This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Chapter 1 – Moving On
Draco bowed before his father, it wasn't the usual way to greet the head of the family, but tonight the Dark Lord had summoned him to a private meeting and Lucius was the main attendee. He remained silent as his father began to prattle on about his own allegiance and pride in serving the Dark Lord. Draco stifled a yawn and began to prepare his mind to block any probing that might be attempted by Voldemort.
He had only been practicing for a number of months since he took the Dark Mark – he rued that day but knew that it was something he had to do, not because he felt the call to the Dark Arts like many others, but because it was needed for the greater good.
'-although I had a tip off you could certainly imagine my surprise when I saw the Mudblood Granger wrapped in your 'Uncles' arms, her mouth being ravaged by his,' The older Malfoy began to pace the floor in front of Draco as he snapped to attention.
'I thought that I'd give him a little gift. You could smell her arousal from ten feet; it was obvious she was fighting against her conscious as to what she wanted. So I thought I'd help her along a bit…' He trailed off as he saw his son's rapt attention, but there was also something else, it fitted his face briefly before it turned emotionless again.
Before his father could continue Draco spoke, it could be a costly mistake on his part, but he was tired of hearing the same things over again. 'Forgive me father, for speaking out of turn,' his father looked stunned and turned to the Dark Lord, surprised to find curiosity on the Serpentine face. Draco, noticing the curiosity himself continued his intrusion. 'But I heard you tell me this the same night it happened, I have limited time from Hogwarts before Dumble-bore notices my absence.' He turned to face the Dark Lord, suppressing his feelings towards the monster. 'How can I assist you this evening, sire?'
Voldemort looked the younger Malfoy over, he liked him, he was direct and uncomplicated – the exact opposite of his father. Lucius could be boring with his elaborate plots and flourish filled speeches, take tonight for example. He had been secretly pleased when the younger wizard had piped up; he too had wanted to tell Lucius to get on with it. Nevertheless, Lucius had done well; had provided a great service and he wanted to keep the Malfoy's loyalty to the cause, so he indulged his love of 'hamming' things up.
'Yes,' He stood and approached the teenage Death Eater, 'there is something I need you to complete, I want you to give a present to our little Gryffindor, something to help her… sleep.' He grinned and a sharp tongue licked his lips as he produced a small vial from his robes. 'This is the Eternal Sleeping Draught; there is no cure, as you know. This,' he held the vial up to the dim light; the liquid was orange and could easily be disguised in pumpkin juice, 'will be the nail in the coffin of the leach that spied on us for the past three years; his beloved, will never awaken and will never die. She won't be ravaged by the effects of time…' he trailed off as he felt the boys' keenness. He knew that the boy wanted the bottle and to get out of here to complete his task. He wasn't impatient, he was eager to please – a quality so few of the other, more experienced Death Eaters truly had any more. He smiled and handed the vial to the young wizard. 'It will also wreak havoc with that godforsaken Potter! Go, we don't want you're headmaster waiting for you.'
Draco all but snatched the vial from Voldemort's hand before bowing deeply to him. The Dark Lord stepped back to his seat, and nodded at the boy for him to leave. With a 'pop', he was gone.
'Lucius,'
'Yes my lord?'
'Why can't you be more liked your son?'
She didn't remember anything, Severus thought with wonder. He really did Obliviate her! The young Gryffindor laughed at something her professor said and tossed her hair back; she turned and caught his eye, a flicker of pain crossing them. However, the pain was not due to his raping of her, but more of disappointment and pity at him and his situation. He grumbled and moved his mash potatoes around his plate grumpily. It had been three weeks since he had been found out and reduced to living the life of a 'normal' professor.
He grunted and pushed his plate back. It was so unfair. He had always had a role beyond that of normalcy; he didn't even know what the word normalcy meant. I do, it means boring, his mind spat. He was doomed to a fate that he had seen another go through, someone who he had taunted due to the lack of life he had. Karma, he frowned at his meal, wishing that the potatoes would come alive and eat him. What goes around comes around.
He had always hated Sirius Black, well no, actually, he hadn't and he cursed again at the memory of two little dark haired boys causing mischief around the House of Black. He remembered how he had loved that house and wished it were his; it had been full of dark magical stuff that could help him cause trouble. He had loved to cause trouble, but the trouble had started to rule him by the time he had come to Hogwarts. By this time, he and Sirius barely spoke and after just a few months into their first year they bitterly hated each other, Sirius was always the more confident of the two, and threw himself into the social side of the school. Severus had simply retreated into his world of trouble causing with his fellow Slytherin's only emerging into the spotlight through his role as a beater on the Quidditch team. By the time the Order was restored his hatred for his old friend was too much for him and he couldn't help but be delighted that it was now his turn to shine whilst Black was reduced to hiding away.
His life had come full circle and without a word to anyone he got up and beat a hasty retreat from the Great Hall, feeling a pair of eyes watching his every step until the door closed behind him.
'I'm sorry; I don't think I quite understand what you're telling me.' Hermione Granger laughed nervously. 'I thought you said that I had to leave?'
'I did. I'm really sorry Granger, but if you don't then either my own cover is blown or I really will have to administer the Eternal Sleeping Draught.' Draco ran his hand through his thick blond locks. 'For crying out loud, Granger, think this one through! If you're gone, then I can't get you. If you're here we either have no spy or you sleep for eternity, a cure has never been found – even Snape has been stumped by it.' For a split second he was sure he saw a flicker of pain flash across her face, but it was replaced by anger all too quickly for him to be sure.
'This isn't fair!' she said quietly, anger rumbling through her. 'I worked bloody hard for that apprenticeship and now you're telling me that I've got to go and hide in the Muggle World? I don't believe this!' She kicked the wall nearest to her in frustration and turned to face him eyes blazing. 'No, I won't run out on the world I love, I'll take the damned potion.'
'What a completely stupid idea, I would have expected a more intelligent and logical answer from you,' a deep voice drawled behind her. She spun around and came face to chest with Severus Snape. 'You will not take that potion; you will remove yourself from this school and the world of magic, until it is safe again.' His dark eyes bore into her own, 'Do you hear me Miss Granger? There is nothing here for you except darkness and depression.'
Her breath caught in her throat. 'You really are a monster,' her lower lip wobbled.
'It's taken you this long to notice?' he whipped around and stalked away calling back without looking. 'Remove yourself from this school Miss Granger.
Draco watched the scene before him with interest. He knew what had happened in the potions lab that night; his father had revelled in telling him over and over again.
As the dark professor turned down another corridor Hermione turned back to face the blond and snatched the papers that held her new life from his hands. 'I'll leave first thing.'
As Draco watched the curly haired Gryffindor walk away from him, he felt another part of him die. Suddenly he felt an affinity with his brooding professor.
She packed quickly and quietly and looked around the room she had treasured for the past nine months. She had worked hard over the past seven years for her future. She had mastered magic far beyond her age and had impressed two of the professors so much that they had fought for her to take on the rare opportunity of an apprenticeship with them. Now all that was gone
She sunk onto her bed sobs escaping her small frame. Her shoulders shook as the pressure of the last three weeks finally pulled her down. First she had been dumped, then lost her apprenticeship and now her whole future was being whipped away.
Her detention with Snape three weeks ago had been confusing at the very least. She remembered getting to his door and then, as if part of her memory was missing, she was back at her rooms in tears. She was disorientated, lost and hurt in her most intimate of places. She felt an ache deep in her chest as if she knew she was missing something, as if she knew something wasn't right. She spun on her heel, as she was about to open the door and ran back towards the dungeons.
She had pounded furiously on the potions lab door, and had caused such a commotion with her begging and pleading for the Potions Master to open up, that the Slytherin Common room opened and a dozen heads peaked out.
Suddenly they all disappeared back inside as the door flew open and a very irate Snape stood in its frame. Before she could utter a syllable she was yanked inside and the door slammed shut.
Before she knew what was happening she was thrown back against the door, her teeth clipping her tongue as her head hit the solid oak.
'I told you that I didn't want to see you again here, unless it was for classes!' the baritone voice of her professor boomed. 'What the hell do you think you're playing at?'
'I…' she faulted, 'I don't remember… what are you talking about?'
'I will not go through this again, Miss Granger,' he hissed her name, 'it's over.' He crossed his arms over his chest as he surveyed her. She couldn't look away from his ferocious stare, even as her hand crept into her hair to rub at the sore spot where her head had connected with the wood. She pulled her hand away and he spat out a curse, there was blood covering her fingers.
His eyes softened and he took her arm gently this time and led her to a seat.
'Hermione,' he murmured, 'I thought that we had gone through all this? We can't be together anymore,'
'No,' she whispered as she sat down on the stool and he lifted her hair to see the damage, 'it can't be… we can't be… I don't remember, I honestly don't remember.'
He whispered an incantation and pressed his wand to her head, which instantly became free of the pain that had started to build into a throb and then moved and sat across from her.
'Hermione, I have been found out. Don't you remember anything?' She gasped and shook her head. He had been found out and yet he was still alive? It was a miracle. She wanted to throw her arms around him and comfort him. Sure he was now free of the burden of risking his life, but she knew that he would now be confined to a life here in the walls of Hogwarts until the Dark Lord was defeated, that he would feel like a caged animal. Her mind instantly flashed back to Sirius Black and how he had reacted, drawing into himself, becoming frustrated and isolated. How he had… died. A squeak escaped her lips and she flung herself into his arms.
'It will be okay,' she whispered as she clung desperately to him, 'we will work something out, please promise me you won't do anything stupid to help, promise me you will remain safely here.' She pulled back and looked at him.
'Hermione,' he began, trying to untangle himself from the scared waif before him. 'Please,'
'No, Severus, I beg you please, give me your word.'
'Only if you promise to leave me and never come back.' He flatly stated.
'What?' she recoiled in horror. 'Why? Why would I do that?
'Because, they have found out that I am a spy, and I don't want them to find out that I care for you,' he ran a finger longingly down her face. 'I don't want you to become an ever more obvious target. I need you safe.'
'But I love you!' she exclaimed. 'Why would I leave?'
He sighed. 'If you love me, leave me. I am asking you to do this for me, Hermione, I am asking you to save yourself. We have been through this already.'
Gulping down a fresh wave of tears, she demanded her promise again. 'Only if you promise to stay away from me,' he affirmed again. For a moment he looked panicked, but it was quickly masked again.
'If I stay away until the war is over, will you remain here, safely housed, so that I don't have to mourn your death? I know you Severus; I know what you live for,' He looked away at her words. 'I will fight this war, but I don't want to have to worry about you coming to save me or anyone else out of your desperation to do something. That is the only way I promise to walk away from you – just until the war is over mind.'
'You won't come back, and because of that I give you my word.'
'Oh I'll be back, Severus, I will return some day; that I will promise.' And with those words she reached over and kissed him. He kissed back for a few moments before he gently pushed her back and rose. She took her cue and moved to the door. When it opened she turned to face him, tears shimmering in her eyes.
'I trust that this won't happen again,' he began to close the door on her, 'Good night, Miss Granger,'
'Goodnight Professor.'
Hermione threw herself on to her pillows on her giant bed, sobbing into them freely. The man she had worked so closely to these past nine months had become a close friend and then…. Well, lover couldn't be used, as they had never actually made love, and boyfriend was certainly out of the question, Severus Snape could never be called a boyfriend. She nearly giggled at the notion before the pain swept through her again. They had become companions, they had began to… no courting isn't right either. She rolled onto her back, we talked and kissed, debated, and cuddled, another laugh started on her lips before tears formed again, both reactions from the image of the dreaded potions master actually cuddling.
Closing her eyes and letting out a long tired breath, she slowly fell into a dreamless sleep.
Severus paced his chambers like a caged dog; he couldn't believe what he had over heard Draco telling her. He was to entice her to drink the Eternal Sleep Draught, which would cause her to sleep eternally, perfectly preserved, never aging, never dying and never waking. He shivered at the thought of watching her sleep every day of his miserable life and it had taken all this strength to walk over and tell her to go.
The only thing that had been keeping him going these past three weeks was that she would be remaining here, safely enclosed in the walls of Hogwarts with him. That he would still at least see her during meals and staff meetings and at brief intervals during patrols of the grounds. Now, there would be none of those brief encounters. Not that he deserved to see her anyway, not after what he had done.
He still remembered the event clear as if it had been just five minutes ago.
She had been serving another 'detention' – their excuse for her to work with him – when she had tripped on a stool leg and stumbled into him. His eyes had flashed as her body pressed against his and she looked up at him, a grateful smile playing on her lips. Those damned kissable lips. And that's just what he had done, kissed her right there in the classroom, with no wards in place – which had been his downfall. Someone had seen them, had watched them and played with them. He had raped her and then left her alone. When he had returned after the revel, he had been in shock. He had been found out, Harry had taken Draco's place in the revel and survived, they had both saved him and he no longer had any meaning in his dreary existence. He couldn't spy, he couldn't hate Potter and he could no longer have the love of the women he had… what was the right word to use? Courted certainly didn't fit, and he definitely hadn't woed her. Well whatever it was, I lost her.
He had stumbled into the Headmaster's office, scratched, torn, bruised and exhausted – both mentally and physically – and found his beloved, softly sobbing in the biggest armchair he had ever seen. The Headmaster looked soulfully up at him and beckoned him to her.
'Hermione, he's here now,' he said softly as he walked over. He froze in mid-step realising that she actually wanted to face him. 'Severus, she has been most anxious; come here.' So he had continued, until he was before her, but she couldn't look up at him. He watched her for a few moments before he had to remove his gaze. He didn't deserve to see her beauty.
Albus rose from his crouched position, and pushed him down to her level. He paled and shook, but he slowly descended. Harry had watched in shocked silence, until the headmaster had ushered him outside asking him to accompany an aging gentleman on a walk.
When he was at her level, he tipped his fingers under her chin to bring her eyes to his. He had felt sickened at doing this small action that just that day had been touching, but now felt torturous, and not just for him he imagined. He knew that she would see him as a monster. When their eyes met, however, she flung herself into his arms.
'It wasn't your fault, you didn't know!' she sobbed into the crook of his neck. 'I don't blame you, I truly don't.' He had wanted to push her away and run. How could she not, he should have known, he should have protected her. Gently he pushed her away so that he could look at her.
'Hermione-' he started before she pushed her finger against his lips.
'No, Severus, don't you dare!' She commanded in a broken whisper. 'I don't need to forgive you, it was that bastard Lucius! I will kill him…' she took a breath. 'I need you to do something for me...'
'Anything, beloved, anything.' He whispered.
'I need to forget this, not because it was you, but because I remember him in my head all the time. He was commanding me and laughing at me… and I couldn't shake him off, he was too powerful, and he kept calling me things and using vile language and… and…' she hiccupped as he pressed his forehead against hers, his hands in her hair. Tears pushed against his closed eyelids and tumbled down his cheeks. 'I don't want to remember my first time when it wasn't really me there. I'm so, so sorry!' she wailed.
'Hermione, I can't do it, I'm not allowed. However, I will request the Headmaster to perform this appeal.' He kissed her forehead. 'I am so sorry, child, I am so sorry for causing you pain,' his lips traced to her cheeks, kissing away her tears as she whimpered. 'I will never again hurt you; I can never forgive myself for not protecting you.' She made to speak, but his lips upon her own hushed her words and stole them away.
The kiss was unbearably tender and salty from their mixed tears, it was a kiss goodbye and she knew that he was to leave her. She clung to him, trying to make the moment last, knowing that she wouldn't remember this but desperately wishing that she could. A whimper escaped from her and he pulled back, fear in his eyes.
'I'm sorry,' he cried brokenly.
'You did nothing wrong, you thought I wanted it. And I did. I truly did, I kept telling you that, I kept-' she blinked and finally saw the scratches on his face. 'What happened to you?' and he told her the tale of his evening from beginning until end, knowing that this would be the only time the full story would befall her delicate, perfect ears.
When Albus returned an hour later, the two where asleep on the gigantic armchair that dominated his office that night, Hermione lovingly embraced in the arms of her love, as Severus sat beneath her, his head resting on hers. Both obviously exhausted from the anguish they had endured that evening. He wished that phoenix tears would mend broken hearts, as he knew her decision already; she had already made the request before Severus had returned.
Severus threw himself back into his chair and stared at the dying embers of the fire that had burned earlier; he grumbled to himself something about the unfairness of the fates and his damned life. When she had come to him after the Obliviation, confused and disturbed – as he knew she would – he had tried to be harsh with her, but when he had seen the blood on her hand, his resolve had crumbled, there was only so much he could take in one night. At least, she had some understanding of why she was to leave, although she still had no explanation of why she had forgotten their 'fight' from earlier that night.
Tomorrow she would be gone, and he would never see her again. His heart broke once more, and he buried his head in his hands as he allowed himself to weep. He had lost his love and himself all in less than a month, and he had given his word to stay here safely and he would oblige it. His word was all he had left. That and the eternal idiot spawn that continued to flow through this school. He sneered into his hands and took in a shaky breath. He stood and turned towards his bedroom, he couldn't face anymore tonight. Reaching for his bedside bottle of dreamless sleep potion, he sat on the bed and looked at the ground pensively. He wondered, for the thousandth time if he should have tried to talk her out of the Obliviation just once. Just once might have been enough. He shook the thought as he slugged back a shot of the sickenly sweet liquid; it wasn't his right to ask.
Hermione awoke the next morning with an aching head from her sobbing the night before. The sun that usually streamed through her window when she rose only dribbled in; it was much earlier than her usual awakening. The sky loomed darkly as she looked to it, searching for help and strength to complete the task she needed. She wouldn't be able to have any contact with her previous life, her friends and family were to be left behind.
She dressed quickly and quietly, knowing that she didn't have long to make her escape. Escape or flee? She thought bitterly as she picked up her bags and opened her door. She turned and took one last mournful look around her rooms, her eyes landing on the Head Girl badge she had neatly placed on her bedside table that held the letter she had written, firmly in place.
Stepping out into the corridor and closing the door behind, she took a deep breath and walked away from the life she once knew.
He had missed her. He had wanted to catch her before she left and confess everything to her, beg her to stay and not leave him. He would protect her and watch over her and damn the Malfoy boy!
He shook his head as he thought of Draco being turned over to the Dark Lord as a traitor. Although the child was brilliant, he wasn't yet fully versed in the Dark Arts or protection spells. His new assignment was to teach Draco all that he could. It was his new meaning in life. It was all he had left.
A/N: Again Thanks to Claudia who beta'd this chapter for me! She's a star!
Your reviews are all so much appreciated! I read everyone! Thank you for your support and encouragement.
Someone asked if I had left Ashwinder - rest assured, as soon as chapter 8 is back from Claudia, I will be submitted to Ashwinder! I could never leave - it is my home now, oh and the Admins there have the best job in the world!