go inside, I'm freezing!" The two boys walked inside of the castle side by side, one experiencing the first real happy moment of his life.
AN: Hopefully I'll get chap 8 up soon, I'm sooo excited for you guys to read it. As always, read and REVIEW! You guys are pretty good about reviewing, I just hope you haven't given up on this story…looks out to see if anyone is there as she rocks out to "Dark Lady" by Cher