Chapter 7 – Out of the Closet

Sirius Black's mood was as dark as his surname. For three weeks now, he had lain cheek to jowl with the fact that his prank on Slithery Snake-boy had blown up right in his face. He feared that Snape and Asenath Paroo were conspiring together to prank him in a highly embarrassing and possibly painful manner. "Like Snips and Spirals-with-half-a-brain," Sirius had thought, shuddering.

He had sent Pettigrew out on reconnaissance duty.

"Well, they sort of ignore each other mostly but at particular times of the day, they both walk toward the Potions Lab from different directions and slip into Filch's utility closet, first one and then the other. They stay in there a long while. Long enough for me to get really bored and hungry. I missed lunch yesterday!"

Black eyed him with disdain. "Some Secret Agent Man you'd be, Wormtail. Honestly! They are plotting some sort of big retaliatory strike on me – or us!"

"Us?" echoed Peter, worried, with memories of Snips and Spirals going round in his head.

"Perhaps us, Wormtail. You did a good job. I'll take it from here."

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It was another two weeks before Sirius believed the time was right to unmask the conspirators. Just a short time ago he had watched Snivelly scoot down the hall – look both ways (Sirius wore Potter's invisibility cloak) – and then slip inside the closet. A few minutes later, Asenath Traitorous Wench Paroo had come from the other direction, had given a sly glance either way, and had opened the door, disappearing from view.

Black waited. He didn't hear much except for Asi's giggling. He supposed that the two conspirators were whispering.

Sirius recalled a line from his Latin classes:

Alea Iacta Est.

The Die is Cast!

Good.

Fine.

So be it!

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Sirius made his way to Assistant Headmistress McGonagall's office and knocked smartly on the door.

"Coom in!" Minerva said in her thick Scotch accent. She was drinking something that the Seventh-Year Gryffindor thought was alcohol (in fact, it was her daily knock or so of double malt).

He entered.

"Weel, Mr. Black? What brings you here?"

Sirius dipped his head in what he thought was a humble manner. "Well, it seems that Miss Paroo and Mr. Snape are plotting to play a nasty trick on me. And further, they're doing so during class time!"

Professor McGonagall sniffed and dabbed at her face with a lace hanky with a large "M" embroidered on it. "And I take it, Mr. Black, that you have taken it upon yourself to miss class in order for me to remedy the situation?"

"Well, I had to, ma'am. In fact, I know where they are."

Minerva sighed, transfiguring her glass into a clear plastic paperweight with sparkles in it. Thanking her merciful heavens that the boy hadn't seen it, she would be sure to transfigure it back into something more aesthetically pleasing upon her return.

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The two made their way down into the Dungeons, walking past classrooms with students in them and storage closets of every size and type. Minerva half suspected that most of them hadn't been cleaned since the Renaissance, but that was neither here nor there.

"Here they are," Sirius said in a solemn tone. "I believe they've locked the door to avoid being caught skipping class."

"Thank you, Mr. Black, but I believe I can successfully handle a locked utility closet door." Wearing a little moue of annoyance on her face, she withdrew her wand and said "Alohamora" in an authoritative tone.

The door swung open.

Sirius Black was the first to look in. He gasped, shrieked as loud as a firebell, and then stepped away.

Opening the door wider, Minerva had a look for herself, and then the real screaming began.

"OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU MEAN BY IT YOU TWO DIRTY LITTLE BEASTS ????????????"

Neither Professor McGonagall's nor Sirius Black's respective shrieks rivaled the twin wails of horror which came from the lips of Severus Snape, Slytherin, and Asenath Paroo, Gryffindor.

By this time, Sirius Black was lying facedown on the floor, kicking his feet and shrieking with laughter. Upon hearing the din, Professor Sartoris darted from his classroom into the hall with at least twenty-five students trailing him like the wake behind a ship.

Severus was able to reach out with his bare arm and slam the door shut before the Seventh-Year Potions Seminar students streamed into the hall.

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While Mr. Snape had been sent to cool his heels in Professor Penderdandis' office and Miss Paroo taken to the Infirmary (due to her ceaseless crying), Minerva told the Headmaster what had happened.

Albus Dumbledore had so wholly given into his fit of hysterical laughter that McGonagall almost went for her smelling salts. "They – (laughter) – were (laughter) in flagrante delicto, as the (laughter) Latin scholars (laughter) say? Oh my word! (laughter) (laughter) (laughter) (laughter) (laughter)"

Minerva looked at him waspishly. "You may well laugh now, Albus, but as Head of House I had to contact Miss Paroo's parents about the matter. This is a serious infraction of the school rules, as you well know! Expulsion may be called for!"

"Oh, Minerva," the Headmaster said, still weak from the best fit of laughter he'd had in years. "I think not. Neither child – "(and Albus emphasized his use of the word) "– has had any vast experience of the opposite sex. They are innocents!"

"INNOCENTS?" Minerva McGonagall shrieked. "Good gods, Albus, you should have seen them!"

"– I think you know what I mean. I think the worst of it for both of them was getting caught. I can pretty much assure you that they won't find themselves in a similar situation again."

There was a sudden pounding at the Headmaster's door. Minerva unlatched it with some misgivings. In strode an irate Semperus Paroo and his lovely wife Serafina, trailed by their hysterically crying daughter.

"Oh dear," Albus said. "Won't you have a seat?" He offered the wailing Miss Paroo a lemon drop.

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It was one full hour later that the three left, leaving the two Hogwarts professors exhausted.

Mr. and Mrs. Paroo had demanded to know (a) whether the boy forced their Little Girl (no), (b) whether he had any communicable diseases (no), (c) whether the boy was really from Slytherin House (yes), (d) whether he was a Dark wizard (no), (e) whether he made her drink a potion (no), (f) whether their daughter was in a family way (he earnestly hoped not), and (g) whether the young whelp would be expelled from the school (of course not).

Mr. Paroo then demanded to meet Snape's parents. Albus explained that both were unavailable and that he, in fact, was the young man's guardian. The Paroos both wondered how the Headmaster could have tolerated such a deceitful and nasty boy. Albus defended Severus, telling them that he was totally trustworthy and that he was proud of him.

"Proud of his defiling an innocent young girl?" Paroo shouted. "Where is this paragon of virtue, then?"

Sighing, the Headmaster had sent Minerva to fetch the boy. Shortly thereafter Severus walked in, shoulders curled over, head dropped and eyes down, hair obscuring his face.

Total shutdown, Albus thought. "Severus, these are Asenath's parents."

Sev nodded without looking up.

"Look sharp, boy -- " Paroo declared, getting up and seizing Severus by the front of his robes and pulling him close to his face.

Poor Severus! He panicked, causing all the candles in the room to simultaneously extinguish themselves. Fawkes' stand fell to the floor with a loud clatter. A fine cold mist, shot through with Dark energy, filled the room.

Paroo released him, flinging him away. "By Jove," the man cried, "he's as black as pitch, this one, Dumbledore! I want him expelled, damn it!"

Both Sev and Asi began to cry. They wanted to comfort one another very much, but knew better than to try.

Dumbledore stood. "There, there Mr. Paroo. Kindly take a breath and sit back down, if you would. Thank you very much. While you will of course set punishment for your daughter, I will do the same for Severus. I intend to be fair and unbiased in that regard. Now, I believe that the young lady might want something to eat and may want to have a chat with her mum for a while, so I will bid you a good day, sir."

Paroo stood, grabbing his pointed hat and shoving it on his head backwards. "A good day, he says! A good day! I'm of a mind to visit him with a thousand days as good as this one!" Snuffling into her hanky, Mrs. Paroo took her daughter's shoulders and navigated her out of the room.

The solid wooden door closed with a great clang, and Sev and his guardian were alone.

Neither said anything for a while.

"Severus?" Albus ventured.

Sev had walked around the room and backed himself up against a wall. Moaning, he slid to the floor and covered his face. "Why did I think I was ever good enough to have a girlfriend, Father?" His shameful tears burned his chapped face.

"You are, my boy, but there are better ways to handle such relationships," Dumbledore said quietly, mindful not to shame the boy any further. "You showed disrespect for one another for proceeding in the manner you did."

"She wanted me but she didn't want a – a Slytherin," Sev replied. "So she wanted it to be all hush-hush and secret. She was afraid her parents would find out. And so we had to hide. One thing led to another."

"I know, Son. And by doing that, the young lady unfortunately showed disrespect for you. You are who you are and need not be ashamed of it."

"But you don't even know how it all started!"

"I heard the story of the prank, Severus. I punished Black accordingly."

"What did you do to the nasty git, then? Sent him to bed without supper?"

"No, Severus. I took away his Hogsmeade privileges for the next three months. That hit him harder than any number of detentions. And now I want to talk about you, Son. Are you all right?"

Sev stood up, eyes still downcast. "I suppose so." He sighed. "Professor McGonagall was foul to me when she came to get me. She called me all sorts of names. She treated me like I was some sort of monster."

"I'm surprised. Minerva -- er, Professor McGonagall -- is usually a little more even-tempered."

"It hurt my feelings just the same -- to be called a monster."

"Well, you know you aren't," Headmaster Dumbledore replied. "You were just a young man acting like -- well, a young man!"

Sev nodded.

"I expect that Miss Paroo will be forbidden to see you again, Severus."

"We would have had to part ways when I joined the Death Eaters anyway." The boy wiped his red eyes. "All I wanted was one real girlfriend, Father! I missed my chance with Martis! She never knew how I felt about her!"

"But she will," Albus said only to himself.

"I'm – not ashamed, Father."

"Nor should you be."

Sev's eyes grew wide.

"However, I do want to make sure you understand the risks you took with this young lady. I don't believe that being a father while still a teenager would have -- "

"Would have what, Headmaster?" Severus cried. "Would have given me a family? Oh, the horror! Me and my wife and baby, moving far, far away from here, where nobody could find us!"

Albus stood and walked over to the boy, pulling him into a gentle hug.

Sev began to weep once again. "I would have loved that, Father! I would have loved that so much!"

Dumbledore pulled Severus away at arms' length. "Listen to me, child," he said gravely. "The world is dangerous. Every White wizard and his or her family will lose their lives if Voldemort is successful. I didn't have a family myself because – because, Severus, if your enemies want to kill you, they will kill your loved ones first!"

Sev looked into his blue eyes, lost.

"People like you and I cannot afford to have families, Severus. Not until Riddle suffers Eternal punishment."

Sev paced up and down, wringing his hands. "Alone, then," he whispered. "I am destined to be alone. Oh, gods!"

Dumbledore caught his wrists gently. "Not alone, Severus. And not forever. You have me. And you have Hogwarts. You have your potions work, and I have no doubt that you will become a Master of the art in the next few years. In fact, I wondered if you might want to study with Dr. Dhir Prakash in India after you graduate."

"He's Dark, Headmaster," Severus said.

"I know," Albus replied. "Think about it. You'll be staying here for at least part of the summer anyway, taking Legilimency and Occlumency lessons from Shonsey LaChance."

The teenager sighed and sank back into Albus' arms. "Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do, child. Now and always. And – for right now, at least – you're safe and sound."

"Safe and sound", Sev repeated. "Safe and sound, from toe to crown."

Albus smiled. "Stay and have some supper with me -- I always become famished when faced with hysterical parents. Not that they didn't have good reason, young man!"

Sev returned his guardian's hug and sat in an overstuffed damask Victorian chair with a sigh. As he tried to regain control over his emotions and stifled the urge to go find Asenath and run away forever, Albus rang for the House Elves.

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