Speaking of the Past

Chapter 17: So Much More

A/N: I almost went into a depression for a minute cause I only got 2 reviews. You wouldn't think one or two reviews would upset me that much but I'm depressive so things like that get to me. I had to drink a lot of soda and start writing to get over it but anyway thank you to those of you who did review:

-Everywhere yet Nowhere- and -freak and proud-

Please read The Pain Without the Pleasure and tell me if I should keep it up or not. If you don't like I'll just leave it there but I'm not going to delete anymore fics cause I've already deleted 6 or 7.

Neither of them knew how to carry on. What to do after the rain. How to pick up the pieces and salvage what they had left. She didn't know how to approach him now, what to say, if she could trust him. So she avoided him. Sleeping in her old cabin, fleeing quickly as soon as he came to the galley or to the deck at nights when he was clad in only his breeches, barefoot.

And he didn't make a point to come be with her. He wanted to comfort her but hadn't the words to say. He couldn't possibly just hold her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be alright. That was not him. That was not a pirate. He stole long glances at her when she was on deck with the crew, the worn blue hat hiding her face at moments, her hair blowing in the wet winds.

Marcel only sat back observing what was happening between his mother and her lover. He could tell that the captain longed for her and the feeling was mutual because she missed him too. He could see it in the early mornings when he would teach him how to use a sword and sometimes a cutlass or dagger. So afraid, she was, just to be around him. To feel his touch, to see the way her skin contrasted with his like the sand and the soil.

Hours later on that day of departure he had asked her about the baby. He was nervous, sad, above all else. He had only just met his mother and now she was to have a child with the man she had been avoiding for at least a week. He hadn't had any chance to bond with her really.

It had been two weeks since they 'rescued' Marcel and Claudia and only a bit longer than that since they left Claudia in Port Royal. It was a few hours past midnight. 2, maybe 3:00, but the point being they were pirates and didn't need to know the time. She sat on the deck with her back against the side of the ship as the ship swam swiftly against the winds of the Caribbean. She heard to faint steps as feet fell upon the deck. She opened her eyes quickly to see Jack there clad in only his breeches.

"Sorry love," he said. "Didn't know you were up here. I'll leave you alone since I know you like it that way." He turned around to head back to his own when he himself heard a pair of feet making their way over to him.

"Jack," she started unable to finish on account of she didn't know what to say. She looked at the mahogany wood of the deck searching for the words to say and yet still finding none. So they stood.

"Well out with it Ana," he called. She rolled her hands as though they were in a mill going around and around each other. She didn't know what to say and obviously he didn't— "Ignoring me again are you? Well I have better things to do. There's a good bottle of rum in me cabin jus' waitin' for ole Jack so if you'll excuse me--"

"Jack I never meant to ignore you. I jus'--"

"It may be called something different to you. Maybe you were jus' too afraid or something. Or do you call it jus' avoiding a difficult situation, trying to sort your thoughts maybe?"

"Jack." So now finally she had the right words to at least start with. "I've been going about everything in the last 2 weeks wrong but I was afraid. I really am sorry."

"Why are you so damned afraid Ana? Claudia doesn't control you; she doesn't have any power over us. You let her go. Jus' like you left 'unter n Gavin behind."

"How am I supposed to let her go in a week? It took getting Marcel back to really let go of 'unter. That was almost 10 years Jack."

"But this time you don't have anything to try to get back."

"Yes I do. I can't stop thinking about what she said about you, Marcel, our child. She hurt me Jack."

"You hurt her more than she hurts you." She shook her head no. She really hurt her.

"I never hurt her. She never got what she deserved," she said softly, forcing the words from her mouth.

"She did get what she deserved love. She deserves to live in pain, to belong to someone else. You have something she will never have. The only thing you belong to is the sea. She still belongs to that place in her mind she can never rid herself of. But you don't know what you have Maria. You have the sea, freedom, your son and me."

"It doesn't make a difference Jack she still gets to me."

"You don't get it Maria!" he shouted throwing his arms into the air.

"I'm trying to make up for it all Jack. For everything wrong that I've done. I don't deserve anything I have."

"So much more," he said bring his voice down drastically from a shout to a whisper.

What? So much more? What did that mean?

"What are you talking about Jack?" she asked bewildered.

"That's what you deserve. All of it, everything you have here and so much more Ana."

"I have too much. The lying, betraying, stealing, being selfish. But I want to make up for it all. Help me make it up Jack, for the four us," after speaking her last word she looked up at him with half-sad eyes.

"For the four of us," he repeated stepping up close enough to put a hand on her stomach. She nodded and smiled as he put his hand there pushing the fabric firmly against her brown skin. She put her hand on his cheek to see if it still had the effect it had on her before, a smile was plastered to her face as she looked at his features defined by joy, happiness and curiosity. She looked hard at the sand and the soil of their skins.

This time she actually liked what she saw. She saw a different person. Two pieces of a whole they were as she wrapped her arms around his neck and his came to snake around her waist.

A/N: Don't worry Ana's not completely sane yet so there are a few more chapters. The next one I'm hoping to call Underneath My Skin. I have a concept for it already (I usually don't for new chapters.) so that takes care of the next chapter. And then I'll just spring out ideas from my ass when it's time for the one after that to come out.